Rest Area

Sunday’s sermon from Mark 6:30-44 on Jesus as our caring Shepherd reinforced some things I’ve read lately in taking care of ourselves. One point from the sermon was that Jesus restores His sheep. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus invites us to come to Him for rest. The difficulty is that everyone has conflicting expectations placed on them by family, friends, coworkers, church members, and themselves. And as I mentioned recently, we tend to judge ourselves and others by our level of productivity. When it comes to periods of change or stress, we have to know what our priorities are so we can use our time wisely. In You’re Going to Be Okay, Holley Gerth suggests three questions we need to ask:

1) What does God want me to do?
2) What’s the best use of my emotions and energy?
3) What do I need most right now?

At times it seems like the church excels at adding to our stress. You can’t stop teaching Sunday school because you’ve always done it. You can’t get off the church board because no one else will fill that position. You have to help with the church dinner, nursery, bulletins, etc. There is a perception in the church, and even among pastors, that everything related to the church takes priority over personal time, family, career, and anything else we may want to do. Sometimes it’s hard to say no to church activities because “You’re serving God,” but we often don’t differentiate between the many types of activities churches promote. It’s ironic that the building that contains a sanctuary may be the last place we’d come for rest.

But Jesus (and the pastor!) said it’s okay to rest when you need to rest. If we don’t set our own limits, no one else is going to do it for us. Gerth puts it this way:

“It’s like we have internal emotional and energy bank accounts. We’ve budgeted well and can cover all our expenses. Then someone runs the family car into a pole, and suddenly we need to buy a new vehicle. So what do we do? For the next few months, we change our spending. That’s also what we do when we face change. We temporarily alter how we spend our emotions and energy. This can be difficult because often the many things we do are part of our self-worth. That means when we slow down or switch things up, we feel like a failure. But the opposite is true. Sustainable life success is only possible when we can adjust in times of change to avoid going into life overdraft” (159-160).

Communicating that change can be a challenge. Little children and teens aren’t the only ones who don’t like the words “No” or “Later.” If we don’t know what our priorities are, we can’t say no to anything, and we will end up too burnt out to say yes to the things that really matter. If we let our identity be defined by what we do, we can’t stop doing anything. My identity is not teacher, leader, board member, or treasurer. My identity is beloved daughter of the King and servant of God. There is only one Lord, and only He has the authority to tell me what I should or should not do in His service. His approval is all that matters. Guilt has no place in God’s agenda for me. Even if I accomplish nothing today, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1 ESV). Even if I never help with another church function, my future is secure.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:23-24).

© 2015 Dawn Rutan.

Still Single and Satisfied

The following is an article I had published in 1999. One reader at the time thought that it was too snarky. Although I might phrase things a little differently today, my underlying beliefs have not changed. I know other singles in the same boat, as well as some who wish they were married, but I also know married folks who wish they weren’t. I’ll add a few thoughts at the end.

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What’s the first thing that is mentioned when a young, single woman joins the church? Usually it’s “We’ve got to find you a husband and get you married off.” At least that’s what they told me. Why can’t they let me be content with who I am? People are always trying to set me up, even though I’ve told them I’m not interested in dating or marriage. There’s an underlying assumption that to be unmarried is to be incomplete. Just because the Bible says that Adam and Eve “became one flesh” doesn’t mean they were less than whole before that. Marriage is a special case where 1+1=1, not ½+½=1. And don’t tell me “It’s not good for the man/woman to be alone.” When God said that about Adam, he was the only person on earth, not just an unmarried person in a marrying society.

So why am I not interested in dating or marriage? There are several reasons I would like the matchmakers to be aware of:

1) “In [Christ] all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete” (Colossians 2:10 NASB).
I am complete in Christ, so being unmarried does not make me less of a person than someone who is married. Jesus Christ supplies all my needs for affirmation, affection, attention, and acceptance. Apart from Him, I have no other needs that any man could fill.

