When Life Is Hard

I ran across this quote a few weeks ago and have continued to think about it:

“‘Don’t apologize for your tears,’ he said. ‘Don’t ever apologize for your tears,’ he repeated with added fervor. ‘They reveal the feminine nature of God, a side that is soft, nurturing, deeply passionate, and caring. We need to see more of that side of God. Thank you for being brave enough to share it with me here today’” (Thrashing About with God, Mandy Steward, 186).

It made me think of the death of Lazarus as recorded in John 11, and that short verse “Jesus wept” (11:35). I’ve always pictured Jesus with a few tears sliding down His cheeks “weeping quietly,” as authors like to say. But looking back at verse 33, I’m not sure it was so sedate. “When Jesus saw [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled” (ESV). And in verse 38 He was “deeply moved again.” That doesn’t sound like a “dabbing at His eyes” sort of weeping. 

I think sometimes we tend to sanitize Jesus, never imagining that He could really experience the same intensity of emotions that we do. Didn’t His nose run or His face get red at times like this? Perhaps the reason verse 35 is so short is that Jesus was unable to speak through His tears at that moment. 

In his book When the Darkness Will Not Lift, John Piper states:

“One of the reasons God loved David so much was that he cried so much. ‘I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping’ (Ps. 6:6). ‘You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?’ (Ps. 56:8). Indeed they are! ‘Blessed are those who mourn’ (Matt. 5:4). It is a beautiful thing when a broken man genuinely cries out to God” (35).

We’ve done a disservice to God and to ourselves by creating a false stereotype. “Big girls don’t cry...” “Real men don’t cry...” Really? Was Jesus therefore immature or unmanly? There are events in this life that demand tears, as we have witnessed all too often lately. There are deep emotions and circumstances beyond our control. If Jesus, who was God incarnate, had reason to weep, how much more do we?

“Tears sum up everything gone wrong in this fallen world. Grief, frustration, pain, disappointment, loss, stress, tragedy, disaster, regret, mourning, depression, lament, brokenness, abandonment — all of it can be expressed through the universal language of tears” (Tony Reinke).

As one who struggles with depression, tears are all too familiar to me, but I’m trying to look at them a little differently. Tears were part of Jesus’ experience on earth because they are part of the human experience. It may not always be welcomed, but there is no shame in crying, and it can be a healthy expression of what is going on inside.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15).

© Dawn Rutan 2016

Truth and Error

Last week I stopped by the library to pick up an autobiography that had been referenced in another book I was reading. I didn’t know much about the author, but I recognized her name as having written some Christian articles. However, after reading about 80 pages of her book I’d had enough. Yes, at one time she was a conservative Christian writer, and she probably still considers herself a Christian, but she has adopted some very unorthodox beliefs. The book started out with her discomfort with the patriarchal heritage of culture and of Christianity in particular. Some of her concerns are quite valid, and I’ve experienced similar frustrations with figuring out where women are supposed to fit in church leadership. But her solution was one I cannot accept, as she embraced a rather radical feminism. I won’t even dignify her position by sharing her name here. If I’d read the book reviews on Amazon first I never would have picked up the book.

As it turns out, this experience dovetailed nicely with the discussion in our Sunday school class today from 1 Timothy 4:1-5. Verse 1 (ESV) states: “Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons.” I’m sure this woman didn’t start out by adopting heresy. She started with the good intentions of questioning what she’d been taught and wondering if that was truth. Her first error came in her understanding of Scripture. She stopped reading the Bible as God’s authoritative Word and started reading it as a collection of stories written by men and full of male dominance. She read it through the lenses of her own feelings and discomfort rather than examining her own feelings through the lens of Scripture. She essentially started defining truth for herself rather than letting God’s truth define her. She also started turning to non-Christian and pseudo-Christian sources to explain her own experiences. Her belief system started to adopt beliefs out of Greek mythology, Native American tradition, mysticism, and various other sources. It seems like her “theology” took in anything that made her feel empowered as a woman, regardless of whether it was Biblically correct or not.

