A Reluctant Complementarian

I’ve been reading with interest the exchange of posts on complementarianism and egalitarianism on the Advent Christian Voices site. I had written on the subject a few years ago (here), but feel I need to update my blog as my own beliefs have shifted somewhat in recent years, although my prior post is still good.

When I was in college I considered myself an egalitarian, particularly after taking a class at Bethel College (now University) on “Male and Female in Biblical Perspective” in which we had to read a variety of authors including John Piper, Wayne Grudem, and Gilbert Bilezikian. After that class, it was many years before I would read anything by Piper because I thought he was so off-base and biased. As I’ve continued my research over the past two decades, I have come to believe my own conclusions were misguided, and I now consider myself a “reluctant complementarian.” Most recently I read Kevin DeYoung’s new book Men and Women in the Church: A Short, Biblical, Practical Introduction, and I agree with much of what he has written there in support of a complementarian view.

As the contributors to A.C. Voices have illustrated, there are highly educated people who come to vastly different conclusions on what Scripture actually says about women in the church. Readers can find any number of authors to “prove” their position, and I will not specifically address the theology here. So why have I landed in the complementarian camp?

• Most of the complementarian authors I have read seem to provide more solid biblical evidence for their interpretation of Scripture than do egalitarian authors. I’m not an expert on Hebrew and Greek language and culture. Since Scripture is not crystal clear on the subject, the vast majority of us have to rely on the research others have done and sort it out as best we can. Complementarianism appears to me to make the most sense of the hard passages, particularly in the epistles.
• Much of my original egalitarianism was shaped more by experience and by my peers than by Scripture. We live in a fallen world and we’ve all seen abuses of power by men in the church, home, and society, but that doesn’t mean that all men are abusive or domineering. Unfortunately, women can be corrupted by power just as easily as men, and I’ve seen that happen in church settings as well. My change of mind has been influenced by seeing people I love and respect who have modeled their complementarian theology in their homes and churches with grace and compassion. They have shown me that they are not out to “keep me in my place,” but to listen, consider, and find common ground on difficult issues. Where I would naturally distrust men, I am growing in trust.

Why do I call myself a “reluctant” complementarian?

• I know there are churches and mission fields even in my own denomination that have been sustained by women when men have been unavailable, unwilling, or unable to do so. I affirm their faithfulness, but I question whether that was the biblical ideal.
• As with many aspects of gender, I try to imagine what the world was like before the fall and what it will be like after the resurrection. How will we all interact when there is no marriage or reproduction, no need for preaching and teaching, and in the presence of our Creator and Redeemer? What aspects of gender will be real or necessary at that point? How might that then impact how we interact with one another in this life? Perhaps complementarian questions will become moot because all authority will belong to Jesus rather than delegated to other leaders in the church and home.
• I grew up in a generation that said “you can be anything you want,” and it feels a bit like a betrayal of friends and family members to accept or acknowledge limitations of any kind. However, I have to bow to Jesus’ words, “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matt. 16:24-25). I’ve had to wrestle with God over issues where I thought His way was unfair or undesirable, and I keep coming to the same conclusion— “He must increase but I must decrease” (John 3:30). It’s not about me doing something because I have the ability or desire, but trusting God to use me wherever and however He sees fit.

What does all this mean for me?

• I would not join a church where women regularly fill the pulpit for the purpose of proclaiming the Word. I would not be comfortable there and I would have trouble submitting to them as my spiritual leaders. I’m on the fence about women in other teaching positions, and it depends a lot on the particular women and circumstances involved.
• I also wouldn't join a church where women have no representation or voice on important decisions. We are equally members of the body and we may have unique insights on issues that need to be heard through both official and unofficial channels. If men hold all the power and refuse to listen to other perspectives, they are not loving the church well.
• I am cautious in reading the works of either the ultra-complementarian or the ultra-egalitarian, as both extremes seem likely to introduce extrabiblical standards of faith and practice.
• There is room in the Body of Christ for differences of opinion on the grey areas of Scripture. Others may come to an egalitarian point of view and lead their local churches in that manner, and that is okay.

I never would have imagined it twenty-five years ago, but this is where I believe God has led me through a wide variety of books, videos, and personal interactions. Some parts of Christian theology are not nearly as black and white as I once believed.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another… And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Col. 3:12-13, 17).

