It All Adds Up

I keep a list of possible topics for my blog though I don’t often go back and use them. However, one caught my eye today— “Relationships are our greatest asset.” I think we can all agree that there are few blessings in life that are quite as valuable as our close relationships with friends and family. But from an accounting perspective, our greatest assets are also our greatest liabilities. Nothing hurts nearly as much as broken or wounded relationships. It’s also true that every relationship is unique. So when one relationship is hurt, although others can help to compensate for the loss, they never really replace the damaged one.

To toss in another accounting idea, we often forget about the return on investment for relationships. Close relationships require a significant investment of time and energy, especially at the beginning. Once that investment has been made then there is greater benefit experienced, and even small amounts of time with those we love are more valuable than longer periods with those we don’t yet know well. Oftentimes in the church it seems like we are unwilling to make the initial investment in relationships, so we never get the full benefit from our brothers and sisters in Christ that we could.

We also need to remember that all relationships require an ongoing investment of time. You can’t stop paying your insurance premiums and expect to keep the same level of benefit forever, and you can’t stop talking to your friends and expect the relationships to remain intact.

In a recent XPastor webinar, Warren Bird commented that “Trust is built in drops, but lost in buckets.” Although he was talking about organizational leadership, the same applies to individuals. We build trust in relationships slowly, but it can be lost very quickly by careless words, disagreements, and other challenges. When those buckets fall, it takes a new investment to rebuild what has been lost.

When it comes to relationships, I tend think of Job. It’s often been said that his friends did a good job before they started talking.

“Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this… they raised their voices and wept... and they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (2:11,13).

But once they started speculating on the reasons for his suffering, Job said,

“My relatives have failed me, my close friends have forgotten me… Have mercy on me, have mercy on me, O you my friends, for the hand of God has touched me!” (19:14, 21).

Having been through a variety of pains in relationships lately, it’s tempting to just quit on people. It’s hard to keep expending effort on those who never seem to respond. (I suppose many of those who are parents feel the same way.) Current culture tends to favor looking out for yourself and giving up on difficult relationships. But for Christians, since we’re commanded to love even our enemies (Matt. 5:44), pulling away from our Christian brothers and sisters is usually not an option. The only exception given in Scripture is for those who claim to be Christians but are living in ongoing, unrepentant sin (1 Cor. 5:11). It is far too easy in our “pick-a-church” culture to walk away when things get hard rather than enduring with one another and working through the hard times together. We are called to a higher standard of loving others as God loved us (1 John 4:9-11). May we all make the effort to do so!

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection... Live in harmony with one another... If possible so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:9-10, 16, 18).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

When in Doubt

Have you ever had times when you wonder if this whole Christianity thing is true? Where do you turn at those times? Even those who have been Christians most of their life may have periods of doubt, particularly during times of suffering. John the Baptist wondered if he’d gotten it all wrong (Luke 7:20), and the disciples all fled when Jesus was arrested (Matt. 26:56) even though they had all seen Jesus in the flesh, performing miraculous signs. The Apostle Paul also had to correct some lies that were being circulated among the churches and causing people to doubt (2 Tim. 2:18). It’s not surprising then that two millennia later we may wonder if we’ve wandered down a dead-end road.

One place that I’ve turned at such times is the historicity of the Bible. Josh McDowell started out trying to disprove the Bible and instead ended up convincing himself of the truth of Christianity. Others have had a similar experience. I believe there is sufficient evidence to prove the validity of the text. And because I believe the Bible is a true and reliable document, I believe there is a God who created the world and has provided the Bible to explain who He is, why we are here, and what we are supposed to believe.

Since that is the case, then we should also believe the promises that God has made in His Word to those who follow Him. If I’m honest, that may be the hardest part to accept when life is difficult. It’s one thing to believe that there is a sovereign God, but something bigger to believe that He is personally interested and invested in each individual person. It’s easier to picture God as the Creator, a powerful being who is in charge of nations, societies, and worlds, but perhaps doesn’t pay much attention to little ol’ me. But the Bible says He does, and I believe the Bible is His Word, so it must be true.

So the question then is what to do with that information. The Psalms are a good place to turn, because they give a wide variety of examples of people who turned to God in their times of suffering, doubt, confusion, and anger, and also in times of joy, peace, celebration, and blessing. In essence, God Himself provided words we can use to speak to Him and to hear from Him in all kinds of circumstances. When we don’t have words of our own, we can use Scripture’s own words. And when we don’t feel able to do even that much, we can trust that God already knows what we’re thinking (Psalm 139:2) and what we need (Matt. 6:8), and we even have the Spirit interceding on our behalf (Rom. 8:26-27).

