One Among Many

Last Sunday the sermon at my church was on Acts 8:26-40 and the conversion of the Ethiopian eunuch. In our discussion afterward, Isaiah 56:4-5 was brought up:

“For thus says the Lord: ‘To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, who choose the things that please Me and hold fast My covenant, I will give in My house and within My walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.”

In the Old Testament, the first command given to mankind was “Be fruitful and multiply,” which established the need and purpose for marriage. But as the passage from Isaiah illustrates, that is not the end goal. As John Piper notes in his sermon on that Scripture,

“The family of God grows not by propagation… but by regeneration through faith in Christ… Marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church... Faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life.”

In Matthew 19 when Jesus taught against divorce, His disciples said, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus’ response may have surprised them:

“There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs [metaphorically] for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it” (v. 12).

Jesus didn’t tell them divorce is no big deal, but He also didn’t say that marriage is the ideal for His followers. He, and the Apostle Paul after Him, affirmed the value of singleness and wholehearted devotion to following Christ (see 1 Cor. 7). The church has often elevated marriage in ways that the New Testament never did. Teens may receive a lot of teaching about sex and relationships, but little about living faithfully as a single adult. Church programs are often geared toward married couples and young families, and singles are viewed merely as free labor. And we often forget that half of those who are married will eventually be widows or widowers. In many of the churches that do have some kind of singles ministry, it is little more than a Christianized dating service.

Singles face challenges that those who are married and/or have children may not have. (I’m not saying that married folks never have these issues.) We may have more discretionary time, or we may have to work more hours to pay the mortgage since we only have one salary instead of the two salaries that many married couples have. We may have difficulties in finding and affording home repair services. If we get sick, it’s up to us to figure out how to get medical care and meals. Many of us deal with loneliness since we have no one to talk to after work and on weekends, and we usually can’t invite ourselves over for dinner to a household that has kids and multiple schedules to juggle. And for those singles who long for marriage and family, every holiday is a reminder of what they don’t have.

Jesus stated, “In the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30). Marriage will come to an end, and yet many Christians live as though their marriage is the ultimate and eternal purpose of life. The only marriage that will endure is that of Christ and the Church. Shouldn’t we all be more intentional in pursuing eternal relationships with all those in the Body of Christ? Although the church is intended to function as the family of God, in practice it often falls short of the ideal.

I read an article, from a source I normally trust, that was bemoaning the statistical decline and delay of marriage in younger generations. But as with many such articles, the realities that not everyone will marry and that marriage is not eternal were seemingly afterthoughts that were relegated to the closing paragraphs. It’s not that marriage has no value, but that we need to hold it in proper perspective relative to the singular priority of faithfully following Christ in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.

“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for My sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life” (Mark 10:29-30).

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Recommended reading: 7 Myths About Singleness, by Sam Allberry.

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

One Eternal Family

Sometimes you run across theological assertions that are just plain bizarre. In James A. Nichols, Jr.’s book Christian Doctrines, the last chapter states:

“Death will be abolished, and all children will grow up to know the Lord from infancy free from Satan’s temptations. This means that saved people of flesh and blood will always exist on this earth begetting children and adding forever to the increase of the eternal kingdom… [Ezekiel 37 predicts His] subjects will dwell in this land, ‘they, and their children, and their children’s children, for ever’ —a clear implication that this is to be a continually growing kingdom with God’s ‘sanctuary in the midst of them for evermore.’” (302, 304).

Nichols may have been highly influential among Berkshire College students while he was a professor, but not all of his theology was biblically sound. (He also had a comment that when the earth gets full, there’s a whole universe of planets to fill!) His statement bothered me for several reasons.

1) He seems to confuse temporal and eternal fulfillment of Ezekiel’s prophecy. A much more logical interpretation of this Scripture is that the children of the nation of Israel (and subsequently Christians), born prior to the final Judgment Day, will enjoy the new heavens and new earth for eternity (2 Pet. 3:13). It’s not the childbearing that is eternal, but the dwelling in the land. This would actually be more consistent with Nichols’ view on annihilation of the wicked as well: it’s not the punishing that is eternal, but the resulting death.

2) He ignores Jesus’ own words in Matthew 22:30, “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” If there is no marriage, how can there be legitimate childbearing?

3) He downplays the relationship between Christ as the Bridegroom and the Church as the Bride of Christ (Matt. 9:15, Rev. 19:7). There will only be one marriage in the end. That final marriage is the one to which all earthly marriages now point (Eph. 5:23-32).

4) He puts too much emphasis on human marriage and childbirth as a primary way in which God receives glory. The Apostle Paul had a different view: “For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife” (1 Cor. 7:31b-33). Those who are unmarried or childless are no less valuable to the kingdom and no less able to give God glory through their lives of trusting obedience.

I have written before about some of the misconceptions of marriage and singleness that Christians hold, and I’m indebted to Sam Allberry’s books and articles. “Is Celibacy Cruel?” posted on TGC today was a refreshing reminder to me of a more biblical view than Nichols held. If Nichols were correct, then those of us who remain single and childless would forever be a different class of believers. (Not entirely unlike the Mormons!) But if marriage and childbirth will come to an end, then we all need to consider how we can be building eternal relationships within the Church that supersede biological families. We need to focus more on what we have in common in Christ now than in life-stage commonalities that will end.

