Who Am I?

In many things I’ve read and listened to recently, I’ve seen a variety of comments about identity. In this helpful video from the ERLC, Katie McCoy described our cultural conflict as being an emphasis that “identity is self-created versus identity is God-given.” Whether we’re discussing gender and sexuality, personality tests, or a myriad of other topics, we’re being told that your identity is defined by how you feel. People are urged to adopt whatever labels fit them at a particular time, and then change them as often as they wish. It’s confusing for all of us to try to keep up.

The deeper issue is that every person is trying to figure out where they fit in the grand scheme of life. Those of us who have been out of school for a while can remember the various cliques that existed in our day. My high school had the jocks, popular kids, band geeks, nerds, and stoners among others. There wasn’t a whole lot of question who was in each group. After graduation most people settled into life-stage categories—college, singles, married, children, middle age, and retirees.

Now it seems like the labels are constantly changing for every age group. That can largely be tied to the increasing individualization of Western culture. No longer are we defined by our place in our local village, but we have infinite choices—where to live, what kind of work we do and who to work for, what entertainment we pursue, where or if we go to church, who we want to associate with, etc. Each choice tends to group us with certain people and segregate us from other people. If we decide we don’t quite fit in one group, we’re free to relocate to another group. So we’re constantly trying to determine what identity label best fits us at any given time. Expressive individualism is the rule of the day.

We’ve lost our sense of belonging to a relatively consistent community. The church ought to be a pillar of light and truth in this darkness and uncertainty. Andrew Walker said in the above video, “We need to recapture the idea that there are universals—universal truths… consistent with our design as human beings.” Our identity needs to be tied to how and why God created us, our role in His eternal family, and how He has gifted us with abilities and relationships.

One of the challenges we face, even while we attempt to preach the truth of God’s Word, is the tendency to adopt stereotypes that are not based in Scripture. There is a saying that “If you’ve met someone on the autism spectrum, you’ve met one person on the spectrum.” In other words, the traits and characteristics are so diverse that stereotypes are often meaningless. The same can be said of many other labels. Yes, there are some binary categories—for example male (XY) and female (XX)—but the interests, abilities, and traits of men or women, married or single, young or old, educated or uneducated, are highly variable and often overlapping. If we focus too much on cultural stereotypes, we may unintentionally alienate people who are looking for their place in our community.

I’ve wrestled with the question of identity in a variety of ways. As a Gen X single woman (among other labels), I often focus more on the things that separate me from other people than on the things that unite us. But I’ve been reminded that if we actually take time to get to know one another deeply and spend unstructured time together, we’ll usually find that we have a lot more in common than we might otherwise assume. One recent highlight for me was several hours in a van with coworkers just chatting and asking goofy questions. Even though most of us have worked together for years, it made me feel more connected to our little community.

We in the church need to remember that relationships are not built by sitting together through a worship service, but by sharing life together in a wide variety of circumstances. Our identity is not simply as children of God, but as brothers and sisters walking together through life. We can’t have the Father without also connecting to our siblings. If we find our place in the “village” of our local church, it will go a long way toward helping us feel secure, loved, and accepted in our unchanging identity in Christ and in this world.

“For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:27-28).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

A Reluctant Complementarian

I’ve been reading with interest the exchange of posts on complementarianism and egalitarianism on the Advent Christian Voices site. I had written on the subject a few years ago (here), but feel I need to update my blog as my own beliefs have shifted somewhat in recent years, although my prior post is still good.

When I was in college I considered myself an egalitarian, particularly after taking a class at Bethel College (now University) on “Male and Female in Biblical Perspective” in which we had to read a variety of authors including John Piper, Wayne Grudem, and Gilbert Bilezikian. After that class, it was many years before I would read anything by Piper because I thought he was so off-base and biased. As I’ve continued my research over the past two decades, I have come to believe my own conclusions were misguided, and I now consider myself a “reluctant complementarian.” Most recently I read Kevin DeYoung’s new book Men and Women in the Church: A Short, Biblical, Practical Introduction, and I agree with much of what he has written there in support of a complementarian view.

