You're Welcome

I had a conversation this week with someone about the culture in some churches that unintentionally build barriers to keep out anyone who does not fit a particular stereotype. It is often said that Sunday morning is the most segregated time of the week, not just racially, but in many other ways as well. Suits vs. jeans? Ties vs. tattoos? Unfamiliar with the liturgy? Wrong Bible translation? We wouldn’t (I hope!) tell them they can’t come in the building, but we may not go out of our way to make others feel loved and welcomed. I heard somewhere recently that most churches think they are more welcoming than they are perceived by newcomers.

After spending more than 5 hours at the DMV last week and observing the variety of people waiting, I spent some time thinking about that interesting gathering. I kind of wished I could get to know a couple of the people better, but wondered if they would feel as comfortable talking about real life at a church gathering as they did with strangers at the DMV.

In the latest episode of the You’re Not Crazy podcast, Sam Allberry and Ray Ortlund were talking about Romans 14-15. These chapters deal with church conflict and disagreements about what is acceptable. This section of Scripture includes “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God” (Rom. 15:7). Sam made the comment, “If I don’t welcome someone God has welcomed, what I’m saying is, I know better than God. I’ve got better standards than Him.”

When Jesus was talking about the final judgment, He indicated that some would be told, “I was a stranger and you did not welcome Me, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me” (Matt. 25:43). How many people even within a local church feel like they have to keep their “true self” hidden in order to be welcome? How many secrets sit in pews on Sunday morning?

In our current culture, I suspect most of us don’t even want to talk about who we’re going to vote for in the general election, much less about what temptations we’re struggling with or the problems in our lives and families. Disagreement on even minor issues seems to lead to alienation, so who dares to talk about things that really matter?

I have my own secrets that are likely to remain secret because of things I’ve heard said by church members in the past. Although I can be the chameleon who blends into a variety of settings, I’m not convinced that some people would still welcome me if they knew all the stuff I keep hidden. Even though I am confident that God welcomes me and loves me, I’m not so sure about the attitudes of some of His people.

When Christian news sources are full of stories about church splits, lawsuits, and coverups, it doesn’t give a lot of confidence that we are “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). It’s striking that the verses just before that say that part of walking in a manner worthy of our calling is to exercise “all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love” (vv. 1-2). Welcoming those who are unlike us requires the humility of remembering that we are not the final judge of someone’s salvation or sanctification. God delights in saving people that we may consider unlikely candidates! Even the apostles included a spectrum from fishermen to tax collectors, to persecutors of the church. If we dare to look in the mirror, we may see a bit of Pharisee in our reflection.

How is your church putting out the welcome sign? Would the stranger from the DMV feel comfortable walking in the door? Have you visited a different church recently to remember what it feels like?

“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight” (Rom. 12:16).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Soft Hearts

As often happens to me, multiple information streams have converged on a unified theme this week, so this is kind of a compilation of those inputs and an extension of what I wrote last week. I was sharing this quote from C.S. Lewis with a friend:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable” (The Four Loves).

While I was typing that, this passage from Ezekiel came to mind:

“And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in My statutes and keep My rules and obey them. And they shall be My people, and I will be their God” (Ezek. 11:19-20).

So my immediate thought was that the goal of the Christian life is to have increasingly soft hearts, which means we are increasingly vulnerable, not impenetrable. Jesus fleshed this out (literally and metaphorically) to say that the heart of flesh that results in obedience is revealed by our love:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind... You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 22:37-40). “By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).

And while I was pondering that, I listened to the latest sermon podcast from Immanuel Nashville, where Sam Allberry was preaching on Romans 15:7: “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” He commented:

“What makes the church different isn’t that we’re committed to meeting together—lots of people are committed to meeting together. What is meant to be different is that there’s meant to be a uniqueness to the way we are with each other—for the glory of God... The word Paul is using for ‘welcome’ in the original text is a strong word. Other translations translate ‘Accept one another as Christ has accepted you.’ But ‘acceptance’ sounds like merely tolerating. We’re not to tolerate each other, because Christ hasn’t merely tolerated us. He’s welcomed us. So the kind of welcome Paul is speaking of here is a welcome of deep belonging, because Christ, through His death on the cross for us, has pulled us deep into His heart. That is what it means for Him to welcome us.”

He went on to illustrate what that looks like from various “one another” passages in the New Testament. I think many churches have settled for a rather anemic view of community and fellowship. I’ve heard somewhere that most churches think they are more welcoming of newcomers than they really are. And even people who have been in the church for years may not really be known by the people in the next pew. As Allberry noted, these days everyone needs encouragement, yet we assume that everyone else is fine because we never get close enough to find out. Are we truly welcoming people into the depths of our hearts, or are we just meeting together once or twice a week?

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Heb. 10:24-25).

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Related resource:

This was a thought-provoking article on the difficulty of finding community:

https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2024/july-august/confessions-loner-community-loneliness.html

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Light and Life

The BBC recently posted this video about an Australian weather caster’s on-air panic attack. I appreciate that they used this as an opportunity to educate and encourage their viewers. Things like this make me feel a little less like a misfit in the world. I’ve been fairly open about my own experiences with anxiety and depression, largely because I’m tired of trying to live up to some arbitrary standard of mental health that is elusive at best. Lately I haven’t been able to write my blog posts as often as I used to. When I have time to do so, my brain either descends into fog or jumps and spirals down miscellaneous disconnected paths.

This week I was reading the beginning of 1 John:

“If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:7-8).

I realize that the context is that of walking in holiness and righteousness, confessing our sin to God, and receiving His forgiveness. At the same time, I think we all know that sin is not the only thing we like to keep hidden in darkness. Church culture often tends to avoid revealing any weakness or struggle. Even in small groups it can take a long time to trust one another enough to share our heaviest burdens. (I’ve experienced the awkward silence of a group who didn’t know how to respond to me.) Yet if we can’t share those hard things, how do we ever expect to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16)? Vulnerability has to start somewhere.

In the definition of the Greek word aletheia, Biblehub includes the following: “truth, but not merely truth as spoken; truth of idea, reality, sincerity... In ancient Greek culture, aletheia was synonymous for ‘reality’ as the opposite of illusion.” Sometimes it seems as though we are determined to keep up the illusion of competency and self-sufficiency, even though Scripture clearly says that we are meant to be dependent on God and on one another (2 Cor. 3:5-6, 9:8, 12:9, Gal. 6:2, et al).

