A Reluctant Complementarian

I’ve been reading with interest the exchange of posts on complementarianism and egalitarianism on the Advent Christian Voices site. I had written on the subject a few years ago (here), but feel I need to update my blog as my own beliefs have shifted somewhat in recent years, although my prior post is still good.

When I was in college I considered myself an egalitarian, particularly after taking a class at Bethel College (now University) on “Male and Female in Biblical Perspective” in which we had to read a variety of authors including John Piper, Wayne Grudem, and Gilbert Bilezikian. After that class, it was many years before I would read anything by Piper because I thought he was so off-base and biased. As I’ve continued my research over the past two decades, I have come to believe my own conclusions were misguided, and I now consider myself a “reluctant complementarian.” Most recently I read Kevin DeYoung’s new book Men and Women in the Church: A Short, Biblical, Practical Introduction, and I agree with much of what he has written there in support of a complementarian view.

As the contributors to A.C. Voices have illustrated, there are highly educated people who come to vastly different conclusions on what Scripture actually says about women in the church. Readers can find any number of authors to “prove” their position, and I will not specifically address the theology here. So why have I landed in the complementarian camp?

• Most of the complementarian authors I have read seem to provide more solid biblical evidence for their interpretation of Scripture than do egalitarian authors. I’m not an expert on Hebrew and Greek language and culture. Since Scripture is not crystal clear on the subject, the vast majority of us have to rely on the research others have done and sort it out as best we can. Complementarianism appears to me to make the most sense of the hard passages, particularly in the epistles.
• Much of my original egalitarianism was shaped more by experience and by my peers than by Scripture. We live in a fallen world and we’ve all seen abuses of power by men in the church, home, and society, but that doesn’t mean that all men are abusive or domineering. Unfortunately, women can be corrupted by power just as easily as men, and I’ve seen that happen in church settings as well. My change of mind has been influenced by seeing people I love and respect who have modeled their complementarian theology in their homes and churches with grace and compassion. They have shown me that they are not out to “keep me in my place,” but to listen, consider, and find common ground on difficult issues. Where I would naturally distrust men, I am growing in trust.

Why do I call myself a “reluctant” complementarian?

• I know there are churches and mission fields even in my own denomination that have been sustained by women when men have been unavailable, unwilling, or unable to do so. I affirm their faithfulness, but I question whether that was the biblical ideal.
• As with many aspects of gender, I try to imagine what the world was like before the fall and what it will be like after the resurrection. How will we all interact when there is no marriage or reproduction, no need for preaching and teaching, and in the presence of our Creator and Redeemer? What aspects of gender will be real or necessary at that point? How might that then impact how we interact with one another in this life? Perhaps complementarian questions will become moot because all authority will belong to Jesus rather than delegated to other leaders in the church and home.
• I grew up in a generation that said “you can be anything you want,” and it feels a bit like a betrayal of friends and family members to accept or acknowledge limitations of any kind. However, I have to bow to Jesus’ words, “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matt. 16:24-25). I’ve had to wrestle with God over issues where I thought His way was unfair or undesirable, and I keep coming to the same conclusion— “He must increase but I must decrease” (John 3:30). It’s not about me doing something because I have the ability or desire, but trusting God to use me wherever and however He sees fit.

What does all this mean for me?

• I would not join a church where women regularly fill the pulpit for the purpose of proclaiming the Word. I would not be comfortable there and I would have trouble submitting to them as my spiritual leaders. I’m on the fence about women in other teaching positions, and it depends a lot on the particular women and circumstances involved.
• I also wouldn't join a church where women have no representation or voice on important decisions. We are equally members of the body and we may have unique insights on issues that need to be heard through both official and unofficial channels. If men hold all the power and refuse to listen to other perspectives, they are not loving the church well.
• I am cautious in reading the works of either the ultra-complementarian or the ultra-egalitarian, as both extremes seem likely to introduce extrabiblical standards of faith and practice.
• There is room in the Body of Christ for differences of opinion on the grey areas of Scripture. Others may come to an egalitarian point of view and lead their local churches in that manner, and that is okay.

I never would have imagined it twenty-five years ago, but this is where I believe God has led me through a wide variety of books, videos, and personal interactions. Some parts of Christian theology are not nearly as black and white as I once believed.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another… And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Col. 3:12-13, 17).

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© 2021 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Worthy

The complementarian-egalitarian debate is alive and kicking in some parts of the church. For some reason this area of theology evokes extremely strong opinions from some people on both sides. I suspect that much of the rancor arises because people have been personally wounded by those who disagree. Few subjects in the church seem quite as likely to vilify one’s “opponents.” One blog I read recently gave the impression that egalitarians were being led by the devil.