As the contributors to A.C. Voices have illustrated, there are highly educated people who come to vastly different conclusions on what Scripture actually says about women in the church. Readers can find any number of authors to “prove” their position, and I will not specifically address the theology here. So why have I landed in the complementarian camp?

• Most of the complementarian authors I have read seem to provide more solid biblical evidence for their interpretation of Scripture than do egalitarian authors. I’m not an expert on Hebrew and Greek language and culture. Since Scripture is not crystal clear on the subject, the vast majority of us have to rely on the research others have done and sort it out as best we can. Complementarianism appears to me to make the most sense of the hard passages, particularly in the epistles.
• Much of my original egalitarianism was shaped more by experience and by my peers than by Scripture. We live in a fallen world and we’ve all seen abuses of power by men in the church, home, and society, but that doesn’t mean that all men are abusive or domineering. Unfortunately, women can be corrupted by power just as easily as men, and I’ve seen that happen in church settings as well. My change of mind has been influenced by seeing people I love and respect who have modeled their complementarian theology in their homes and churches with grace and compassion. They have shown me that they are not out to “keep me in my place,” but to listen, consider, and find common ground on difficult issues. Where I would naturally distrust men, I am growing in trust.

Why do I call myself a “reluctant” complementarian?

• I know there are churches and mission fields even in my own denomination that have been sustained by women when men have been unavailable, unwilling, or unable to do so. I affirm their faithfulness, but I question whether that was the biblical ideal.
• As with many aspects of gender, I try to imagine what the world was like before the fall and what it will be like after the resurrection. How will we all interact when there is no marriage or reproduction, no need for preaching and teaching, and in the presence of our Creator and Redeemer? What aspects of gender will be real or necessary at that point? How might that then impact how we interact with one another in this life? Perhaps complementarian questions will become moot because all authority will belong to Jesus rather than delegated to other leaders in the church and home.
• I grew up in a generation that said “you can be anything you want,” and it feels a bit like a betrayal of friends and family members to accept or acknowledge limitations of any kind. However, I have to bow to Jesus’ words, “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matt. 16:24-25). I’ve had to wrestle with God over issues where I thought His way was unfair or undesirable, and I keep coming to the same conclusion— “He must increase but I must decrease” (John 3:30). It’s not about me doing something because I have the ability or desire, but trusting God to use me wherever and however He sees fit.

What does all this mean for me?

• I would not join a church where women regularly fill the pulpit for the purpose of proclaiming the Word. I would not be comfortable there and I would have trouble submitting to them as my spiritual leaders. I’m on the fence about women in other teaching positions, and it depends a lot on the particular women and circumstances involved.
• I also wouldn't join a church where women have no representation or voice on important decisions. We are equally members of the body and we may have unique insights on issues that need to be heard through both official and unofficial channels. If men hold all the power and refuse to listen to other perspectives, they are not loving the church well.
• I am cautious in reading the works of either the ultra-complementarian or the ultra-egalitarian, as both extremes seem likely to introduce extrabiblical standards of faith and practice.
• There is room in the Body of Christ for differences of opinion on the grey areas of Scripture. Others may come to an egalitarian point of view and lead their local churches in that manner, and that is okay.

I never would have imagined it twenty-five years ago, but this is where I believe God has led me through a wide variety of books, videos, and personal interactions. Some parts of Christian theology are not nearly as black and white as I once believed.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another… And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Col. 3:12-13, 17).

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© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Mix It Up

In reading this review of Rachel Green Miller’s Beyond Authority and Submission: Women and Men in Marriage, Church, and Society, one of the reviewer’s comments stood out to me:

“[The] message is that conservatives need to examine themselves to see where their own errors and acceptance of extra-biblical and even anti-biblical traditions have led them astray. Miller speaks in earnest when she describes the way contemporary stereotypes caused her to question her femininity (124)… These are concerns that many people will share. Having served as a pastor in various churches for around a decade now, I have encountered several smart and capable women who were discouraged that the majority of the ‘women’s’ studies focused only on topics of marriage and childrearing. The men get to talk about theology, while the women just talk about being women. This is indeed a problem, and church leaders ought to see that all members, men and women, are taught the entire content of the Bible, including theological topics, biblical symbolism, and Christian ethics for all of life.”