2) “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness’” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB).
Though many people consider women, particularly single women, to be weak and unable to protect themselves, God has shown His strength to be sufficient. There are many evils in this world that we could be afraid of, but even a man can’t protect me from most of those things, while God will protect me from anything that is not in His will for me. God will provide, protect, preserve, and persevere for me because He is sovereign.

3) “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I… One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:8, 32 NASB).
For whatever reason, God has called me to this time and place as a minister for Him. For me to get seriously involved with someone would take a lot of time and energy I need to spend learning from the Lord and doing His work. I know that I am still growing “in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:180, and that “He who began a good work in [me] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). I don’t want anything to hinder my relationship with Him.

4) “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations… and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:19-20).
This was the last command of Jesus while He was on earth, and I believe it is my own great commission to make disciples in obedience to Christ. That entails a lifestyle of building relationships that will have eternal consequences, unlike marriage, since Jesus said, “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30). The marriage relationship is for the purpose of fulfilling God’s original command in Genesis 9:7 to “be fruitful and multiply.” Jesus initiated a new method of multiplying by making disciples. This doesn’t necessarily negate that of biological multiplication, but I believe it does make it less important. I don’t feel the need to bear children, and indeed, I wouldn’t want to try to raise children in the world today. It is much more important for me to be a discipler than it is to be a mother.

I believe God has given me the gift of celibacy, at least for the time being. I haven’t dated in eleven years [now 26 years!], and I don’t feel the need to start dating now. If God wants me to marry at some point, He will be the One to convince me of that, not anyone else.

So, before you start matchmaking for every single person in your church, consider this: not every single person is single for the same reasons. Some, like me, are single by choice and don’t want help meeting every eligible person around. Others may want to date and eventually marry, and they might appreciate a neutral place to meet others of like-mindedness. Also, in today’s society, we must also consider that there are some who do not want to date because they are homosexual. For such a person, efforts to set them up will only further alienate them from the church, which is the only place where grace makes complete healing possible. At least have the courtesy to ask people if they want to meet some eligible singles before you tell everyone you know who so-and-so should meet and marry. “For I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Philippians 4:11). So by the grace of God I will continue being “single and satisfied.”

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The reason this article came to mind this week is that the enemy tried to hit me with a lie. I’m sure most parents hope that their little girls will grow up, marry, and have kids of their own. The thought crossed my mind, “I wonder if my life was supposed to have a different story line?” Thankfully, God quickly reminded me of the truth: “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (Psalm 139:16 ESV). God doesn’t revise His book because of choices that I make. He knows every sin, scar, and success. He already knows the picture He is making out of all the puzzle pieces of my life, and He’s not left wondering, “Now what do I do with that piece?!”

He knew in advance all the events that would take place and how they would shape my character, desires, and choices. If He had intended for me to desire marriage and children, He certainly could have made that possible, but then I would be someone other than who I am. Although I may occasionally wish some parts of my life were different, I’m okay with being who God has made me. Such is my life!

© 2015 Dawn Rutan. 

More Than Good Enough

It’s been one of those weeks. You know the kind—when everything that could go wrong does: an unwanted notice from the bank; dozens of reports printed with the wrong data; computer glitches creating irreconcilable accounts; a question that throws doubts on standing procedures... Not only does it make the week seem extra long, but it creates an opportunity for the enemy to toss his own lies into the mix. “You can’t do anything right. You should have known better. That was a stupid mistake. You’re incompetent...” That’s why I appreciated the reminder I found in Holley Gerth’s books You’re Going to Be Okay:

“But what it all comes down to is believing this: you’re only as good as what you can produce. And that, my friends, is a sure way to drive yourself crazy... If my worth does not come from what I produce, then where does it come from? ...my worth is not something I can make... It’s a gift. Offered with outstretched hands by the One who made me. I don’t produce my worth. I receive it” (134).

