Just Me

When you imagine the Apostle Paul, what sort of man do you see? A bold, fiery evangelist, unconcerned about what people think of him and unafraid of confronting sin? Certainly there are some examples of that in Scripture, such as when he opposed Peter for acting hypocritically (Gal. 2:11-14), and when Elymas the magician was deceiving the proconsul (Acts 13:6-12). However, there are other verses that paint a different picture:

“And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling” (1 Cor. 2:3).

“I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold toward you when I am away!” (2 Cor. 10:1).

“[Pray] also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak” (Eph. 6:19-20).

If those were the only descriptions you had of Paul, you might imagine him as a rather timid fellow, perhaps the way Timothy is often pictured. It can be easy to overlook a few verses when they don’t fit with our preconceived ideas. MacLaren’s Exposition of Acts 7 says this about Paul’s conversion experience:

“An overwhelming conviction flooded his soul that He whom he had taken to be an impostor, richly deserving the Cross that He endured, was living in glory, and was revealing Himself to Saul then and there. That truth crumbled his whole past into nothing; and he stood there trembling and astonished, like a man the ruins of whose house have fallen about his ears.”

No doubt Paul ended up questioning all that he thought was true, including how he needed to relate to these Christians he had despised. What he had previously considered as strengths were now his weaknesses (Phil 3:3-11).

Even those of us who have grown up in church may trust in the wrong things. We may rely on our natural abilities rather than God’s strength. Or we may assume that we are supposed to fit a particular stereotype if we are “good Christians” fulfilling God’s commands to evangelize and make disciples. If that were the case, God sure wasted a lot of creativity on humanity.

As some have said, we are uniquely created on purpose and for a purpose. There are a lot of people in the world and in church that I don’t understand, and I can’t imagine what it’s like to live their lives. They are probably just as baffled by me. We have different personalities, interests, abilities, and communication styles. God can use all of those things for His purposes if we submit them to His lordship. If we don’t, they are likely to trip us up and may cause us to glorify ourselves rather than God.

I’m probably more like Timothy than Paul, but mostly I’m just me, as God created me, redeemed me, and is sanctifying me. And that’s okay.

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (2 Cor. 11:30).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

In Our Weakness

In a recent podcast from The Gospel Coalition, Ray Ortlund pointed out that in Romans 8:26, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness” it is not plural, weaknesses, but “in our weakness.” He says, “Weakness is not one more experience alongside all these other experiences. Weakness is the foundation or platform on which we have all experiences. We have never known, for one nanosecond in this life, a moment of non-weakness”

We could put it this way: our experiences of particular weaknesses are the things that remind us of our inherent weakness and neediness as fallen creatures, and they should also remind us that God is the one who carries us through. As the Apostle Paul wrote in a verse I return to often, “He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9).

This kind of thinking is antithetical to our Western autonomous culture. Children and youth are taught from an early age that they should be self-confident and self-directed, everyone is a winner, follow your heart, feeling bad means something needs to be fixed or changed. Affirmation is the mantra of the day, even if it means affirming them in life-changing decisions and relationships that we know are anti-biblical.

In another podcast that I’ve come across, The Care Ministry, guest Monica Coleman refers to being called by God to break the silences and stigma about those areas of mental health that are so often kept silent even in the church. In many ways, I feel that describes my own calling. I got tired of trying to hide depression and pretending that everything is “fine and dandy.” Life is hard, and mental illness is one particular weakness that many people wrestle with in silence. It is a constant reminder that we’re not the strong, self-assured people that society, and often the church, says we’re supposed to be.

And since I need all the encouraging words I can find, in another of my favorite podcasts from Immanuel Nashville, Barnabas Piper preached on Mark 9 and the man whose son was suffering from an unclean spirit. This was the father who proclaimed, “I believe, help my unbelief!” Piper notes that faith and doubt can coexist. “Doubts are uncomfortable, especially if you have grown up in a church context… ‘I believe’ is a profession of faith, and ‘help my unbelief’ is the prayer of faith… Faith is not measured in certainty, but by trusting Jesus with our needs.”

We are all weak and needy people. Pretending we have no doubts or struggles not only keeps us from seeking strength and help from God, but also isolates us from one another in our many times of need. Someone recently made a comment to me, and perhaps I misunderstood their intent, but it sounded like they were saying that people put on a happy face at church because that’s how they want to feel and what they think will encourage other people. But for those who are aware of their own weakness and trials, that is just one more barrier to connecting with others in a meaningful way.

I feel like a hypocrite when I plaster on a smile and join in singing songs that imply that God heals every weakness and wound in this lifetime. I know that in the resurrection He will do so, but as long as we live in this broken world we’ll have to wrestle with sin, doubt, weakness, and sorrow. To pretend that we are above such things is to join the Pharisees and to lay heavy burdens on the shoulders of those who don’t measure up (Matt. 23:4). Instead, let us acknowledge our weakness and “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Gal. 6:2-3).

© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Strong and Weak

There’s a poem from Dietrich Bonhoeffer that I often remember, “Who Am I?” (You can read the whole poem here.) The gist of it is the question of whether he is the confident public persona he projects or the “contemptible woebegone weakling” that he experiences internally, or both at the same time. That’s probably a question we all face at times. (At least, I hope I’m not the only one!) We can be pretty good at portraying confidence and competence in certain areas of life while simultaneously feeling like idiots for our failures and weakness in other areas.

I’ve probably written before that pride and shame are two sides of the same coin. We all crave approval and affirmation, and we generally try to hide anything that makes us look bad. But then we read the words of the Apostle Paul in his letters to the Corinthian believers. He talks about boasting in the wrong things (2 Cor. 10:12-18), God using the weak and foolish to shame the wise (1 Cor. 1:26-31), and he concludes, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9b).

Throughout his letters, Paul refers to the strength that comes from God. He uses multiple Greek words that are sometimes translated establish or commit or empower, depending on what Bible translation you prefer. Here are just a few of his statements (Strong’s numbers noted):

• “[I pray] that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened [2901] with power through His Spirit in your inner being” (Eph. 3:16).
• “Finally, be strong [1743] in the Lord and in the strength [2904] of His might” (Eph. 6:10).
• “I can do all things through Him who strengthens [1743] me” (Phil. 4:13).
• “Being strengthened [1412] with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy” (Col. 1:11).
• “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established [950] in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving” (Col. 2:6-7).

Bonhoeffer makes the comment in a letter to Eberhard Bethge of July 16, 1944,

“Matt. 8:17 makes it quite clear that Christ helps us not by virtue of his omnipotence but rather by virtue of his weakness and suffering! This is the crucial distinction between Christianity and all religions… The Bible directs people toward the powerlessness and the suffering of God; only the suffering God can help.”

Our existence, our salvation, our sanctification, and our service are not by our own strength and abilities, but because of Christ alone. We can boast in our weakness because that is where His strength is revealed (2 Cor. 12:9a).

For me personally, it’s okay that I’m an accountant who’s bad at mental math. It’s okay that social interactions create anxiety and exhaustion. Sleepless nights should be a reminder that I’m not the one in control—God is (though that still doesn’t help me to sleep better). I’ve had a lot of reminders of my weakness lately and I, like many of us, need to remember God’s strength and sufficiency.

“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word” (2 Thess. 2:16-17).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Limping Together

I recently shared this quote on Facebook: “Our calling, however, is often shaped as much by our weaknesses as by our strengths. We tend to run with our strengths and avoid those people and tasks that expose our weaknesses. But the story of God is not a saga of human potential; it is the revelation of the kindness and passion of the Father who seeks and redeems sinners. Therefore, our strengths may help us with certain tasks and opportunities, but it is our frailty and sin that make known the glory of God’s story” (Dan Allender, Leading with a Limp, 149-150).

One of the points that Allender makes is that leaders tend to hide their weaknesses in order to project a certain image, but weaknesses have a way of coming out. Though he doesn’t say this directly, I’ve observed that times of organizational transition reveal the weaknesses of all those in leadership more so than their strengths. When the organization is operating normally, everyone plays to their strengths and keeps their weaknesses hidden behind the facade of competency. But when change comes, many people are forced out of their comfort zones. Pride and a sense of entitlement emerge. Fear of loss and distrust of management creep out of the woodwork. The mistakes that have been made become more obvious and get rehashed. Decisions that were previously put off reach crisis mode.

Allender writes: “What is most obvious to others are our most common ways of failing to love—the unique style that rises to the surface during times of shame, hurt, fear, or criticism” (174). As with the rest of life, it’s often easier to see and criticize the faults of others than to deal with our own (Matthew 7:3-5).

Two questions come to mind:

1) Are we going to own up to our weaknesses as leaders, churches, and organizations? The answer to that question assumes that we actually know and understand what those weaknesses are. The discovery process may be a painful one. The criticism that the church is full of hypocrites comes because we aren’t willing to live authentically in our weakness.

2) Once the time of transition passes, are we each going to go back behind the facade of strength or will we embrace our weaknesses as a path for God’s strength to be revealed? Trusting, loving relationships require ongoing honesty. Working together effectively as the Body of Christ depends on knowing one another’s strengths and weaknesses.

The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 1:26-27 (ESV): “For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.” The standard of the world is to focus on strengths, regardless of what God may want to do through our weaknesses. “God, however, loves to use our strengths to get us into situations where our weaknesses are exposed and used for his glory” (187). God doesn’t intend for us to live entirely in our own strength, because that doesn’t bring Him glory.

