One Among Many

Last Sunday the sermon at my church was on Acts 8:26-40 and the conversion of the Ethiopian eunuch. In our discussion afterward, Isaiah 56:4-5 was brought up:

“For thus says the Lord: ‘To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, who choose the things that please Me and hold fast My covenant, I will give in My house and within My walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.”

In the Old Testament, the first command given to mankind was “Be fruitful and multiply,” which established the need and purpose for marriage. But as the passage from Isaiah illustrates, that is not the end goal. As John Piper notes in his sermon on that Scripture,

“The family of God grows not by propagation… but by regeneration through faith in Christ… Marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church... Faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life.”

In Matthew 19 when Jesus taught against divorce, His disciples said, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus’ response may have surprised them:

“There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs [metaphorically] for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it” (v. 12).

Jesus didn’t tell them divorce is no big deal, but He also didn’t say that marriage is the ideal for His followers. He, and the Apostle Paul after Him, affirmed the value of singleness and wholehearted devotion to following Christ (see 1 Cor. 7). The church has often elevated marriage in ways that the New Testament never did. Teens may receive a lot of teaching about sex and relationships, but little about living faithfully as a single adult. Church programs are often geared toward married couples and young families, and singles are viewed merely as free labor. And we often forget that half of those who are married will eventually be widows or widowers. In many of the churches that do have some kind of singles ministry, it is little more than a Christianized dating service.

Singles face challenges that those who are married and/or have children may not have. (I’m not saying that married folks never have these issues.) We may have more discretionary time, or we may have to work more hours to pay the mortgage since we only have one salary instead of the two salaries that many married couples have. We may have difficulties in finding and affording home repair services. If we get sick, it’s up to us to figure out how to get medical care and meals. Many of us deal with loneliness since we have no one to talk to after work and on weekends, and we usually can’t invite ourselves over for dinner to a household that has kids and multiple schedules to juggle. And for those singles who long for marriage and family, every holiday is a reminder of what they don’t have.

Jesus stated, “In the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30). Marriage will come to an end, and yet many Christians live as though their marriage is the ultimate and eternal purpose of life. The only marriage that will endure is that of Christ and the Church. Shouldn’t we all be more intentional in pursuing eternal relationships with all those in the Body of Christ? Although the church is intended to function as the family of God, in practice it often falls short of the ideal.

I read an article, from a source I normally trust, that was bemoaning the statistical decline and delay of marriage in younger generations. But as with many such articles, the realities that not everyone will marry and that marriage is not eternal were seemingly afterthoughts that were relegated to the closing paragraphs. It’s not that marriage has no value, but that we need to hold it in proper perspective relative to the singular priority of faithfully following Christ in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.

“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for My sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life” (Mark 10:29-30).

***

Recommended reading: 7 Myths About Singleness, by Sam Allberry.

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Come Along

Last week I wrote a bit about hospitality in the context of spiritual gifts. This week I’m reading Sam Allberry’s book 7 Myths about Singleness, and he makes several good comments about Christian family and how that relates to our responsibility for hospitality:

“We’re a body [Romans 12:4-5]. We belong to one another… We’re invested in one another, and therefore I need to know what the Christian life is like for you in your situation, and you need to know what it’s like for me in mine… [It] shows me that as a single person, I have a stake in the health of the marriages in my church family. And those who are married have a stake in the health of my singleness. It’s part of what belonging to one another involves” (15).

“We may well have been blessed by our biological, nuclear family… This is a precious gift and one that you have solemn responsibilities toward. But it is not your only kind of family, or the only set of people to whom you owe such a significant amount. If you’re a Christian, the fellowship to which you belong is your family too. And while that might feel like it creates a tension or competition, the opposite is meant to be the case. These two types of family are designed to be overlapping and interlocking in a way that helps each to flourish in a way that wouldn’t otherwise be the case” (69).

“Sometimes it’s actually not making a fuss over a visitor that can make them feel more special and at home. They’re not being given a specially vetted version of family life; they’re being included in the real deal, warts and all… Too often what we’re really doing is not hospitality but entertaining. We’re putting on a good show. We’re showing someone the Instagram version of our home life rather than the actual version of it. A sign that this is the case is that hospitality becomes infrequent and extravagant. But in the Bible, hospitality is opening up our real lives to others (often and especially the stranger) and inviting them in. You don’t technically need a physical space to invite people into… It is as much about doing life with others, wherever and however we happen to do it” (72).

