Look at Me

David Brooks writes in How to Know a Person,

“Apparently we live in a society in which people don’t get to tell their stories. We work and live around people for years without ever knowing their tales. How did it come to be this way? …We don’t start conversations because we’re bad at predicting how much we’ll enjoy them. We underestimate how much others want to talk; we underestimate how much we will learn; we underestimate how quickly other people will want to go deep and get personal. If you give people a little nudge, they will share their life stories with enthusiasm… people are eager, often desperate, to be seen, heard, and understood. And yet we have built a culture, and a set of manners, in which that doesn’t happen.”

We’ve all heard little children demanding, “Look at me! Look at me!” Somewhere along the way we stop may asking for attention, but we never stop needing it. And for many people, an obsession with the screens in front of us leads us to stop offering attention to others. Brooks writes,

“The question everybody is unconsciously asking themselves when they meet you: ‘Am I a person to you? Do you care about me? Am I a priority for you?’”

All too often, even in the church and Christian organizations, it feels like the answer is No. The isolation of the pandemic accelerated our loss of social skills, including non-verbal communication, but this isn’t exactly a new problem. More than once in Scripture God made Himself known to those who felt invisible, such as Joseph, Moses, and Hannah. God spoke to Hagar in the wilderness, leading her to proclaim, “You are a God of seeing… Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me” (Gen. 16:13). Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well, and she told her neighbors, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did” (John 4:29). In the book of Acts, Peter and John saw a lame man and Peter said, “Look at us,” and then proceeded to heal the man. Truly seeing the man and his need resulted in a gift far greater than merely giving him alms.

The book of Proverbs has much to say about friendship and our words, such as:

• “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends” (16:28).
• “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (17:17).
• “He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend” (22:11).
• “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (27:6).
• “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest council” (27:9).

Brooks notes that many people think they are better conversationalists than they really are. And many more feel inadequate in conversation. While we can learn from books and blogs, perhaps the best teacher is experience. If we are more intentional in engaging in conversations and asking questions, we can learn a lot from one another.

May we be those who seek to let others know that they are seen and heard, and that they are loved by God and by us.

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:24).

Related resources:

Gavin Ortlund teaching on good listening

Russell Moore interviews David Brooks

Russell Moore and Andy Crouch on tech obsession

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

It All Adds Up

I keep a list of possible topics for my blog though I don’t often go back and use them. However, one caught my eye today— “Relationships are our greatest asset.” I think we can all agree that there are few blessings in life that are quite as valuable as our close relationships with friends and family. But from an accounting perspective, our greatest assets are also our greatest liabilities. Nothing hurts nearly as much as broken or wounded relationships. It’s also true that every relationship is unique. So when one relationship is hurt, although others can help to compensate for the loss, they never really replace the damaged one.

To toss in another accounting idea, we often forget about the return on investment for relationships. Close relationships require a significant investment of time and energy, especially at the beginning. Once that investment has been made then there is greater benefit experienced, and even small amounts of time with those we love are more valuable than longer periods with those we don’t yet know well. Oftentimes in the church it seems like we are unwilling to make the initial investment in relationships, so we never get the full benefit from our brothers and sisters in Christ that we could.

We also need to remember that all relationships require an ongoing investment of time. You can’t stop paying your insurance premiums and expect to keep the same level of benefit forever, and you can’t stop talking to your friends and expect the relationships to remain intact.

In a recent XPastor webinar, Warren Bird commented that “Trust is built in drops, but lost in buckets.” Although he was talking about organizational leadership, the same applies to individuals. We build trust in relationships slowly, but it can be lost very quickly by careless words, disagreements, and other challenges. When those buckets fall, it takes a new investment to rebuild what has been lost.

When it comes to relationships, I tend think of Job. It’s often been said that his friends did a good job before they started talking.

“Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this… they raised their voices and wept... and they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (2:11,13).

But once they started speculating on the reasons for his suffering, Job said,

“My relatives have failed me, my close friends have forgotten me… Have mercy on me, have mercy on me, O you my friends, for the hand of God has touched me!” (19:14, 21).

Having been through a variety of pains in relationships lately, it’s tempting to just quit on people. It’s hard to keep expending effort on those who never seem to respond. (I suppose many of those who are parents feel the same way.) Current culture tends to favor looking out for yourself and giving up on difficult relationships. But for Christians, since we’re commanded to love even our enemies (Matt. 5:44), pulling away from our Christian brothers and sisters is usually not an option. The only exception given in Scripture is for those who claim to be Christians but are living in ongoing, unrepentant sin (1 Cor. 5:11). It is far too easy in our “pick-a-church” culture to walk away when things get hard rather than enduring with one another and working through the hard times together. We are called to a higher standard of loving others as God loved us (1 John 4:9-11). May we all make the effort to do so!

