Encouraging Words

As we near the end of Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought I’d share a selection of resources that I’ve found helpful at different times in life, some of which I’ve quoted in prior blog posts. I may not agree with everything these authors and speakers share, but have generally found them to be helpful and encouraging.

Books

Glimmers of Grace, Kathryn Butler

What Does Depression Mean for My Faith? Kathryn Butler

Not Quite Fine: Mental Health, Faith, and Showing Up for One Another, Carlene Hill Byron

Midnight Mercies: Walking with God through Depression in Motherhood, Christine Chappell

Pursuing Health in an Anxious Age, Bob Cutillo

Spurgeon’s Sorrows: Realistic Hope for those who Suffer from Depression, Zack Eswine

Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness, Kathryn Greene-McCreight

Untangling Emotions, Alasdair Groves and Winston Smith

Companions in the Darkness, Diana Gruver

Blessed Are the Misfits, Brant Hansen

Embodied Hope: A Theological Meditation on Pain and Suffering, Kelly Kapic

You’re Only Human: How Your Limits Reflect God’s Design and Why That’s Good News, Kelly Kapic

Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, Tim Keller

When Darkness Seems My Closest Friend, Mark Meynell

A Christian’s Guide to Mental Illness, David Murray and Tom Karel, Jr.

Christians Get Depressed Too, David Murray

Sacred Endurance: Finding Grace and Strength for a Lasting Faith, Trillia Newbell

I Trust When Dark My Road, Todd Peperkorn (free pdf download!)

God’s Grace in Your Suffering, David Powlison

The Scars That Have Shaped Me: How God Meets Us in Suffering, Vaneetha Risner

Depression: Looking Up from the Stubborn Darkness, Ed Welch

Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, Mark Vroegop

CSB Life Counsel Bible- contains many of the New Growth Press minibook series

Blogs

CCEF Blog

Penetrating the Darkness, Terry Powell

Podcasts

Hope + Help Podcast, Christine Chappell

CCEF Podcast, Alasdair Groves

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Yes, Mental Illness Exists

A prominent Christian leader is reported to have said recently that “There is no such thing as mental illness.” While I agree that we need to normalize the experience of suffering, mourning, and anxiety within the church, his statement is likely to have the opposite effect, which makes me sad. Those of us who take medication for various mental illnesses don’t need added shame for not being able to cope without them. We feel plenty of shame already, because it feels like everyone else has stronger faith and better coping skills than we do. Even if science can’t explain why, some medications do help some people. They don’t necessarily fix the problems, but they reduce the symptoms enough that we can carry on with daily life and, hopefully, get good, godly counsel as well. As Kathryn Butler notes in a new article from TGC:

“The first stop when seeking help for depression is your primary doctor’s office, but it shouldn’t be the last. While a doctor determines whether an antidepressant will help, it’s critically important to couple any medication with counseling.”

However, godly counseling can be hard to find as well, particularly if one is relying on the local church to provide it. Most pastors and church leaders don’t have the training or the time to provide the deep, long-term counseling that many of their church members need. And depending on their theology, they may create more problems than they solve. I’ve been blessed to find a Christian counselor within the medical system, but available appointments are few. For those with more intensive needs, it can be expensive to get the necessary help.

In the CT 2024 Pastors Special Issue, Jeannie Whitlock writes of Recapturing Wonder in a Cynical Age:

“Many of us haven’t even processed everything we have lost, pushed by a culture that urges us to quickly move on. But as Christian Wiman warns, unaddressed grief will make itself known, showing up in ‘every kind of crying but the kind you can see.’ Our bodies keep the score. Bottled sorrow can metastasize into physical ailments, unexplained fatigue, heartache, weakened immunity, or constant irritation. Yet, many American Christians are terrible at grieving.”

Often times it seems as though the church has lost the art of lament, in part because we’ve forgotten how to bear one another’s burdens. We’ve accepted superficial relationships as “good enough.” If the church were better at all the “one another” commands, there probably would be less need for medications and outside counseling services, but those will never completely go away in this lifetime. We live in a broken world, where our bodies and minds are impacted by sickness, suffering, and sin (our own and others’). Telling people “there’s no such thing as mental illness” is somewhere on the spectrum between “Just deal with it” and “If you just have enough faith you will be healed,” neither of which is helpful or encouraging.

In the midst of writing this, a severe storm moved through the area, providing me with an analogy. The property next to my house was recently clear-cut for building an electrical substation. When the storm came, a large pine tree that was left at the edge of the woods fell across the power lines. Because it no longer had neighboring trees on three sides, it was more susceptible to the wind than it had been before. Likewise, many Christians, and especially those struggling with mental illness, feel like they are on the fringe of church life with little support and protection from the storms of life. We need aid in whatever forms we can get it.

Perhaps we all need the reminder that God “comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer” (2 Cor. 1:4-6).

“Therefore encourage one another with these words” (1 Thess. 4:18).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Image courtesy of SAMHSA.gov. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Friends in Hard Times

I wrote the following for my denomination’s women’s ministry email for June.

When I was growing up, due to frequent relocations (8 schools in 12 years) I was always the new kid on the block. That, along with being extremely shy, meant that I rarely had more than one person I would consider a close friend. I never went to a church that had a youth group, and I probably wouldn’t have attended if they did. Then I went off to a Christian college that had about 2000 students. Once I adjusted to dorm life, I discovered a whole new world of Christian friendships. I realize now what a blessing it was to have a close community of people to live, learn, and worship with every day. Even though I went through some difficult struggles during those years, including major depression that caused me to lose my job as a resident assistant my junior year, I knew there were people just down the hall who cared about me and were looking out for me.

Fast forward to 1997 and moving to Charlotte, living alone, a new job, and a new church. There have been many times over the years that I’ve felt isolated and lonely. Then along came the pandemic, a pastoral transition at my church, even more isolation and an extended season of depression, and the opportunities for close friendships often seem few and far between.

May was Mental Health Awareness month, and I’ve been listening to some podcasts on mental illness from Christian sources. One series in particular, “Things You Won’t Hear on Sunday,” has been an encouraging reminder that other Christians struggle with these issues too. In one episode they mention a person who came over and lay down on the floor beside his severely depressed friend and kept speaking words of hope to him. That is a beautiful picture of the Body of Christ at its best—coming alongside, stooping low, lifting up those who are wounded, weary, and weak. I know when I’m burdened with clinical depression I don’t have the energy or willpower even to think of who I could call to come over, much less the desire to actually pick up the phone and do it. That’s when I wonder whether the church knows what it means to be one Body in Christ (Eph. 4:4), loving one another (1 Jn. 4:7), and weeping with those who weep (Rom. 12:15).

All too often we’ve allowed culture to influence our choices. A “friend” is now someone who has your social media contact info. Remote work is seen as a “necessity” because it is more efficient and productive. “Faith” is between you and God and the church is irrelevant. Really? Last I checked, Jesus reaffirmed that the first two commandments were to love God and to love others (Luke 10:27-28). As an email from Women of Joy commented, “loving others is pretty difficult when you’re not around others.” It’s impossible to fulfill all the “one another” commands in isolation.

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness. Many of us work hard to hide our struggles out of fear of being rejected, judged for our “weakness” and “lack of faith,” and shame because it seems like no one else has this difficulty. Just because someone can make it to work and smile at people doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with serious depression, anxiety, or other issues. It can be hard to know who is struggling if you don’t take the time to build deep friendships first. I would challenge everyone to look around and see who might be feeling extra weary and burdened, and do whatever you can to come alongside them. Those who most need encouragement and support may be unable or afraid to ask for it.

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

The Next Step

I subscribe to a blog by author and teacher Terry Powell. One of his recent emails asked the question, “For a person diagnosed with major depression (recurring episodes), what does ‘victorious Christian living’ look like?” I think that is a question worth considering. Every person’s experience is different, but here are a few observations from my lifelong experience of recurring depression:

• Faith doesn’t mean that all struggles cease, but growing faith does mean that I’m learning to depend on God more fully and more often. There is much that I know I could not do apart from God enabling me to keep going. And when my faith feels weak, I still know that it is God who promises to hold onto me and not vice versa.
• Christian joy and hope don’t mean the absence of sorrow and tears, but remembering that one day every tear will be wiped away. (See my earlier post on the Root and Fruit of Hope.) When I don’t feel like singing songs of praise, not only does Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, understand how I feel, but He’s also given me the Body of Christ to sing on my behalf.
• Enduring suffering doesn’t mean pretending it doesn’t exist or hiding it from others. But it also doesn’t mean sitting passively and watching life pass you by. It usually means doing the next thing whether you feel like it or not. Wash the dishes, trim the bushes, go to the office, go to church, get counseling, get some exercise, etc.