Younger generations are more likely to value authenticity, though for many that has come to mean “Affirm me in my sinful state.” That is not the goal of Christian fellowship. We are to share our burdens, struggles, temptations, and sin in order to be lifted up, cleansed, and enabled to love and serve God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Certainly there are times when confidentiality is necessary, and some people cannot be trusted with personal information, but in general the Church should be a place where it is safe to admit our deepest needs and where we can pray for more than just physical problems.

I used to think that Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart” (NIV), meant to not let anyone get close enough to know what was going on inside. It’s taken me a long time to realize that guarding your heart isn’t done by keeping everyone at a distance, but by allowing trustworthy people close enough to see the wounds and struggles so they can be a source of healing and hope.

Jesus said that not only is He the Light of the world (John 8:12), but that we are too (Matt. 5:14). We have the privilege and responsibility of shining the light of His truth into all the dark spots that keep us from loving God and loving one another as we should. His light shining through us brings life to that which is dead and dying inside.

“Whoever follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12b).

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Related resource: Why the American Church Can’t Fix Loneliness by Russell Moore

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Untangled

There is a lot of talk these days about “deconstructing faith,” which usually is interpreted to mean throwing out Christianity entirely, or at least divorcing it from any relationship to the Church (as if that were truly possible). I recently read Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear, by Jinger Duggar Vuolo. I like her terminology of disentangling faith—separating the manmade rules and ideas from what Scripture actually teaches. I think all of us need to do that to some extent.

I grew up in churches of various denominations since we moved frequently, although my parents always claimed the denomination of their youth. I can remember hearing my dad explain Advent Christian distinctives to the pastors of whatever churches we attended, so much so that I knew those distinctives better than I knew the gospel. I don’t recall much preaching or teaching about grace or our identity in Christ. It wasn’t until I was in seminary that I realized that most of the denominations we had been involved with were pretty legalistic. All I remember hearing is what we were supposed to do or not do to be good Christians, and it was certainly implied that we had to be careful lest God reject us. I’ve written before about the fear that I was disappointing God, and when I expressed that fear in college I was not given any kind of reassurance that God knew all that and loved me anyway.

I definitely needed to disentangle what I had been taught from what I now know to be true. Sometimes I had someone to disciple me, but often I had to make sense of things on my own. I’ve been blessed to find a number of authors and speakers who present the Word of God with clarity, and I’ve spent a lot of time in Scripture as well. During a period of church turmoil it would have been easy, and it was tempting, to turn my back on the establishment. But after wrestling with God, I knew that wasn’t really an option, and I’ve never looked back.

One of the tangles we find ourselves in is that we live in a world of celebrity pastors and instant news. So every moral failure or incorrect statement gets magnified, and not only creates confusion and problems for their churches but also for all their other followers. We can’t let our own faith be corrupted or even destroyed by the failures and deception of men. There is only one Man who lived a perfect life, and He is the one we need to focus on and follow. Every other person will sin, fail, and speak falsehood at times, because none of us have perfect knowledge and discernment. Even the Apostle Paul said, “I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom. 7:18b-19).

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in Discipleship in his chapter on the Sermon on the Mount (ch 6):

“The disciples should not think that they could simply flee from the world and stay safely in the small group on the narrow path. False prophets will come among them, and the confusion will make their isolation even greater... A prophet or preacher stands there, a Christian by appearances, words, and deeds. But internally dark motives are driving him to us... To what should we hold fast, if we hear how the word of Jesus draws the separation between the community and the world, and then within the community until the last judgment? If nothing is left to us, neither our confession nor obedience? Then the only thing left is his word: I have known you. This is his everlasting word, his everlasting call.”

Jesus Christ is the One we look to as our Savior and Lord, the One who defines truth and knows those who are His own. But we are to follow our Shepherd together as the Body of Christ, not independently and in isolation.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me” (John 10:27).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Draw Near

Recently I happened to search my Bible app for the phrase “draw near” when I was trying to remember a particular verse. I was surprised to see how many times it shows up in the book of Hebrews:

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (4:16).

“…a better hope is introduced, through which we draw near to God… Consequently, He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them” (7:19, 25).

“For since the law has but a shadow of the good things to come instead of the true form of these realities, it can never, by the same sacrifices that are continually offered every year, make perfect those who draw near” (10:1).

“Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water” (10:22).

“And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him” (11:6).

The author of Hebrews makes it clear that we can approach God with confidence because of what Jesus did for us—paying the penalty of our sin and covering us with His righteousness. We have assurance that we are children of God with full access to our heavenly Father.

It occurred to me that I tend to avoid drawing near to people because I am not confident of their love for me and I wonder whether I am even wanted. But for the most part I don’t have that hesitation about drawing near to God both in joy and in pain. That has not always been the case. Before I had a good grasp of God’s grace, mercy, and love, I thought He was surely disappointed with me most of the time. Thankfully, I’ve realized that isn’t the case. I’m glad to know I can draw near to Him at any time.

In theory, if I’m secure in God’s love, I should be more secure in love for people as well. Someone has used the analogy of spokes on a wheel, with God at the center. As people draw nearer to God, they also draw closer to all the other spokes. While I believe that is the ideal, there often seems to be a kind of disconnect in the church at large. Western individualism has made faith into a “Jesus and me” proposition rather than members of one united body.

Whether we’re spokes on a wheel, branches on a vine, members of a body, living stones in the temple of God, or the family of God, we are meant to be confident in God’s love for us and our love for others. Let us draw nearer to God and to one another with each passing day.

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8a). “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well” (James 2:8).

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© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Reflections on a Year

As we all come to the end of another calendar year, and I celebrate the anniversary of my birth, I was thinking about some of the lessons I’ve been learning (or relearning) in the past year. In no particular order:

• Just because someone endeavors to take care of their body doesn’t mean they won’t face physical challenges and decline over time. Exercise and diet are important for stewarding our bodies, but life in a fallen world with broken bodies leads to the need for doctors. But one day we’ll receive new bodies suited to life in the perfect new creation.
  
  
• Even though someone may be labeled as an extrovert doesn’t mean they are good at building relationships. And even though I’m an introvert doesn’t mean I have an excuse for avoiding people. All good relationships require time and effort, regardless of whether we go to church together, work together, or live together. One day we’ll live in the new kingdom in perfect harmony, but for now we all have to deal with difficult or broken relationships. Sometimes we have to let go of our expectations of other people.
  
  
• God has created each of us as unique human individuals. As an old book by Barbara Johnson noted, “Normal is just a setting on your dryer.” Some of the standards that are thought to represent the “proper Christian life,” are actually just cultural stereotypes that have no basis in Scripture. When we are prone to judge others for their appearance, habits, or interests, we need to go first to the Bible as our guide for right, wrong, or somewhere in between.
  