For the true Christian, although doubts may come, God will not let them remain. We will find ourselves drawn back to Him again and again, because even our faith is a gift of God (Eph. 2:8).

“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus” (2 Tim. 3:14-15).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Friends in Hard Times

I wrote the following for my denomination’s women’s ministry email for June.

When I was growing up, due to frequent relocations (8 schools in 12 years) I was always the new kid on the block. That, along with being extremely shy, meant that I rarely had more than one person I would consider a close friend. I never went to a church that had a youth group, and I probably wouldn’t have attended if they did. Then I went off to a Christian college that had about 2000 students. Once I adjusted to dorm life, I discovered a whole new world of Christian friendships. I realize now what a blessing it was to have a close community of people to live, learn, and worship with every day. Even though I went through some difficult struggles during those years, including major depression that caused me to lose my job as a resident assistant my junior year, I knew there were people just down the hall who cared about me and were looking out for me.

Fast forward to 1997 and moving to Charlotte, living alone, a new job, and a new church. There have been many times over the years that I’ve felt isolated and lonely. Then along came the pandemic, a pastoral transition at my church, even more isolation and an extended season of depression, and the opportunities for close friendships often seem few and far between.

May was Mental Health Awareness month, and I’ve been listening to some podcasts on mental illness from Christian sources. One series in particular, “Things You Won’t Hear on Sunday,” has been an encouraging reminder that other Christians struggle with these issues too. In one episode they mention a person who came over and lay down on the floor beside his severely depressed friend and kept speaking words of hope to him. That is a beautiful picture of the Body of Christ at its best—coming alongside, stooping low, lifting up those who are wounded, weary, and weak. I know when I’m burdened with clinical depression I don’t have the energy or willpower even to think of who I could call to come over, much less the desire to actually pick up the phone and do it. That’s when I wonder whether the church knows what it means to be one Body in Christ (Eph. 4:4), loving one another (1 Jn. 4:7), and weeping with those who weep (Rom. 12:15).

All too often we’ve allowed culture to influence our choices. A “friend” is now someone who has your social media contact info. Remote work is seen as a “necessity” because it is more efficient and productive. “Faith” is between you and God and the church is irrelevant. Really? Last I checked, Jesus reaffirmed that the first two commandments were to love God and to love others (Luke 10:27-28). As an email from Women of Joy commented, “loving others is pretty difficult when you’re not around others.” It’s impossible to fulfill all the “one another” commands in isolation.

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness. Many of us work hard to hide our struggles out of fear of being rejected, judged for our “weakness” and “lack of faith,” and shame because it seems like no one else has this difficulty. Just because someone can make it to work and smile at people doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with serious depression, anxiety, or other issues. It can be hard to know who is struggling if you don’t take the time to build deep friendships first. I would challenge everyone to look around and see who might be feeling extra weary and burdened, and do whatever you can to come alongside them. Those who most need encouragement and support may be unable or afraid to ask for it.

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

One Among Many

Last Sunday the sermon at my church was on Acts 8:26-40 and the conversion of the Ethiopian eunuch. In our discussion afterward, Isaiah 56:4-5 was brought up:

“For thus says the Lord: ‘To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, who choose the things that please Me and hold fast My covenant, I will give in My house and within My walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.”

In the Old Testament, the first command given to mankind was “Be fruitful and multiply,” which established the need and purpose for marriage. But as the passage from Isaiah illustrates, that is not the end goal. As John Piper notes in his sermon on that Scripture,

“The family of God grows not by propagation… but by regeneration through faith in Christ… Marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church... Faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life.”

In Matthew 19 when Jesus taught against divorce, His disciples said, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus’ response may have surprised them:

“There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs [metaphorically] for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it” (v. 12).

Jesus didn’t tell them divorce is no big deal, but He also didn’t say that marriage is the ideal for His followers. He, and the Apostle Paul after Him, affirmed the value of singleness and wholehearted devotion to following Christ (see 1 Cor. 7). The church has often elevated marriage in ways that the New Testament never did. Teens may receive a lot of teaching about sex and relationships, but little about living faithfully as a single adult. Church programs are often geared toward married couples and young families, and singles are viewed merely as free labor. And we often forget that half of those who are married will eventually be widows or widowers. In many of the churches that do have some kind of singles ministry, it is little more than a Christianized dating service.