I don’t want to hold myself up as some kind of success story or model for everyone else. There are many times when I feel like I’m failing as a Christian and as a person. During one particularly rough season of life I missed a lot of days of work (back when working from home was not an option). My counselor at the time encouraged me to set some goals that would give me a sense of purpose and a destination. That’s when I decided to pursue martial arts and also to go back to seminary part time. Although those things are no longer part of my regimen, they gave me some new relationships and an outlet for my stresses. They also ingrained in me the habit of showing up even when I don’t feel like it.

I think sometimes in the church we confuse legalism and discipline. I read my Bible and write in my prayer journal daily and attend church each week, not because I think God expects me to do so, and not to secure my salvation. I do it because I know that it is for my own benefit and growth in Christ. Likewise, I don’t go to work just to pay the bills or because other people expect me to show up (though that’s all true), but because it is good for me to focus on something besides myself. And I don’t exercise because the doctor tells me to, but because I know I will feel better if I do.

There are still days when I don’t want to keep enduring and I pray “How long, O Lord?” Right now I can’t remember the last time I made it through a whole week without any tears. Although I often don’t feel like a “victorious Christian,” I know that victory is ultimately in God’s hand and that He uses weak and wounded people to accomplish His will in this world.

It struck me this week that Psalms 138 and 139 can go together:

“For though the Lord is high, He regards the lowly… The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me… If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me… In Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (138:6, 8; 139:9-10, 16).

God’s path may often lead us through dark valleys, but He will fulfill His purposes because He is the One who walks with us and upholds us through it all. We just need to keep taking one step after another.

“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; When I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me” (Micah 7:8).

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord… though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand” (Psalm 37:23-24).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. Photo is from a recent hiking trip on the Viaduct Trail near Blowing Rock, NC. (I’m not sure who from our group took this particular photo.) The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Be Aware, Take Care

We’re nearing the end of Mental Health Awareness Month. One of the things I’ve read and heard from multiple sources is the idea that our culture has pathologized normal human experiences in many ways, and the church is not immune from such perceptions. We know we live in a fallen world with broken bodies. Yet instead of accepting that fact and finding ways to cope with our own brokenness and support others in their brokenness, we look for diagnoses and treatments that will take away anything that we think is less than ideal. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) has grown from 130 pages in its first edition to almost 1000 pages in the fifth edition. Normal experiences of grief, anxiety, or just being a little different from your peers are now seen as something that needs to be fixed.

I’m not saying that mental illness doesn’t exist. I know it does because I take medication for it every day. (I will say that the medication doesn’t remove the problem, it just makes it more bearable.) I also know that God uses all kinds of difficult experiences to draw people closer to Him. I’m regularly reminded that my weakness is meant to make me rely on His strength; my sorrow presses me to go to Him for comfort; my anxieties cause me to pray for His guidance and provision; and my quirky way of seeing things allows me to serve God in ways that others can’t.

A couple podcasts I’ve listened to recently have brought out good points. One said that the rise of “helicopter parents,” who try to protect their kids from any kind of adversity, has produced a generation of young people who don’t know how to cope with normal life. Another pointed out how Christians take verses like Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything,” out of context and beat people over the head with it for their “sinful” lack of faith. Many Christians have adopted a type of health and wealth gospel that says if you just have enough faith you’ll never have any anxiety or sorrow, and you can go through life with a smile on your face at all times. That simply isn’t true, because that is not the world we live in.

Jesus Himself was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Is. 53:3), and He sweat drops of blood in Gethsemane as He knew what was ahead for Him (Luke 22:44). I heard someone say that if we could have seen Jesus’ face as He told His disciples “Do not be anxious about tomorrow” (Matt. 6:34), we would know that this was not a harsh command to be obeyed, but a gentle, loving reminder that God is in control. I was reading one resource that was trying to make the point that depression is not always a result of sin, but they went on to heap guilt on those who “refuse to take the necessary steps to find healing in your life” (supposedly based on James 4:17). Such a statement is not in line with the gentle correction that comes from those who love God and love one another.

