Fully Present

In one of his letters from prison (1944), Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote to his friend Eberhard Bethge:

“You must be especially homesick… But isn’t it an essential part of human maturity, as opposed to immaturity, that your center of gravity is always wherever you happen to be at the moment, and that even longing for the fulfillment of your wishes can’t pull you off balance, away from being your complete self, wherever you are? In youth we are never entirely present, no matter where; that’s part of the essential nature of youth; otherwise they would be dullards. A [mature] man is always a whole person and wholly present, holding back nothing. He may have his longings but somehow masters them and keeps them out of sight, and the more he must overcome in order to live fully in the present, the more he will keep his own counsel and have, fundamentally, the trust of the people around him, especially younger ones who are still on the road that he has already traveled. Wishes, when we cling to them too tightly, can easily rob us of what we ought to be and can be.”

Reading that, my first thought was that he obviously didn’t live in the 21st century. It seems like everything in our world today works against us being fully present in any moment or place. Social media, and media in general, pull our attention in a million different directions. Just having a smartphone in hand distracts us from conversation. Each ding of a text or email coming in pulls your mind away from the person sitting in front of you or the task that you’re supposed to be completing. In one of the TGC Social Sanity Book Club videos, the comment was made that scrolling through Facebook you’re likely to move from one person’s emergency prayer request to another person’s praise for a new job, and you don’t have the time or mental energy to assimilate all the varying thoughts and emotions related to any of it.

We can’t live well in such a disintegrating environment. In Bonhoeffer’s words, we are no longer whole or mature people, but immature and fragmented. We no longer master our longings, but we are mastered by the programming of technology’s algorithms. Our culture is discipling us and our children. Are we alert to how we are being indoctrinated?

As much as we like the convenience and entertainment of our various devices, they are often detrimental to our real presence to the people right around us. We hit the Send button rather than talking to someone face to face. We feign omnipresence by trying to respond to friends around the world while only half-listening to the person in the same room.

I admit I love certain features of my phone. I love having quick access to books, Bible translations, and email or texts without waiting for my laptop to boot. But I have mixed feelings about the games and social media apps that entice me to waste time on things that have little or no value. And even email and text messaging are frustrating when I find that other people don’t prioritize them in the same way I do—some people demand an immediate answer that I’m not prepared to give, while others don’t respond to my questions for days at a time. It’s hard not to judge people badly for their different expectations and habits.

There are days when I’d love to go back in time to before the invention of the telephone, automobile, and railroad—when most people stayed in the same community for their whole lives and communication either happened in person or took several weeks for letters to travel. As I noted in a previous post, the “ministry of presence” has declined in frequency, but not in value. Whether we know it or not, we need one another in a real and physical way. Most of the “one anothers” can’t be done from a distance, and we need to stop imagining that they can. Let’s slow things down and be fully present with the people closest to us.

“‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor” (1 Cor. 10:23-24).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Under Control

I’ve been reading Tony Reinke’s book 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You. Ironically, Facebook got knocked out of commission for several hours Monday. Perhaps God was encouraging me (and everyone else) to consider the message of the book even more seriously. My social media use tends to increase over time until I make a conscious effort to pull back, and this is one of those times.

As I was reading about the decline in reading comprehension and the growing determination to catalogue our lives in post-worthy images, I imagined how a few scenes from Jesus’s life on earth might have been different:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit… meek… merciful…” -Yeah, whatever. Keep scrolling.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted…” -Retweet!

Hey, I got 136 likes on my post! Who’s the greatest now? LOL -“The greatest among you shall be your servant.”

Who are we missing on this Zoom meeting? -Well, Andrew went fishing, Peter’s mother-in-law is sick again, and no one knows where Judas is tonight.

“One of you will betray Me.” -Wait, what did He say? I was checking my messages.

OK, so maybe we aren’t much different from the disciples. We all wrestle in varying degrees with pride, distraction, and desire for attention and approval. Smartphones and social media connections just give us a quick and easy way to do so.

Reinke writes about a theology of remembering:

“Whatever else is at play in the digital age, Christians are commanded over and over to remember. We must not lose our past and our future for moment-by-moment tweets and texts on our phones… All spiritual growth is rooted in remembering what Christ has done in me… Remembering is one of the key spiritual disciplines we must guard with vigilance amid the mind-fragmenting and past-forgetting temptations of the digital age” (187-188).

