Say What?

I know some people who, if you ask how they are, will answer “I’m blessed and highly favored!” I believe the thought behind this is probably two-fold—to remind themselves and others that God is bigger than our circumstances, and to create opportunities to tell others about their faith. Those are fine goals. However (no offense intended to those who use that phrase), I get frustrated when I hear it, which probably says more about me than about them. My first thought is usually either “I guess they don’t want to have an honest conversation,” or “I guess I’m the only one who is struggling to make it through another day.”

When asked “How are you,” most people use the default “I’m fine” or something similar. For those who have a closer relationship, perhaps the door opens to share the challenges of life and ask for prayer. In small groups, vulnerability tends to beget vulnerability. Someone has to be the first to let down their guard. While that can be difficult for those of us who struggle with depression and other mental illness, it’s even harder to be honest if we think everyone else is feeling “blessed and highly favored” and we aren’t. And in a culture that values authenticity, it’s easy to feel like you’re being shut out of relationships with those who use scripted responses to common questions.

Most of us probably know that it is God’s blessing that brings us salvation, grace, mercy, and love. Yet knowing that fact doesn’t remove the weight of living with broken bodies and minds. We know these are “light momentary afflictions” (2 Cor. 4:17) when compared with the glory of eternal life. But they don’t feel very light during the decades of this life.

Lament is a valid and valuable part of the biblical canon, particularly in the psalms. David, the “man after God’s own heart,” wrote “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest” (Ps. 22:2), and “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Ps. 25:16). Even Jesus holds blessing and suffering in tension in the Beatitudes (Matt. 5:3-12). The poor in spirit are blessed, though they don’t see the outcome until the kingdom of heaven. Those who mourn are blessed with comfort, but they still mourn. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, but persecution often endures for years. Blessing doesn’t negate suffering.

One might argue that for the Christian blessedness is a fact and not a feeling. However, that’s not how culture uses the term. So we end up having to analyze how this person I’m talking to understands the concept and what they mean in this particular conversation. For me, that’s too much work when I’m already overwhelmed with looking for conversational openings and balancing the weight of depression. My somewhat neurodivergent brain would much prefer that people say what they mean and mean what they say, so I’m not left wondering how I ought to respond. Church culture is hard enough to navigate without throwing around vague and confusing concepts without explanation.

“The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious… Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:23-24).

Related Resources:

https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/learning-to-lament-a-guide-to-praying-in-our-hardest-moments/

https://christinemchappell.com/blog/the-soul-care-podcast/

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Losing It

 Jen Oshman writes in Enough About Me:

“The cultural air we breathe fills us with optimism. And so we take deep breaths, and we keep running for the goal. Create your own destiny. You be you. Reach for the stars. You can be a self-made woman. You are in charge of your own happiness. You get what you give. Never let them see you sweat. Follow your dreams. Make it happen. You are enough… Almost without exception and as if on cue, we reach the end of ourselves. The coffee cup is empty. The self-talk grows quiet. We collapse on the couch. We are tired. This isn’t working. Someone send help” (26-27).

While other Christian authors are trying to tell us we’re “exactly enough” and “find your best life now,” Scripture presents a different picture. In the Apostle Paul’s letters we read:

“God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong… so that no human being might boast in the presence of God… ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 1:27, 29, 31 ESV; see also 2 Cor. 10:13-18).

“Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God” (2 Cor. 3:4-5).

“But [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9).

And our Lord Jesus Himself said, “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it” (Mark 8:34-35). Taking up your cross daily sounds a lot different than “become the best you you can be.” And praying “give us this day our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11) is a picture of dependency, not accomplishment. Oshman goes on:

“Undoubtedly you’ve heard the comforting American quip, God never gives us more than we can handle. And perhaps you’ve thought to yourself, Really? Because this feels like a lot more than I can handle. I’m with you—in my experience, God often gives us way more than we’re comfortable with, so that we might cry out to him… This turning to God is a sort of death. We ultimately realize we cannot handle ourselves, our souls, our futures, our contentment. We need something. Someone, outside of ourselves. We need our Creator who is also our Redeemer, our rescuer, our load bearer” (66).

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am frequently reminded of my inadequacy and weaknesses. I can’t do all I need to do and all I want to do, and I can’t be anything I want to be. Years ago I read that the cross we each must bear is our own weakness in all its forms—unfulfilled desires, temptations, physical and mental limitations, lack of abilities and opportunities. It is perhaps the antithesis of the American dream.

There is no strength to be found by “believing in yourself.” Freedom doesn’t come from being self-accepting and authentic. Rather, strength and freedom are found in Christ alone as we rely on Him to accomplish His work in and through us. The Christian life is not about maximizing our potential but resting in Christ—not what I can do but what He has done. Denying myself and losing my life means letting go of what I want and think I need and embracing whatever God supplies. And it’s not just sinful desires that must be surrendered either—there are many good desires that God will not fulfill in this lifetime. Each of us probably have things that we wish were different in our lives and we may even be praying for God to change them, but He may be saying “My grace is sufficient, just trust Me.”

I can’t change myself or my world, but I can choose to trust the One who is in control of all things. I can’t pull myself up by my own bootstraps, but I can believe in the One who upholds me by His hand.

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me… And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:12-13, 19).

© 2020 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Put on Christ

This post builds on one I wrote in August. In the midst of some recent research, I came across this statement in Gilbert Bilezikian’s book Beyond Sex Roles:

“Where God wants to create unity and cohesion, the enemy seeks to cause alienation and separation. From the moment of our birth, a fallen society presses us into compartments and niches that become our private prisons for life. The concept of sex roles is one of those bondages from which the gospel can set us free. Nowhere does the Scripture command us to develop our sex-role awareness as males or females. It calls us—both men and women—to acquire the mind of Christ and to be transformed in His image (Gal. 3:27; Eph. 4:13; Phil. 2:5; and so on). Both men and women are called to develop their ‘inner man,’ which means their basic personhood in cooperation with the Holy Spirit. The ‘fruit of the Spirit,’ or the result of the Holy Spirit’s impact on human personality, is a character that exhibits ‘love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control’ (Gal. 5:22-23). Biblically, such qualities pertain neither to masculinity nor femininity. They are the reflection of the person of Christ Himself” (208, 2^nd ed.).

I have to say that in light of our current culture wars on gender perceptions, this is one of the most encouraging quotes I’ve read in recent years. We seem to get so caught up in styles, trends, and preferences that we lose sight of what really matters. Although we may look to other role models, Jesus is the One who is our supreme example. He perfectly characterizes the fruit that we are to develop as we are conformed to His image.

Clothing, hair, makeup, mannerisms, interests, etc. are constantly changing and have no eternal impact. Heaven is not going to be divided into sections for hippies, geeks, tomboys, or fashionistas. Nor will it be divided by race, denomination, political affiliation, or any other label. There will be only one group—Christ-followers. We know this is true from Scripture, but I think we forget when it comes to daily living.

• “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b ESV).
• “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
• “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).

The enemy has indeed maximized the opportunity for alienation and division. It is far easier to see how we are different from other people instead of finding what we have in common, as the recent riots in Charlotte have proven. It takes time and effort to see the heart of another person, along with the vulnerability to let others see our hearts. Let’s slow down and think carefully before we endorse or condemn any person or group.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan. 

No Comparison

This week I read a couple articles that got me thinking about how we perceive ourselves and others. From the minute we’re born (or even before), we are compared to a standard and ranked according to percentiles in height, weight, and who knows what else. Will he be tall like his dad, or short like mom?

Starting preschool or school brings more comparisons, and not just in terms of achievements and tests. Little kids observe one another to find out what they have in common. Does she like to play with horses or read books? Commonalities serve as a basis for friendship, but they also create segregation. Where there is a lack of connection, a child, adolescent, or adult will often jump to one of two conclusions: there’s something wrong with me, or there’s something wrong with you.

I thought about some of the percentiles I fall into— 2% here, 10% there, 60% in that area. Some of those are good, some not so good. Some I would change if I could. It’s easy to look around and envy those who are different, or to feel like an anomaly because I am in the minority in many categories. But God called me to this life, not to that one. He allowed every gene, every circumstance, every heartache, and every opportunity that made me who I am today. But I don’t get a reprieve from the Great Commission just because I’m an introvert. I also don’t get to overlook people just because they aren’t like me.

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him” (7:17 ESV). “But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak” (8:9). It is comfortable to hang around with people who are just like us, but it can also be detrimental to the Body of Christ. If we focus on external similarities, we may miss the opportunity to find that we are brothers and sisters at heart. The unity that comes from Christ should far outweigh any unity that comes from biology or experience.

Our culture makes it hard to really know people. We are constantly told that we need to act a certain way, wear the right clothes, and never let anyone see our weaknesses. That gives us the appearance of external uniformity, but prevents the true unity that grows out of humility and authenticity. The church is not immune to this type of hypocrisy. Most people dress up for church (to varying degrees), act differently, and maybe clean up their language around church people. It can be a challenge to let others see behind the façade, or to remember that others may not be what they seem either. I am often reminded that authentic community is started by the example of one person taking a risk. Depth of relationships can’t come about any other way.

Take a risk; I dare you!

“When they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding” (2 Corinthians 10:12b).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan. 

