My Weird-Wired Brain

I found this video online of research from Dr. Russell Hurlburt on the topic of inner monologue. He lists five general ways that people think—inner speaking, seeing, feeling, sensory, and unsymbolized—but there is a lot of overlap and variation. It would be interesting to see if there are patterns related to learning styles, career choices, mental illness, and developmental challenges.

I’m becoming increasingly aware that human brains do not function exactly the same for all people. Following are a few examples of the way my brain works. I have no idea if these are unique or common, and I’d be curious to find out.

Images

In recent years there have been articles popping up on the internet about aphantasia, an inability to see mental pictures. Some people see no pictures, others see variations from simple black and white to full color, lifelike images. In my case, I see everything in full detail; however, I tend to see things from a certain perspective. I do a lot of drawing and when I want to draw, say, a hummingbird* I search for images online so I can make sure I get my dimensions correct. But I can only use images that match my mental picture. It has to be facing the right direction. (Animals usually have to be facing the left side of my paper.) I can’t simply turn my mental image or my drawing around. Oddly, saving the computer image and reversing it doesn’t help much because I remember the original and then it looks wrong reversed.

I have the same perspective limitations when thinking of rooms. If someone asked me to describe my bedroom, I’d describe it as seen from the doorway. This would be true even if I were laying on my bed at the time. This may be similar to my memory of where certain images or concepts appear on the pages of books. Although I read some eBooks, I find it harder to read when things aren’t always in the same place and I can’t see the surrounding context. (This is a good argument for using a physical Bible and using the same Bible for as long as possible.)

When going someplace new, I like to have a mental map of the area. If I use my phone app to give me directions, I don’t know where I am in relation to other roads. More than once I’ve gone the wrong direction because I wasn’t paying enough attention to my phone and didn’t know where I was even in my own city.

Numbers

Even though I work in accounting and love numbers, I am bad at mental math. Someone may ask “What’s 36 * 9?” and I would turn on my adding machine. For as long as I can remember I’ve used touch point math, even before I knew there was such a thing. I don’t recall ever being taught that, but I happened to find a method that worked for me. I’ve recently started playing the Nerdle game online, and I struggle to do some of the math without writing it down or using a calculator.

Conversations

In social settings, I’m always trying to figure out what to say and exactly how to say it. I have to think things through before I’ll open my mouth. Unfortunately, this often means that the subject changes before I have found the right words, so I won’t say anything at all. Some people seem to be able to think while they speak, which I find difficult.

If I have to explain something and I start mentally rehearsing it, I have to go through it from beginning to end before my brain will let me move on to something else. I can’t skip from A to D, no matter how simple B and C are. If I do try to fast forward, I’ll have to start over at A.

Following certain conversations or meetings, I will often rehearse what was said almost verbatim. This is definitely not because I want to, but because my brain won’t stop. This tends to happen more if the conversation was emotionally charged.

Concluding Thoughts

God has created widely diverse people, and I don’t think I’ve always fully appreciated this. We’re so quick to put labels on people to categorize and segregate them. But people don’t fit in nice little boxes, and we were never meant to. We should be slow to label variations of human development and processing as “right” or “wrong” even if something is statistically far more common. Different is not necessarily bad.

“For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God” (1 Cor. 2:11).

*When I write my pastor’s paychecks, I usually decorate the envelope. This was the most recent one.

© 2022 Dawn Rutan text and picture. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Theology of Special Music

The subject of special music in church services is one that I’ve given quite a bit of thought. I won’t give all my opinions, but wanted to outline some areas to consider on the question of whether should churches use soloists or small group performances in worship. There are two contrasting assumptions debated among theologians.

Regulative Principle of Worship: God commands certain elements of worship in Scripture and prohibits all other practices.

The Westminster Confession of Faith (21.1) states:

“But the acceptable way of worshiping the true God is instituted by himself, and so limited by his own revealed will, that he may not be worshiped according to the imaginations and devices of men, or the suggestions of Satan, under any visible representation, or any other way not prescribed in the Holy Scripture.”

In some Christian traditions this has been strictly interpreted to mean only singing the scriptural psalms and singing without musical accompaniment. Other traditions have used a broader definition to allow a variety of instruments and styles of congregational singing, but prohibiting special music by individuals or groups. One of the Scriptures used in support of this principle is Deuteronomy 12:32:

“Everything that I command you, you shall be careful to do. You shall not add to it or take from it.”

Normative Principle of Worship: If Scripture does not specifically prohibit something, then it is permissible.

This too has been interpreted in a variety of ways—from churches with a fairly set order of service that includes solos and choirs, to churches that include full bands, interpretive dance, and special effects. Advocates here might point to verses like Psalm 33:3:

“Give thanks to the Lord with the lyre; make melody to Him with the harp of ten strings! Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.”