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection... Live in harmony with one another... If possible so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:9-10, 16, 18).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Friends in Hard Times

I wrote the following for my denomination’s women’s ministry email for June.

When I was growing up, due to frequent relocations (8 schools in 12 years) I was always the new kid on the block. That, along with being extremely shy, meant that I rarely had more than one person I would consider a close friend. I never went to a church that had a youth group, and I probably wouldn’t have attended if they did. Then I went off to a Christian college that had about 2000 students. Once I adjusted to dorm life, I discovered a whole new world of Christian friendships. I realize now what a blessing it was to have a close community of people to live, learn, and worship with every day. Even though I went through some difficult struggles during those years, including major depression that caused me to lose my job as a resident assistant my junior year, I knew there were people just down the hall who cared about me and were looking out for me.

Fast forward to 1997 and moving to Charlotte, living alone, a new job, and a new church. There have been many times over the years that I’ve felt isolated and lonely. Then along came the pandemic, a pastoral transition at my church, even more isolation and an extended season of depression, and the opportunities for close friendships often seem few and far between.

May was Mental Health Awareness month, and I’ve been listening to some podcasts on mental illness from Christian sources. One series in particular, “Things You Won’t Hear on Sunday,” has been an encouraging reminder that other Christians struggle with these issues too. In one episode they mention a person who came over and lay down on the floor beside his severely depressed friend and kept speaking words of hope to him. That is a beautiful picture of the Body of Christ at its best—coming alongside, stooping low, lifting up those who are wounded, weary, and weak. I know when I’m burdened with clinical depression I don’t have the energy or willpower even to think of who I could call to come over, much less the desire to actually pick up the phone and do it. That’s when I wonder whether the church knows what it means to be one Body in Christ (Eph. 4:4), loving one another (1 Jn. 4:7), and weeping with those who weep (Rom. 12:15).

All too often we’ve allowed culture to influence our choices. A “friend” is now someone who has your social media contact info. Remote work is seen as a “necessity” because it is more efficient and productive. “Faith” is between you and God and the church is irrelevant. Really? Last I checked, Jesus reaffirmed that the first two commandments were to love God and to love others (Luke 10:27-28). As an email from Women of Joy commented, “loving others is pretty difficult when you’re not around others.” It’s impossible to fulfill all the “one another” commands in isolation.

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness. Many of us work hard to hide our struggles out of fear of being rejected, judged for our “weakness” and “lack of faith,” and shame because it seems like no one else has this difficulty. Just because someone can make it to work and smile at people doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with serious depression, anxiety, or other issues. It can be hard to know who is struggling if you don’t take the time to build deep friendships first. I would challenge everyone to look around and see who might be feeling extra weary and burdened, and do whatever you can to come alongside them. Those who most need encouragement and support may be unable or afraid to ask for it.

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Connections

Some people might understand my feelings lately that I struggle to know how to connect with people in reciprocal ways. Although I have some people that I consider close friends, I have no idea whether those people perceive the relationships the same way I do. For them I may an acquaintance, coworker, friend, or close friend, but I don’t know.

I’ve been watching some YouTube videos from autistic folks lately, particularly from Tony Attwood, and also from “Mom on the Spectrum.” She has two videos on autism and friendship. I could identify with much of what she talked about in terms of not understanding what people expect from relationships or how to communicate in ways that are understood from both sides. However, I think much of what was said could apply to most anyone who is an introvert or highly sensitive person: hating small talk, wanting deeper conversations and perhaps going too deep too fast, finding group settings draining as you try to understand and navigate varying expectations, etc. Taking such videos at face value, and realizing that many may be coming from self-diagnosed autistics, one might conclude that the spectrum is incredibly wide. I think it is indeed wider than many people realize, because of the stereotypes that are prevalent in society (think Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory). I believe there is value in the “neurodiversity” conversation, and that we should stop thinking in terms of “normal” and “abnormal.” But that's kind of a tangential issue. 

As I’ve said before, I think most people in modern society could use training in how to develop real relationships and communicate better. We’ve become so tech-driven and socially-distanced that all relationships are suffering. Chatting at the coffee pot or making plans to spend quality time with people outside our nuclear family have become exceptions rather than the rule. Those of us who are introverts, have social anxiety, and/or are unmarried are finding it harder and harder to connect with people, and many of us are suffering from loneliness in our isolation.

One of the issues I have is trying to figure out how to ask people for the relational interaction I want and need. I think this is particularly hard in church relationships because we’re constantly being told “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3-4). I’ve always taken that to mean: never ask for help, never intrude on anyone else’s time and space, just do your job to serve other people and don’t expect anything in return. However, I would note a couple things:

1) Paul said “look not only to his own interests.” He didn’t say “Ignore your own interests.” Stewarding your time, energy, and relationships well shouldn’t have to mean burning out because you’ve given all you can and no one is feeding back into your life. Jesus quoted from Isaiah 42, “a bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not quench” (Matt. 12:20). When we are bruised and depleted, we need people who will help to hold us up. What we don’t need is another command to “think about others first.” (I hate the acronym “Jesus-Others-You,” and the way sayings like that are often used to shame people into serving others.) While I do think some of the conversations about “self-care” often turn into selfishness, we need to reframe the issues. Some authors have framed it this way: the choice is not just between selfishness and selflessness, but also includes self-awareness. Which brings me to my second observation:

2) We are all at different places in our daily walk with God. Some are experiencing times of weakness, while others are in times of strength. Some are great encouragers, others are great leaders, and others are great at serving others. Some currently have many demands on their time and energy, while others have more freedom, and some people simply have more energy to begin with. And some people find relationships easier to navigate than others do. There is no single standard for what loving and serving one another should look like. And that’s why we belong to the Body of Christ, where all our gifts, abilities, and personalities should come together and we “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thess. 5:11), each in our unique ways. Looking to the interests of others ought to mean “What do I currently have to contribute and how might that benefit a particular person or group? And where am I weak that I need others to help and support me right now?”

Admittedly, our perceptions of our own wants and needs can be tainted by sin, but that doesn’t mean we totally ignore our feelings of weakness and depletion. We are human beings who are made to need one another, not automatons that can run continuously without recharging. I would suggest that this misperception is a prime factor in pastoral burnout as well as people leaving the church. True, church is not “all about me,” but I am one of the “one anothers” who needs the church just as much as it needs me.

“In [Christ] the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In Him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit” (Eph. 2:21-22).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

A Friend in Need

There was a helpful panel discussion on friendship recently on a podcast from the Institute for Biblical Counseling and Discipleship. Although this was a panel of men, the discussion was not limited to male friendships. A couple comments were made that “marriage is not eternal, but Christian friendship is eternal,” and “friendship is not optional.” If you accept those statements as true (which I suppose some may debate), I think the American church in general is falling far short of the ideal. If we really believed that Christian friendships are eternal and are not optional, wouldn’t we spend far more time and energy cultivating relationships within the Body of Christ?

This is a subject I write about frequently, largely because as a single person I am aware of how much time I spend alone and lonely. I don’t have someone to share dinner with and chat about my day, or consult about decisions to be made, or pray with about life’s difficulties. For me to do those things, I have to call someone and arrange a time and place to meet. Married people tend to take for granted the routine conversations they have with their spouse every day.

The pandemic has highlighted this issue for me. I think in the early weeks of social distancing, people were more aware and intentional in trying to maintain relationships with friends and fellow church members. Over time that seems to have declined. Everyone is tired of Zoom meetings and Facebook chats and trying to figure out ever-changing schedules and quarantine protocols. And as most churches have resumed some form of in-person gathering, it often seems to be assumed that a five-minute conversation in the church parking lot is sufficient interaction from week to week. (Cold weather doesn’t help.)

In times like these, we need to work that much harder to find ways to connect with people and keep building the eternal friendships we all need.

“God has so composed the body… that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another” (1 Cor. 12:24-25).

“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Heb. 3:13).

It takes hard work and commitment to care for one another and exhort one another every day. This isn’t a one-hour-a-week obligation, this is day in and day out. “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly” (1 Peter 4:8a). The Greek word translated earnestly also has the meaning of fervently, constantly, without slacking. This kind of constant, loving involvement with our brothers and sisters in Christ is important for several reasons.

1) It helps to guard us against the deceitfulness of sin and the tendency to drift away (Heb. 2:1, 3:13).

2) It comforts and encourages those who are suffering to keep holding on (2 Cor. 1:6-7).

3) It reminds us of the unity we have in Christ (Eph. 4:1-6).

4) It helps us to shine God’s light in the darkness (1 Peter 2:9-12).

