You're Welcome

I had a conversation this week with someone about the culture in some churches that unintentionally build barriers to keep out anyone who does not fit a particular stereotype. It is often said that Sunday morning is the most segregated time of the week, not just racially, but in many other ways as well. Suits vs. jeans? Ties vs. tattoos? Unfamiliar with the liturgy? Wrong Bible translation? We wouldn’t (I hope!) tell them they can’t come in the building, but we may not go out of our way to make others feel loved and welcomed. I heard somewhere recently that most churches think they are more welcoming than they are perceived by newcomers.

After spending more than 5 hours at the DMV last week and observing the variety of people waiting, I spent some time thinking about that interesting gathering. I kind of wished I could get to know a couple of the people better, but wondered if they would feel as comfortable talking about real life at a church gathering as they did with strangers at the DMV.

In the latest episode of the You’re Not Crazy podcast, Sam Allberry and Ray Ortlund were talking about Romans 14-15. These chapters deal with church conflict and disagreements about what is acceptable. This section of Scripture includes “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God” (Rom. 15:7). Sam made the comment, “If I don’t welcome someone God has welcomed, what I’m saying is, I know better than God. I’ve got better standards than Him.”

When Jesus was talking about the final judgment, He indicated that some would be told, “I was a stranger and you did not welcome Me, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me” (Matt. 25:43). How many people even within a local church feel like they have to keep their “true self” hidden in order to be welcome? How many secrets sit in pews on Sunday morning?

In our current culture, I suspect most of us don’t even want to talk about who we’re going to vote for in the general election, much less about what temptations we’re struggling with or the problems in our lives and families. Disagreement on even minor issues seems to lead to alienation, so who dares to talk about things that really matter?

I have my own secrets that are likely to remain secret because of things I’ve heard said by church members in the past. Although I can be the chameleon who blends into a variety of settings, I’m not convinced that some people would still welcome me if they knew all the stuff I keep hidden. Even though I am confident that God welcomes me and loves me, I’m not so sure about the attitudes of some of His people.

When Christian news sources are full of stories about church splits, lawsuits, and coverups, it doesn’t give a lot of confidence that we are “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). It’s striking that the verses just before that say that part of walking in a manner worthy of our calling is to exercise “all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love” (vv. 1-2). Welcoming those who are unlike us requires the humility of remembering that we are not the final judge of someone’s salvation or sanctification. God delights in saving people that we may consider unlikely candidates! Even the apostles included a spectrum from fishermen to tax collectors, to persecutors of the church. If we dare to look in the mirror, we may see a bit of Pharisee in our reflection.

How is your church putting out the welcome sign? Would the stranger from the DMV feel comfortable walking in the door? Have you visited a different church recently to remember what it feels like?

“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight” (Rom. 12:16).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Welcome to My World

In the November 2022 issue of Christianity Today, author John Koessler in his article “Truth, Love & Social Media” shares the following:

“After 18th-century literary icon Samuel Johnson had dinner at a friend’s house, his biographer, James Boswell, asked if the conversation had been any good. ‘No, Sir,’ he said. ‘We had talk enough, but no conversation; there was nothing discussed.’

“Johnson’s friend had offered one kind of hospitality at that dinner party, but not another kind: discussion. Conversation, whether remote or in person, is an exercise in hospitality, or welcoming the other. When we engage someone in conversation, we invite them into our thinking.”

Somehow, in the modern church we’ve gotten the idea that hospitality means inviting people into your nice clean home for a classy meal. While that is one expression of hospitality, it’s certainly not the only one. What most of us want is to be seen and known, to have real conversations about real issues. It doesn’t matter where those conversations take place. It could be in your home, your office, the church fellowship hall, or a table at Arby’s (or Chick-fil-A if you’re a “good” Christian).

I think the hardest times in my life have been when I felt like I had no one to talk to, no one who really knew me. Isolation is not only disheartening, but it can also be an enticement to sin. We may say, “If the church isn’t there for me, then I’ll find some other community that will be.” The Bible has more than 30 “one another” commands in the letters of the Apostle Paul alone, and there are another half dozen references to hospitality. That seems to indicate that it is important to God.

“God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (1 Cor. 12:24b-26).

How might we foster those kinds of “one another” conversations in our churches? Who do you see who might be living in isolation and need a listening ear?

“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God” (Rom. 15:5-7).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Come Along

Last week I wrote a bit about hospitality in the context of spiritual gifts. This week I’m reading Sam Allberry’s book 7 Myths about Singleness, and he makes several good comments about Christian family and how that relates to our responsibility for hospitality:

“We’re a body [Romans 12:4-5]. We belong to one another… We’re invested in one another, and therefore I need to know what the Christian life is like for you in your situation, and you need to know what it’s like for me in mine… [It] shows me that as a single person, I have a stake in the health of the marriages in my church family. And those who are married have a stake in the health of my singleness. It’s part of what belonging to one another involves” (15).