It’s easy to get sidetracked into thinking that our value is determined by what we do well or by what we fail to do. Other people often reinforce that by the way they praise or condemn us for things we’ve done. Our perceptions of our own value can rise and fall faster than the stock market. Thankfully, the value God has given us is not dependent on anything we can do. Gerth starts her book by stating the scriptural facts that we need to remember when taunted by the enemy’s lies:

“You are not what happens to you. You are not where you are right now. You are not your weakest moments or biggest struggles.” But—

• You Are Loved - “I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39 NIV).
• You Have a Purpose - “We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).
• You Are Irreplaceable - “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27).
• You Are an Overcomer - “Who will bring any charges against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? ...In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:33-37).
• You Are Enough - “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3).

This isn’t just self-esteem—this is God-esteem. It’s agreeing with God about who He says we are, and living by that truth. I don’t want to listen to the lies of the enemy, trying to please everyone else, or setting unrealistic expectations of perfection. Paul even says that doing that keeps us from effectively serving God. “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10 ESV).

Doesn’t it make more sense to seek the approval of the One who made us and gives us value and purpose? Now I just need to remember the truth...

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 7:42 ESV).

© 2015 Dawn Rutan. 

Just a Little Faith

I was thinking this afternoon of some hymn lyrics that are often hard to sing without lying. I started flipping through the hymnal and came across several songs that fit the category. One that struck me several weeks ago was “Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him, how I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er.” At the time I had very little trust or proof to hold onto, though I did cling to the last line of the song, “O for grace to trust Him more.”

Another hymn that may be less familiar is Francis Blackmer’s “Since I’ve Learned to Trust Him More.” I wish I knew the story behind the song, because after the first verse it gets into territory unknown to me: “Now I’m trusting every moment, nothing less can be enough... And my way has brighter grown since I’ve learned to trust Him more.” I don’t know many (or any?) Christians who could honestly sing those words most of the time. For most of us the journey is a lot more sporadic.

I appreciate the authenticity of words like Charlotte Elliott: “Just as I am, though tossed about with many a conflict, many a doubt, fightings and fears within, without, O Lamb of God, I come!” Or Edward Mote: “When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace; in every high and stormy gale my anchor holds within the veil... When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.”

Songs like “Day by day and with each passing moment” or “Moment by moment, O Lord, I am Thine,” seem to be more realistic about the ongoing battle to cling to faith. It isn’t a straight and easy road from the moment we accept Jesus as Savior and Lord. There are steep hills and dark valleys that make faith a daily decision. There are times when faith is easy because God’s presence and power are evident to us. There are also times when we (or at least I) have to say, “God, I don’t know what You are doing, and I don’t much like this path, but I want to trust You through it.” Some days we may not have the faith to cling to Him, but we just hope that He’s still clinging to us.

And that is really what matters most. We can never generate enough faith to save ourselves or to breeze through life with no doubts. While we commonly read Ephesians 2:8-9 to mean that salvation is a gift, I think it also means that faith itself is a gift. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (ESV). God not only saves us by His grace, but He also gives us the faith to accept it, and then enables us to walk in the path He’s prepared for us. At no point does it depend on our strength or ability, so we have no place for boasting. Even the weakness of our faith becomes reason to boast in God’s grace to hold onto us.

Jesus told His disciples, “If you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20). However, He never tested them on that point, for which I’m sure they were grateful. He already knew then, and He knows now, just how small our faith can be in the face of life’s challenges. As others have said, it’s not a matter of how big our faith is, but how big our God is. Faith may grow or shrink day by day, but God never changes. As Priscilla Owens put it, “We have an anchor that keeps the soul steadfast and sure while the billows roll, fastened to the Rock which cannot move, grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.”

So it’s okay if your faith feels small and you can’t say “I’m trusting every moment.” God already knows, and He’s not going to let go.

“My soul clings to you; Your right hand upholds me” (Psalm 63:8).

© 2015 Dawn Rutan.