“Now you are the Body of Christ and individually members of it” (1 Cor. 12:27 emphasis added).

© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Redeeming Singleness

Barry Danylak published Redeeming Singleness in 2010. As I was reading his extensive survey of Scripture and theology, something came to my attention although he did not exactly address it in this way.

The Old Testament opens with the command to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28) followed by “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24 ESV). That is soon followed by various genealogical listings. In contrast, the New Testament opens with a genealogy pointing to the One born of a virgin, and He never married or had biological children. The new command Jesus gave was “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” (Matt. 28:18). Those facts alone illustrate the nature of the new covenant initiated by Jesus Christ. It is no longer about bearing biological children to fill the earth and carry on the family name. Instead it is about becoming spiritual children of the One True God and teaching others to do the same. This can be illustrated by the chiastic structure:

• Creation
• Command- “Be fruitful and multiply”
• Marriage with children
• Heritage
• Children without marriage
• Command- “Go and make disciples”
• New Creation

I’m sure much more could be said on that, but I’m not prepared to write my own book. On a related note, Danylak wrote:

“There is sometimes a tendency, especially among the idealistic young who presume to have most of their years yet before them, that singleness is a temporary period of one’s life until one finds an eternal soul mate in marriage. This passage [Luke 20:34-36] is a reminder that in the scope of eternity the opposite is actually the case; marriage is for a season and time, until, as the traditional marriage vow reads, ‘death do us part.’ It is as single and free individuals that we will stand before his throne and live for all eternity” (165).

Danylak spends most of his final chapter focusing on Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7. I appreciated his comments on the gift of singleness, in particular because I’ve heard others argue an opposite position (and I may have agreed with them at times). He wrote:

“A spiritual gift is not a talent or bestowment for one’s personal benefit but a divine enablement given for the mutual benefit of strengthening the substance and mission of the church… In view of both Paul’s and Jesus’ statements, we can define the charisma of singleness this way: The charisma of singleness is a Spirit-enabled freedom to serve the King and the kingdom wholeheartedly, without undue distraction for the longings of sexual intimacy, marriage, and family…

“[The] gift of singleness is not simply the situation or status of being unmarried. Unless one marries the day after puberty, one will inevitably live part of his or her life as a single person. There are some who may have to live their entire lives as single people, without the gift of singleness—not ever finding a suitable mate. As we noted earlier, Jesus recognized that some are eunuchs not because they chose to be but because of factors outside their control. However, those who have the gift of singleness can remain single by choice.

“Paul is not suggesting that both singleness and marriage are spiritual gifts… [Marriage] does not entail special manifestation of the Spirit for edifying God’s people and serving the kingdom of God… Moreover, suggesting that marriage is a gift complementary to singleness leaves those who are single involuntarily in an ambiguous state. They do not have the ‘gift’ of marriage, but neither do they have the ‘gift’ of singleness, as their desire is to be married” (199-201).

Or as Sam Allberry put it, “What if someone is married but decides they don’t have the ‘gift’ of marriage?” Even if others disagree, it is worth thinking about whether our beliefs about marriage and singleness are based on scriptural principles or not.

“…The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit…” (1 Corinthians 7:34b).

© 2018 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.

Betrothed

This week I was listening to Alistair Begg’s messages on marriage, which I expect will provide a good parallel to our pastor’s upcoming sermons from 1 Corinthians 7. As one who anticipates remaining single for life, the marriage vows could create a twinge of regret at never hearing someone pledge to me, “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.” But as I thought about it, I realized that God has vowed all that and more to His children, and He’s the only One who can keep His vows perfectly.

“To have and to hold” – “You did not choose Me, but I chose you…” (John 15:16 ESV) “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of My hand” (John 10:28). He will hold on even when we want to give up.

“For better for worse” – “But as it is, Christ has obtained a ministry that is as much more excellent than the old as the covenant He mediates is better, since it is enacted on better promises” (Hebrews 8:6). He gives us far more than we can ever deserve.

“For richer for poorer” – “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you by His poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9). Our poverty is the occasion for His riches to be poured out upon us.

“In sickness and in health” – “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy” (Psalm 103:2-4). In Christ the worst disease, sin, is already cured.

“To love and to cherish” – “In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). His love for us enables us to love Him and to love others.

“Till death us do part” – “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4). Not even death can sever God’s covenant!

As with Noah in Genesis 8 and Abram in Genesis 15, God makes Himself the party responsible for the whole covenant. He knows we will fail many times, but “it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy” (Romans 9:16). He extends love to the unlovely, mercy to the sinner, and grace to the hurting.

No matter how good and enduring a marriage might be, it is only temporary. It will end either in death or at the Second Coming. But God’s covenantal love will never fail and will continue throughout eternity.

Several times in Exodus and Deuteronomy, the Israelites are reminded “God has chosen you to be a people for His treasured possession” and that phrase has stuck with me this past week. No matter what my marital status, I can say “I am His treasured possession” and “I am my Beloved’s and His desire is for me” (Song 7:10). His covenantal promises are far greater than anything I can imagine or can expect from man.

“And I will betroth you to Me forever. I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness” (Hosea 2:19-20).

© Dawn Rutan 2016