“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling (1 Pet. 4:9)… Peter is not so much telling us to do a certain kind of thing but to be a certain kind of person: someone who is willing and eager to share life and home with others. It is even important enough to be a qualification for anyone in church leadership [1 Tim. 3:2-3]… I have seen people disqualified from church leadership because of drunkenness and marital infidelity, but I’ve never heard of hospitality even being considered in a would-be pastor” (73).

I appreciate the reminder that hospitality is not the same as entertaining. Entertaining is only one form of hospitality. Hospitality could just as easily take the form of inviting a friend to join you for lunch at Taco Bell, taking a walk together in the park, watching the kids’ sporting events together, or thousands of other examples. It’s more about sharing together in the routine things of life and faith than planning special events and extravagant dinners. 

We’ve been misled by some who teach that hospitality is a spiritual gift only exercised by a few. Rather it is commanded of all Christians to be welcoming of others and to truly love one another. The Greek word for hospitality literally translates as “loving strangers.” Yes, there are some people who are more gifted at planning for and hosting guests, but none of us are let off the hook for loving others because “I don’t have the gift.” All of us, married and single alike, would benefit from building friendships that simply share life together outside of the established schedule of the church.

“Let love be genuine… Love one another with brotherly affection… Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality… Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly…” (Romans 12:9-16 ESV).

“So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:8).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Redeeming Singleness

Barry Danylak published Redeeming Singleness in 2010. As I was reading his extensive survey of Scripture and theology, something came to my attention although he did not exactly address it in this way.

The Old Testament opens with the command to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28) followed by “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24 ESV). That is soon followed by various genealogical listings. In contrast, the New Testament opens with a genealogy pointing to the One born of a virgin, and He never married or had biological children. The new command Jesus gave was “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” (Matt. 28:18). Those facts alone illustrate the nature of the new covenant initiated by Jesus Christ. It is no longer about bearing biological children to fill the earth and carry on the family name. Instead it is about becoming spiritual children of the One True God and teaching others to do the same. This can be illustrated by the chiastic structure:

• Creation
• Command- “Be fruitful and multiply”
• Marriage with children
• Heritage
• Children without marriage
• Command- “Go and make disciples”
• New Creation

I’m sure much more could be said on that, but I’m not prepared to write my own book. On a related note, Danylak wrote:

“There is sometimes a tendency, especially among the idealistic young who presume to have most of their years yet before them, that singleness is a temporary period of one’s life until one finds an eternal soul mate in marriage. This passage [Luke 20:34-36] is a reminder that in the scope of eternity the opposite is actually the case; marriage is for a season and time, until, as the traditional marriage vow reads, ‘death do us part.’ It is as single and free individuals that we will stand before his throne and live for all eternity” (165).

Danylak spends most of his final chapter focusing on Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7. I appreciated his comments on the gift of singleness, in particular because I’ve heard others argue an opposite position (and I may have agreed with them at times). He wrote:

“A spiritual gift is not a talent or bestowment for one’s personal benefit but a divine enablement given for the mutual benefit of strengthening the substance and mission of the church… In view of both Paul’s and Jesus’ statements, we can define the charisma of singleness this way: The charisma of singleness is a Spirit-enabled freedom to serve the King and the kingdom wholeheartedly, without undue distraction for the longings of sexual intimacy, marriage, and family…

“[The] gift of singleness is not simply the situation or status of being unmarried. Unless one marries the day after puberty, one will inevitably live part of his or her life as a single person. There are some who may have to live their entire lives as single people, without the gift of singleness—not ever finding a suitable mate. As we noted earlier, Jesus recognized that some are eunuchs not because they chose to be but because of factors outside their control. However, those who have the gift of singleness can remain single by choice.

“Paul is not suggesting that both singleness and marriage are spiritual gifts… [Marriage] does not entail special manifestation of the Spirit for edifying God’s people and serving the kingdom of God… Moreover, suggesting that marriage is a gift complementary to singleness leaves those who are single involuntarily in an ambiguous state. They do not have the ‘gift’ of marriage, but neither do they have the ‘gift’ of singleness, as their desire is to be married” (199-201).

Or as Sam Allberry put it, “What if someone is married but decides they don’t have the ‘gift’ of marriage?” Even if others disagree, it is worth thinking about whether our beliefs about marriage and singleness are based on scriptural principles or not.

“…The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit…” (1 Corinthians 7:34b).

© 2018 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.