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© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Speak Up

Gabe Lyons makes some interesting comments in this short video: https://vimeo.com/184206469 He talks about Christians (and Millennials in particular) feeling marginalized and afraid to speak up and to talk about what they believe. It is certainly true that our culture has grown more hostile toward Christians in general, and perhaps the church has not done a very good job in equipping and encouraging members to be able to speak intelligently about their faith.

At the same time, I have seen this same reluctance to speak up within churches as well. From small group meetings where only a few people ever say anything, to board or conference meetings where those with strong opinions dominate the discussion and decisions. And it tends to be the older generations that hold onto control and ignore what younger people may have to contribute. Todd Wilken writes:

“Boomers don’t leave institutions when things don’t go their way (something intolerable to Boomers), they stay and fight, they protest, they sit in. In short, Boomers seek to recreate the institution in their own Boomer image.”

As a member of Gen X, my stock answer to most debates is “Whatever.” I may have an opinion, but I usually don’t think it is worth fighting over. It’s not surprising that many young people have decided to start new churches rather than try to fight to be heard in existing churches. Others leave the church entirely as they get discouraged by the lack of opportunity, authenticity, and community.

Even the Apostle Paul had to remind Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12 ESV). It seems to be a perpetual problem in the church that those who have been around the longest don’t want to let things change. Churches can become ingrown because of that. Thom Rainer wrote a brief list of warning signs of inwardly focused churches. He notes,

“Almost any noticeable changes in the church evoke the ire of many; but those same passions are not evident about participating in the work of the gospel to change lives… Very few members share their faith on a regular basis. More are concerned about their own needs rather than the greatest eternal needs of the world and the community in which they live.”

It’s worth the time to think about how well your church or small group functions, if you don’t mind a little uncomfortable examination. Do those who attend also participate with their words and actions? If not, why not? If a visitor were to come in, would they feel welcome? Would they understand what was going on? Would they feel free to contribute to the discussion? Do church members know how to share their faith with unbelievers, and are they actually doing so?

Many of us need to find courage to speak up, both in our churches and our culture. That courage comes from confidence in who we are in Christ and in His ability to speak to us and through us. I’ll be the first to say “I’d rather not,” but His grace is sufficient for all such difficult interactions.

“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant…” (2 Corinthians 3:5-6 ESV).

© 2017 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.

Limping Together

I recently shared this quote on Facebook: “Our calling, however, is often shaped as much by our weaknesses as by our strengths. We tend to run with our strengths and avoid those people and tasks that expose our weaknesses. But the story of God is not a saga of human potential; it is the revelation of the kindness and passion of the Father who seeks and redeems sinners. Therefore, our strengths may help us with certain tasks and opportunities, but it is our frailty and sin that make known the glory of God’s story” (Dan Allender, Leading with a Limp, 149-150).

One of the points that Allender makes is that leaders tend to hide their weaknesses in order to project a certain image, but weaknesses have a way of coming out. Though he doesn’t say this directly, I’ve observed that times of organizational transition reveal the weaknesses of all those in leadership more so than their strengths. When the organization is operating normally, everyone plays to their strengths and keeps their weaknesses hidden behind the facade of competency. But when change comes, many people are forced out of their comfort zones. Pride and a sense of entitlement emerge. Fear of loss and distrust of management creep out of the woodwork. The mistakes that have been made become more obvious and get rehashed. Decisions that were previously put off reach crisis mode.

Allender writes: “What is most obvious to others are our most common ways of failing to love—the unique style that rises to the surface during times of shame, hurt, fear, or criticism” (174). As with the rest of life, it’s often easier to see and criticize the faults of others than to deal with our own (Matthew 7:3-5).

Two questions come to mind:

1) Are we going to own up to our weaknesses as leaders, churches, and organizations? The answer to that question assumes that we actually know and understand what those weaknesses are. The discovery process may be a painful one. The criticism that the church is full of hypocrites comes because we aren’t willing to live authentically in our weakness.

2) Once the time of transition passes, are we each going to go back behind the facade of strength or will we embrace our weaknesses as a path for God’s strength to be revealed? Trusting, loving relationships require ongoing honesty. Working together effectively as the Body of Christ depends on knowing one another’s strengths and weaknesses.

The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 1:26-27 (ESV): “For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.” The standard of the world is to focus on strengths, regardless of what God may want to do through our weaknesses. “God, however, loves to use our strengths to get us into situations where our weaknesses are exposed and used for his glory” (187). God doesn’t intend for us to live entirely in our own strength, because that doesn’t bring Him glory.

Our weakness is the playing field for His strength to be revealed.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

© 2015 Dawn Rutan