Let's Talk

Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age, by Sherry Turkle, is a book I would recommend to pastors, parents, and anyone who uses a smart phone or social media. Though it was written in 2015 it’s still relevant today. Following are a few quotes and thoughts on the “progress” of technology:

“This new mediated life has gotten us into trouble. Face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do. Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. It’s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood. And conversation advances self-reflection, the conversations with ourselves that are the cornerstone of early development and continue throughout life… But these days we find ways around conversation. We hide from each other even as we’re constantly connected to each other. For on our screens, we are tempted to present ourselves as we would like to be… online and at our leisure, it is easy to compose, edit, and improve as we revise” (3-4).

“We are being silenced by our technologies… These silences—often in the presence of our children—have led to a crisis of empathy that has diminished us at home, at work, and in public life” (9).

“Conversation implies something kinetic. It is derived from words that mean ‘to tend to each other, to lean toward each other,’ words about the activity of relationship, one’s ‘manner of conducting oneself in the world or in society; behavior, mode or course of life.’ To converse you don’t just have to perform turn taking, you have to listen to someone else, to read their body, their voice, their tone, and their silences. You bring your concern and experience to bear, and you expect the same from others” (44-45).

“To get children back to conversation—and learning the empathic skills that come from conversation—the first, crucial step is to talk with children. These days, it is often children who seem least afraid to point out that technology is too often getting in the way” (111).

 “People require eye contact for emotional stability and social fluency. A lack of eye contact is association with depression, isolation, and the development of antisocial traits such as exhibiting callousness. And the more we develop these psychological problems, the more we shy away from eye contact… If a tool gets in the way of our looking at each other, we should use it only when necessary. It shouldn’t be the first thing we turn to. One thing is certain: The tool that is handy is not always the right tool” (325).

Although it’s not written from a Christian worldview, this book made me consider what it means for us to be embodied souls made in the image of God. Our God, in Triune community, created man and said “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18 ESV). But ever since the Fall (Genesis 3) there has been division, dissension, and disruption to our relationships. God gave the Law to Moses (Exodus 20), but the condition of mankind required something more—an embodied presence. “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

Physical presence is important to who we are as human beings. Jesus touched the lepers, the blind, and the lame. He looked the outcasts in the eye. John testified to “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life” (1 John 1:1). It is impossible for us to fulfill all the “one another” commands through digital media alone.

We know these things, and yet it is all too easy for us to turn to texts, emails, or Facebook as a substitute for a real conversation with another person, and people are suffering the consequences. Children aren’t learning how to have real conversations or how to empathize with others. There’s an epidemic of loneliness among all ages. Suicide rates are increasing even when we’re the most electronically “connected” generation ever. Turkle writes that “human relationships are rich, messy, and demanding. When we clean them up with technology, we move from conversation to the efficiencies of mere connection. I fear we forget the difference” (21). Perhaps we each need to step back and evaluate where technology is leading us and reclaim what is being lost.

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the body of peace” (Ephesians 4:1b-3).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.