One podcast from Russell Moore and Curtis Chang urges us to use our feelings of anxiety as a pointer to what things we fear losing in the future, so we can learn to give those to God. Sometimes we allow anxiety about the future or regret and sorrow about the past to keep us from living well in the present. Sometimes we need help through medication and counseling to be able to better handle the things God allows to come into our lives. Those can be part of God’s common means of grace in this broken world.

If those in the church were more willing to talk about their struggles with anxiety, depression, feeling out of place, and yes, even sin, perhaps we’d all become better at encouraging and supporting those who need a listening ear or a hug. We were never meant to go through this life alone, nor to stoically pretend that everything is sunshine and flowers all the time. (There’s also poison ivy, which I’m also taking medication for!)

May we be the hands and arms and eyes and ears of Christ for those in need.

“For everything there is a season... a time to weep, and a time to laugh, and time to mourn, and a time to dance... a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose... a time to keep silence, and a time to speak...” (Eccl. 3:1-8).

***

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Pursuit of Happiness

The U.S. founding fathers declared that mankind is endowed with the rights to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Our culture in recent years has taken that last part to an extreme—declaring that happiness is all that matters and there should be nothing that stands in its way. Unfortunately, that has had a negative impact on the church as well. There is a perception among unbelievers that “If your beliefs don’t make you 100% happy, then they can’t be that good.” That then carries over to believers thinking “If I’m not happy all the time then there must be something wrong with my faith,” or “I’ve got to fake it till I make it.”

I see some problems with these ideas. One problem is that it assumes this life is all that matters. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “If the dead are not raised, ‘Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die’” (1 Cor. 15:32b). But if in fact the dead are raised, we need to take the long view. We can accept some limitations and difficulties today if we know that there is something far better that will last for all eternity. Just as the dieter passes up some foods, knowing that the health of their body depends on it, so we too can pass up certain temporal pleasures because we know “this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Cor. 417).

Another problem with putting happiness on a pedestal is that it discounts the wide variety of personalities and experiences that make up humanity. There’s a vast spectrum of temperaments Whether you like Myers-Briggs or DISC or Enneagram or something else, I think most of us can agree that we have different traits and it is foolish to expect everyone to respond the same way to their circumstances. And life presents each of us with different experiences that shape us. Someone who has grown up in an abusive household is not going to approach life the same as a “favored son” will. Some people may be both more melancholy by nature and also have had to deal with very painful experiences. So, to imply that they need to put on a happy face because their Christian witness depends on it actually creates more shame than benefit.

Some might ask “How then do they make their faith known if they aren’t visibly happy all the time?” I have seen plenty of people who have exhibited an enduring faith in God in the midst of trying circumstances. They aren’t happy and joking all the time, but it is clear that they are undergirded by a strength beyond their own ability. Some people might have every reason to give up on life, but they keep enduring because they have hope and faith in the eternal life in Christ. These are the kind of people I want to turn to when life is hard—people who can comfort others with the comfort they have received from God (2 Cor. 1:3-7)—and I believe they also attract unbelievers who are struggling with life in a broken and fallen world in a way that the “happy and you know it” people don’t. As I heard Matthew Spandler-Davison say in a TGC podcast, “I needed to serve from a place of brokenness, not from a pretense of wholeness… Church membership is burden sharing… I needed to be a part of a burden sharing and burden carrying community of believers.”

This is a personal challenge for me, because I live with clinical depression. I get frustrated with comments from those who imply that someone’s (my) faith is weak because they’re not “rejoicing always.” On the Christian radio station last week, they were talking about studies that show that on average kids laugh 300 times per day while adults laugh only 15. Even as a child I don’t think I averaged 15 laughs per day because I lived in an almost constant state of anxiety. I don’t understand people who live at the opposite end of the spectrum. I’m not endorsing a grumpy and complaining attitude, but I’m saying that we all need to bear witness to the God who is with us in the midst of every type of circumstance. He should be as real to us in trials as He is in times of great blessings.

There is a reason for the diversity of the Body of Christ. Some people are better at mourning with those who mourn, while others are better at rejoicing with those who rejoice. We need each other. In worship we (should) use a variety of songs and Scriptures from week to week, because not every member is in the same place mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. On the weeks I don’t feel like singing praise songs, I know that others delight to and I need to hear them do so, and vice versa.

In Luke’s version of the Beatitudes, he records Jesus as saying, “Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh… Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep” (Luke 6: 21, 25). We could find ourselves on dangerous ground if we value an emotional experience over faith in Christ alone. In the last day, many will discover that they’ve sought worldly pleasures and lost out on eternal joy. Let’s make sure our focus is on the right Person.

“For everything there is a season… a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Eccl. 3:1, 4).

© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

In the Desert

Recently I’ve been watching my DVDs of Star Trek: The Next Generation. In one episode, Data meets Spock and comments on the fact that Spock has spent his life trying to suppress his human side and the emotions that go with that, while Data has been trying to become more human and wishes to experience emotions. I’d have to say I would usually agree with Spock on this one. In my experience, emotions most often represent a loss of control and are usually undesirable. That’s one of the reasons that I find depression hard to cope with. I don’t like feeling out of control, like I could start crying at all kinds of inconvenient times.

I just came across these comments in A Praying Life, by Paul E. Miller (57-58):

“In fact, God wanted me depressed about myself and encouraged about his Son. The gospel uses my weakness as the door to God’s grace. That is how grace works... John Landsburg [Landsberg], a sixteenth-century Catholic monk, summarized this well in his classic A Letter from Jesus Christ....

‘...In fact I don’t want you to rely on your own strength and abilities and plans, but to distrust them and to distrust yourself; and to trust me and no one and nothing else. As long as you rely entirely on yourself, you are bound to come to grief. You still have a most important lesson to learn: your own strength will no more help you to stand upright than propping yourself on a broken reed. You must not despair of me. You may hope and trust in me absolutely. My mercy is infinite.’”

It is an uncomfortable truth that God doesn’t want us to be stronger, but weaker. He doesn’t need us strong enough to do His work, but weak enough to let Him do His work for us and through us. I heard a radio spot on Judges 6 where Gideon is told, “Go in the strength you have,” not in the strength he didn’t have. In the next chapter, God intentionally weakened the army down to 300 men so that He alone would get the credit. In 2 Corinthians 11:30 and 12:9-10, Paul boasts in his own weaknesses because they display God’s strength.

Our culture values the strong, independent, assertive, and self-controlled. God values the poor, meek, thirsty, and sorrowful who know they need His strength (Matthew 5:3-12). The strong don’t really need God. The weak know they can’t live without Him.

Even though I’ve contended with depression most of my life, I hate when it flairs up and leaves me feeling weak and vulnerable. My pride kicks in and says, “You aren’t supposed to feel this way. You should be able to hold it together. You can’t let others know you still have this struggle.” This is an arid place to dwell.

Miller draws on the many stories of the desert in Scripture:

“The hardest part of being in the desert is that there is no way out. You don’t know when it will end. There is no relief in sight... The still, dry air of the desert brings the sense of helplessness that is so crucial to the spirit of prayer. You come face-to-face with your inability to live, to have joy, to do anything of lasting worth... The desert becomes a window to the heart of God. He finally gets your attention because he’s the only game in town... The best gift of the desert is God’s presence” (184-185).

Life can often feel like a desert—empty, lonely, fruitless. But God takes pleasure in making the desert bloom, bringing life to lifelessness. That is a reason for hope and perseverance.

“The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad; the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus; it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing” (Isaiah 35:1-2 ESV).

© 2018 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.

Hello, Darkness

I’m a little late for Mental Illness Awareness Week (the first week of October), but thought I should go ahead and post this anyway. Every year I dread the coming of autumn because for many years it has meant an increase in depression symptoms starting around Labor Day. Sometimes that includes unexpected “crying attacks,” or as I’ve also referred to them, the depressive equivalent of panic attacks. After that happened one time recently, I shared with a friend that this is frustratingly familiar territory.

Today I was reading an article in the November issue of Guideposts. The author heard from someone who experienced panic attacks: “I used to fight those panic attacks. Now I just try to see them as a familiar part of me. When I feel one coming on, I say, ‘Hello, old friend,’ and I talk to it. All the power fizzes out of it.” Although I haven’t tried that particular tactic with depression, that’s the kind of accepting attitude I am trying to cultivate. I can’t change whatever is going on in my body, and medications don’t help during these months, so my only option is to accept and endure with as much grace as possible.