  
• Just because someone goes to church sometimes and may profess faith in Christ doesn’t mean they are living under the lordship of Jesus Christ. Some may go to church every week for decades and yet choose to ignore most of the commands of Scripture. Living in a “churchy” culture allows many to slip through with a Christian façade. There is coming a day when all will be called to account.
  
  
• There are no “one and done” aspects to the Christian life. Faith, sanctification, endurance, repenting from sin, forgiving others, peace, joy, hope—all require turning to God every day. And we all need regular encouragement and exhortation to keep walking on the narrow way of salvation.

As we launch into a new year, let us “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:14).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

True Community

For Thanksgiving weekend I was away from home visiting family members who have not attended church for a few years for health reasons. They watch services online each Sunday. Together we watched the service at Parkside Church with Alistair Begg, and he made a brief comment about how online gatherings can never replace the gathered Body of Christ in sharing life together.

Wiktionary notes in the definition of the word community that it comes from prefix con meaning ‘bringing together several objects’ and munus meaning ‘service, burden, duty, obligation.’ So by definition, community cannot occur where people are physically separated. We can have temporary substitutes to communicate with other people, though that too requires ‘bringing together’ and not just ‘talking at’ one another that often happens on social media.

Also implicit in the definition of community is the duty we bear for one another in the local Body of Christ. Church is not just about hearing a sermon and singing a few songs together. It includes bearing one another’s burdens, praying for and with one another, encouraging one another, giving thanks to and for one another. All of that requires actually spending time with one another and talking about the things that are on our hearts and minds.

It is true that thanks to technology we don’t always have to be in the same room quite as frequently as we used to, but that in no way negates the need for regular in-person gatherings with fellow believers. There are some folks (you know who you are) that I wish lived closer so we could see each other more frequently. And there are some other Christians I’ve been seeing more frequently and enjoying getting to know. But at the same time I don’t want to give up my relationships with my local church family.

After moving between states many times when I was growing up, and never having any fellow believers to connect with long term, I highly value the stability and connections gained through more than two decades in one place. And I have to say that I don’t understand why anyone would willing move away from their faith community if they didn’t have to, though I realize there are many circumstances that can impact such a decision.

In 1 Corinthians the Apostle Paul points out that each believer is given spiritual gifts “for the common good” (12:7). I have to wonder how many gifts are being neglected because individuals are not regularly gathering with other believers in a local church. We are all needed to play our assigned roles in the community known as the Body of Christ, and we need to be with one another on a regular basis.

“And all who believed were together and had all things in common” (Acts 2:44).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

A Shared Faith

“You may not believe me now, but I want you to hold on to my faith because I believe that Jesus can change your life.”

I came across this sentence recently, though now I’ve forgotten where I read it. There are times when it is hard to believe that God is working all things for good (Rom. 8:28), or that “The Lord is my strength and my shield” (Ps. 28:7) if He doesn’t seem to be on guard against the difficult times we each face. Sometimes we need those friends who can say, “You may not have the faith you think you need right now, but I’ll believe for the both of us.”

It reminds me of the paralytic in Mark 2 whose four friends carried him to Jesus and cut a hole in the roof just to make sure Jesus saw him. I wonder if that man was a confident in the results as his friends were? Was he saying, “Guys, why are you wasting your time with this expedition?” Jesus didn’t specifically refer to the man’s faith. Verse 5 says, “And when Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’” After this odd response, the man doesn’t suddenly jump up from his cot. He apparently lays there and listens to the lecture to those who doubt Jesus. It isn’t until Jesus commands him to pick up his bed and walk that he realized he was healed.

There are several times in Scripture when Jesus mentions someone’s “little faith” (Matt 6:30; 8:26; 14:31; 16:8; 17:20). Usually it’s a word to His disciples, encouraging them to believe He is who He says He is. A few people were commended for their faith; for example, the centurion whose servant was sick (Matt. 8:10), a Canaanite woman whose daughter was oppressed by demons (Matt. 15:28), and the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years (Matt. 9:22).

There is no one-size-fits-all standard of faith. Our confidence in God can ebb and flow over time and through changing circumstances. We all hope we are growing in faith, but there are hills and valleys throughout life. That’s why we need to be engaged with the church, vitally connected to the Body of Christ. We need those who will lift us up when we are weak, fearful, discouraged, or struggling. And in turn, we need to lift others up when we have the faith that they are lacking at a difficult time in life.

This week I had a random phone call from a stranger who read a couple verses of Scripture and encouraged me with the reminder that Jesus is coming again soon. I have no idea what prompted her to this particular ministry of encouragement and evangelism, though I’m glad there are people like that. But how much more powerful is an encouraging word when it comes from a friend who knows the road we’re on and offers to come alongside saying, “Lean on my faith for this season.”

May we all be those who share our faith, not just in terms of evangelism of unbelievers, but in encouraging fellow believers to keep holding on no matter how small their faith feels.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thess. 5:11).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

It All Adds Up

I keep a list of possible topics for my blog though I don’t often go back and use them. However, one caught my eye today— “Relationships are our greatest asset.” I think we can all agree that there are few blessings in life that are quite as valuable as our close relationships with friends and family. But from an accounting perspective, our greatest assets are also our greatest liabilities. Nothing hurts nearly as much as broken or wounded relationships. It’s also true that every relationship is unique. So when one relationship is hurt, although others can help to compensate for the loss, they never really replace the damaged one.

To toss in another accounting idea, we often forget about the return on investment for relationships. Close relationships require a significant investment of time and energy, especially at the beginning. Once that investment has been made then there is greater benefit experienced, and even small amounts of time with those we love are more valuable than longer periods with those we don’t yet know well. Oftentimes in the church it seems like we are unwilling to make the initial investment in relationships, so we never get the full benefit from our brothers and sisters in Christ that we could.

We also need to remember that all relationships require an ongoing investment of time. You can’t stop paying your insurance premiums and expect to keep the same level of benefit forever, and you can’t stop talking to your friends and expect the relationships to remain intact.

In a recent XPastor webinar, Warren Bird commented that “Trust is built in drops, but lost in buckets.” Although he was talking about organizational leadership, the same applies to individuals. We build trust in relationships slowly, but it can be lost very quickly by careless words, disagreements, and other challenges. When those buckets fall, it takes a new investment to rebuild what has been lost.

When it comes to relationships, I tend think of Job. It’s often been said that his friends did a good job before they started talking.

“Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this… they raised their voices and wept... and they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (2:11,13).

But once they started speculating on the reasons for his suffering, Job said,

“My relatives have failed me, my close friends have forgotten me… Have mercy on me, have mercy on me, O you my friends, for the hand of God has touched me!” (19:14, 21).

Having been through a variety of pains in relationships lately, it’s tempting to just quit on people. It’s hard to keep expending effort on those who never seem to respond. (I suppose many of those who are parents feel the same way.) Current culture tends to favor looking out for yourself and giving up on difficult relationships. But for Christians, since we’re commanded to love even our enemies (Matt. 5:44), pulling away from our Christian brothers and sisters is usually not an option. The only exception given in Scripture is for those who claim to be Christians but are living in ongoing, unrepentant sin (1 Cor. 5:11). It is far too easy in our “pick-a-church” culture to walk away when things get hard rather than enduring with one another and working through the hard times together. We are called to a higher standard of loving others as God loved us (1 John 4:9-11). May we all make the effort to do so!

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection... Live in harmony with one another... If possible so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:9-10, 16, 18).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

One Among Many

Last Sunday the sermon at my church was on Acts 8:26-40 and the conversion of the Ethiopian eunuch. In our discussion afterward, Isaiah 56:4-5 was brought up:

“For thus says the Lord: ‘To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, who choose the things that please Me and hold fast My covenant, I will give in My house and within My walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.”

In the Old Testament, the first command given to mankind was “Be fruitful and multiply,” which established the need and purpose for marriage. But as the passage from Isaiah illustrates, that is not the end goal. As John Piper notes in his sermon on that Scripture,

“The family of God grows not by propagation… but by regeneration through faith in Christ… Marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church... Faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life.”

In Matthew 19 when Jesus taught against divorce, His disciples said, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus’ response may have surprised them:

“There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs [metaphorically] for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it” (v. 12).

Jesus didn’t tell them divorce is no big deal, but He also didn’t say that marriage is the ideal for His followers. He, and the Apostle Paul after Him, affirmed the value of singleness and wholehearted devotion to following Christ (see 1 Cor. 7). The church has often elevated marriage in ways that the New Testament never did. Teens may receive a lot of teaching about sex and relationships, but little about living faithfully as a single adult. Church programs are often geared toward married couples and young families, and singles are viewed merely as free labor. And we often forget that half of those who are married will eventually be widows or widowers. In many of the churches that do have some kind of singles ministry, it is little more than a Christianized dating service.

Singles face challenges that those who are married and/or have children may not have. (I’m not saying that married folks never have these issues.) We may have more discretionary time, or we may have to work more hours to pay the mortgage since we only have one salary instead of the two salaries that many married couples have. We may have difficulties in finding and affording home repair services. If we get sick, it’s up to us to figure out how to get medical care and meals. Many of us deal with loneliness since we have no one to talk to after work and on weekends, and we usually can’t invite ourselves over for dinner to a household that has kids and multiple schedules to juggle. And for those singles who long for marriage and family, every holiday is a reminder of what they don’t have.

Jesus stated, “In the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30). Marriage will come to an end, and yet many Christians live as though their marriage is the ultimate and eternal purpose of life. The only marriage that will endure is that of Christ and the Church. Shouldn’t we all be more intentional in pursuing eternal relationships with all those in the Body of Christ? Although the church is intended to function as the family of God, in practice it often falls short of the ideal.

I read an article, from a source I normally trust, that was bemoaning the statistical decline and delay of marriage in younger generations. But as with many such articles, the realities that not everyone will marry and that marriage is not eternal were seemingly afterthoughts that were relegated to the closing paragraphs. It’s not that marriage has no value, but that we need to hold it in proper perspective relative to the singular priority of faithfully following Christ in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.

“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for My sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life” (Mark 10:29-30).

***

Recommended reading: 7 Myths About Singleness, by Sam Allberry.

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Look Up

When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment is, He did not say, “Love God and love the people who live in your house.” Nor did He say, “Love God, complete this to-do list, and then if there’s time left over love the people around you.” Instead, He said:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 22:37-40).

Most of us in the church understand that we’re supposed to love God first and foremost (though we may not know how to do that very well). But I think many get their priorities confused when it comes to the second commandment of loving others. In our modern American culture, we place a lot of value on the individual and then on the nuclear family. Other cultures and eras would find this totally bizarre, because they focus on the needs of the community first. We also tend to prioritize productivity over people. I’ve seen this happen even in churches and ministries, where accomplishing a task or mission consumes everyone’s attention while people are left to struggle and suffer alone.

In Romans 1 the Apostle Paul wrote, “I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine” (11-12). He wrote to the Thessalonians, “So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us... For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into His own kingdom and glory” (1 Thess. 2:8, 11-12). Paul exemplified loving God and loving others wholeheartedly.

There seems to be a mindset that says church is what we do on Sunday mornings and maybe Wednesday nights, and the rest of the time you’re on your own. But I don’t see that reflected in Scripture, where the Church is described as the Body of Christ (1 Cor. 12:27) and brothers and sisters in Christ (Mark 3:33-35), nor is that individualism illustrated in the description of the early fellowship in Acts 2:42-47.

We don’t have to live in a commune to invest in the lives of those around us, but we do need to look up from our phones and laptops and to-do lists, and actually (and frequently) interact with one another in person. Screens are not sufficient for the purpose. Mark Mayfield commented in the introduction to his book The Path Out of Loneliness:

“We are relational beings who need eye-to-eye, face-to-face contact and proximity on a regular basis. As a society, we are operating out of significant deficits... [Many have] questioned when [was] the last time you were truly seen as a person, loved for who you are, and valued as a unique human soul.”

The more our technology draws us in, the more often we need to be reminded to look up and see one another for who God has made us to be and how He has created us to be interdependent.

“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

All Together Now

Brant Hansen wrote in Blessed Are the Misfits:

Growing up in church, I’d heard it said hundreds of times that evangelism was everybody’s primary job in life. But when it came to other gifts on that same list— like, say, doing apostolic work— I didn’t hear this. So if I wasn’t personally bringing people to Christ, or at least bringing new people to church, I was failing. I simply needed to be enthusiastically talking to people about Jesus in all sorts of settings, or at least have the decency to feel perpetually guilty for not doing it. Imagine my shock, then, when I couldn’t find this as a fundamental emphasis in the New Testament description of the church... Yes, Jesus tells His disciples to “Go into all the world...” to make disciples (Mark 16:15), and the Twelve did exactly that. But Paul doesn’t seem to think this was a message intended in the same way for everyone (ch. 7).

My experience of church has often been very similar—a frequent feeling that I’m not doing all that I’m supposed to be doing as a “good Christian” because I’m not purposefully seeking to evangelize or make disciples. I think most pastors and teachers have good intentions behind their efforts to spur people to get up and go, but I also think that many are operating from and communicating faulty assumptions.

Jesus told His disciples just prior to His ascension, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you” (Matt. 28:19-20). This command was given to the group of them, and by extension, to the Church as a whole. It has been said that a better translation might be “As you are going, make disciples…” In any case, the verbs in the Greek are plural, not singular.

That’s not to say that individuals don’t have any responsibility—we do because the Church is made up of individuals. As Paul reiterated in Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12, the Body is made up of many members with different and complementary functions. We can’t all be the tongue or the feet. Some of us need to be hands or ears. Our responsibility is to serve with the gifts, talents, and personalities He has given each one of us, working alongside and supporting the others in our local gathering.

Years ago, when I joined a taekwondo school, someone commented about how I’d intentionally placed myself in a mission field there. Well, no, I didn’t. I was there for the exercise and self-defense. I did (eventually) build some relationships with folks that led to discussions about matters of faith, though I don’t know what lasting fruit came from most of those conversations.

In his book, Hansen humorously comments,

While [Francis] Chan said church people get “awkward” when it comes to talking about Jesus, I can assure him that for many of us [introverts], the “awkward” part starts with just talking… In fact, the awkward precedes the talking. Awkward is a given. Awkward is a way of life.

I’ve periodically been pressed to share a devotional verbally in some setting. I think I’ve only consented maybe twice in two decades. My stock response is, “I write so that I don’t have to talk.” If someone told me that to be a member of their church I would have to go share the Four Spiritual Laws with some stranger, I would promptly find a new church. In grad school I signed up for a class on discipleship, but dropped it after the first session when we were told we had to go find someone to disciple that whole semester. As much as I know those things are important, I don’t think God intends for us to give ourselves ulcers because of the massive anxiety some of us face in doing it by one prescribed method.

There are people who love to talk to strangers, but I’m not one of them. But I do enjoy writing and finding ways to apply Scripture so that others can be encouraged and edified in their faith. God made each of us unique because He has unique ways for us to glorify Him and to build up His Church. You do your part, and I’ll do mine, and we’ll enjoy the fruits of all our labor together.

“God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as He chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body” (1 Cor. 12:18-20).

 

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Can I Get a Witness?

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” (Heb. 12:1).

I think many Christians misunderstand the “cloud of witnesses” in this verse. I’ve written about this before (here), but I think it bears repeating often. The author of Hebrews is not just referring to the believers who have died before us. (If you believe in sleep of the dead, then those people are not watching us right now.) You could make a case that our predecessors are witnesses in the sense that their stories bear witness to the work of God in their lives, and therefore we can draw encouragement from them. That would certainly follow the theme of the Hall of Faith in chapter 11.

However, I think there is an equally valid interpretation that the witnesses are those who are currently running the race of faith with us. (And who’s to say there can’t be multiple meanings in the same verse? After all, God is the master Author.) In Hebrews 10:24-25 we are reminded, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

We need each other in the family of God. Christian community is not simply a nice side dish—it is the main course, one of the primary reasons for the entity we call the Church (Acts 2:42-47). Through the bond of Christian fellowship, we encourage one another to hold onto the faith, we exhort each other to keep pursuing holiness, we bear one another’s burdens and lift each other up with prayer, we support one another in ministry, and our love for one another bears witness of our faith to unbelievers. On our own, every one of us is weak and vulnerable to sin, denial, and foolishness.

Jesus said, “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:12-13; see also 1 John 3:16). We tend to read this through the eyes of martyrdom, and certainly Jesus exemplified the ultimate sacrifice. But how ready are we to lay down our daily lives for one another—our time, our personal wishes, and our to-do lists? There are things that are far more important than a clean house, groomed yard, or meeting a deadline.

I find myself writing often about true community because I think the Church in general, and particularly in Western culture, is often very inept and in fact disobedient when it comes to following through with the “one another” commands. We are far too independent-minded for our own good. People are suffering in silence and isolation, and some of their lives end in suicide because they have no one who will help to hold them up and give them reason to endure. 

I’ve been in counseling in the past, and there are good reasons for seeing a professional counselor, but there would be a lot less need for paid professionals if Christians were doing all that the Bible tells us to do for one another. Most of us don’t need advice so much as we need a listening ear and embracing arms. Many, if not most, churches need to do a much better job of surrounding every member with that great cloud of witnesses, not just on Sunday morning but every day and night of the week.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity… There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 17:17, 18:24).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Our Father

This past Sunday our church focused on the Lord’s Prayer as found in Luke 11 and Matthew 6. Most Christians probably have it memorized and recite it somewhat regularly. But have you ever thought about the fact that it uses plural pronouns throughout? It is “our Father,” not “my Father,” yet it is easy to forget that. It’s not wrong to personalize the prayer, but that is not how Jesus gave it to His disciples.

“Our Father in heaven” is a reminder that we are all part of the same family for eternity, and we have responsibility for one another’s spiritual growth and wellbeing. Together we are to be pursuing God’s will “on earth as it is in heaven” so that the Church will bring honor to His holy name. We need to pray for, encourage, equip, edify, and “exhort one another every day… that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Heb. 3:13).

“Give us this day our daily bread” is a reminder that we are to help provide for one another’s physical needs. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 8:14, “Your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply your need, that there may be fairness.” And beyond our physical needs, we have relational needs for fellowship with one another. Jennie Allen has made the comment that throughout history and still in much of the world today, meals are a communal affair, where villages gather together around the same cooking fire. In Western culture, we may struggle just to get a small family to sit down together for one meal per day, and then we wonder why we all feel so disconnected and alone. We were meant to live as “we,” not as “me.”

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” is a challenge both individually and collectively. We see in the news how church leaders have abused their authority in various ways. That puts great strain on the church body that has to be worked through. (And for the record, forgiveness of serious abuses does not mean those people should be restored to positions of authority in any church!) At the same time, there are many smaller transgressions between members of the body that can create hard feelings. Whether it is gossip, criticism, lack of support during a time of need, conflicting priorities, or simply differing personalities, we are called to work together “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:2-3).

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” Besides the ‘one anothers’ already mentioned, we also need to be praying regularly for God’s direction and protection for our local church. It is easy for churches to get sidetracked with lesser things and forget about our commission to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you” (Matt. 28:19-20). We have an enemy who loves to tempt us off the narrow road so that we become ineffective for the Kingdom of God.