This is the kind of “departure from the faith” that the Apostle Paul was warning about in the first century, and it is increasingly prevalent in our culture today. People are looking for whatever “truth” will make them feel better about themselves and will help them identify their place in the world. Even many who call themselves Christian are only in it for the parts they like. Whenever the teaching gets uncomfortable or convicting, they will move on to something else that makes them feel warm and cozy.

Another book I’ve started reading is Good Faith: Being a Christian When Society Thinks You’re Irrelevant andExtreme, by David Kinnamon and Gabe Lyons. They share many statistics on what U.S. adults think about Christianity, evangelism, and other religious activities. It’s clear that few people want to accept that there is any universal truth at all, much less that any one religion can point to Truth. For most people, religion is only valuable in so far as it reinforces their own desires and feelings. That also ties in with today’s sermon from 1 Corinthians 6:12-20. If pleasure is the goal and master of life then we will be slaves of our bodies, and it’s not surprising that our culture is now legalizing whatever feels good. That is the next logical step when there is no ultimate authority who can tell us we’re sinning with our actions or attitudes.

In a recent sermon, Alistair Begg quoted the old saying “God said it, I believe it, that settles it,” but he rightly pointed out the flaw in that statement. It should say “God said it, that settles it, therefore I believe it.” Those of us who do still claim the Bible as authoritative and who call Jesus our Lord and Savior need to be careful to give God preeminence in all things, not just the parts we like. There are some things in Scripture that make me uncomfortable, but I have no right to remove them. There are also some areas that I think have been misinterpreted by various denominational traditions, but it is not my place to tell them they are wrong. They will be held accountable for their beliefs and actions on the Day of Judgment just as I will be. Some who claim to be Christians have wandered so far from the true faith that they will be surprised to hear Jesus say “Depart from Me, I never knew you” (Matthew 7:23).

May we not be among those who make a shipwreck of our faith (1 Timothy 1:19), but train ourselves for godliness (1 Timothy 4:7), that by testing we may know the will of God (Romans 12:2) through the Word of God.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:23).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan.

Can't Turn Back

Awhile back I read in the book of Ruth where Ruth declared to Naomi: "Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God" (1:16 ESV). Peter made a similar comment when Jesus asked the disciples if they intended to turn back as well, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that You are the Holy One of God" (John 6:68-69). 

Perhaps other people aren't as heretical as I am, but every now and then I wonder—what if all this Christianity stuff is a myth and the Bible really isn't true? To be clear, I believe that there is good evidence for the Bible, and by faith I accept it as my guidance for life, but sometimes what it comes down to is this—where else could I go? I see no other options that will give me hope during hard times; that can give my life purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning; that can tell me this life is about more than just enduring to the end. 

If this life is all there is then there's every reason to exploit people, to grab whatever you can, and to eat, drink and be merry. There is no reason to care about other people or to adhere to any kind of morality. And there are plenty of reasons to give up all hope. 

But if Christianity is true... The One who created me also has redeemed me. My life is in His hands. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am saved from the penalty and power of sin. I am secure in the love of God, and no one can take me out of His hand. I am being conformed to His image. I am called to share His works and His truth. I am uniquely gifted to serve Him. I have reasons to live in faith, hope, and love. 

I wrote most of this post a couple months ago, but today read a quote that summarizes my thoughts: "What if I want to believe simply because I believe. It all sounds so foolish, so childlike, but I don’t have anything else to cling to" (Mandy Steward, Thrashing About with God, 190).

"And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight..."

© Dawn Rutan 2016

Finding God

Mandy Steward writes in Thrashing About with God about how she heard from God in her own conversation with her daughter:

“I will send you love letters under the door that tell you how much I love you... I felt God saying to me, 'This is what I do for you.' ... Little love notes that sometimes I can’t be sure were from God or me doing something kind for myself. But does it matter? If I’m able to feel love now when the unloved moments hit, I don’t care if I’m confused about its source. God is love, so wherever love flocks to, He must be a part of it" (82-83).

As I finished reading the chapter in tears and set the book down, I realized that the song coming through my earbuds was Selah singing "O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus." 

