Mediated Presence

Much of the world is practicing social isolation as we await the end of the COVID-19 pandemic. That’s probably easier for those of us who are introverts to begin with, but it is detrimental to all of our relationships. Until about a decade ago I practiced social isolation as a way of life. Over the past several years I’ve learned that I not only need relationships, but I want them too. So when the country started shutting down, I felt the loss like everyone else. But now that we’re a few weeks in, I find myself reverting to the old habits—don’t talk to anyone, don’t make any effort to connect with people, accept the fact that relationships cause pain and just avoid them altogether. Why wish for a real conversation with a real person when that is so difficult to do right now?

But I don’t want to go back down that path. I’m discouraged and frustrated with isolation. The longer the church goes without meeting in person, the harder it will be to convince people that this is not supposed to be the “new normal.” It may be a good time for trying new things, but we can’t assume that new is necessarily better.

Think about all the forms of communication that pastors need to monitor if they want to connect with all their church members. Recently I was listening to a podcast about technology for church leaders and one of the speakers made the comment that “email is dead.” That may be true for younger generations, but not for everyone. I choose email to communicate 95% of the time. Generational differences in communication are well documented. That can add to the feeling of disconnection and isolation for many of us. (Sometimes I wonder if all my emails are vanishing in cyberspace.)

Although we may be reaching a different niche of people with livestreaming services on various social media, there are a significant number of church members who are completely disconnected. The tech gurus hopefully will tell you that you need to show people how to use new methods, but they ignore the fact that some people don’t even turn their computers on for days or weeks at a time, if they even have computers. My fear is that the church will become further fragmented if stay-at-home orders remain in effect much longer. It’s easy to “do church” if all it requires is opening your internet browser. Some churches will continue to livestream even when regular services resume, and a percentage of Christians will think that means that the assembly of the church doesn’t really matter. Some churches have already alienated older members by the way they’ve pushed technology “solutions,” and those members will find churches that feel more traditional and accepting of their preferences. Generational divides may become even stronger.

I was in the midst of writing this when I read Colossians 4:6 (ESV): “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” It hit me that “how you ought to answer” nowadays is not just the words you use but the technology you use. We’ve gotten creative out of necessity, but are we too quick to adopt the “easy” way? Have we weighed the costs of the potential collateral damage?

As I listened to multiple podcasts this week on technology options, it became increasingly clear to me that if church leaders invest all their time in utilizing all the “must-have” technologies, there won’t be any time left to actually minister to the people they are called to shepherd. “If we speak eloquently to the webcam, but have not love, we are noisy gongs or clanging cymbals. If our website is polished to perfection and has every possible tool, but have not love, we are nothing. If we enable text-to-give and meet our budget every week, but have not love, we gain nothing.”

Are the things we’re doing actually contributing to loving one another or are they just filling the web with an overabundance of words? We all need wisdom in these strange and unsettling times.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5).

© 2020 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Let's Talk

Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age, by Sherry Turkle, is a book I would recommend to pastors, parents, and anyone who uses a smart phone or social media. Though it was written in 2015 it’s still relevant today. Following are a few quotes and thoughts on the “progress” of technology:

“This new mediated life has gotten us into trouble. Face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do. Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. It’s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood. And conversation advances self-reflection, the conversations with ourselves that are the cornerstone of early development and continue throughout life… But these days we find ways around conversation. We hide from each other even as we’re constantly connected to each other. For on our screens, we are tempted to present ourselves as we would like to be… online and at our leisure, it is easy to compose, edit, and improve as we revise” (3-4).

“We are being silenced by our technologies… These silences—often in the presence of our children—have led to a crisis of empathy that has diminished us at home, at work, and in public life” (9).

“Conversation implies something kinetic. It is derived from words that mean ‘to tend to each other, to lean toward each other,’ words about the activity of relationship, one’s ‘manner of conducting oneself in the world or in society; behavior, mode or course of life.’ To converse you don’t just have to perform turn taking, you have to listen to someone else, to read their body, their voice, their tone, and their silences. You bring your concern and experience to bear, and you expect the same from others” (44-45).

“To get children back to conversation—and learning the empathic skills that come from conversation—the first, crucial step is to talk with children. These days, it is often children who seem least afraid to point out that technology is too often getting in the way” (111).

 “People require eye contact for emotional stability and social fluency. A lack of eye contact is association with depression, isolation, and the development of antisocial traits such as exhibiting callousness. And the more we develop these psychological problems, the more we shy away from eye contact… If a tool gets in the way of our looking at each other, we should use it only when necessary. It shouldn’t be the first thing we turn to. One thing is certain: The tool that is handy is not always the right tool” (325).

Although it’s not written from a Christian worldview, this book made me consider what it means for us to be embodied souls made in the image of God. Our God, in Triune community, created man and said “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18 ESV). But ever since the Fall (Genesis 3) there has been division, dissension, and disruption to our relationships. God gave the Law to Moses (Exodus 20), but the condition of mankind required something more—an embodied presence. “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

Physical presence is important to who we are as human beings. Jesus touched the lepers, the blind, and the lame. He looked the outcasts in the eye. John testified to “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life” (1 John 1:1). It is impossible for us to fulfill all the “one another” commands through digital media alone.

We know these things, and yet it is all too easy for us to turn to texts, emails, or Facebook as a substitute for a real conversation with another person, and people are suffering the consequences. Children aren’t learning how to have real conversations or how to empathize with others. There’s an epidemic of loneliness among all ages. Suicide rates are increasing even when we’re the most electronically “connected” generation ever. Turkle writes that “human relationships are rich, messy, and demanding. When we clean them up with technology, we move from conversation to the efficiencies of mere connection. I fear we forget the difference” (21). Perhaps we each need to step back and evaluate where technology is leading us and reclaim what is being lost.

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the body of peace” (Ephesians 4:1b-3).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.