Walking in the Light

In our prayer meeting Wednesday, we meditated on several Scriptures including Philippians 1:9-11: “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

As I was thinking about these verses later, I was reminded particularly of the consequences of sin in positions of ministry leadership. The more public the ministry, the more we have to be aware that “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). And “we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us...” (2 Corinthians 5:20). What we do can have positive or negative consequences that reach far beyond our own houses or families.

Being pure and blameless is all too often a facade worn by Christians, and when the facade is broken, it tends to make national news. However, I believe our Christian witness needs to be more open and honest than it usually is. If everyone else appears to have it all together, that can be a discouragement to those of us who are regularly falling apart. The Apostle John wrote, “If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth” (1 John 1:6). I find it interesting how easily we can dismiss practicing truth when it comes to being honest with one another even within the church and small groups. We may not feel like we’re walking in darkness because we do acknowledge our sin and brokenness to ourselves and to God. But we never confess it to one another, and thereby we give false impressions and walk in darkness.

Scripturally, I’m not sure there is much basis for keeping things hidden, aside from Proverbs about not revealing someone else’s secrets. One day all secrets will be revealed. But I also know that it can be detrimental in certain circumstances to say anything that might be used against you for employment or legal reasons. It takes a great deal of wisdom and discernment to know what to say to whom. And going back to the Philippians verses, I believe we reflect God’s love as we learn to trust others with some of the broken pieces of our souls. I’ve been convicted about that myself just recently when I failed to pursue some wide open doors because I wasn’t prepared to speak the truth about my own story.

I know that I don’t want to feel pressured to keep up a “good Christian” performance so I can live up to someone’s expectations. That is guaranteed to result in failure eventually. We all need wisdom in how to practice walking in the light of truth, first with a few trusted individuals, and gradually enlarging the circle. There will always be people outside the circle, and there will always be some things that can’t be shared very widely because they involve other people. But I do want my love to abound more and more as with discernment I walk in the truth. Our weakness can only be used for God’s glory to the extent that we let it be seen.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Corinthians 4:7).

© 2015 by Dawn Rutan.

Be Yourself

We hear a lot about the two-way battle between flesh and spirit, particularly in the New Testament letters. I’ve been noticing lately, however, that it sometimes seems like a three-way battle. There’s the outer self that everyone knows and sees. Then there’s the inner self with all its secrets, sins, and hidden motives that few people, if any, ever know about. And finally there is the spiritual self that is defined by how God sees us in Christ. Certainly that third “self” is the one we want to live out, though it takes a lifetime of learning how to do so. In the meantime, we have to wrestle with how to integrate the spiritual reality with how we see ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world.

Rick Warren commented, “The upcoming generation places a great value on authenticity. But it’s important to see that you’re not authentic until you can publicly admit how inauthentic you are most of the time” (http://www.desiringgod.org/conference-messages/the-battle-for-your-mind). How closely does our self-perception match the public persona? And how well do those agree with God’s view of us? I’ve long been fascinated by the definition of “integrity” as being unity or wholeness. It’s more than just morality; it’s having a unified personality, free from distortion.

Todd Wilson wrote the following, an excerpt from his book Real Christian as shared on http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/what-does-it-mean-to-be-real:

“Real Christians are new creatures. Physically, they won’t look different than others, at least not in the way they dress or keep their hair. Yet real Christians are radically changed—they’ve experienced a new birth, received a new heart, and enjoy new desires. Which makes them altogether new people who live new lives

“And it shows. If you’re real, it will reveal itself in your life. Real Christians bear the marks of authentic faith in ways that can be seen, heard, and felt. When you know what you’re looking for, you can see the marks of real in their lives—and in your own.”

The challenge, as I see it, is that we don’t even recognize how inauthentic we really are at times. After all, “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 ESV). Not only do we fail to understand the true motives of our hearts, but pride keeps us from being open and honest before others. Then to top it off, we often forget or don’t know how to live out our true identity in Christ. I wish I had six easy steps to authentic Christian living, but I think we’re all still trying to figure out this life. As many have said, the first step is realizing we have a problem.

A local church had the following on their marquis for some time: “You only become yourself by God's power.” He’s the one who created us in His image, and He’s also the one who has re-created us in Christ. (See 2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 2:20, and Romans 6:4.) He’s the one who knows us intimately and loves us intensely. And He’s the only one who can transform us inside and out to reflect His glory.

Todd Wilson comments, “Wholeness is one of the marks of a real Christian, because when you’re real, you’ve received not half of Christ but the whole Christ… Every grace that is his is now ours, the fullness of his life within us. Everything we see in him, we will see ever increasingly in us” (115-116).

I want that to be my experience day by day, having a unified personality that increasingly reflects the mind of Christ in my perspective of God, myself, and others.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” –Galatians 2:20