We were challenged Sunday to pray the Lord’s Prayer each evening as one step toward unity in our body. May this be a reminder that we aren’t simply seeking the individual blessings of provision, protection, and forgiveness, but that we are all in this together as children of the same Father, working together for the same purpose, and helping one another along the way.

“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom. 15:5-6).

 

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Seen and Unseen

In all the hype and talk about social media—its dangers and delights—it occurred to me recently that there’s a benefit that perhaps gets overlooked at times. Seeing likes or comments on your post gives the sense of being seen by others. It doesn’t really matter what the post is about—it’s an affirmation that we do exist and are not invisible. That may seem like an inconsequential thing, but consider the fact that through the pandemic there were untold numbers of people living in complete isolation and skyrocketing statistics on depression and anxiety. And isolation still lingers for many people.

I started thinking about the people who show up on my Facebook feed regularly (recognizing that algorithms control that in ways I can’t comprehend), and a large percentage of them are women who never married or are single again. In this podcast transcript from The Gospel Coalition, the comment was made that women use social media to connect with friends and family more so than men do. For those who live alone, social media is a small point of contact to say, “I’m still here and I hope you see me.” And for those who are not working outside the home, through retirement or other reasons, there can be a real deficiency in human contact most days of the week.

Scripture has a variety of references to being seen. One is in Genesis 16 when Hagar fled from Sarai into the wilderness. God speaks to her and her response is, “You are the God who sees me… I have now seen the One who sees me” (16:13 NIV). Another time, when Israel is suffering in bondage in Egypt, we’re told, “God saw the people of Israel—and God knew” (Ex. 2:25).

Jesus was also keen to see and reach out to people who were suffering and who lacked connection in the community.

• Matthew 9:20-22 – “And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His garment… Jesus turned, and seeing her He said, ‘Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.”
• Luke 7:12-15 – “As He drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother… And when the Lord saw her, He had compassion on her… And He said, ‘Young man, I say to you, arise.’ And the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother.”
• Luke 13:11-12 – “And behold, there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. When Jesus saw her, He called her over and said to her, ‘Woman, you are freed from your disability.’”
• John 5:5-6 – At the pool of Bethesda, “One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, He said to him, ‘Do you want to be healed?’”

Sometimes the church is not so good at seeing the suffering and lonely individuals in our midst. In many churches, the only time we acknowledge sorrow is at funerals. Our worship services rarely include songs of lament, and prayer times often only include physical needs. In his book Finding Jesus in the Storm: The Spiritual Lives of Christians with Mental Health Challenges, John Swinton writes:

“If our liturgical practices do not take onboard the full breadth of human experiences, our formation will be incomplete… ‘We don’t name, we don’t lift up mental illness in our litany of concerns, so people feel invisible.’ The suggestion that some people may become invisible in worship is deeply troubling. If… some among us ‘disappear’ because of the shape of our worship practices, then all of us are failing in our task to honor God and to love our neighbor” (208-209).

Whether it’s in our church services or in daily life, to be the Body of Christ we need to follow Jesus' example of truly seeing those around us and making sure they don’t fall through the cracks and disappear.

“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (1 Cor. 12:26).

***

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Do You Know?

Do you know
Christians suffer,
sorrow remains,
Satan attacks,
sin makes us stumble?

Do you know
life hurts,
joy wanes,
hope hides,
pain silences praise?

Do you know
unanswered questions,
unrealized desires,
unspoken needs,
the high stakes of suffering?

Do you know
the doubt,
the aloneness,
the discomfort,
of life torn apart?

Do you know
grace is not
always rescue,
but power
to keep enduring?

Do you know
it takes courage
to gather
with joyful saints
and overcomers?

Do you know
we need
sacred spaces,
scars seen,
lament welcomed?

Do you know
sorrow comes
before joy,
we ache for the
coming kingdom?

Do you know
salvation comes
from God,
not self-sufficiency
and striving?

Do you know
Jesus willingly
accepted suffering,
the Spirit
groans on our behalf?

Do you know
you are never
too broken,
too needy
for Christ’s kingdom?

Do you know
we are
formed by affliction,
shaped by suffering,
conformed to the image of Christ?

Do you know
we are
canvases of
God’s art,
reflecting our Savior?

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed” (1 Pet. 4:12-13).

***

Inspired by thoughts from chapter 9 of This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers, by K. J. Ramsey: “We will have suffering in this world, and as we courageously endure it, the whole church will better know the sustaining power and presence of Christ.”

© 2022 Dawn Rutan text and image. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Out of the Depths

As I write this, I’m in an emotional pit created by a combination of sleepless nights, chronic depression, seasonal depression, and situational depression. In the midst of this, I started reading Embodied Hope: A Theological Meditation on Pain and Suffering, by Kelly Kapic. Although he writes from the perspective of those dealing with physical suffering, much of what he says can be applied to almost any situation. From the back cover, “Too often the Christian attitude toward suffering is characterized by a detached academic appeal to God’s sovereignty, as if suffering were a game or a math problem.” I would describe the book as an appeal to Christians to comfort those who mourn, not with theological treatises or vague platitudes, but by coming alongside the sufferer and entering into their pain. Following are some quotes:

“Even if we had in hand a theodicy [theology reconciling God’s goodness and our pain] that made sense, such dispassionate philosophical explanations leave us empty when we walk in the fire and ashes of genuine suffering. While there is a time to carefully dissect these philosophical problems, that time is not normally with those who are suffering” (ch. 2).

“Claims to provide the reason for a specific experience of suffering abound: divine discipline, for the purpose of church renewal, to bring a watching nurse or neighbor to salvation, or to foster personal humility. Unfortunately, all these claims are made without the true knowledge of exactly why something is happening. Even if these suggestions contain an element of truth, we are not in a position to unpack the mind of God regarding such mysteries… Such explanations assume that some good outcome can nullify or justify the pain, but this is not so. A tragedy is still a tragedy; pain is still pain, even if some insight is gained in the process” (ch. 2).

“Each person is coming from a different circumstance, with specific challenges and needs, with individual strengths and temptations. Part of loving well is figuring out what response is needed and appropriate in a given circumstance (see Jude 22-23). This is where theological instincts and pastoral wisdom come together. To be pastoral does not mean earning money for working in a church… Pastoral in this sense refers to the ability to give wise counsel, to know how to love well, provide necessary guidance, and in the end to help a fellow believer flourish under God’s grace and love” (ch. 2).