Our weakness is the playing field for His strength to be revealed.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

© 2015 Dawn Rutan

Strength in Depression

I’m posting the following as sort of a Public Service Announcement. I’ve always heard about the “stigma” of mental illness, but until recently I was only aware of it in a vague sense, as in feeling like I don’t quite fit in culture’s standards for happiness. For a long time I didn’t really talk about depression, not necessarily because of some perceived stigma, but because I didn’t think it was anybody’s business. Now I figure that I may at least be able to use my experience to help others understand and cope with their own or a loved one’s illness.

My perception changed a bit recently when someone made a comment about not wanting to add to my depression by adding to my stress. Thinking about it later, I realized that depression is not well understood if people believe that it is always reactionary. This particular website provides a quick summary of the many types of depression, and reactive depression is only one of them: http://www.promises.com/articles/depression-articles/depression-is-not-a-sign-of-weakness/

Speaking for myself, most of my episodes of severe depression have been unrelated to life circumstances. I’ve had times of major depression when all outward circumstances have been favorable. The most frustrating part of this illness is its unpredictability. If I knew what caused it, I could do something to try to fix it. But when there is no known cause, all I can do is wait it out and continue to pursue all the medical recommendations like staying on medication, eating right, exercising, getting sunlight, and spending time with close friends. The episode may pass in days or may linger for months, and there’s not much I can do about it. In my experience, the stigma is not so much an active aversion to people with mental illness (although I’m sure that does happen in some cases), but a lack of understanding and an uncertainty of how to interact or to help.

As the title of the above article states, “Depression is not a sign of weakness.” Googling that phrase will bring up an abundance of articles refuting that myth. A common phrase that comes up is “Depression is not a sign of weakness, it means you have been trying to be strong for far too long.” I’d have to say that I agree with that in general. From a biological perspective, enduring high levels of stress in childhood can condition the body to handle a lot of stress, but not in the ways it should, resulting in a chemically induced depression. And relationally, that same childhood stress can teach young people to rely solely on themselves and to distrust others, which can also contribute to later depression.

Among those I know who struggle with depression, I see people who are strong, independent, capable, and high achievers in whatever they pursue. So it bothers me to hear depression correlated with weakness and used as a basis for judging a person’s ability to handle stress. While that may be true in some cases and situations, it is by no means universal to those who suffer from depression.

My suggestion for interacting with friends or loved ones with a history of depression is pretty simple—don’t assume anything. When in doubt ask questions, but realize that we may not always be able to answer those questions.

• Is there something specific bothering you? –I don’t think so.
• Is there anything I can do to help? –Not that I know of.
• Can I pray for/with you? –Absolutely!

I would also suggest that even if there is an element of reactive depression, it’s better to know something is coming than to be surprised with bad news. Like a parent whose child has a major illness, it’s best to know the probabilities and prognosis from the beginning so you can better prepare for the road ahead—mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We all need time to process difficult news and figure out how to cope with the next steps.

Recently I’ve seen a couple comments on Facebook that “there’s nothing that can disturb you unless you let it” and “you choose your mood.” While it’s true that you can choose to a degree how you are going to respond to something, clinical depression creates a mood that is often unrelated to your choices. To bring it all back to Scripture, the faith of the believer can remain strong despite outward circumstances or inward feelings. Psalm 112:5-8 says:

“For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.”

David and Elijah in particular are seen as suffering from some depression or sadness, yet they are also known as men of faith. So many of the Psalms are a mixture of sorrow and faith. Those aren’t mutually exclusive. However, it’s good to be reminded of the promises of Scripture at any time, and that should be our default source of encouragement regardless of whatever issues we may be facing in life. God’s love and faithfulness never change.

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Check out this post as well: http://dulinsgrovechurch.org/thebody/2014/08/14/encouragement-for-the-depressed/

Serving in Weakness

In Souvenirs of Solitude, Brennan Manning quotes Father Michael Buckley on the qualifications of a priest: “Is this man weak enough to be a priest? …Is this man deficient enough so that he can’t ward off significant suffering from his life, so that he lives with a certain amount of failure, so that he feels what it is to be an average man?” Manning follows up with the comment, “I believe that this applies to every follower of Christ because we are a ‘priesthood of all believers’ (see 1 Peter 2:9). It is in this deficiency, in this interior lack, in this weakness, maintains the book of Hebrews, that the efficacy of the ministry and priesthood of Christ lies.”

Hebrews 4:15 tells us “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (ESV). How amazingly incomprehensible that the same God who created the universe came to earth and lived in weakness, inability, and suffering. Philippians 2:7 says He “made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” In His obedience to the Father, He chose not to exercise the powers of deity in many circumstances. In the temptation in the wilderness, Satan suggested that Jesus could short-circuit the process of salvation by using His power rather than submitting to weakness.