Singles face challenges that those who are married and/or have children may not have. (I’m not saying that married folks never have these issues.) We may have more discretionary time, or we may have to work more hours to pay the mortgage since we only have one salary instead of the two salaries that many married couples have. We may have difficulties in finding and affording home repair services. If we get sick, it’s up to us to figure out how to get medical care and meals. Many of us deal with loneliness since we have no one to talk to after work and on weekends, and we usually can’t invite ourselves over for dinner to a household that has kids and multiple schedules to juggle. And for those singles who long for marriage and family, every holiday is a reminder of what they don’t have.

Jesus stated, “In the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30). Marriage will come to an end, and yet many Christians live as though their marriage is the ultimate and eternal purpose of life. The only marriage that will endure is that of Christ and the Church. Shouldn’t we all be more intentional in pursuing eternal relationships with all those in the Body of Christ? Although the church is intended to function as the family of God, in practice it often falls short of the ideal.

I read an article, from a source I normally trust, that was bemoaning the statistical decline and delay of marriage in younger generations. But as with many such articles, the realities that not everyone will marry and that marriage is not eternal were seemingly afterthoughts that were relegated to the closing paragraphs. It’s not that marriage has no value, but that we need to hold it in proper perspective relative to the singular priority of faithfully following Christ in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.

“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for My sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life” (Mark 10:29-30).

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Recommended reading: 7 Myths About Singleness, by Sam Allberry.

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

The Next Step

I subscribe to a blog by author and teacher Terry Powell. One of his recent emails asked the question, “For a person diagnosed with major depression (recurring episodes), what does ‘victorious Christian living’ look like?” I think that is a question worth considering. Every person’s experience is different, but here are a few observations from my lifelong experience of recurring depression:

• Faith doesn’t mean that all struggles cease, but growing faith does mean that I’m learning to depend on God more fully and more often. There is much that I know I could not do apart from God enabling me to keep going. And when my faith feels weak, I still know that it is God who promises to hold onto me and not vice versa.
• Christian joy and hope don’t mean the absence of sorrow and tears, but remembering that one day every tear will be wiped away. (See my earlier post on the Root and Fruit of Hope.) When I don’t feel like singing songs of praise, not only does Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, understand how I feel, but He’s also given me the Body of Christ to sing on my behalf.
• Enduring suffering doesn’t mean pretending it doesn’t exist or hiding it from others. But it also doesn’t mean sitting passively and watching life pass you by. It usually means doing the next thing whether you feel like it or not. Wash the dishes, trim the bushes, go to the office, go to church, get counseling, get some exercise, etc.

I don’t want to hold myself up as some kind of success story or model for everyone else. There are many times when I feel like I’m failing as a Christian and as a person. During one particularly rough season of life I missed a lot of days of work (back when working from home was not an option). My counselor at the time encouraged me to set some goals that would give me a sense of purpose and a destination. That’s when I decided to pursue martial arts and also to go back to seminary part time. Although those things are no longer part of my regimen, they gave me some new relationships and an outlet for my stresses. They also ingrained in me the habit of showing up even when I don’t feel like it.

I think sometimes in the church we confuse legalism and discipline. I read my Bible and write in my prayer journal daily and attend church each week, not because I think God expects me to do so, and not to secure my salvation. I do it because I know that it is for my own benefit and growth in Christ. Likewise, I don’t go to work just to pay the bills or because other people expect me to show up (though that’s all true), but because it is good for me to focus on something besides myself. And I don’t exercise because the doctor tells me to, but because I know I will feel better if I do.

There are still days when I don’t want to keep enduring and I pray “How long, O Lord?” Right now I can’t remember the last time I made it through a whole week without any tears. Although I often don’t feel like a “victorious Christian,” I know that victory is ultimately in God’s hand and that He uses weak and wounded people to accomplish His will in this world.

It struck me this week that Psalms 138 and 139 can go together:

“For though the Lord is high, He regards the lowly… The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me… If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me… In Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (138:6, 8; 139:9-10, 16).

God’s path may often lead us through dark valleys, but He will fulfill His purposes because He is the One who walks with us and upholds us through it all. We just need to keep taking one step after another.

“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; When I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me” (Micah 7:8).

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord… though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand” (Psalm 37:23-24).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. Photo is from a recent hiking trip on the Viaduct Trail near Blowing Rock, NC. (I’m not sure who from our group took this particular photo.) The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Look Up

When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment is, He did not say, “Love God and love the people who live in your house.” Nor did He say, “Love God, complete this to-do list, and then if there’s time left over love the people around you.” Instead, He said:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 22:37-40).