Be Who You Is

I remember hearing Brennan Manning speak when I was in college, and one of the things he shared was advice that he received from a woman: “Be who you is, ‘cause if you ain’t who you is, then you is who you ain’t.” That’s good advice, but it’s harder to put into practice than we often admit. It’s not just teens who cave in to peer pressure. Nor is it just the world that is trying to fit us into its mold. The church can be just as tough some times.

Last year I started reading Hugh Halter’s book Sacrilege, but I couldn’t finish it. I still remember one illustration he used of a couple that started coming to his church. He said in essence, “They were sitting alone in the sanctuary waiting for ‘church’ to start, not realizing that church was what was happening in the hallway and fellowship hall.” While I agree that fellowship is important, so are worship, prayer, and teaching. However, I also have to point out that fellowship happens in different ways for different people. Not everyone enjoys crowded, noisy rooms. In fact, I’d say that true fellowship is minimal when you have to struggle just to hear one another. Smaller groups are more congenial in many ways.

There is a tendency within the church to pursue a one-size-fits-all approach to programming. Although it varies from church to church, many leaders think, “If this program works for 33% of the people, then all we need is to repeat this three more times.” So when we think about how to get more of the church members actively involved, the discussion goes one of two ways: either do more of the same, or slightly tweak what we’ve got to make it more appealing to a larger number of people.

There is often a lack of understanding of the huge diversity of people in the Body of Christ. I think some part of this is due to the negative attitude that many Christians have toward psychology, and thus they decline to accept the observations that psychologists and sociologists have accumulated about individuals and social interactions. Being an introvert and highly sensitive person, I’ve experienced firsthand how often events are planned for the most social people in the gathering. I’ve been made to feel not only like a minority, but like a “defective” person because I don’t enjoy the same things that others do.

When people come to Christ, they aren’t shoved into a cookie cutter to make them all look, sound, and act alike. Timothy had to be reminded not to let people look down on him because of his youth (1 Timothy 4:10). And when Saul was confronted by Christ and became Paul, he didn’t lose any of the fire or zeal that he’d had when persecuting Christians. When he said in 1 Corinthians 9:22 (ESV) “I have become all things to all people,” he didn’t mean that he abandoned his personality or his unique giftedness, but that he didn’t want anything to stand in the way of the Gospel. It seems like many churches take the opposite approach: if you’re like us you’re welcome, but if not, find somewhere else to go. (I think this is the point Halter was trying to make in his book, but he seemed to go about it by bashing all that the traditional church holds dear.)

There are certainly times when we all have to go out of our comfort zones, try new things, and perhaps find a new interest. (I wonder though whether the majority would be as anxious to try silence and solitude as they are to convince the introverts to be more social.) It’s easy to make excuses not to do things, but God sees through every excuse to the heart beneath.

I would suggest a few things that might help us all:

1) To the social butterflies and extraverts who make up the majority of our church membership and leadership, seek the opinions of the minorities among you. If a particular segment of the body is not involved in the planned activities, ask them why that is. Doing more of the same old thing is not going to suddenly change their minds.

2) To the quieter, less social people among us, remember that no one is going to read your mind and know what you’d like. Make your opinions known when you can. Just be aware that as a minority, sometimes you have to go along with the majority opinion even when you’d rather not.

3) To all of us, make the effort to establish and develop close relationships with individuals. Evangelism and discipleship generally happen one-on-one or in small groups, not in large groups or church socials.

We need the unique contributions of each member.

“God arranged the members in the Body, each one of them, as He chose. If all were a single member, where would the Body be?” (1 Corinthians 12:18-19).

© 2015 Dawn Rutan

Walking in the Light

In our prayer meeting Wednesday, we meditated on several Scriptures including Philippians 1:9-11: “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

As I was thinking about these verses later, I was reminded particularly of the consequences of sin in positions of ministry leadership. The more public the ministry, the more we have to be aware that “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). And “we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us...” (2 Corinthians 5:20). What we do can have positive or negative consequences that reach far beyond our own houses or families.