I was reminded of Simon & Garfunkel’s words in The Sound of Silence, “Hello, darkness, my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.” But the reason I feel compelled to write this comes later in the song, “‘Fools,’ said I, ‘You do not know silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you. Take my arms that I might reach you.’” Chronic or recurring depression is one of those private battles that are often endured silently. It feels like it takes too much effort to make people understand, and we don’t have the energy to maintain relationships during these times. We feel like we’re carrying cement blocks on our backs and we can’t get rid of them. Many of us continue to work only because we have bills to pay, but we’d rather crawl in a hole and sleep until spring.

We don’t need sermons on joy or lectures on positive thinking. We need reminders that we are loved in the midst of the battle, and that God is present in the darkness even though we can’t see Him. Endurance is possible, but we can’t do it alone. We need support, which may range anywhere from an encouraging word and prayer to medication and hospitalization, depending on the person. I tried for a long time to get through on my own strength, but I learned several years ago that I need to let other people inside so they can fight the battle for me and with me.

John Piper wrote the following in Desiring God, and it’s also included as the devotion for October 29 in Solid Joys:

“All experiences of suffering in the path of Christian obedience, whether from persecution or sickness or accident, have this in common: They all threaten our faith in the goodness of God, and tempt us to leave the path of obedience. 

“Therefore, every triumph of faith, and all perseverance in obedience, are testimonies to the goodness of God and the preciousness of Christ — whether the enemy is sickness, Satan, sin, or sabotage. Therefore, all suffering, of every kind, that we endure in the path of our Christian calling is a suffering ‘with Christ’ and ‘for Christ.’”

So for those of you who share this present darkness, don’t give up and don’t go silent. Let others in so they can be praying for you and supporting you as best they can. And for those who are our friends, take seriously the call to pray for us, bear our burdens, and love us as brothers and sisters in Christ. We thank you.

© 2017 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.

Strength in Depression

I’m posting the following as sort of a Public Service Announcement. I’ve always heard about the “stigma” of mental illness, but until recently I was only aware of it in a vague sense, as in feeling like I don’t quite fit in culture’s standards for happiness. For a long time I didn’t really talk about depression, not necessarily because of some perceived stigma, but because I didn’t think it was anybody’s business. Now I figure that I may at least be able to use my experience to help others understand and cope with their own or a loved one’s illness.

My perception changed a bit recently when someone made a comment about not wanting to add to my depression by adding to my stress. Thinking about it later, I realized that depression is not well understood if people believe that it is always reactionary. This particular website provides a quick summary of the many types of depression, and reactive depression is only one of them: http://www.promises.com/articles/depression-articles/depression-is-not-a-sign-of-weakness/

Speaking for myself, most of my episodes of severe depression have been unrelated to life circumstances. I’ve had times of major depression when all outward circumstances have been favorable. The most frustrating part of this illness is its unpredictability. If I knew what caused it, I could do something to try to fix it. But when there is no known cause, all I can do is wait it out and continue to pursue all the medical recommendations like staying on medication, eating right, exercising, getting sunlight, and spending time with close friends. The episode may pass in days or may linger for months, and there’s not much I can do about it. In my experience, the stigma is not so much an active aversion to people with mental illness (although I’m sure that does happen in some cases), but a lack of understanding and an uncertainty of how to interact or to help.

As the title of the above article states, “Depression is not a sign of weakness.” Googling that phrase will bring up an abundance of articles refuting that myth. A common phrase that comes up is “Depression is not a sign of weakness, it means you have been trying to be strong for far too long.” I’d have to say that I agree with that in general. From a biological perspective, enduring high levels of stress in childhood can condition the body to handle a lot of stress, but not in the ways it should, resulting in a chemically induced depression. And relationally, that same childhood stress can teach young people to rely solely on themselves and to distrust others, which can also contribute to later depression.

Among those I know who struggle with depression, I see people who are strong, independent, capable, and high achievers in whatever they pursue. So it bothers me to hear depression correlated with weakness and used as a basis for judging a person’s ability to handle stress. While that may be true in some cases and situations, it is by no means universal to those who suffer from depression.

My suggestion for interacting with friends or loved ones with a history of depression is pretty simple—don’t assume anything. When in doubt ask questions, but realize that we may not always be able to answer those questions.

