Say What?

I know some people who, if you ask how they are, will answer “I’m blessed and highly favored!” I believe the thought behind this is probably two-fold—to remind themselves and others that God is bigger than our circumstances, and to create opportunities to tell others about their faith. Those are fine goals. However (no offense intended to those who use that phrase), I get frustrated when I hear it, which probably says more about me than about them. My first thought is usually either “I guess they don’t want to have an honest conversation,” or “I guess I’m the only one who is struggling to make it through another day.”

When asked “How are you,” most people use the default “I’m fine” or something similar. For those who have a closer relationship, perhaps the door opens to share the challenges of life and ask for prayer. In small groups, vulnerability tends to beget vulnerability. Someone has to be the first to let down their guard. While that can be difficult for those of us who struggle with depression and other mental illness, it’s even harder to be honest if we think everyone else is feeling “blessed and highly favored” and we aren’t. And in a culture that values authenticity, it’s easy to feel like you’re being shut out of relationships with those who use scripted responses to common questions.

Most of us probably know that it is God’s blessing that brings us salvation, grace, mercy, and love. Yet knowing that fact doesn’t remove the weight of living with broken bodies and minds. We know these are “light momentary afflictions” (2 Cor. 4:17) when compared with the glory of eternal life. But they don’t feel very light during the decades of this life.

Lament is a valid and valuable part of the biblical canon, particularly in the psalms. David, the “man after God’s own heart,” wrote “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest” (Ps. 22:2), and “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Ps. 25:16). Even Jesus holds blessing and suffering in tension in the Beatitudes (Matt. 5:3-12). The poor in spirit are blessed, though they don’t see the outcome until the kingdom of heaven. Those who mourn are blessed with comfort, but they still mourn. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, but persecution often endures for years. Blessing doesn’t negate suffering.

One might argue that for the Christian blessedness is a fact and not a feeling. However, that’s not how culture uses the term. So we end up having to analyze how this person I’m talking to understands the concept and what they mean in this particular conversation. For me, that’s too much work when I’m already overwhelmed with looking for conversational openings and balancing the weight of depression. My somewhat neurodivergent brain would much prefer that people say what they mean and mean what they say, so I’m not left wondering how I ought to respond. Church culture is hard enough to navigate without throwing around vague and confusing concepts without explanation.

“The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious… Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:23-24).

Related Resources:

https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/learning-to-lament-a-guide-to-praying-in-our-hardest-moments/

https://christinemchappell.com/blog/the-soul-care-podcast/

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Wrong Way

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18).

I screwed up. I used rash, sarcastic words instead of loving, gracious words. I expressed my hurt and frustration in ways that hurt others. What I might have said instead in this particular situation— “I miss seeing the people I love and talking to them on a regular basis… I don’t like feeling invisible to those around me… I’m tired of feeling lonely but I don’t know how to connect with busy people…”

Feeling distant and unseen, my words only created greater distance. Feeling insecure, my words created greater insecurity. Feeling like I was on the outside looking in, my words only built the wall higher. Feeling confused about the state of the relationship, my words only made it more unclear.

Being Christian doesn’t mean we don’t make mistakes or that we don’t need to keep learning. But it does mean we need to face our mistakes and reconcile relationships. As this TGC article, “Battling Sinful Sarcasm” points out, our words can either hurt or heal, and we need to learn to evaluate them before they come out of our mouths or fingertips. Perhaps if I’d read this article when it came out 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have had to learn the lesson the hard way.

In a world of instant communication, where the rule is “post while it’s hot,” and where snark reigns supreme, it’s easy to forget that other people may not perceive things the way they are intended. And that kind of lazy communication has infiltrated verbal interactions as well. I’ll admit I’m not good at figuring out what other people are thinking, but now I see better that I can’t assume that they can read me either. It seems to me that most everyone needs training in interpersonal communication, and perhaps especially so in the church where we are to follow Scriptural commands such as:

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Col. 4:6).

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29).

On the Ephesians verse, in the past I always thought of “corrupting talk” as referring to language that uses God’s name in vain or intentionally leads others into sin and condemnation. The Greek word can also be translated rotten, worthless, or useless. Most of the other places where it is used in the New Testament are Jesus’ references to bad fruit (Matt. 7:17-18 et al). Anything that bears bad fruit is corrupting God’s design for His world and His people. Our words are to build up, not tear down. They are to be full of grace and truth, not barbs and innuendo. They are to reflect how much we love one another.

In the devotional book Take Heart by David Powlison, the reading for April 20 includes this prayer:

“Our Father, please have mercy on us. We live so carelessly… Let us take seriously the delightful call of Christ, calling us out of darkness into light. Let us embrace your call in ways that are life rearranging, the call that we would become men and women who contribute to the quantum of light in the dark world, and don’t just bumble along as one more person stumbling through the darkness.”

“He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend” (Prov. 22:11).

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Here’s a related post I wrote last year: https://mental3degree.blogspot.com/2022/08/fully-present.html

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© 2023 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Believing Is Seeing

There is a line in the movie Polar Express that caught my attention this Christmas: “Seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing.” Of course, the movie is referring to all the things related to Santa, the North Pole, and the express train. However, the same might truthfully be said of faith in Jesus Christ, and it would not be perpetuating a myth. For those of us who have faith in the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, belief helps us to see and understand things that we likely wouldn’t otherwise. When Jesus was on earth, He spoke in symbolic parables. When His followers asked why, He told them,

“To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of God, but for others they are in parables, so that ‘seeing they may not see, and hearing they may not understand’” (Luke 8:10).

There were many people in His day who saw Him, watched Him heal people, and heard Him teach, and yet they never believed that He was the Messiah, the Savior who had been prophesied. At the end of His time on earth, Jesus said to “doubting” Thomas,

“Have you believed because you have seen Me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29).

The Apostle Paul wrote,

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?” (Rom. 10:13-14).

He doesn’t link belief with seeing proof, but with hearing truth proclaimed. But even then, it’s not that every question has irrefutable answers. Few people can point to logic and documented evidence that convinced them of the truth of Christianity, although such people do exist (Lee Strobel is one). Faith in God can sound like folly to those who don’t have it.

“For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Cor. 1:21-24).

Faith itself is a gift from God— “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” (Eph. 2:8). God’s action always precedes our response. He grants us faith, we come to believe, and we begin to see the truth of God’s revelation through creation, Scripture, and His people. Believing is seeing.

It may sound as though God predestines some people to never have faith in Him, but God will never turn away anyone who genuinely wants to know Him. He works in many varied ways to stir one’s curiosity and to bring them to the point of belief.

During the Christmas season, where Christianity and culture intersect, it’s quite possible that unbelievers may look at us and think we’re just as naive as little children who believe in Santa Claus. We can try to explain our faith to the best of our ability, but some people will never understand or believe, and that is to their own peril. There is coming a day when “every eye will see Him: (Rev. 1:7), and on that day it will be too late for those who insist that seeing is believing and who think they need concrete proof before they will accept Jesus as Savior and follow Him as Lord. I pray that many will turn to Him as that final day comes ever closer.

“I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6).

“And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).

 

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Where Are the Wise?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

Reading this passage recently, I was struck by the second phrase—do not lean on your own understanding. That runs counter to everything our culture teaches us. Throughout our school years we are taught that we need to develop our understanding and to live up to our potential, which often gets tied to IQ. Education and common sense seem paramount. In evangelical circles, we lean on those with seminary degrees as those seemingly most qualified to lead. Spiritual gifts of wisdom, discernment, and knowledge are elevated, even if we don’t have proof that the individuals are actually being led by the Holy Spirit and not their own natural abilities.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m all in favor of education. College degrees do have value, at least to teach people how to really study and learn. I’m not sure high school does that very well. (I certainly didn’t learn to study until I took Organic Chemistry!) It is good to be able to figure things out and find solutions to problems. However, it becomes an issue when we aren’t seeking God’s wisdom and direction. Even in Christian pursuits, we may be misled if we focus on what is most logical. A few examples come to mind:

• “We’ve always done it that way” is a common influence in church leadership, but does it hinder us from joining God in doing a new thing (Isaiah 43:19)?
• Working from home is convenient and economical, but can be detrimental to community and cooperative work. Would God have us focus more on relationships and less on productivity (Gal. 5:13)?
• Social media and the internet provide vast amounts of information from around the world, but does that knowledge always help us to love others better (Eph. 4:32)?

The Apostle Paul wrote,

“Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? …But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong” (1 Cor. 1:20, 27).

God specializes in using what appears weak and foolish in order to showcase His own power and excellence. “No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against the Lord” (Prov. 21:30). We are focused on our own stories, while He has an eternal plan for all creation. We have limited understanding, but God knows all the details that we don’t. We try to draw understanding from the bits and pieces we can see, and that often leads us astray.

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?” (Rom. 11:33-34). May we be quick to seek His wisdom and not rely on our own.

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity… Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul” (Prov. 2:6-10).

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This video clip from Anderson Cooper was mentioned in a sermon that I heard, which illustrates our limited perspective.

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

You Are Loved

I got to thinking about how easy it is to generate misunderstandings and hurt feelings in our culture. We keep a mental list of slights against us—real or imagined, intentional or unintentional—and then we use those to justify mistreating others the way we think we’ve been mistreated. That’s now how the golden rule is supposed to work. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12 ESV).

The thing is, the human race is notoriously poor at communicating clearly because we all make assumptions about what other people are thinking or saying. We have no way of answering all the questions and objections that run through another person’s mind. Whether it has to do with political or social issues, church leadership, office communication, or family relationships, people are going to be hurt along the way. And the more people who are involved in our lives, the higher the likelihood of miscommunication. (Living in Siberia is starting to sound appealing.)

It’s nice to know that God never misunderstands us, even when we don’t understand ourselves. He knows every thought and intent of our heart, and He loves us unconditionally in spite of all that He knows (Psalm 139). That’s not to say that we always understand Him since His thoughts are far outside our own understanding (Isaiah 55:8-9).

• When loved ones disappoint us, God’s arms are always wide open to us.
• When we feel forgotten or overlooked, God is still paying attention.
• When someone cuts us out of their life or unfriends us, God keeps holding on to us.
• When others are offended by our viewpoint, God affirms everything that is true.
• When we make mistakes and hurt others, God still loves us and cares for us.

Micca Campbell comments in An Untroubled Heart, “You may feel like you’re lost for good, but God knows where you are. You have not escaped His attention. The Father knows His children and calls them by name. Those who follow Him will find their way home and be welcomed with open arms. With a Father’s heart, God is waiting and watching from the front porch of heaven for your return.”

There are days when those welcoming arms seem like the only bright spot in an otherwise frustrating and fruitless day. God says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued My faithfulness to you” (Jeremiah 31:3). “You did not choose Me, but I chose you” (John 15:16). Sometimes that’s all you need to know.