Being pure and blameless is all too often a facade worn by Christians, and when the facade is broken, it tends to make national news. However, I believe our Christian witness needs to be more open and honest than it usually is. If everyone else appears to have it all together, that can be a discouragement to those of us who are regularly falling apart. The Apostle John wrote, “If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth” (1 John 1:6). I find it interesting how easily we can dismiss practicing truth when it comes to being honest with one another even within the church and small groups. We may not feel like we’re walking in darkness because we do acknowledge our sin and brokenness to ourselves and to God. But we never confess it to one another, and thereby we give false impressions and walk in darkness.

Scripturally, I’m not sure there is much basis for keeping things hidden, aside from Proverbs about not revealing someone else’s secrets. One day all secrets will be revealed. But I also know that it can be detrimental in certain circumstances to say anything that might be used against you for employment or legal reasons. It takes a great deal of wisdom and discernment to know what to say to whom. And going back to the Philippians verses, I believe we reflect God’s love as we learn to trust others with some of the broken pieces of our souls. I’ve been convicted about that myself just recently when I failed to pursue some wide open doors because I wasn’t prepared to speak the truth about my own story.

I know that I don’t want to feel pressured to keep up a “good Christian” performance so I can live up to someone’s expectations. That is guaranteed to result in failure eventually. We all need wisdom in how to practice walking in the light of truth, first with a few trusted individuals, and gradually enlarging the circle. There will always be people outside the circle, and there will always be some things that can’t be shared very widely because they involve other people. But I do want my love to abound more and more as with discernment I walk in the truth. Our weakness can only be used for God’s glory to the extent that we let it be seen.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Corinthians 4:7).

© 2015 by Dawn Rutan.

Worthy Prayers

For some time now I’ve been using the Scripture-Based Prayers to Pray for Your Pastor card that was put together by Terry Teykl. I’ve added to that a list of prayers mentioned in Paul’s letters. Paul’s prayers are packed full of theological details, and could take a year-long sermon series to unpack and work out. Two of these are:

• 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 (ESV) – “To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by His power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
• Colossians 1:9-10 – “And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.”

What caught my attention this time around was the declaration that it is God who makes us worthy of His calling and enables us to walk in a worthy manner. In and of ourselves, we have no ability or innate good that would make us worthy of God’s holy purposes for our lives. He is the one who calls us to follow Him and gives us work to do, and He makes us worthy to do it. It’s mind-boggling if you think about it very long. The best analogy I can think of is an inventor taking a pile of scrap metal and creating an android out of it. But unless you work on the starship Enterprise or on Tatooine, you can’t have an intimate, growing relationship with an android. God created us for much more than that.

Not only does He make us worthy, He gives us fruitful work and enables us to do it in a manner that will bring Him glory. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking “This is my job and I’ll put in my hours every week to earn a paycheck, but it doesn’t ultimately matter.” God’s calling does have ultimate significance, whether it’s a calling to be a pastor, teacher, mother, construction worker, or bank clerk. There are ways and opportunities for everyone to glorify God and bear fruit for Him, though that may look different in each type of vocation.

If nothing else, these verses make me want to consider what “every resolve for good and every work of faith” should look like in my life and in the life of my church. That’s a type of strategic planning that is often overlooked. Just dealing with the weekly routine keeps us all pretty busy and distracts us from setting priorities and seeking God’s direction. I also know that just trying to pray consistently and coherently is a challenge before we even get to the point of figuring out how to pray more biblically and in line with God’s will.

It’s ironic that we are made worthy to enter the presence of the Creator of the universe, and yet most of us would say that we are not good at praying. Our church is in a season of learning about prayer and joining together in prayer. My hope is that this won’t just be another passing interest, but would change the way we pray, serve, fellowship, and worship together.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:26-27).

© 2015 by Dawn Rutan.