Perhaps that is why I found Elyse Fitzpatrick and Eric Schumacher’s book, Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women, to be a breath of fresh air. I wasn’t overly familiar with their writings, and I didn’t read the book endorsements, so for the first several chapters of their book I was under the impression that they were going to bring forth an egalitarian argument. I was therefore surprised when they affirmed a complementarian perspective. You might see why I thought that from these quotes:

“We are saying that women—as a sex—are not more sinful than men. Women are not more deceivable than men. Women are not less intelligent than men. Women are not more prone to error than men. Women are not more dangerous than men. Women are not more arrogant or domineering than men. Women are not to be viewed with more suspicion than men. All women are born into sin, unrighteous by both nature and choice—as are all men” (ch. 2).

“What should you see when you see a Christian woman? You should not see a snare, a temptation, and a pitfall. You should not see an object of sexual gratification, a threat to power, or a crafty usurper. You should see a mother and a sister, a family member in the faith. See someone who, regardless of her past, wears the righteousness of Jesus Christ. See someone who God adopted as a child—a fellow heir of the kingdom—someone who is still commissioned to be the necessary help that is needed as we fight against the evil one. See someone who the Spirit of God fills and gifts for service as a blessing to the world, the church, and her home. See a woman who will one day rise from the dead to reign with Jesus forever. Tell her that’s who she is. Tell her the Gospel” (ch. 3).

“What is the significance of women’s presence throughout Jesus’ ministry and especially in the last hours of his life? Women were a marginalized social class. Faith would be expected from one of the Twelve, such as Judas and Peter. But it is the women who followed him without betrayal or denial. The chief priests, the elders, and the high priest of Israel should have recognized their Messiah. But a woman anoints the King. The unexpected, despised, rejected Messiah is followed by unexpected, despised, rejected people. But Jesus does not despise and reject these unexpected disciples. He sees, receives, and affirms them, and promises that they will never be forgotten” (ch. 5).

“A Christian woman’s vocation is simple: make disciples and teach them the truth about the One who has come. That doesn’t mean that women who are gifted and so inclined shouldn’t seek to fulfill this commission in part by raising godly children or loving their spouses in his name. But that particular vocation is no longer primary… Single Christian women no longer have to await motherhood in order to bring others into his covenant people. This shift away from the sole option of motherhood to joining their brothers in disciple-making is seen in part in the change from male circumcision to male and female baptism… Women were shown to be members of the [old] covenant only through their relationship to a circumcised male. But now women are free to enter into the new sign, baptism, whether they are bound to a believing male or not; a woman’s circumcised and baptized Husband has already come” (ch. 11).

However, I’d say one of the best quotes comes from their conclusion:

“As your fellow believers—church members and leaders—wrestle with hard questions, search the Bible, and consider how to faithfully live together as a family of believers; do not view them as enemies. View them as God does—as family. You share the same blood—that of Christ—and the same future. View them as necessary allies, gifts of grace, given by God for your good. You need this Spirit-filled family to sharpen, challenge, and shape you, just as much as they need you.

“Christian faithfulness requires compassion toward Christians who disagree with us. We realize that as sincere Christians go to the Bible to develop their doctrine, we often come away with different, yet Christian convictions. This is why we have paedobaptists and credobaptists. This is why we have congregationalist and elder-ruled churches. This is why we have Christians who serve in the armed forces and those who are conscientious objectors to war. This is why we have complementarians and egalitarians. People who love Jesus, believe the Gospel, and submit to the authority of Scripture, come away from the Bible with differing but sincere convictions.

“We must not shy away from discussion and debate about what the Bible teaches. But we must bear in mind that we hold our differing convictions as members of a larger family. Let us not turn genuine brothers and sisters in the faith into enemies, but remember to show compassion in each disagreement. We are part of a bigger realm, the kingdom of God, in which brothers and sisters disagree as we wait together for our King to come and make us (and our doctrine) perfect… Christian conviction should compel Christian unity, not excuse Christian division. We should strive to stand and serve together to as great an extent as possible with all who confess Jesus Christ as the Son of God who died for our sins and rose from the dead.”

As people of the Book, we can disagree on many things without turning our co-laborers into enemies. We need to remember who the true enemy is. “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against… the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Eph. 6:12 ESV). Let’s not create more wounds by attacking those within our own eternal family.

“My beloved children, let us not love merely in word or in tongue — Contenting ourselves with complimental expressions of regard, or with giving our Christian brethren nothing but fair speeches; but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18 Benson Commentary).

© 2020 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.