“We may well have been blessed by our biological, nuclear family… This is a precious gift and one that you have solemn responsibilities toward. But it is not your only kind of family, or the only set of people to whom you owe such a significant amount. If you’re a Christian, the fellowship to which you belong is your family too. And while that might feel like it creates a tension or competition, the opposite is meant to be the case. These two types of family are designed to be overlapping and interlocking in a way that helps each to flourish in a way that wouldn’t otherwise be the case” (69).

“Sometimes it’s actually not making a fuss over a visitor that can make them feel more special and at home. They’re not being given a specially vetted version of family life; they’re being included in the real deal, warts and all… Too often what we’re really doing is not hospitality but entertaining. We’re putting on a good show. We’re showing someone the Instagram version of our home life rather than the actual version of it. A sign that this is the case is that hospitality becomes infrequent and extravagant. But in the Bible, hospitality is opening up our real lives to others (often and especially the stranger) and inviting them in. You don’t technically need a physical space to invite people into… It is as much about doing life with others, wherever and however we happen to do it” (72).

“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling (1 Pet. 4:9)… Peter is not so much telling us to do a certain kind of thing but to be a certain kind of person: someone who is willing and eager to share life and home with others. It is even important enough to be a qualification for anyone in church leadership [1 Tim. 3:2-3]… I have seen people disqualified from church leadership because of drunkenness and marital infidelity, but I’ve never heard of hospitality even being considered in a would-be pastor” (73).

I appreciate the reminder that hospitality is not the same as entertaining. Entertaining is only one form of hospitality. Hospitality could just as easily take the form of inviting a friend to join you for lunch at Taco Bell, taking a walk together in the park, watching the kids’ sporting events together, or thousands of other examples. It’s more about sharing together in the routine things of life and faith than planning special events and extravagant dinners. 

We’ve been misled by some who teach that hospitality is a spiritual gift only exercised by a few. Rather it is commanded of all Christians to be welcoming of others and to truly love one another. The Greek word for hospitality literally translates as “loving strangers.” Yes, there are some people who are more gifted at planning for and hosting guests, but none of us are let off the hook for loving others because “I don’t have the gift.” All of us, married and single alike, would benefit from building friendships that simply share life together outside of the established schedule of the church.

“Let love be genuine… Love one another with brotherly affection… Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality… Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly…” (Romans 12:9-16 ESV).

“So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:8).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Just Be You

Some time back I read Rosaria Butterfield’s book The Gospel Comes with a House Key. It is one I would recommend as food for thought. However, from my own observations and from conversations I’ve had with others, it can come across as very guilt-inducing. Besides pastoring a church, she and her husband are foster parents, she homeschools, and their door is open basically 24-7 for anyone to drop by for a meal or conversation. If I were to do even a fraction of what she does, I would soon be hiding under my bed or moving to the most remote location I could find. Her gifts and methods are commendable—but they aren’t mine. That’s why I was encouraged when I read the following in Christine Hoover’s book From Good to Grace:

“I mentioned that I’m a pastor’s wife, and not just a pastor’s wife but a church-planting pastor’s wife. Who let her husband start a church in her living room. Who has people over for dinner. Who plans a menu ahead of time. Who karate-chops pillows. Perhaps you got stuck on that part because you’re not a person who has people in your home and you started imagining a meal far greater than anything I actually make, and you started feeling pretty unspiritual in comparison, which led to you beating yourself up or immediately making a list of people whom you should invite over.

“Or you’re on the other extreme, and you’ve already figured you’re going to stop reading because you don’t want to hear a list of things you should be doing from another goody-two-shoes pastor’s wife. But this is my point exactly. We are way too concerned with what other people are doing and trying to match or judge what they are doing. We are jumping ahead to a great question (What does God want from me?) but asking it of the wrong audience (other people) and skipping the gospel question entirely.

“The most important and life-giving thing we can do as followers of Christ is to consider what God wants for us as presented in the gospel and to ask the right questions of the right Person…”

God didn’t call me to be another Rosaria Butterfield or Christine Hoover. He called me to be His child, with the gifts and abilities and personality that He gave me. There are a lot of things people think I should do that I have no trouble declining. But the enemy can creep in with a vague sense of guilt about not doing enough or not doing the “right things,” whatever those may be. When I prayerfully seek God’s will, I don’t believe that He’s telling me to do more or different things, but rather to rest in His goodness and grace. Hoover comments,

“The gospel quiets the clamor and comparisons, the swirling online world, and the self-accusations. The gospel tells us to rest because Christ is enough, but it also leads us to respond in obedience when God asks things of us that are counter to what others and our own hearts tell us are important. The gospel shows us how to receive from God what we need in order to truly live and what we need to serve others with joy, sacrificial love, and power.”

Peer pressure never dies, it just takes new forms. We in the church can be very good at guilting people into doing things they aren’t gifted for. We could all try to exercise the gifts we admire in others, but we’d end up neglecting the very things God has called us to do. I don’t have to teach Sunday school or help with nursery or open my home to strangers, and I would not be happy trying to do those things. But I do have to write, and that is the most enjoyable and fulfilling thing I can imagine. Let’s stop feeling guilty for not being Super-Christians who can do everything that everyone wants. God made us different for His own perfect purposes.

“For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them…” (Romans 12:4-6 ESV).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.