Other Considerations

Music has been an important element in the worship of God since at least Exodus if not before. Scripture makes frequent reference to music and singing. The Bible includes a whole book of psalms to be sung. Jesus and His disciples sang a hymn together following the institution of the Lord’s Supper. Paul and Silas sang hymns in jail, and Paul instructed the Corinthian church:

“What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up” (1 Cor. 14:26).

This verse would seem to allow for one to sing a solo in the church gathering, but we can’t ignore the end of that verse— “for building up.” All the contributions to the service are meant for building others up in the faith. Earlier in the letter Paul wrote:

“All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor” (1 Cor. 10:23-24).

Just because something is permissible doesn’t mean it is the best choice at any given time or place. In the book of Amos, woes were pronounced upon those who sang “idle songs” and invented musical instruments but “are not grieved over the ruin of Joseph” (Amos 6:1-6). There are times to sing and times to be silent.

Music used in worship should consider both the glory of God and the good of the gathered body. Paul told the Colossians:

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Col. 3:16-17, see also Eph. 5:18-21).

The modern Western church has at times tended to adopt our culture’s focus on the individual—what do I prefer, how do I benefit, and how can I get recognition? We may be less conscientious about considering what is best for the local church body. Our culture is also increasingly focused on entertainment, which has impacted the church as well. Far too many people look at worship as a spectator sport. Some church-hop to find the best show and some people seek the recognition of being featured.

There are several questions that I would encourage church leaders to consider:

• Is the use of soloists and special music contributing to worshiping God and proclaiming His Word, or is it promoting entertainment and glorifying people?
• What is the motivation of those who are asking for special music or those who are asking to present such music?
• Who in the church has jurisdiction over the choice of music and musicians?
• Are there ways to use gifted people in leading music without featuring them as performance artists?
• How might church leaders guide the congregation to focus on God and the truths of Scripture more than on the musicians?

I believe that different churches can make different decisions on these questions, but all churches should consider why they do what they do. We’ve probably all adopted certain traditions without thinking through them biblically. “We’ve always done it that way” is not good justification for anything. I’ve heard of churches where non-members are not allowed to sing in the choir, and I’ve heard of large churches that hire non-Christians to play in the band. Either extreme raises concerns. To those inclined to legalism the caution is, “In vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men” (Mark 7:7). To those inclined to indulgence, “All things should be done decently and in order” (1 Cor. 14:40).

“Sing praises to the Lord, O you His saints, and give thanks to His holy name” (Psalm 30:4).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Doubtless

I’ve always felt sorry for Thomas. Scripture never calls him “Doubting Thomas,” but sometime in history he got labeled as a skeptic. Here’s the story from John’s gospel:

“Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord.’ But he said to them, ‘Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.’ Eight days later, His disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ Then He said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.’ Thomas answered Him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Jesus said to him, ‘Have you believed because you have seen Me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed’” (John 20:24-29).

The main thing that made Thomas different from the other disciples is that he did not happen to be with them the other times Jesus appeared. In Luke’s account of Jesus appearing to the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, we’re told,

“He said to them, ‘O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!’” (Luke 24:25).

And then when Jesus appeared to the others,

“As they were talking about these things, Jesus Himself stood among them, and said to them, ‘Peace to you!’ But they were startled and frightened and thought they saw a spirit. And He said to them, ‘Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See My hands and My feet, that it is I Myself. Touch Me, and see. For a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have.’ And when He had said this, He showed them His hands and His feet. And while they still disbelieved for joy and were marveling, He said to them, ‘Have you anything here to eat?’ They gave Him a piece of broiled fish, and He took it and ate before them” (Luke 24:36-42).

Thomas was really no different from the other disciples in his desire for visible proof of the resurrected Jesus. None of Jesus’ followers really understood that He was going to rise again in three days, even though Jesus had told them so. In fact, when Jesus tried to tell them (Mark 8:31-33), Peter rebuked Jesus and yet Peter wasn’t labeled a skeptic. If they had predicted the resurrection, would they have run away on the night of His arrest (Mark 14:50)? Would they have been hiding behind locked doors (John 20:19)?

The point is not that Thomas or any of the others doubted. We all have doubts at times. But Jesus understands our doubts and confusion and He comes to us in our place of need. I find it interesting that some Muslims come to faith in Christ because they see a vision. That seems to be a method that they are able to accept, whereas other people might just think of it as a weird dream. Some people are more convinced by historical proofs of the reliability of the biblical texts and authors (for example Lee Strobel’s The Case for Christ). Whatever the case may be, if someone is genuinely interested in knowing the resurrected Jesus, they will not be turned away. God desires people to come to faith in Him even more than we do (2 Pet. 3:9). Thomas’s doubts were answered and he remained faithful to Jesus. It is believed that he carried the gospel message into India.