Even as our hearts can be prone to question, filled with dread and doubt, let us take confidence that our God personally understands us, not hypothetically but concretely in Christ. Jesus wept tears, for in and through his incarnate life he had fully entered into the drama of fallen human experience. His ache and struggle give new meaning to our tears and suffering: God cares about our sin and distress so much that he enters into it himself” (ch. 7).

“Living within this story means that we strengthen our weakened sisters and brothers by drawing them to and reminding them of the word, presence, and action of the triune God, becoming avenues of God’s grace and mercy… The Christian life requires not an individual but a people—the people of God. Only together can we believe, hope, and love amid our struggles” (ch. 9).

“Amid such difficult seasons of life, [Martin] Luther understood that the fog of doubt often obscures the believer’s vision: accordingly, the taunts of hell often grow louder during those periods. He recognized this because he lived it himself… He wrote, ‘I almost lost Christ in the waves and blasts of despair and blasphemy against God, but God was moved by the prayers of saints and began to take pity on me and rescued my soul from the lowest hell.’ Luther knew that in times of physical and emotional distress saints often struggle to believe and are afflicted with confused images of God and his work in the world. During such seasons the Christian leans heavily on the faith and prayers of other saints, for by them one is sustained or even ‘rescued’” (ch. 9).

“[Martin Lloyd-Jones and others] counseled their followers to preach to themselves and embrace the good news of Jesus and his kingdom. Still, the weakness of this prescription, taken by itself, is that it is overly individualistic, ignoring our nature as members of a larger body, and thus also inherently unstable when isolated. Lloyd-Jones’s assertion that ‘the main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself’ ignores the problem that we don’t always know how to handle ourselves, nor can we be trusted to handle ourselves. We need others” (ch. 10).

“Each case has its own distinct shape and needs its own response. But each of them brings its own real trauma. Each person will deal with it differently: some in silence, some in outbursts of rage, some with an athletic commitment to beat the grief, some with a sense of shame, and still others trying to discover a stoic detachment. What those who are trying to help do not always appreciate is that there is real power in simply walking with another person through that particular experience, bearing witness to the real challenges” (ch. 11).

“Witnessing one another’s pain also offers us the ability to find rest… When a friend shares my outrage I am actually quieted; I am allowed to rest, for someone else has taken up the concern. But if their response is ‘That is no big deal,’ and I am sure it actually is a big deal, then my irritation and frustrations grow rather than diminish. What I need is not for someone to tell me everything is okay; I need them to acknowledge that something is wrong—that I am not insane, but a real problem is at hand… The witness doesn’t actually make the pain go away, doesn’t actually fix everything, but I no longer feel isolated” (ch. 11).

“Christians with similar pains may have good things to say to their fellow sufferers. However, often what ends up happening is one person’s suffering trumps another’s, undermining the loss instead of offering true comfort… Why did such well-meaning offerings trigger in me a nasty train of thought? They were only trying to help… What I discovered was that suffering isn’t a contest, and comparing can often leave one person feeling guilty and the other bitter… However, even in our very similar circumstances, we must carry our sufferings to Christ” (ch. 11).

***

At various times I’ve experienced people theologizing, minimizing, avoiding, or giving the “Everything’s gonna be alright” speech. Those are the people I generally want to avoid. I’ve also experienced those who pray for me, ask genuine questions about my wellbeing, and quietly point to God’s loving care even while I express my doubts and fears. They may not be able to fully enter into the valley with me, but they aren’t just shouting at me from the mountaintop. As Kapic concludes chapter 10:

“May we, as the people of God, care for one another in love. May we truly be the body of Christ. May we confess our sins to one another, offering honesty, grace, and transformed lives. Let us love one another in grace and truth. We are sinners. We are under the cross. Here is our hope. May it be so.”

***

Listen to I Will Wait for You (Psalm 130) by Keith and Kristyn Getty.

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. Book cover courtesy of Amazon.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Fully Present

In one of his letters from prison (1944), Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote to his friend Eberhard Bethge:

“You must be especially homesick… But isn’t it an essential part of human maturity, as opposed to immaturity, that your center of gravity is always wherever you happen to be at the moment, and that even longing for the fulfillment of your wishes can’t pull you off balance, away from being your complete self, wherever you are? In youth we are never entirely present, no matter where; that’s part of the essential nature of youth; otherwise they would be dullards. A [mature] man is always a whole person and wholly present, holding back nothing. He may have his longings but somehow masters them and keeps them out of sight, and the more he must overcome in order to live fully in the present, the more he will keep his own counsel and have, fundamentally, the trust of the people around him, especially younger ones who are still on the road that he has already traveled. Wishes, when we cling to them too tightly, can easily rob us of what we ought to be and can be.”

Reading that, my first thought was that he obviously didn’t live in the 21st century. It seems like everything in our world today works against us being fully present in any moment or place. Social media, and media in general, pull our attention in a million different directions. Just having a smartphone in hand distracts us from conversation. Each ding of a text or email coming in pulls your mind away from the person sitting in front of you or the task that you’re supposed to be completing. In one of the TGC Social Sanity Book Club videos, the comment was made that scrolling through Facebook you’re likely to move from one person’s emergency prayer request to another person’s praise for a new job, and you don’t have the time or mental energy to assimilate all the varying thoughts and emotions related to any of it.

We can’t live well in such a disintegrating environment. In Bonhoeffer’s words, we are no longer whole or mature people, but immature and fragmented. We no longer master our longings, but we are mastered by the programming of technology’s algorithms. Our culture is discipling us and our children. Are we alert to how we are being indoctrinated?

As much as we like the convenience and entertainment of our various devices, they are often detrimental to our real presence to the people right around us. We hit the Send button rather than talking to someone face to face. We feign omnipresence by trying to respond to friends around the world while only half-listening to the person in the same room.

I admit I love certain features of my phone. I love having quick access to books, Bible translations, and email or texts without waiting for my laptop to boot. But I have mixed feelings about the games and social media apps that entice me to waste time on things that have little or no value. And even email and text messaging are frustrating when I find that other people don’t prioritize them in the same way I do—some people demand an immediate answer that I’m not prepared to give, while others don’t respond to my questions for days at a time. It’s hard not to judge people badly for their different expectations and habits.

There are days when I’d love to go back in time to before the invention of the telephone, automobile, and railroad—when most people stayed in the same community for their whole lives and communication either happened in person or took several weeks for letters to travel. As I noted in a previous post, the “ministry of presence” has declined in frequency, but not in value. Whether we know it or not, we need one another in a real and physical way. Most of the “one anothers” can’t be done from a distance, and we need to stop imagining that they can. Let’s slow things down and be fully present with the people closest to us.

“‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor” (1 Cor. 10:23-24).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Mental Health and the Church

I recently Not Quite Fine: Mental Health, Faith, and Showing Up for One Another, by Carlene Hill Byron, and following are several quotes worth considering:

22- Our conversation in the United states today suggests that we are living through a growing mental health crisis. But what if the crisis is less about our health and more about how we think about it? What if we’ve so dramatically changed our expectations about mental health that most of us can’t meet the new norm?

26- We understand that to be “mentally ill” is to vary from some standard of mental health. Easy enough. But what is an appropriate standard of mental health? …Ordinary is always whatever is expected or allowable in a given time or place. That means that changing cultural norms can redefine what was once normal as mental illness.

54- People with mental health problems seek help among the faithful for several reasons:

We hope someone can convince us that our suffering has meaning.

We want assurance that our difficult lives have purpose.

We want to experience ourselves as persons who have value—persons who have been assigned an importance that often feels intangible by a God we cannot see, and who desperately crave recognition as valued individuals within the physically present body of Christ.

We are looking for a place where we can belong, even when our mental health problems make us prickly and painful to be with.

We are, with all the faithful, looking for “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).

89- Mental health problems also tend to isolate people. Many of us, including those with mental health diagnoses, are more likely to draw inward than reach out in our most difficult moments. Stanley Hauerwas writes, “The dangerous thing about mental illness is how it tempts those so afflicted to think they are completely on their own, isolated in their distress.” But we are also likely to be, in fact, more alone than many others.

98- People who can suffer silently and invisibly are welcome in any congregation… We’re even more happy to honor pain once it has been healed. Those of us whose long-lasting suffering limits our lives often have a different experience, in church as elsewhere. This is unfortunate, because when the body behaves as it is designed and called to function, our mental health problems can diminish to some degree. When people feel loved, cared for, and safe, our mental health symptoms may become less challenging. Sometimes the symptoms diminish. Sometimes they are just less overwhelming when we live in a warm community of people who care.

99- When we select as “high potential” members only those who could help quickly multiply the congregation, we risk filling the community with what pediatric epidemiologist W. Thomas Boyce describes as “dandelions”—the kind of people who, like the bright summer flower, do all right under almost any conditions. But we’re likely to miss what he calls “orchid” people—those whose lives are marked by extremely high potential for both outstanding contributions and catastrophic failure because of their extreme reactivity to their surroundings.

100- William Nash said that the people who are most likely to overcome mental health challenges are those who found relationships where “somebody listened to them, really listened… without becoming disgusted, without judging,” and still loved them. For the sufferer to experience that love as genuine, Nash said, “it can’t really be a helping professional like me who’s paid to come in and give you 50 minutes of an hour.” The love that heals is not for sale.

108- When we let ourselves define others by their difficulties, as if these are immutable, we excise God and ourselves from the transforming work God empowers people to do.

123- The quietness and rest that people with mental health problems need is also something we all need… Most of us require more stillness than our cultures are generally willing to give. For us to live according to the pace and drive of contemporary Western culture is for us to burn through our neural circuitry in ways that lead to disruptive and disorderly crises. For us to honor God with our lives, we need to live in ways that may seem out of step with many around us.

129- Successfully managing feelings requires knowing that feelings aren’t less than thoughts; they’re simply different from thoughts. Without feelings, we would miss some of the information God has encoded into our systems of gathering and responding to God’s world… Many feelings are at the core of what allows us to connect and bond in human community.

144-145- For an individual with mental health problems, the special challenge is to discern the useful feelings—those that come in response to a situation and give clues to personal values and purpose—from the feelings that simply come like storm surges. There is rarely any meaning to be found in the latter. All that can be done is to set the feeling aside and do the next thing. But without good discernment, a person risks either ignoring big feelings that have useful information or attending excessively to feelings whose only meaning is to show that one’s body is out of whack right now.

181- What people with mental health problems generally need from churches is not mental health treatment but Christian friendship and the kinds of caring that can emerge only among those committed to each other. Faith communities are designed by God as places where people can belong, find meaning and purpose in life, be recognized as valued persons in the sight of God and other people, and find hope for the days to come. These kinds of caring don’t require professional support. In fact, they happen most effectively when they are provided long term by nonprofessionals.

***

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. Image courtesy of Amazon.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

In the Right Place

One sleepless night this week as I was mulling over a problem, I had the thought, “Maybe I just don’t have enough faith for this situation.” That led me down the self-condemning path of feeling inferior to other Christians. However, a visit to 1 Corinthians 12 corrected my thinking.

“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as He wills” (vv. 4-11).

The gift of faith here isn’t referring to salvation but to a supernatural dependence on God for things that seem unlikely by human standards. We don’t all have this degree of faith, but we don’t need to feel bad about that, because it is God who gives the gifts as He sees fit. By the same Spirit, those who have the gift of faith may not have the gifts of wisdom or knowledge. So although they may believe that something is possible through God’s providence, they may not know if it’s not the wisest choice in a particular situation. Both perspectives are needed.

The Apostle Paul goes on to say that every body part is necessary. There are no unnecessary gifts or superfluous people in the church. Those who have the gifts of service or administration can’t say, “The church doesn’t need me.” Nor can those with the gift of teaching say, “We don’t need you here.” We are all needed for the proper function of the Body of Christ. (I won’t get into the issue of dispensationalism and whether all the gifts listed in Scripture are still active today, except to say that people in other countries seem to experience a lot more of that than we do in our Western, scientific mindset.)

At the end of chapter 12, Paul does seem to give a bit of ranking of the gifts and refers to “the higher gifts” (v. 31). Commentaries differ on how exactly to interpret this, but it cannot contradict the preceding verses that say there is no room for envy or contempt based on what gifts each person has. That can sometimes be hard in the church, where the more visible gifts tend to be valued more. We even hear it in our common lingo when we refer to someone having a “charismatic personality,” meaning that they tend to be visionary, influential, and popular leaders. But according to Scripture, all Christians have charisma, which is the Greek word for gifts used in verse 4 and in Romans 12:6. Personality is not necessarily related to spiritual gifts.

Those of us who are gifted for behind the scenes work in the church are no less important than the ones who are on the platform every week. Each of us with our unique gifts and abilities are needed for the church to flourish. So be encouraged in whatever role you can fill in your local church—God has you there for a reason. As Paul wrote in Romans 12:6-8:

“Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.”

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.