I've
been trying for a couple days to write this post following the
apparent suicide of Robin Williams. I've been hesitant to try to say
what others can say, and many others have already made their
contributions.
What
I do know is that there will be a rash of suicides as some people
will think, "If he can't hang on, why should I?" Robin
Williams appeared to have the skills to deflect any situation with
humor, but he hid behind a facade, as do many of us. I think of him
in roles such as Patch Adams and Good Will Hunting, where the
characters dealt with psychiatric illness through building
relationships, and I wonder whether he took those lessons to heart?
He seemed to have the resources to get whatever help he needed, but
he chose not to do so.
Shame
can be a factor that prevents people from getting help. Mental
illness continues to carry a stigma despite the efforts of many to
change that. And shame is just the flip side of pride. We don't want
to be looked down upon, but we also don't want your sympathy. Someone
has said that the worst thing about having cancer is that every
conversation revolves around that. Just as the cancer patient doesn't
want that to become his identity, the person with mental illness
doesn't want to be treated as a victim either.
What
we do want is your continuing love and support. You don't have to
have all the answers. Just be understanding when we don't feel up to
being social, or we can't stop crying for no reason. Don't promise us
false hope, but remind us of God's promises to be with us in all
things.
One
blog I read advised people not to use trite expressions like "If
you're considering suicide please talk to a friend." The
author's reasoning was that: 1) talking is the last thing you feel
like doing, and 2) most of our friends are unequipped to deal with a
real crisis. While there is some truth to that, I think that true
friendships are perhaps the first line of defense for the person
struggling with depression. Friends remind us that we are loved, that
we matter to someone, and that there is life outside the counselor's
office or the darkened living room. Friends can be a connection to
the "real" world that we might otherwise lose if we are
prone to isolation.
There
are a lot of lies that can creep into our thinking if we're not
careful: I should be able to deal with this on my own; I can't talk
about this because everybody thinks I'm fine, or else they've heard
it all before; I'm never going to feel any better so I might as well
stop trying; no one will care if I'm gone, or conversely, it would
serve them right to lose me; and many other variations.
I
take courage from stories of people like Pastor John Newton, who
stuck by his friend and fellow hymn writer William Cowper through
ongoing depression and multiple suicide attempts, and others like
Charles Spurgeon, who continued preaching and writing despite serious
depression and physical ailments. (See John Piper's short book When
the Darkness Will Not Lift for these stories and other
resources- http://www.desiringgod.org/books/when-the-darkness-will-not-lift.)
I
would offer just a few pieces of advice. First for those who have
friends battling depression:
1)
Don't judge what you don't understand. Learn more, ask questions, and
don't jump to conclusions.
2)
Love your friends well, in word and in deed. It's easy to assume that
people know how you feel and therefore neglect to tell them.
3)
Pray for your friends and with your friends, and stick close to the
Word of God for truth, hope, and joy.
And
for those in the midst of depression:
1)
Read and pray the Psalms. God put them in the Bible for a reason, and
He's not offended by our raw emotions or even accusations. He knows
what we feel better than we do.
2)
Try to avoid the tendency for complete isolation. Even if it is just
short outings once or twice a week, we need that connection with
other people.
3)
Seek help before it's too late, from doctors, pastors, counselors,
and anyone who can point you in the right direction.
There's
so much more that could be said, and so many good resources out
there. I'll leave the last word to King David:
Psalm
34:18- "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the
crushed in spirit."