You’ve probably heard the question—could God create a rock so large that He couldn’t move it? This is called the omnipotence paradox because it is a logically impossible question. Supposedly, no matter how you answer, it proves that God is not omnipotent. However, I would assert that God already did create a rock so large He couldn’t move it. When Jesus was dead and in the tomb, He was physically incapable of moving the stone away from the entrance. Just as He wouldn’t come down from the cross (Matthew 27:40-42), He wasn’t going to do anything to compromise the salvation He was offering. If the stone had been moved away prior to Sunday morning, the evidence of His resurrection would have remained highly questionable.

Jesus chose weakness in order to fulfill His ministry. That’s completely foreign to most of us. Our work is determined by our competency in a particular field. Promotions are given to those to surpass their peers. Education and training are seen as being of paramount importance. Even when it comes to positions within the church, we look for who is most qualified, and people are likely to say, “I can’t do that. I don’t have the abilities.” While there are varying spiritual gifts within the Body, some folks are reluctant to try anything new and may have no idea how God has gifted them.

I think we tend to apply the same logic to the spiritual disciplines. “I can’t fast… I can’t pray… I can’t study the Bible… I can’t memorize Scripture…” Have you ever tried? The funny thing is that God delights in our weakness because He can then be proven strong.

• “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26). If the Spirit Himself if praying for us, what excuse do we have to not pray?
• "Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything” (2 Timothy 2:6). If the Lord is the One who gives understanding, what excuse do we have to not study the Bible?
• But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you” (John 14:26). If the Holy Spirit serves as our memory and prompter, what excuse do we have to not memorize Scripture?

If all we say is “I can’t,” we’re limiting what God can do in and through us. However, if we say “I can’t, but You can,” we open the door for God to glorify Himself by revealing His strength in our weakness. The question is not “Do I have the ability to do this?” but “How can God work through me?”

“For He was crucified in weakness, but lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, but in dealing with you we will live with Him by the power of God” (2 Corinthians 13:4).

Delighting in Weakness

Some time ago I was reading 2 Corinthians and noticed that 12:10 varies depending on the version you read. The NIV says, “That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” However, the ESV starts out, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses…” Others translate the Greek word εὐδοκέω (eudokeo) as “take pleasure.”

While I usually use the ESV, I think in this instance the translators have weakened the impact of the verse. There’s a significant difference, at least in the minds of modern readers, between being content and delighting or taking pleasure. Perhaps that wasn’t a problem for the original audience. I can think of many instances when we talk about being “content” with something that we really would like to change if we could. But to delight in something implies that it should not be changed, that it doesn’t need improvement, and that it is perfect as it is.

I suppose the reason for using the word “content” in this particular verse is that we don’t generally associate pleasure with weakness, insults, persecution, and difficulty. I’m sure most of us would like to avoid those situations if we could, but we learn to put up with them when we have to. But it appears that the Apostle Paul had a completely different attitude. He delighted in sufferings, he took pleasure in persecution, and he had no desire to end the difficulties, because God’s power was demonstrated in Paul’s weakness. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (v. 9 ESV).

I can definitely say I’m not there yet, though I am perhaps closer than I’ve ever been. There is a sense of gratitude and joy in realizing that God has worked in and through me despite my weakness. I sometimes wonder how God can use my feeble efforts to accomplish His purposes, and yet He does it again and again. As Paul says, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Cor. 4:7). God’s intention is to glorify Himself, not us. So the weaker we are, the more glory God gets for displaying His power. And the more God is glorified, the more we should delight in our weakness.

We tend to get it all backwards. We think that God is pleased when we are strong enough to do the work on our own, like the boss who finally gets his employee trained on the job. The problem is that when we can do it on our own then we don’t need God’s strength, and He doesn’t get the glory. And God is the only One who is really worthy of glory.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of praising human efforts rather than praising God. I’m sure there were church services held this week that were a great display of musical talent and polished performance, but if God wasn’t glorified, what was the point? There were probably also services where virtually everything went wrong that could go wrong, but God touched hearts and changed lives and He was glorified. Some folks joke about the “demons” that possess sound systems and computers, but I wonder if God doesn’t plan His own difficulties for us so that He will be glorified in our weakness. He certainly is capable of making everything work perfectly if He so chooses. So maybe He chooses to let us stumble so He can be the One who is seen.

Most Christians probably want God to get the glory, but we also have a hard time giving up control. We’d rather not suffer if we can help it. Somehow we need to learn to embrace hardship as the Apostle Paul did rather than running from it.

Lord, do whatever it takes to teach me to be not just content with weakness, but to delight in it for the sake of Your glory. I trust You.