Most of us in the church understand that we’re supposed to love God first and foremost (though we may not know how to do that very well). But I think many get their priorities confused when it comes to the second commandment of loving others. In our modern American culture, we place a lot of value on the individual and then on the nuclear family. Other cultures and eras would find this totally bizarre, because they focus on the needs of the community first. We also tend to prioritize productivity over people. I’ve seen this happen even in churches and ministries, where accomplishing a task or mission consumes everyone’s attention while people are left to struggle and suffer alone.

In Romans 1 the Apostle Paul wrote, “I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine” (11-12). He wrote to the Thessalonians, “So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us... For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into His own kingdom and glory” (1 Thess. 2:8, 11-12). Paul exemplified loving God and loving others wholeheartedly.

There seems to be a mindset that says church is what we do on Sunday mornings and maybe Wednesday nights, and the rest of the time you’re on your own. But I don’t see that reflected in Scripture, where the Church is described as the Body of Christ (1 Cor. 12:27) and brothers and sisters in Christ (Mark 3:33-35), nor is that individualism illustrated in the description of the early fellowship in Acts 2:42-47.

We don’t have to live in a commune to invest in the lives of those around us, but we do need to look up from our phones and laptops and to-do lists, and actually (and frequently) interact with one another in person. Screens are not sufficient for the purpose. Mark Mayfield commented in the introduction to his book The Path Out of Loneliness:

“We are relational beings who need eye-to-eye, face-to-face contact and proximity on a regular basis. As a society, we are operating out of significant deficits... [Many have] questioned when [was] the last time you were truly seen as a person, loved for who you are, and valued as a unique human soul.”

The more our technology draws us in, the more often we need to be reminded to look up and see one another for who God has made us to be and how He has created us to be interdependent.

“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

O Captain, My Captain

We live in a culture that has tried to flip reality on its head. We are told that we discover or create our own truth, that there is no objective truth or source outside our own perceptions. And then we’re told that we have to accept, and even honor, everyone else’s perception of truth. If there is no God, no Creator, then whatever evolutionary processes formed my brain and cause my neurons fire to guide my thought processes is just as valid as anyone else’s. And, we might argue, my thoughts are best because I know how I arrived at my conclusions, but I don’t know how you arrived at yours.

Ah, but if there is a God (as I’m convinced there is), the whole story is reversed. From the biblical narrative, God created the world on purpose and for a purpose—so that His creation might come to know and glorify Him (Rev. 15:4). Our bodies were created to reflect His image to the world (Gen. 1:27). Our minds were made to learn about Him and to communicate what we know to others (Acts 1:8). Our moral standards are to be defined by God, not by our own lesser thought processes (Is. 55:8). In fact, we often can’t trust our own thoughts and desires because they are corrupted by sin (Jer. 17:9).

The very first question, leading to the first sin, was “Did God actually say...?” (Gen. 3:1-4). From that moment, the guiding drive of mankind has been to become our own gods, determining our own version of good and evil, right and wrong. But we are deceived to think that we can truly say, “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul” (W.E. Henley). Just because we choose our course does not mean we are headed to the right destination or even a viable destination.

Many in our world today, including some professing Christians, are ignoring the reality that truth comes from God, and that He alone has the right to define morality and to tell us how we are meant to live. He has done that through the written Scriptures and through the incarnation of Jesus Christ, who stated, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6). If we choose to turn away from that Truth, or try to redefine it to mean something new, we place ourselves on the path that leads to eternal destruction. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith” (2 Cor. 13:5a). The consequences are eternally significant.

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matt. 7:13-14).

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PS: Dietrich Bonhoeffer lived in Nazi Germany, where it was the leadership of the government that was trying to redefine truth, reality, humanity, right and wrong. We’ve democratized the process to make everyone an autonomous god. His Ethics book has some helpful observations, if you can wade through it. Here are a couple pertinent quotes I discovered:

“God is love (1 John 4:16). For the sake of clarity, this sentence must first be read with the emphasis on the word God, even though we have become accustomed to emphasize the word ‘love.’ God is love: that is, love is not a human behavior, sentiment, or deed, but it is God who is love. What love is can be known only by one who knows God; the reverse is not true... Thus nobody knows what love is except through God’s self-revelation” (248, Reader’s Edition).

“It is not Christ who has to justify himself before the world by acknowledging the values of justice, truth, and freedom. Instead, it is these values that find themselves in need of justification, and their justification is Jesus Christ alone. It is not a ‘Christian culture’ that still has to make the name of Jesus Christ acceptable to the world; instead, the crucified Christ has become the refuge, justification, protection, and claim for these higher values and their defenders who have been made to suffer” (257).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.