God often slips in incognito. Sometimes I see Him and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm more desperate to see Him, though I'm not sure that is the determining factor in whether He appears or not. But maybe it makes me slightly more attuned to His presence. After all, why would I see Him if I'm not looking? And this visit came at a time when I was desperate for God. 

I've been working through Ephesians one verse at a time, and I recently read 1:18 (ESV) "having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints." This has been part of my prayer lately. 

There have been many distractions from the world, the flesh, and the devil. Inconsequential things and even good things have kept me from seeing God, what He is doing, and the hope to which He has called me. I want to be so enamored with Him and so attentive to His presence that I see nothing else. I want Him to burn away all the chaff, and put all other things in their proper place of subordination.

I don't want to realize one day that I've stopped looking for Him because I've gotten too busy, too distracted, or too tangled up in sin. I want Him to keep the eyes of my heart open to see Him and receive His love notes every day. 

"O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free,

Rolling as a mighty ocean

In its fullness over me. 

Underneath me, all around me,

Is the current of Thy grace;

Leading onward, leading homeward

'Til I see Thy glorious face."

(Public domain, altered.)

© Dawn Rutan 2016

Who Gets the Glory?

I’ve spent several days in Ephesians 1 lately, and I noticed that Paul makes frequent references to God’s glory:

• 6- “…to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved” (ESV).
• 12- “…so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of His glory.”
• 14- “…who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of His glory.”
• 18- “…what are the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints.”

Since God’s glory is the reason for our election, sanctification, and future hope, how then do we live “to the praise of His glory”? In a sermon on Ephesians 1, John Piper commented “God adopted us in our unworthiness to make His glory look great.” God’s glory is displayed in the grace and mercy that He extends to unworthy people.

I wonder if we in the church have forgotten what it is that glorifies God the most? We look for numerical growth, relational depth, pursuit of spiritual disciplines, etc. All of those are good things that can glorify God, but are they the primary thing? Perhaps we need to be looking for people who are weak enough and desperate enough to say “I can’t do this on my own; only Christ can do it in me.” Maybe God’s glory is better seen in our humility and weakness than in our strength and progress. We are small, weak, dependent, and faltering, but His strength is perfect.

Jesus said, “Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Paul was told, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Paul also wrote, “For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men” (1 Corinthians 1:25). Why is it then that we are so reluctant to expose our weakness, either individually or as a body? Is God glorified more by the perfect record of a person who is no longer tempted in a particular way, or by one who falls periodically but is learning to depend on God for grace and mercy? Jesus said, “There will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance” (Luke 15:7).

And in the Body, why do we compare church size and programs as a measure of our worth? Is God not glorified more by a small group of people who are relying on Him desperately than by a large group who can get along without His intervention? I’m reminded of Gideon and the army that God pared down to 300 warriors “lest Israel boast over Me, saying ‘My own hand has saved me’” (Judges 7:2).

Pride can trip us up every time. As individuals we want to appear like we have it all together, like we’ve overcome sin and have no faith struggles. As churches we think that growing numbers and visible activities are signs of vitality. But what do we really have to boast about? God is the One who saved us, and He’s the One who causes us to grow in faith. We were dead, but He made us alive in Christ (Ephesians 2:5). When our faith fails, He remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13).

 “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9b).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan. 

God Is Not American

I hate to discuss politics and government, and this year is the worst. It crossed my mind this week that God’s purpose for the United States and the world in general is not “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” or even “one nation under God.” He is not in the business of promoting earthly comfort, prosperity, or human rights. The stock market is irrelevant, freedom of religion is an anomaly, and legislation is a poor attempt to control sin.

God’s purpose is not cultural reformation, but individual transformation. Cultural reforms can only address superficial behaviors. Only God can change hearts. God’s purpose is that people would come to faith in Him for salvation, sanctification, and eternal life. And His purpose for believers is that we will be conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-29) and will make disciples (Matthew 28:18-20), looking forward to that Day when He will “unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth” (Ephesians 1:10 ESV).