I would add to that a different sense of the word remember. We need to re-member who we are created to be as the Body of Christ. Social media is great at fragmenting us into camps that are at odds with one another over all kinds of issues. We interpret likes and follows as affirmation that we are in the “right” crowd, even as we’ve simultaneously alienated friends and neighbors that we go to church with. We essentially dismember one set of relationships that’s based on eternal principles for another set based on the illusion of superficial agreement.

“Jesus boils down the purpose and aim of our lives into two goals: treasure God with your whole being, and then pour out your God-centered joy in love for others. On these two commands all other smartphone laws depend: (190).

Reinke asks some good questions, including: “Do my smartphone behaviors move me toward God or away from him? …Do my smartphone behaviors edify me and others, or do they build nothing of lasting value?” (194). I’m sure we could all find areas where we could improve our words and actions to better love God and our neighbors.

“I am not my own. I am owned by my Lord. I have been bought with a price, which means I must glorify Christ with my thumbs, my ears, my eyes, and my time… I do not have ‘time to kill’—I have time to redeem” (180).

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:15-16).

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© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. Image courtesy of Amazon. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Words of Caution

Reading through the one-chapter book of Obadiah recently, I was struck by this verse: “Do not gloat over the day of your brother in the day of his misfortune; do not rejoice over the people of Judah in the day of their ruin; do not boast in the day of distress” (v. 12). Edom was facing judgment for their sin, which included standing by and watching Judah be destroyed and delighting in their downfall.

Though that specific context may seem remote for us, we can all think of examples of people or groups gloating over the downfall of others. New phrases have been coined to describe “cancel culture” and “social media shaming.” Sadly, such behaviors infect the church as well:

• The political opponent said something wrong? “Why would anyone vote for him?”
• The promiscuous celebrity gets a terminal illness? “They had it coming.”
• The liberal denomination fractures? “It serves them right.”
• The pastor you disagreed with has run into trouble at another church? “It’s about time.”

We’re all guilty to one degree or another, because we’re all infected with sin. We may not say or do anything publicly, but we have all had those thoughts of “I know I’m right and they are just plain wrong. They deserve to be brought down a peg.”

Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak [or type].” Why does it matter? “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil” (12:34b-35). Our words reveal our hearts, and yet many of us don’t realize how dark our hearts can be.

Consider just a few verses from the book of Proverbs:

• “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (10:19).
• “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (12:28).
• “The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but gracious words are pure” (15:26).
• “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (16:24).
• “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding” (17:27).
• “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (29:20).

Our words can reveal if we are wise or foolish, loving or vengeful, humble or arrogant. Social media has made it far too easy for us to speak without thinking—jumping on the bandwagon of whoever we agree with and degrading those who disagree, regardless of what that may say to the watching world. Are we being lights in a dark world, or are we adding to the darkness by cutting down anyone who doesn’t agree with us on everything? People may stop listening long before we ever talk about Jesus if all they see in our lives is judgmentalism and condemnation. “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:1-3).

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:4-6).

© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

A Few Words

There are parts of The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas a Kempis, that read almost like a Social Media User’s Guide for 2020:

Section 1 chapter 3- “If men used as much care in uprooting vices and implanting virtues as they do in discussing problems, where would not be so much evil and scandal in the world, or such laxity in religious organizations.”

1-4- “Not to act rashly or to cling obstinately to one’s opinion, not to believe everything people say or to spread abroad the gossip on has heard, is great wisdom.”

1-6- “A proud and avaricious man never rests, whereas he who is poor and humble of heart lives in a world of peace.”

1-9- “Everyone, it is true, wishes to do as he pleases and is attracted to those who agree with him. But if God be among us, we must at times give up our opinions for the blessing of peace.”

1-11- “We should enjoy much peace if we did not concern ourselves with what others say and do, for these are no concern of ours. How can a man who meddles in affairs not his own, who seeks strange distractions, and who is little or seldom inwardly recollected, live long in peace?”

1-12- “It is good for us sometimes to suffer contradiction, to be misjudged by men even though we do well and mean well. These things help us to be humble and shield us from vainglory. When to all outward appearances men give us no credit, when they do not think well of us, then we are more inclined to seek God Who sees our hearts.”

1-14- “Differences of feeling and opinion often divide friends and acquaintances, even those who are religious and devout.”

1-16- “Try to bear patiently with the defects and infirmities of others, whatever they may be, because you also have many a fault which others must endure.”

1-20- “If you withdraw yourself from unnecessary talking and idle running about, from listening to gossip and rumors, you will find enough time that is suitable for holy meditation…

“No man appears in safety before the public eye unless he first relishes obscurity. No men is safe in speaking unless he loves to be silent. No man rules safely unless he is willing to be ruled. No man commands safely unless he has learned well how to obey.”