“Jesus said to him, ‘Have you believed because you have seen Me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’ Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name” (John 20:29-31).

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© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Take Up Your Cross

The world tells us “Be who you are! Do what makes you happy!” But Jesus taught something much different:

“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matt. 16:24-25).

Each one of us has a cross to bear. Your cross is that area of life where you want to just throw in the towel. It could be difficult relationships with parents or children, or unwanted singleness; it may be the physical suffering of a chronic or terminal illness, or multiple miscarriages; perhaps it is gender dysphoria, same-sex attraction, or other enduring temptation. Each person’s cross is a little different, but each is a heavy load. To follow Jesus requires us to carry that load while living in obedience to His Word. If we choose comfort and pleasure over taking up our crosses, we are in danger of condemnation. “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36). Some have chosen to reinterpret or ignore portions of Scripture in order to avoid the burden of their crosses. We are meant to be people who—

• forgive those who hurt us 
• trust Him in the midst of loss and sorrow 
• believe that He has made us who we are and is with us in our struggles 
• turn to Him instead of self-medicating with whatever pleasures we can find

We can tend to forget that Jesus knows what suffering is. Easter is sometimes the only week we focus on all that Jesus went through in His death. He didn’t go to the cross eagerly. He wanted to avoid it if He could, but ultimately, He trusted the Father’s plan to bring perfect good out of the greatest evil.

“Then He said to them, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with Me.’ And going a little farther He fell on His face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will’” (Matt. 26:38-39).

Even when the decision was made, Jesus didn’t breeze through the torture and crucifixion with a smile on His face.

“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matt. 27:46).

Let’s not forget that Jesus also endured suffering during His life up to that point. Though we don’t know much about His childhood, He faced the same temptations and struggles that every child does (Luke 2:41-52). As He began His ministry, He endured specific temptation by the devil (Luke 4:1-13). During His years of ministry He put up with constant questioning and schemes from the Pharisees and Sadducees, doubts from those who heard His teaching, and eventually betrayal and abandonment by His own disciples. He went through all this so He could fully identify with us.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:15-16).

So when Jesus calls us to take up our own crosses and follow Him, it is not an abstract concept or a command from one who has never been there. And because He bore His cross, we are enabled to do the same.

“Therefore… let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Heb. 12:1-2).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Don't Make Yourself at Home

When the Israelites entered the Promised Land, they were commanded,

“In the cities of these peoples that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance, you shall save alive nothing that breathes, but you shall devote them to complete destruction, the Hittites and the Amorites, the Canaanites and the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, as the Lord your God has commanded, that they may not teach you to do according to all their abominable practices that they have done for their gods, and so you sin against the Lord your God” (Deut. 20:16-18).

God had promised to drive out the nations as long as Israel obeyed His commands, but they gave up too quickly. Right after Joshua died we read,

“But the People of Israel made themselves at home among the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. They married their daughters and gave their own daughters to their sons in marriage. And they worshiped their gods” (Jud. 3:5-6 MSG).

They didn’t just tolerate these other nations and their beliefs, they actually welcomed them and joined them. This led to repeated cycles of idolatry, judgment, captivity, and restoration.

In our world today, toleration of every belief (except Christianity) is the new “gospel.” But simple tolerance is never seen as enough. We are expected to conform to the beliefs of those around us. In far too many cases, Christians have capitulated, to our own detriment. Often times Christians are indistinguishable from the culture around us. Our priorities look the same—work, entertainment, social media, family, etc. Even our fears and anxieties often look the same. Not many are asking for “a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Pet. 3:15), because they don’t see anything different in us.

We’ve made ourselves at home in this world, but as the old gospel song says, “This world is not my home.” We weren’t meant to blend in, but to be set apart as representatives of the heavenly kingdom. We are God’s ambassadors on earth (2 Cor. 5:20) with the job of bringing people into His kingdom, not living like the natives here.

May we each examine our lives and our priorities and make sure we haven’t made our homes in the wrong place, “but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven… For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:20-21). Our Father’s house is so much better than anything we can ever hope to build here!

“For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens… So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him” (2 Cor. 5:1, 9).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Running Thoughts

This weekend I went to a middle school track meet to see a young friend run. It’s the first track meet that I’ve been to in more than twenty years. During the first couple races I found myself getting emotional, not from nostalgia, but because of the group experience of cheering on those on our team. There’s something strengthening for runners and spectators alike to know that you’re not out there alone and others want to encourage you to do your best. (Perhaps that’s one reason I always did better at track than cross country, where spectators are few and far between.)

That idea was mentioned more than once in our church gatherings Sunday morning—we need each other. I think sometimes we take our church family for granted. We assume that people know we love them. We assume they will call us if they need something. Or we assume that others are busy with their own concerns and we should keep our problems to ourselves. But we need each other far more than we know. Hebrews 12:1 reminds us,

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and since which clings to closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”

I think nearly every sermon I’ve heard on this verse has referred solely to the “Hall of Faith” in chapter 11 as that cloud of witnesses. But I’m increasingly convinced that it includes every Christian—and perhaps especially the ones sitting in the next pew on Sunday morning. We need cheerleaders in all the races of life, not just the stories of those who have already finished the race. Biographies may bring a bit of encouragement, but they can only go so far in spurring us to keep running when there are more hurdles than we’re prepared for.

During the track meet, the Piedmont coach was frequently heard yelling, “Don’t quit! Don’t give up! Keep going!” And he didn’t limit his cheers to his own team, but shared his energy with all the kids. Sometimes church members can get tunnel vision and think that our church’s “team” is the only one that matters, forgetting that every Christian is on the same team. We are all running for the same finish line, and we can all cheer one another on regardless of our differences of opinion on secondary issues.

For various reasons (some of which I don’t understand) I’ve needed some cheerleaders lately. It helps to be reminded that others see me, care for me, and pray for me. They may not take away any of the hurdles, but they can put a little more spring in the next step and a little more oxygen in the next breath. And I know I’m not the only one who’s feeling the strain of life in a busy and fallen world. We could all use a regular pep talk to help us keep running and “holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain” (Phil. 2:16).

May we all be those who are heard yelling to one another, “Don’t quit! Don’t give up! Keep going! You can make it!”

“For it is You who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness. For by You I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall” (Psalm 18:28-29).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

The Ministry of Presence

The industrial age began around 1760 and brought with it increasingly faster modes of transportation. The steam engine was patented in 1769. The Wright brothers took flight in 1903. Cars became increasingly common through the twentieth century. Now you can be anywhere in the world in a matter of hours. As speed has increased and the population has become more mobile, the connectedness of communities has waned. Front porches have been replaced by fenced back yards. Now with the information age, physical presence has been replaced by screens. Community dances and picnics have been replaced by home entertainment systems and Netflix. Sharing a meal with friends has been replaced by Facebook pictures of your meal (a trend that I will never understand!).

Through COVID shutdowns many workers found they can do their work remotely, but even tech businesses have discovered that being in the same building matters. “Management by walking around” is a necessary part of working together as a team for a common purpose.

Although church livestreaming was helpful during the pandemic, many Christians (but not all) have discovered that physical presence matters to the Body of Christ. We need real eye contact, handshakes, and hugs. We need to hear others singing in worship with us and to hear the pages of Bibles turning. We need to join together in communion and bow together in prayer at the altar.

But even with all the regularly scheduled gatherings of the church, I’m not sure that is enough for deep discipleship and spiritual intimacy between members of the Body. Jesus spent three years with His disciples doing nearly everything together 24-7. Paul, Silas, Timothy, and Luke went on a variety of long trips in pairs or trios. Acts 2:46 says the early believers were “day by day attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes.” Does that kind of time investment only apply to people who have nowhere else to go and no way to get there? Can a phone call or Zoom meeting take the place of walking with one another and observing one another in action day by day? Can a couple hours per week at church suffice? We need extended, unstructured times to converse and find out what is happening behind the scenes of our carefully cultivated appearances.

In the midst of writing this, I paused and read a few pages of the closest book on my desk, which happened to be Erik Reynold’s book Discover: Ancient Truths for Today. He wrote:

“How great and gracious is our God? He gives us one another to spur us on in the faith. He knows that the life to which He has called us is difficult… What’s God’s plan when we start acting sideways? He’s given us brothers in Christ to tenderly reveal our sin and lovingly point us to the Gospel. What’s God’s plan when we are discouraged because of a tragic life circumstance? He’s given us sisters in Christ to pray with and point us to the hope we have in Christ Jesus. What’s God’s plan when we realize how weak we are? He’s given us brothers in Christ to remind us that our weakness is a gift so that we will be more apt to rely upon the Holy Spirit who indwells us” (39).

God has given us one another for a purpose, and yet our relationships within the church are often one of the most neglected blessings He’s given. I can’t count how many times my spirits have been lifted by a brief conversation with a brother in Christ when we cross paths at the end of my daily run, or when a coworker pauses at my office door to talk. I’ve been pondering—if I worked in a secular job and didn’t live across the road from my church, where would I find those regular tastes of the ministry of presence? I would be on a starvation diet of Christian relationships from Monday through Saturday every week. Would professional Christian counselors have any clients if the church were living up to all the “one anothers” of Scripture? We were made to live in community, but it seems like we’ve gotten about as far from that as we can and still call ourselves one Body.

May God reunite us so that we might better “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thess. 5:11).

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind” (1 Pet. 3:8).

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© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.