In one sense, it doesn’t really matter who you plan to vote for (but please vote). God is in control and His purpose will prevail regardless of who is elected. “But for this purpose I have raised you [Pharaoh] up, to show you My power, so that My name may be proclaimed in all the earth” (Exodus 9:16). “The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble” (Proverbs 16:4). It may be that God is lining up the players for the last scene of this drama called life. We already know that things are going to get worse before the Day of Judgment comes. To think that any elected official can “turn things around” long term is to ignore the overarching narrative of Scripture.

So as we wait out the election season, although I would like to pray for godly people to be elected, my real prayer is that God will spur His children on to love and good deeds, that the Body of Christ will be united under our true Head, and that God will be glorified by those who choose to follow Him no matter what may come.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2:11-14).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan. 

Paths of Grace

Sometimes having a vivid imagination can be both a blessing and a torment. Recently I was imagining a particular “what if” scenario, thinking about what life would be like now if something had been different in the past. In the process I realized that I would be faced with a very difficult and painful decision if that had been the case, so I am thankful that God’s grace protected me from following that particular path. There are a few situations that come to mind that are like that, some of which were more likely to happen than others.

Thinking of Robert Frost’s poem, life isn’t just two roads diverging, but thousands of roads leading on to thousands of other roads. We have no way of knowing where these roads will lead over the course of a lifetime. Some choices are clearly right or wrong, while others have no moral implications at all. Most roads are somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. As we look back over a lifetime of choices, we can see how one way led on to another to get us where we are today. And if those choices have been made with God’s guidance, we can see how He has made a straight path out of what seemed like a very circuitous route.

That’s an aspect of God’s grace that we may not always see or appreciate. We can agree with the Garth Brooks song, “Sometimes I Thank God for Unanswered Prayers,” but I wonder how many times God has intervened in ways that we never even know about? We may discover them later, like the car accident we avoided because we had a dead battery, or like the “what ifs” I imagined playing out, but many we may never discover. Perhaps part of eternity will be the revelation of all the ways God intervened in our lives. That would certainly give us reason to glorify God as we say, “Thank You for not letting me go there!” Of course, we don’t have to wait for eternity to express our thanks for God’s intervention.

There are also times we wish God had intervened, but for whatever reason He did not. Even though some of the paths we’ve traversed may have been difficult ones, where would we be today if we had not gone that direction? How have those difficult roads shaped our character and strengthened our faith in ways that easier roads would not? I was wrestling with this last night and questioning why God allowed certain circumstances in my life that were not pleasant and seemed to me to be detrimental to His purposes. In fact, in reviewing the first several verses of Ephesians 1, I felt that God’s grace wasn’t all that lavish sometimes. I had to return to a quote I’d encountered earlier in the day in a novel by Michael Phillips that I’m reading:

“People can be bitter over their marks of individuality. Or they can be thankful and let God use them to deepen compassion and character within them. I believe you are a better and more understanding and compassionate person because of the way God made you… [Y]ou really can thank God… because it has helped form your character inside… I love you so much! How could God not love you infinitely more than I do?”

It’s not always easy to find reasons to be thankful for circumstances we don’t understand. How can we wrap our minds around the idea of God’s lavish grace when life is painful and nothing makes sense? Eventually it comes down to a question of faith—do I trust Him with what I can’t yet see? Along the way, questions may be unanswered and emotions will rise, but God never changes. He can handle our questions and doubts, our fear and anger. Another character in the same book says:

“Asking God why things happen is, it seems to me, an integral part of what it means for a mortal to walk in faith, for we wouldn’t ask if we didn’t have faith that God knows the answer! But we do not see as God does. Much appears evil and unfair to our obscured sight. But we are nevertheless commanded to walk in faith, trusting in his sight more than we trust in our own. We can and perhaps should ask him why, as long as we trust him even when answers may be slow to come… God’s goodness is and must remain the foundation. With the underpinnings of goodness and trustworthiness solid, any number of questions, even doubts, even crying angrily to God as Job did—all these are allowed.”

So whether your paths are pleasant or painful, whether they divert you from disaster or take you through the valley of the shadow of death, thank God for His loving kindness and lavish grace. One day everything that is now hidden from us will be brought to light, and God’s glory will be fully revealed.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan.