What Do You Want?

Recently I noticed that there are two recorded times when Jesus asked someone “What do you want Me to do for you?” Both occur in Mark 10 (as well as the parallel passage in Matthew 20). In the first instance, James and John (and their mother according to Matthew) asked to be honored in Jesus’s kingdom. In the second, blind Bartimaeus (and another blind man per Matthew) asked to recover his sight. Two entirely different motives were revealed—pride and the desire for glory vs. humility and a request for mercy. The request made by the “Sons of Thunder” made the other disciples indignant and resulted in Jesus preaching a mini-sermon on servanthood. But the request from Bartimaeus led to a commendation of his faith and the immediate granting of his appeal.

In He Is Not Ashamed, Erik Raymond writes:

“Bartimaeus couldn’t do anything for Jesus. He came as a needy man, and Jesus was ready to give. Jesus also didn’t insult him or belittle his condition. Unlike the crowd who looked down on him, Jesus built him up by honoring him. Far from being ashamed of him, Jesus publicly welcomed and dignified the man… He had no interest in personal exaltation; he just wanted mercy”

Jesus responded similarly to the Canaanite woman whose daughter was demon-oppressed in Matthew 15. She asked for mercy and was commended for her faith and her daughter was healed. Those who desire mercy will find it in Jesus.

However, we often come to God with mixed motives. What we desire may be a good thing: healing from illness, restoration of relationships, etc. But our wishes may become idols that attempt to push God off His throne. As is mentioned in this recent episode of the Hope and Help Podcast, can we honestly say, “I want to glorify God more than I want ______”? There are many things in life I would change if I had the power, and I wonder what God is doing in and through them. Yet I have to trust that His way is not only best, but also results in His ultimate glory. My wishes may bring me comfort or momentary happiness, but they may also rob God of the glory that is due to Him. (This is one reason the prosperity gospel is so twisted and unbiblical.)

We have a high priest who experienced weakness and has sympathy for the weak (Heb. 4:15). We have the Holy Spirit to help us in our weakness (Rom. 8:26). Our God will not let us be tempted beyond our ability, but provides a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). He gives us sufficient grace (2 Cor. 12:9). But we have to admit our weakness and rely on Him so that He is the One who is glorified and not us. His glory may be revealed through healing, or it may come through trusting Him to carry us when we know we can’t make it on our own.

God invites us to come to Him and to ask what we want, but with the understanding that what He gives us is the mercy we need, not necessarily the “fix” that we desire. Our faith has opportunity to grow when we have to trust that God’s “No” is for our ultimate good.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Shame Interrupted

Every few years I reread Ed Welch’s book Shame Interrupted. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the feeling of never measuring up, which started early in life. This poem was the result of my ponderings.

***

The voices in my head tell me I don’t belong,
I’m not wanted,
     not welcome,
           not good enough.
I don’t look right,
     act right,
          feel right,
                talk right.
I still hear the whispers behind my back,
Taunts and jibes,
     trying to provoke a reaction.
I won’t let them know how it hurts,
     keep my head down,
Pretend I don’t hear them, I don’t care.
One day soon I’ll leave them behind,
     go to better places.

But the voices still follow me, still echo in my head.
I wasn’t invited,
      I’m not wanted,
             they don’t care.
There is One Voice I trust, One who never fails,
One Who says,
      “I hear,
             I know,
                   I love you.”
He too experienced shame,
Crucified, naked, taunted,
     “If you are the Christ!”
              “Save yourself!”
He endured the cross, despising the shame,
For us, for me.

There are some who speak His words,
     but they too forget,
They don’t hear the voices in my head.
They are dealing with voices of their own.
But God remains,
     interrupting shame,
Reminding me,
       “You are My beloved child.”

“Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood,
Sealed my pardon with His blood,
      Hallelujah, what a Savior!”

“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” (Rom. 8:15).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Even Me

I wonder if you have the same reaction to this passage that I sometimes do?

“This Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men... Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made Him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified” (Acts 2:23, 36).

Isn’t it tempting to think, “Yes, Peter! Stick it to those unbelieving Jews and Romans who killed Jesus!”? And yet, if it weren’t for my sin (and yours) Jesus would not have had to die. “God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). And “For our sake [God] made [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:21). That realization shouldn’t lead to pride in my accomplishments or disdain for unbelievers. It should lead to humble gratitude for the eternal life we have received by the grace and mercy of God. “[He] was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification” (Rom. 4:25).

On prideful days, I can be like the Pharisee who prayed, “God, I thank You that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector” (Luke 18:11), when I should be praying, “Thank You for being merciful to me, a sinner!”

