I read the following quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer
(originally from Life Together) in a
compilation of writings titled Called to Community: The Life Jesus Wants for His People.
“If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is to paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ… The more thankfully we daily receive what is given to us, the more surely and steadily will fellowship increase and grow from day to day as God pleases.”
Moments after reading that, I read another part of the same Bonhoeffer
quote in Messy Beautiful Friendship, by Christine Hoover (a book I would recommend):
“The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly… When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure… So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself.”
I find that to be both convicting and frustrating. As Hoover
spells out in her book, we all make assumptions about friendship and
fellowship, and more often than not our assumptions are based on what we want
and need for ourselves. Some of our assumptions may be biblical, but many are
not. I sometimes find myself thinking things like:
- If people were really committed to our church, so many would show up for Bible study that we’d have groups meeting every night of the week.
- If we were pursuing real fellowship, we wouldn’t have so many people who feel alone and isolated.
- If people really cared about one another, it wouldn’t be so hard to get real conversations going.
I wrestle with finding a balance somewhere between selfishly
expecting too much from people and apathetically expecting nothing from anyone.
As I read the scriptural “one another” admonitions, I still believe that the modern
church ought to raise the bar for what we expect in relationships—love one
another, outdo one another in showing honor, live in harmony with one another,
welcome one another, instruct one another, comfort one another, serve one
another, bear one another’s burdens, be kind to one another, encourage one
another, exhort one another, confess your sins to one another, pray for one
another, show hospitality to one another, abound in love for one another…
But
at the same time, I realize that my needs and desires may differ from others in
both type and intensity because we have different types of responsibilities,
homes, and interests. And if we are building relationships based on our
commonalities, rather than our differences, it will likely take more intense
effort in more condensed periods of time. Tim Keller said,
“In a busy culture like ours, all our other loves will push themselves upon us.
Friendship takes incredibly deliberate time.”
It is not always easy to be thankful for what we do have
rather than bemoan what we don’t. We also need to consider whether we are
expecting from people what only God can give. I completely agree with Hoover
that:
“In our wish-dreams, we tend to make people our gods. We look to them—at least I have—to know us intimately at all times, to meet our every need, to be there when we want them near, and to love us unconditionally and perfectly, when the map points only to God as having these abilities” (37-38).
I think we probably all have some learning and growing to do
in our relationships with one another in the Body of Christ.
“Gracious Lord Jesus,
I need to know You as my friend. It is not for some specific blessing I ask,
but for the greatest of all blessings, the one from which all others flow. I
dare to ask You for a renewal of the wonderful friendship that makes the
conversation called prayer a natural give-and-take divine dialogue… Open my
mind so I may see myself and my relationships from Your perspective” (Lloyd
John Ogilvie, Praying Through the Tough Times, 222).
© 2018 Dawn
Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from
pixabay.com.