I googled “gender-specific church ministries,” and the results fall into two basic categories: 1) we need gender-specific groups because people won’t open up as much in mixed groups, or 2) we need mixed groups because gender-specific groups reinforce unbiblical stereotypes. Both options may be valuable in different settings.

“The current crisis in Christian education stems, in large measure, from a lack of clear purpose at the grassroots level… Christian education is dedicated to helping people discover God’s meaning for life” (Jim Wilhoit, Christian Education and the Search for Meaning, 2nd ed. pp. 9-11).

Church-based ministries should be tied to a specific purpose, and that purpose will then determine the makeup of the group. If the primary purpose is fellowship, then groups can be aligned on any sort of commonality—gender, age, marital status, hobbies, food, or other affinities. Groups focused primarily on service will likely be shaped by the gifts and abilities of the people involved. (But don’t assume men won’t cook or women won’t do construction projects.) If the purpose is growing in knowledge and application of Scripture, there seems to be very little reason for segregation of genders. The vast majority of the Bible is written for everyone and should be read and learned by all. And even the few passages that are more applicable to one gender need to be understood by everyone.

It may be true that men will open up more with just men and women will open up more with just women, but much of that depends on the example set by the leader. A well-trained leader can solicit deeper input from all members, as well as redirecting conversation that is off-topic, monopolizing, or inappropriate.

The size of a group also plays an important role. A smaller group will naturally have more intimate conversation simply because there is more time available for each person to contribute to the discussion. Groups of 3-5 may be better suited to single-gender formation, particularly if there’s a likelihood that only two people may show up at any meeting. Large single-gender groups seem more inclined to become cliquish and unintentionally exclude those who are on the fringes of whatever the current stereotype may be.

Since there are no biblical directives for small groups, and since there are pros and cons of every group, much of it simply comes down to personal preference. Large churches may be able to offer a variety of options that small churches simply can’t maintain. Small church leaders need to assess what types and makeup of groups will best meet the needs of their people. Unfortunately, that means that members won’t always get what they want, but that is part of humbly submitting to one another within the Body of Christ.

“From [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:16 ESV).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Put on Christ

This post builds on one I wrote in August. In the midst of some recent research, I came across this statement in Gilbert Bilezikian’s book Beyond Sex Roles:

“Where God wants to create unity and cohesion, the enemy seeks to cause alienation and separation. From the moment of our birth, a fallen society presses us into compartments and niches that become our private prisons for life. The concept of sex roles is one of those bondages from which the gospel can set us free. Nowhere does the Scripture command us to develop our sex-role awareness as males or females. It calls us—both men and women—to acquire the mind of Christ and to be transformed in His image (Gal. 3:27; Eph. 4:13; Phil. 2:5; and so on). Both men and women are called to develop their ‘inner man,’ which means their basic personhood in cooperation with the Holy Spirit. The ‘fruit of the Spirit,’ or the result of the Holy Spirit’s impact on human personality, is a character that exhibits ‘love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control’ (Gal. 5:22-23). Biblically, such qualities pertain neither to masculinity nor femininity. They are the reflection of the person of Christ Himself” (208, 2^nd ed.).

I have to say that in light of our current culture wars on gender perceptions, this is one of the most encouraging quotes I’ve read in recent years. We seem to get so caught up in styles, trends, and preferences that we lose sight of what really matters. Although we may look to other role models, Jesus is the One who is our supreme example. He perfectly characterizes the fruit that we are to develop as we are conformed to His image.

Clothing, hair, makeup, mannerisms, interests, etc. are constantly changing and have no eternal impact. Heaven is not going to be divided into sections for hippies, geeks, tomboys, or fashionistas. Nor will it be divided by race, denomination, political affiliation, or any other label. There will be only one group—Christ-followers. We know this is true from Scripture, but I think we forget when it comes to daily living.

• “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b ESV).
• “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
• “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).

The enemy has indeed maximized the opportunity for alienation and division. It is far easier to see how we are different from other people instead of finding what we have in common, as the recent riots in Charlotte have proven. It takes time and effort to see the heart of another person, along with the vulnerability to let others see our hearts. Let’s slow down and think carefully before we endorse or condemn any person or group.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan.