Say What?

I know some people who, if you ask how they are, will answer “I’m blessed and highly favored!” I believe the thought behind this is probably two-fold—to remind themselves and others that God is bigger than our circumstances, and to create opportunities to tell others about their faith. Those are fine goals. However (no offense intended to those who use that phrase), I get frustrated when I hear it, which probably says more about me than about them. My first thought is usually either “I guess they don’t want to have an honest conversation,” or “I guess I’m the only one who is struggling to make it through another day.”

When asked “How are you,” most people use the default “I’m fine” or something similar. For those who have a closer relationship, perhaps the door opens to share the challenges of life and ask for prayer. In small groups, vulnerability tends to beget vulnerability. Someone has to be the first to let down their guard. While that can be difficult for those of us who struggle with depression and other mental illness, it’s even harder to be honest if we think everyone else is feeling “blessed and highly favored” and we aren’t. And in a culture that values authenticity, it’s easy to feel like you’re being shut out of relationships with those who use scripted responses to common questions.

Most of us probably know that it is God’s blessing that brings us salvation, grace, mercy, and love. Yet knowing that fact doesn’t remove the weight of living with broken bodies and minds. We know these are “light momentary afflictions” (2 Cor. 4:17) when compared with the glory of eternal life. But they don’t feel very light during the decades of this life.

Lament is a valid and valuable part of the biblical canon, particularly in the psalms. David, the “man after God’s own heart,” wrote “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest” (Ps. 22:2), and “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Ps. 25:16). Even Jesus holds blessing and suffering in tension in the Beatitudes (Matt. 5:3-12). The poor in spirit are blessed, though they don’t see the outcome until the kingdom of heaven. Those who mourn are blessed with comfort, but they still mourn. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, but persecution often endures for years. Blessing doesn’t negate suffering.

One might argue that for the Christian blessedness is a fact and not a feeling. However, that’s not how culture uses the term. So we end up having to analyze how this person I’m talking to understands the concept and what they mean in this particular conversation. For me, that’s too much work when I’m already overwhelmed with looking for conversational openings and balancing the weight of depression. My somewhat neurodivergent brain would much prefer that people say what they mean and mean what they say, so I’m not left wondering how I ought to respond. Church culture is hard enough to navigate without throwing around vague and confusing concepts without explanation.

“The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious… Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:23-24).

Related Resources:

https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/learning-to-lament-a-guide-to-praying-in-our-hardest-moments/

https://christinemchappell.com/blog/the-soul-care-podcast/

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

The Sparrow

There’s a hymn that, even though I like it in general, the words can tend to rub me the wrong way. “His Eye Is on the Sparrow,” by Civilla D. Martin, says in part:

“Why should I feel discouraged,
Why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for Heav’n and home…

“I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.”

I think the reason the song irritates me is that I know how often I (and all Christians) do get discouraged and lonely and frustrated with life in a broken world. Just telling someone “don’t be discouraged” or “don’t worry—be happy” feels like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. It is true that Jesus said “Fear not,” and “Do not be anxious,” but I would contend that His words were not intended as a command but as a comfort, because He included encouraging words of God’s love and care for us (e.g. Matt. 6:25-34).

The church has a tendency to admonish the weary and wounded rather than comforting and encouraging them. We sing songs that are upbeat and celebratory, and we’ve lost the language of lament. Words like sorrow, tears, weeping, and mourning occur over 300 times in Scripture. Joy and joyful appear about 200 times in the ESV.

As believers we are called to mourn over sin in our own lives and those we love (2 Cor. 12:21). We should experience sorrow because of death and illness (Phil. 2:27). Suffering is normal for those who desire to live godly lives in an ungodly world (1 Pet. 2:19-21). These things should make us long for our eternal home, where “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4). We grieve now while we hold onto the promise of that eternal hope (1 Thess. 4:13).

There may be times when we lose sight of God’s presence and we get unduly disheartened, and we may need to be reminded that His eye is on us at all times. But we should not be so quick to dismiss the experience of suffering. Faith grows through enduring the hard times, not by escaping from them. It is through faithful endurance that we become fruitful messengers of God’s comfort (2 Cor. 1:3-7).

By all means, sing joyful songs when you are happy, but also join in the songs of lament when those are more appropriate. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15), and thereby bring help and hope to the hurting.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them fall will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows” (Matthew 10:29-31).

© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Lessons from Affliction

This morning I listened to three podcast by Alistair Begg on the faithfulness of God (www.truthforlife.org broadcasts for August 19-21, 2014). In the second half of “God’s Faithfulness in Affliction,” he presents ten purposes of God in allowing us to go through affliction, which I thought were well worth sharing:

1. To develop perseverance (James 1:3)
2. To manifest His faithfulness in bringing us to maturity (Hebrews 5:8-9, James 1:4)
3. To assure us of our sonship (Romans 8:17, Hebrews 12:6)
4. To prove the genuine nature of our faith (Deuteronomy 8:1-2, 1 Peter 1:7)
5. To develop humility (2 Corinthians 12:7)
6. To keep us on track (Psalm 119:67, Proverbs 3:11)
7. To deepen our insight into the heart of God (Hosea)
8. To enable us to help others in trials (2 Corinthians 1:4)
9. To reveal what we really love (Deuteronomy 13:3, Luke 14:26)
10. To display God’s glory (Genesis 50:20)

In the broadcast from August 19 on Lamentations 3:1-24, he makes the comment that “the absence of lament in contemporary evangelical Christianity is arguably one of the things that presents to the watching world a substantial sense of a Christianity that is not actually authentic.” If all that the world sees are happy, put-together, on-top-of-the world Christians, they wonder how it can possibly be real. Such a picture can alienate seekers (or even Christians) who feel they can never fit that image. But if they see people who suffer and struggle and lament and yet hold onto their faith, they may be drawn in by wondering where that perseverance comes from.

I recently read A Sacred Sorrow: Reaching Out to God in the Lost Language of Lament, by Michael Card, who urges honesty with God, ourselves, and others in praying and saying what we truly feel. He uses the words of Job, Psalms, and Lamentations as models for our own prayers and living.

It seems to me that songs such as “Come As You Are” by Crowder stir in us an awareness that it’s okay to be broken and wounded. God doesn’t expect us to get our act together before we come to Him, but sometimes the church seems to have higher standards. The unspoken rules create walls instead of bridges: dress nicely, keep smiling, hide your problems, and never under any circumstances admit your sins, temptations, or struggles. Whether we admit it or not, we are proud people and we don’t want to give anyone reason to think less of us. I wonder how many souls have missed salvation because of the fear of going up to the altar?

I hadn’t thought of it before, but one application of Philippians 2:3 (NIV), “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves,” could be that the humility that allows us to be honest before others opens doors for them to be honest as well. And verse 4 doesn’t tell us to neglect our own needs, but implies that we are all better served by looking out for one another. Pride leads to contempt, but humility leads to honesty, openness, and healing.

Looking back over the ten purposes of affliction, I recognize some of the lessons I’ve been learning. One of the comments made by Joni Eareckson Tada in When God Weeps was that those who don’t have to endure suffering have a harder time learning some of these valuable lessons. Holding onto faith isn’t too hard when everything is going well, and easy living can give way to apathy. May we take courage to share in Christ’s sufferings (2 Corinthians 1:5), but also to know that He shares in ours (Hebrews 4:14-16)!

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience… And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:12, 14 ESV).