1-23- “If you had a good conscience you would not fear death very much. It is better to avoid sin than to fear death. If you are not prepared today, how will you be prepared tomorrow? Tomorrow is an uncertain day; how do you know you will have a tomorrow?”

2-7- “You will quickly be deceived if you look only to the outward appearance of men, and you will often be disappointed if you seek comfort and gain in them. If, however, you seek Jesus in all things, you will surely find Him.”

2-11- “Jesus has always many who love His heavenly kingdom, but few who bear His cross… All desire to be happy with Him; few wish to suffer anything for Him.”

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips [and fingers] is prudent” (Proverbs 10:19).

***

(Disclaimer- there are other parts of the book that have serious theological issues, and therefore I do not recommend it as devotional reading.)

 © 2020 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Mediated Presence

Much of the world is practicing social isolation as we await the end of the COVID-19 pandemic. That’s probably easier for those of us who are introverts to begin with, but it is detrimental to all of our relationships. Until about a decade ago I practiced social isolation as a way of life. Over the past several years I’ve learned that I not only need relationships, but I want them too. So when the country started shutting down, I felt the loss like everyone else. But now that we’re a few weeks in, I find myself reverting to the old habits—don’t talk to anyone, don’t make any effort to connect with people, accept the fact that relationships cause pain and just avoid them altogether. Why wish for a real conversation with a real person when that is so difficult to do right now?

But I don’t want to go back down that path. I’m discouraged and frustrated with isolation. The longer the church goes without meeting in person, the harder it will be to convince people that this is not supposed to be the “new normal.” It may be a good time for trying new things, but we can’t assume that new is necessarily better.

Think about all the forms of communication that pastors need to monitor if they want to connect with all their church members. Recently I was listening to a podcast about technology for church leaders and one of the speakers made the comment that “email is dead.” That may be true for younger generations, but not for everyone. I choose email to communicate 95% of the time. Generational differences in communication are well documented. That can add to the feeling of disconnection and isolation for many of us. (Sometimes I wonder if all my emails are vanishing in cyberspace.)

Although we may be reaching a different niche of people with livestreaming services on various social media, there are a significant number of church members who are completely disconnected. The tech gurus hopefully will tell you that you need to show people how to use new methods, but they ignore the fact that some people don’t even turn their computers on for days or weeks at a time, if they even have computers. My fear is that the church will become further fragmented if stay-at-home orders remain in effect much longer. It’s easy to “do church” if all it requires is opening your internet browser. Some churches will continue to livestream even when regular services resume, and a percentage of Christians will think that means that the assembly of the church doesn’t really matter. Some churches have already alienated older members by the way they’ve pushed technology “solutions,” and those members will find churches that feel more traditional and accepting of their preferences. Generational divides may become even stronger.

I was in the midst of writing this when I read Colossians 4:6 (ESV): “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” It hit me that “how you ought to answer” nowadays is not just the words you use but the technology you use. We’ve gotten creative out of necessity, but are we too quick to adopt the “easy” way? Have we weighed the costs of the potential collateral damage?

As I listened to multiple podcasts this week on technology options, it became increasingly clear to me that if church leaders invest all their time in utilizing all the “must-have” technologies, there won’t be any time left to actually minister to the people they are called to shepherd. “If we speak eloquently to the webcam, but have not love, we are noisy gongs or clanging cymbals. If our website is polished to perfection and has every possible tool, but have not love, we are nothing. If we enable text-to-give and meet our budget every week, but have not love, we gain nothing.”

Are the things we’re doing actually contributing to loving one another or are they just filling the web with an overabundance of words? We all need wisdom in these strange and unsettling times.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5).

© 2020 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Let's Talk

Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age, by Sherry Turkle, is a book I would recommend to pastors, parents, and anyone who uses a smart phone or social media. Though it was written in 2015 it’s still relevant today. Following are a few quotes and thoughts on the “progress” of technology:

“This new mediated life has gotten us into trouble. Face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do. Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. It’s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood. And conversation advances self-reflection, the conversations with ourselves that are the cornerstone of early development and continue throughout life… But these days we find ways around conversation. We hide from each other even as we’re constantly connected to each other. For on our screens, we are tempted to present ourselves as we would like to be… online and at our leisure, it is easy to compose, edit, and improve as we revise” (3-4).

“We are being silenced by our technologies… These silences—often in the presence of our children—have led to a crisis of empathy that has diminished us at home, at work, and in public life” (9).

“Conversation implies something kinetic. It is derived from words that mean ‘to tend to each other, to lean toward each other,’ words about the activity of relationship, one’s ‘manner of conducting oneself in the world or in society; behavior, mode or course of life.’ To converse you don’t just have to perform turn taking, you have to listen to someone else, to read their body, their voice, their tone, and their silences. You bring your concern and experience to bear, and you expect the same from others” (44-45).

“To get children back to conversation—and learning the empathic skills that come from conversation—the first, crucial step is to talk with children. These days, it is often children who seem least afraid to point out that technology is too often getting in the way” (111).

 “People require eye contact for emotional stability and social fluency. A lack of eye contact is association with depression, isolation, and the development of antisocial traits such as exhibiting callousness. And the more we develop these psychological problems, the more we shy away from eye contact… If a tool gets in the way of our looking at each other, we should use it only when necessary. It shouldn’t be the first thing we turn to. One thing is certain: The tool that is handy is not always the right tool” (325).

Although it’s not written from a Christian worldview, this book made me consider what it means for us to be embodied souls made in the image of God. Our God, in Triune community, created man and said “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18 ESV). But ever since the Fall (Genesis 3) there has been division, dissension, and disruption to our relationships. God gave the Law to Moses (Exodus 20), but the condition of mankind required something more—an embodied presence. “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

Physical presence is important to who we are as human beings. Jesus touched the lepers, the blind, and the lame. He looked the outcasts in the eye. John testified to “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life” (1 John 1:1). It is impossible for us to fulfill all the “one another” commands through digital media alone.

We know these things, and yet it is all too easy for us to turn to texts, emails, or Facebook as a substitute for a real conversation with another person, and people are suffering the consequences. Children aren’t learning how to have real conversations or how to empathize with others. There’s an epidemic of loneliness among all ages. Suicide rates are increasing even when we’re the most electronically “connected” generation ever. Turkle writes that “human relationships are rich, messy, and demanding. When we clean them up with technology, we move from conversation to the efficiencies of mere connection. I fear we forget the difference” (21). Perhaps we each need to step back and evaluate where technology is leading us and reclaim what is being lost.

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the body of peace” (Ephesians 4:1b-3).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Unplugged

I made the decision this week to delete the Facebook app from my phone, which will greatly curtail (though not eliminate) my use of Facebook. There were several good reasons to do so, some of which are as follows:

1) It is easy to waste vast amounts of time scrolling through hundreds of posts with varying degrees of importance. I could be spending that time in Scripture, prayer, writing, practicing piano, or many other more profitable pursuits.

2) It is dangerous to let one’s ego hang on public opinion. A negative comment, careless post, or an inappropriate image can quickly turn into a black cloud of anger, pride, shame, or other sins, and obscures the fruit of the Spirit. My identity is in Christ, not online.

3) It is human nature to make comparisons, and comparing the worst of what I know about myself with the best of what everyone posts online is sure to lead to negative thoughts. I don’t need to know about everyone else’s perfect family vacations when I’m sitting home alone.

4) Social media is predominantly superficial by its very nature. We all present the face we want the world to see. Yes, in some cases that may lead to deeper communication offline, but that is the exception rather than the rule.

5) Social media gives the illusion of intimacy where none exists. Knowing a few facts about someone or laughing at cat videos they’ve posted is not a relationship. The church already struggles to nurture authentic relationships, and social media is not helping. As Sam Allberry put it, friend has moved from being a noun to a verb meaning “to share one's contact details.” We’re still just as lonely and isolated as ever, we just have more things to distract us from recognizing that fact.

Bruce Hindmarsh said,

“Our spiritual condition is one of having spiritual ADD. We are more easily distracted from the important issues of our lives moment by moment. The nature of digital communication is that we are endlessly distracted.”

I don’t know if my decision will be long-term or not. Such resolutions tend to creep away over time. I just know it is the right thing to do right now. I know I can’t love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength when I am also wondering how many new comments there are to read or when I’m trying to think of amusing responses. I also can’t love my brothers and sisters in Christ well when I am annoyed with them for something they have posted or when I realize how little they know of who I really am beneath the surface.

I yearn for more intimate relationships with a few close friends and for closer communion with God. I haven’t seen that happen to any significant degree in however many years I’ve been on Facebook. Not that there haven’t been good things there—encouraging words, inspiring quotes, reasons to laugh, prayer requests and answers to prayer. Social media can be a good thing, but it is not an ultimate thing.

“I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35 ESV).

© 2017 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.