• Is there something specific bothering you? –I don’t think so.
• Is there anything I can do to help? –Not that I know of.
• Can I pray for/with you? –Absolutely!

I would also suggest that even if there is an element of reactive depression, it’s better to know something is coming than to be surprised with bad news. Like a parent whose child has a major illness, it’s best to know the probabilities and prognosis from the beginning so you can better prepare for the road ahead—mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We all need time to process difficult news and figure out how to cope with the next steps.

Recently I’ve seen a couple comments on Facebook that “there’s nothing that can disturb you unless you let it” and “you choose your mood.” While it’s true that you can choose to a degree how you are going to respond to something, clinical depression creates a mood that is often unrelated to your choices. To bring it all back to Scripture, the faith of the believer can remain strong despite outward circumstances or inward feelings. Psalm 112:5-8 says:

“For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.”

David and Elijah in particular are seen as suffering from some depression or sadness, yet they are also known as men of faith. So many of the Psalms are a mixture of sorrow and faith. Those aren’t mutually exclusive. However, it’s good to be reminded of the promises of Scripture at any time, and that should be our default source of encouragement regardless of whatever issues we may be facing in life. God’s love and faithfulness never change.

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Check out this post as well: http://dulinsgrovechurch.org/thebody/2014/08/14/encouragement-for-the-depressed/

What Did You Expect?

Typically September has been a month of increasing depression for me. Thankfully, this September has started out better than average. It seems odd that the lack of major depression creates as many or more questions for me than the experience of depression. I guess I don’t want to hope for something that is unlikely to happen (complete freedom from depression). I want all my hopes to be based in scriptural faith, and my expectations to follow, and “In this world you will have trouble.” I want God’s perfect will with or without depression, but I fully expect it to be with depression. After all, it’s been 40 years so far and I don’t see much reason it should change now. Whether it’s September, or monthly, or all the time, I’m pretty much used to it in varying degrees.

Tim Keller made a few points in Walking with God through Pain and Suffering (pp. 190-192):

“First, suffering transforms our attitude toward ourselves. It humbles us and removes unrealistic self-regard and pride… Suffering also leads us to examine ourselves and see weaknesses…

“Second, suffering will profoundly change our relationship to the good things in our lives. We will see that some things have become too important to us…

“Third, and most of all, suffering can strengthen our relationship to God as nothing else can... Suffering drives us toward God to pray as we never would otherwise…

“Finally, suffering is almost a prerequisite if we are going to be of much use to other people, especially when they go through their own trials.”

Keller also quotes research that says:

“The prevailing view is… that the depressive person tends to distort reality in a negative way… [But recent research has] turned this received wisdom on its head, providing evidence that it is not the depressive who distorts reality but the so-called healthy population… Even if depression does distort reality in a negative way… the fact remains that it removes the positive self-biases that are seen in the non-depressed… With recover [from depression], and with the lifting of the mood, a new kind of truth could emerge” (189).

A couple Scriptures come to mind:

Philippians 3:8, 10-11 (ESV)- “For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ… that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”

Psalm 139:23-24- “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

With those thoughts in mind, my prayer has been that God would reveal where my thoughts and expectations are in need of change, where they might be based on human experience and interpretation rather than on truth, reality, and Scripture. So I took the time to read through Jesus’ words in the Gospel of John, and a few things stood out as I read.

1)      It’s all about God’s glory—revealing the Father; worshiping in spirit and truth; doing the Father’s will. “The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood” (7:18).

2)      Fulfillment is found in Jesus—the Bread of Life, the Living Water, the Good Shepherd, the Light of the World, the Resurrection and the Life.

3)      Suffering reveals the glory of God, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him” (9:3).

4)      Jesus cares for the needy, the wounded, the stragglers, even the leftovers: “Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost” (6:12). “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of My hand” (10:27-28).

5)      Jesus faced the sorrow of the lost and hurting and wept over them. “Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me…” (12:25-26). “A servant is not greater than his master…” (13:16), and since He was a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53), we can expect the same, along with the hatred of the world (15:18-20).

6)      “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit His prunes that it may bear more fruit” (15:2). Abiding in the Vine can be painful, because no one prunes a branch that is not part of the Vine.