“God is present in the company of the righteous” (Psalm 14:5b NIV). God’s power is made increasingly evident by the unity, constancy, and love in the Body of Christ. That’s why Satan wants to fracture relationships and isolate people. If we think we’re alone, we’re less of a threat to him and we’re more vulnerable to his attacks.

So as we continue plodding along this long pandemic road, let us keep looking for safe ways to keep gathering so we can keep encouraging one another for the days ahead.  

“For where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I among them” (Matt. 18:20).

 © 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Not Good

In his novel Deadline, Randy Alcorn imagines hell as complete isolation, being left alone with just your own thoughts. Quarantine may be a small taste of hell for many of us. Drew Hunter writes in Made for Friendship:

“[We] find that friendlessness isn’t just depressing; it’s actually quite dangerous. When we come unglued from others socially, we come unraveled emotionally, psychologically, and even physically. This is because we’re embodied beings… So when we experience loneliness, it affects every part of us… relationships put us back together. Friendship is the missing medicine for many of our afflictions” (40-41).

God’s statement in creation, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18), was not a result of the Fall but before it. It also did not just refer to the marriage relationship. In His triune nature God is relational, and He made us for relationships as well. Hunter quotes Tim Keller,

“Adam was not lonely because he was imperfect, but because he was perfect. The ache for friends is the one ache that is not the result of sin… This is one ache that is part of his perfection… God made us in such a way that we cannot enjoy paradise without friends.”

Adam had daily access to God walking with him, and yet that was not sufficient.

“Wonderful as are both the presence of the Lord Jesus every day and the prospect of his coming on the last day, they are not intended to be a substitute for human friendships… When our spirit is lonely, we need friends… To admit this is not unspiritual; it is human” (John Stott as quoted by Hunter).

Matthew Stanford writes in Grace for the Afflicted: A Clinical and Biblical Perspective on Mental Illness:

“An active and supportive faith community cultivates life, while isolation beings frustration and fatigue… A strong faith community offers comfort and support, gains wisdom as it learns from one another, shares and upholds common values, strengthens one another, takes risks together, and always looks to encourage one another… The key is staying connected to a few trusted and supportive people, not trying to keep up with the gathering or community events that are wearing them down. Living in community is more about being connected to life-giving relationships than trying to attend events with people a person doesn’t know well” (ch. 15).

The author of Hebrews warns us, “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin… And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 3:13, 10:24-25).

“We can’t experience this everyday encouragement with every person in our church. This command gets traction as we carry it out in smaller networks of relationships—in friendships. In other words, perseverance in the faith requires the practice of friendship. This means that we should view discipleship as a form of friendship. Real discipleship—helping others follow Jesus—happens in the rhythms of everyday life. Discipleship works best when we pursue it in life-on-life relationships” (Hunter 93).

As we’ve all been experiencing varying degrees of isolation during this pandemic, I hope we’re all realizing the value and need of our relationships within the Body of Christ. Like me, you may be discovering which relationships mean the most to you, or perhaps seeing a lack of true friendships that you hadn’t noticed till now. I would challenge all in church leadership to reassess all the programs of their churches and see whether they are contributing to the relational discipleship we all need. How much connection is there between members outside of Sunday morning?

Those who think that online services are just as good if not better than in person services have a very limited view of what the church is or should be. If teaching is all you’re looking for, then there are thousands of good options out there. But teaching is only one part of the biblical prescription for the Body of Christ. “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15-16). We can’t grow up in Christ unless we grow together.

“In [Christ] the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In Him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit” (Ephesians 2:21-22).

© 2020 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Among Friends

I read the following quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer (originally from Life Together) in a compilation of writings titled Called to Community: The Life Jesus Wants for His People.

“If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is to paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ… The more thankfully we daily receive what is given to us, the more surely and steadily will fellowship increase and grow from day to day as God pleases.”

Moments after reading that, I read another part of the same Bonhoeffer quote in Messy Beautiful Friendship, by Christine Hoover (a book I would recommend):

“The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly… When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure… So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself.”

I find that to be both convicting and frustrating. As Hoover spells out in her book, we all make assumptions about friendship and fellowship, and more often than not our assumptions are based on what we want and need for ourselves. Some of our assumptions may be biblical, but many are not. I sometimes find myself thinking things like:

• If people were really committed to our church, so many would show up for Bible study that we’d have groups meeting every night of the week.
• If we were pursuing real fellowship, we wouldn’t have so many people who feel alone and isolated.
• If people really cared about one another, it wouldn’t be so hard to get real conversations going.