Some days I identify more with Paul’s proclamation, “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in Him for eternal life” (1 Tim. 1:15-16). Paul knew what he was talking about, although I think we are each the “foremost of sinners.” Any sin against the perfectly holy and righteous God is worthy of eternal damnation. Whether our personal sin debt was a penny or a thousand dollars, it required the life of the perfect sacrifice, Jesus Christ, to redeem us.

As we come to Good Friday and Easter, let us not forget that we aren’t invited into God’s family because we’re so great and have so much to offer Him. We are here only because He first loved us and chose to ransom us by death and resurrection of Christ. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

“The God of our fathers raised Jesus, whom you killed by hanging Him on a tree. God exalted Him at His right hand as Leader and Savior, to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins” (Acts 5:30-31). “And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins” (1 Cor. 15:17).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

From Beginning to End

Psalm 71 gives a lifelong perspective on faith.

“Upon You have I leaned from before my birth” (6a). “For You, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth” (5). “Do not cast me off in the time of old age” (9a). “O God, from my youth You have taught me, and I still proclaim Your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me” (17-18a).

That first quote in particular caught my attention— “from before my birth.” No matter how young you are when you come to faith in Christ, none of us can claim to have been Christians from birth. And yet, when you do meet God and grow in faith, you start to realize that He has been at work long before you knew it. As David wrote in Psalm 139, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (16). And the Apostle Paul proclaimed to the Ephesian church, that God “chose us in Him before the foundation of the world” (1:4). You might say that from God’s perspective, the saved have always been saved, even though they have not always known it. C.S. Lewis wrote in The Great Divorce:

“[B]oth good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all this earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only the twilight in that town, but all their life on earth too, will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, ‘No future bliss can make up for it,’ not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory... the Blessed will say, ‘We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven,’ and the Lost, ‘We were always in Hell.’ And both will speak truly” (ch. 9).

Whether or not you agree completely with Lewis’s eschatology, there is great comfort to be found in believing that God is sovereign over every day and every detail of your life. The God who created us and brought salvation to us will also sustain us to the end, and then He will also raise us to eternal life in the new creation. “From the depths of the earth You will bring me up again” (20). He will never forsake us, so we can trust Him to old age and gray hairs. With that assurance, “I will hope continually and will praise You yet more and more” (14). No matter how far along the path of life you may be, we can be witnesses to others of God’s faithfulness. “My mouth will tell of Your righteous acts, of Your deeds of salvation all the day... I will remind them of Your righteousness, Yours alone” (15-16).

May we endeavor to be faithful to that high calling.

“So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me until I proclaim Your might to another generation, Your power to all those to come” (18).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Look at Me

David Brooks writes in How to Know a Person,

“Apparently we live in a society in which people don’t get to tell their stories. We work and live around people for years without ever knowing their tales. How did it come to be this way? …We don’t start conversations because we’re bad at predicting how much we’ll enjoy them. We underestimate how much others want to talk; we underestimate how much we will learn; we underestimate how quickly other people will want to go deep and get personal. If you give people a little nudge, they will share their life stories with enthusiasm… people are eager, often desperate, to be seen, heard, and understood. And yet we have built a culture, and a set of manners, in which that doesn’t happen.”

We’ve all heard little children demanding, “Look at me! Look at me!” Somewhere along the way we stop may asking for attention, but we never stop needing it. And for many people, an obsession with the screens in front of us leads us to stop offering attention to others. Brooks writes,

“The question everybody is unconsciously asking themselves when they meet you: ‘Am I a person to you? Do you care about me? Am I a priority for you?’”

All too often, even in the church and Christian organizations, it feels like the answer is No. The isolation of the pandemic accelerated our loss of social skills, including non-verbal communication, but this isn’t exactly a new problem. More than once in Scripture God made Himself known to those who felt invisible, such as Joseph, Moses, and Hannah. God spoke to Hagar in the wilderness, leading her to proclaim, “You are a God of seeing… Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me” (Gen. 16:13). Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well, and she told her neighbors, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did” (John 4:29). In the book of Acts, Peter and John saw a lame man and Peter said, “Look at us,” and then proceeded to heal the man. Truly seeing the man and his need resulted in a gift far greater than merely giving him alms.

The book of Proverbs has much to say about friendship and our words, such as:

• “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends” (16:28).
• “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (17:17).
• “He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend” (22:11).
• “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (27:6).
• “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest council” (27:9).

Brooks notes that many people think they are better conversationalists than they really are. And many more feel inadequate in conversation. While we can learn from books and blogs, perhaps the best teacher is experience. If we are more intentional in engaging in conversations and asking questions, we can learn a lot from one another.

May we be those who seek to let others know that they are seen and heard, and that they are loved by God and by us.

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:24).

Related resources:

Gavin Ortlund teaching on good listening

Russell Moore interviews David Brooks

Russell Moore and Andy Crouch on tech obsession

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Small Things

I think sometimes we approach life as if we have to achieve something extraordinary in order to matter—both as a person and as a Christian. Degrees, positions, climbing the ladder become the goal. Even in the church we may feel immense pressure to perform—you aren’t praying enough, reading the Bible enough, sharing the gospel enough... And yet God loves little things.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field... The kingdom of heaven is like leaven that a woman took and hid in three measures of flour, till it was all leavened” (Matt. 13:31-33).

It’s okay to be small, and to do small things. It is God’s work through small, broken, weak people that shows His power and glory in the end (2 Cor. 12:10). In the ESV Women’s Study Bible, the commentary on Zech. 4:10 notes “God’s work may start in small ways, yet it will reach a glorious conclusion.” God’s eternal plan doesn’t depend on us being successful in achieving great ambitions. He only asks that we be faithful.

A Quiet Mind to Suffer With, by John Andrew Bryant, about his lifelong struggle with mental illness and unwanted thoughts. He notes:

“Holiness was ordinary things set aside for God by trust in Him, a holy life was an ordinary life with ordinary things that have been offered to Christ... And this ordinary life I have, and you have, can be offered to Christ and become sacred in that way. Not extraordinary but sacred.”

Like Bryant, I’ve had this underlying assumption that if I could just learn the right answers, think the right thoughts, and rationalize my way to being “fixed,” then I could really be useful to God and achieve whatever great acts He has in store for me. Some part of me feels as though I’m just biding my time, waiting for “real” life to start. In one sense that is true, because we are all awaiting that day when all of creation is made perfect and full of joy. But that doesn’t negate the value of the little things we do day in and day out, offered to God and therefore sacred. I’ve reached middle age and haven’t done anything extraordinary with my life by human standards. But I hope I’ve been faithful in small things more often than not.

We may be inclined to judge ourselves and others by what we can see, by some arbitrary standard of visible faith. We don’t know what battles each person is facing within, and we often can’t even understand our own lives very well. Bryant uses the language of intention—is our heart’s desire to love and serve God in whatever ways we can? If so, it doesn’t matter whether our accomplishments are large or small. The prayers of the bedridden are just as necessary as the evangelism of the missionary. The meals served by the housewife are as valuable as the banquet hosted by the soup kitchen. Bandaging a child’s knee is as important as brain surgery. Little things done with love and a desire to serve God are still successes in His eyes.

“Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt. 25:21).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Say What?

I know some people who, if you ask how they are, will answer “I’m blessed and highly favored!” I believe the thought behind this is probably two-fold—to remind themselves and others that God is bigger than our circumstances, and to create opportunities to tell others about their faith. Those are fine goals. However (no offense intended to those who use that phrase), I get frustrated when I hear it, which probably says more about me than about them. My first thought is usually either “I guess they don’t want to have an honest conversation,” or “I guess I’m the only one who is struggling to make it through another day.”

When asked “How are you,” most people use the default “I’m fine” or something similar. For those who have a closer relationship, perhaps the door opens to share the challenges of life and ask for prayer. In small groups, vulnerability tends to beget vulnerability. Someone has to be the first to let down their guard. While that can be difficult for those of us who struggle with depression and other mental illness, it’s even harder to be honest if we think everyone else is feeling “blessed and highly favored” and we aren’t. And in a culture that values authenticity, it’s easy to feel like you’re being shut out of relationships with those who use scripted responses to common questions.

Most of us probably know that it is God’s blessing that brings us salvation, grace, mercy, and love. Yet knowing that fact doesn’t remove the weight of living with broken bodies and minds. We know these are “light momentary afflictions” (2 Cor. 4:17) when compared with the glory of eternal life. But they don’t feel very light during the decades of this life.

Lament is a valid and valuable part of the biblical canon, particularly in the psalms. David, the “man after God’s own heart,” wrote “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest” (Ps. 22:2), and “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Ps. 25:16). Even Jesus holds blessing and suffering in tension in the Beatitudes (Matt. 5:3-12). The poor in spirit are blessed, though they don’t see the outcome until the kingdom of heaven. Those who mourn are blessed with comfort, but they still mourn. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, but persecution often endures for years. Blessing doesn’t negate suffering.

One might argue that for the Christian blessedness is a fact and not a feeling. However, that’s not how culture uses the term. So we end up having to analyze how this person I’m talking to understands the concept and what they mean in this particular conversation. For me, that’s too much work when I’m already overwhelmed with looking for conversational openings and balancing the weight of depression. My somewhat neurodivergent brain would much prefer that people say what they mean and mean what they say, so I’m not left wondering how I ought to respond. Church culture is hard enough to navigate without throwing around vague and confusing concepts without explanation.

“The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious… Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:23-24).

Related Resources:

https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/learning-to-lament-a-guide-to-praying-in-our-hardest-moments/

https://christinemchappell.com/blog/the-soul-care-podcast/

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.