7)      This world is full of sorrow for those who follow Christ, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you” (16:22). I’ve always assumed (or perhaps been taught) that this referred to Jesus’ resurrection and appearance to the disciples. But it seems more likely that He’s referring to the Second Coming, when all the sorrow will be permanently erased and there will be nothing left to interfere with God’s perfect will.

8)      “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (16:33). That overcoming will not be fully realized in this age.  “I do not ask that You take them out of the world, but that You keep them from the evil one” (17:15).

It is clear scripturally that those who are seeking happiness in this life are more likely to be disappointed than those who expect suffering. Whether it is cynicism or realism, I don’t really expect my feelings to radically improve. At the same time, I feel closer to God in sorrow than in attempted joy. I feel more usable in hearing from God and communicating His love and comfort to others. I’m more aware that sanctification is made evident through humility and weakness as I have to rely more on God.

All that to say (at least for the moment), I’m okay with emotional friability if it means that God can use me for His purposes. I am thankful for the brief respites I have received, which have served to renew my endurance. The story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19 is often on my mind, and I look ahead that “times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord” (Acts 3:19). 

Keep On Keeping On

I've been trying for a couple days to write this post following the apparent suicide of Robin Williams. I've been hesitant to try to say what others can say, and many others have already made their contributions. 

What I do know is that there will be a rash of suicides as some people will think, "If he can't hang on, why should I?" Robin Williams appeared to have the skills to deflect any situation with humor, but he hid behind a facade, as do many of us. I think of him in roles such as Patch Adams and Good Will Hunting, where the characters dealt with psychiatric illness through building relationships, and I wonder whether he took those lessons to heart? He seemed to have the resources to get whatever help he needed, but he chose not to do so. 

Shame can be a factor that prevents people from getting help. Mental illness continues to carry a stigma despite the efforts of many to change that. And shame is just the flip side of pride. We don't want to be looked down upon, but we also don't want your sympathy. Someone has said that the worst thing about having cancer is that every conversation revolves around that. Just as the cancer patient doesn't want that to become his identity, the person with mental illness doesn't want to be treated as a victim either. 

What we do want is your continuing love and support. You don't have to have all the answers. Just be understanding when we don't feel up to being social, or we can't stop crying for no reason. Don't promise us false hope, but remind us of God's promises to be with us in all things. 

One blog I read advised people not to use trite expressions like "If you're considering suicide please talk to a friend." The author's reasoning was that: 1) talking is the last thing you feel like doing, and 2) most of our friends are unequipped to deal with a real crisis. While there is some truth to that, I think that true friendships are perhaps the first line of defense for the person struggling with depression. Friends remind us that we are loved, that we matter to someone, and that there is life outside the counselor's office or the darkened living room. Friends can be a connection to the "real" world that we might otherwise lose if we are prone to isolation. 

There are a lot of lies that can creep into our thinking if we're not careful: I should be able to deal with this on my own; I can't talk about this because everybody thinks I'm fine, or else they've heard it all before; I'm never going to feel any better so I might as well stop trying; no one will care if I'm gone, or conversely, it would serve them right to lose me; and many other variations. 

I take courage from stories of people like Pastor John Newton, who stuck by his friend and fellow hymn writer William Cowper through ongoing depression and multiple suicide attempts, and others like Charles Spurgeon, who continued preaching and writing despite serious depression and physical ailments. (See John Piper's short book When the Darkness Will Not Lift for these stories and other resources- http://www.desiringgod.org/books/when-the-darkness-will-not-lift.)

I would offer just a few pieces of advice. First for those who have friends battling depression:

1) Don't judge what you don't understand. Learn more, ask questions, and don't jump to conclusions. 

2) Love your friends well, in word and in deed. It's easy to assume that people know how you feel and therefore neglect to tell them. 

3) Pray for your friends and with your friends, and stick close to the Word of God for truth, hope, and joy. 

And for those in the midst of depression:

1) Read and pray the Psalms. God put them in the Bible for a reason, and He's not offended by our raw emotions or even accusations. He knows what we feel better than we do. 

2) Try to avoid the tendency for complete isolation. Even if it is just short outings once or twice a week, we need that connection with other people. 

3) Seek help before it's too late, from doctors, pastors, counselors, and anyone who can point you in the right direction. 

There's so much more that could be said, and so many good resources out there. I'll leave the last word to King David:

Psalm 34:18- "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."