I wrestle with finding a balance somewhere between selfishly expecting too much from people and apathetically expecting nothing from anyone. As I read the scriptural “one another” admonitions, I still believe that the modern church ought to raise the bar for what we expect in relationships—love one another, outdo one another in showing honor, live in harmony with one another, welcome one another, instruct one another, comfort one another, serve one another, bear one another’s burdens, be kind to one another, encourage one another, exhort one another, confess your sins to one another, pray for one another, show hospitality to one another, abound in love for one another… 

But at the same time, I realize that my needs and desires may differ from others in both type and intensity because we have different types of responsibilities, homes, and interests. And if we are building relationships based on our commonalities, rather than our differences, it will likely take more intense effort in more condensed periods of time. Tim Keller said, “In a busy culture like ours, all our other loves will push themselves upon us. Friendship takes incredibly deliberate time.”

It is not always easy to be thankful for what we do have rather than bemoan what we don’t. We also need to consider whether we are expecting from people what only God can give. I completely agree with Hoover that:

“In our wish-dreams, we tend to make people our gods. We look to them—at least I have—to know us intimately at all times, to meet our every need, to be there when we want them near, and to love us unconditionally and perfectly, when the map points only to God as having these abilities” (37-38).

I think we probably all have some learning and growing to do in our relationships with one another in the Body of Christ.

“Gracious Lord Jesus, I need to know You as my friend. It is not for some specific blessing I ask, but for the greatest of all blessings, the one from which all others flow. I dare to ask You for a renewal of the wonderful friendship that makes the conversation called prayer a natural give-and-take divine dialogue… Open my mind so I may see myself and my relationships from Your perspective” (Lloyd John Ogilvie, Praying Through the Tough Times, 222).

© 2018 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.

Friends or Friended?

Recently I had the experience of feeling more kinship on a particular issue with someone who lives 4,000 miles away than I do with people within a 4-mile radius. While it is true that the Body of Christ transcends national, cultural, and language barriers, it is also true that local churches often fail to create a sense of true community. Rosaria Butterfield has commented that church members are often on a “starvation diet” of fellowship, assuming that an hour or two per week is all that is needed. A recent article on Christianity Today states:

“Technology affords us the opportunity to become involved in multiple communities… groups with a feeling of exclusivity create an illusion of infinite belonging and opportunity for cooperation… These groups reflect a powerful truth in a world that often is shaped by a lack of understanding: You are not alone. In fact, our sense of loneliness, especially in the presence of others, is often due to ignorance. We struggle to invest in the kind of face-to-face conversations that can help us truly know each other. Such conversations require time and psychological effort, and entail not a little discomfort.”

However, this is not a new problem. The following quotes come from Henri Nouwen in personal letters he wrote nearly 40 years ago:

“Mostly we are so afraid of our weaknesses that we hide them at all cost and thus make them unavailable to others but also often to ourselves. And, in this way, we end up living double lives even against our own desires: one life in which we present ourselves to the world, to ourselves and to God as a person who is in control and another life in which we feel insecure, doubtful, confused and anxious and totally out of control… It is amazing in my own life that true friendship and community became possible to the degree that I was able to share my weaknesses with others. Often I became aware of the fact that in the sharing of my weaknesses with others, the real depths of my human brokenness and weakness and sinfulness started to reveal itself to me, not as a source of despair but as a source of hope. As long as I try to convince myself or others of my independence a lot of my energy is invested in building up my own false self. But once I am able to truly confess my most profound dependence on others and on God, I can come in touch with my true self and a real community can develop” (Love, Henri, 46).

“I myself experienced some real affectionate, caring acceptance from my friends during a difficult time in my own life. It was this human acceptance that helped me see God in a new way and allowed me to have a better experiential knowledge of what it means that God’s love is deeper and stronger than any love that humans can give to one another; but without the experience of human love, the experience of God’s love is very hard to come by” (50).

I would question whether we are truly able to fulfill Jesus’s command to “Love one another” if we are merely acquaintances who see each other once a week in the church building. How can we bear one another’s burdens if we don’t know what those burdens are? Can we exhort, encourage, stir up, and pray for one another when we are all keeping our true selves hidden behind a mask? 

I confess this is a constant frustration for me in a culture where the nuclear family has far surpassed the Christian family in people’s priorities. There is little or no recognition that biological families are temporary, but God’s family is eternal. And we don’t even realize that we’re missing out on our calling to be brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers for one another (Mark 10:29-30).

“So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God, but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:8 ESV).

© 2017 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.