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The Christian news lately seems full of examples of questionable comments made by big-name pastors and leaders. (Here’s just one example.) Whether you agree with their theology or not, I have a problem with the forum and manner in which such comments have been made. In the pastoral epistles, Paul gave several instructions regarding the conduct of pastors/elders, deacons, and other leaders. Here are just a few:

• “The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1 Timothy 1:5 ESV).
• “I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling” (1 Tim. 2:8).
• “Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wide, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach… Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace” (2 Tim. 3:2, 7a).
• “Set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12b).
• “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, young women as sisters, in all purity” (1 Tim. 5:1).
• “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness” (2 Tim. 2:24-25a).
• “Remind them… to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people” (Titus 3:1-2).

Although we all make mistakes, those in the news lately have repeatedly failed to treat other Christians with courtesy and respect, and have offered no apologies. Those who are in the public eye should realize that every word they say will be scrutinized, but every Christian should be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19b-20).

What does it say to Christians when leaders publicly attack other Christians? 

I have no respect for you or your position… You aren’t worthy of respect… You are not my sister or brother in Christ… I don’t love you and I refuse to have a civil dialogue with you… You have no value in God’s kingdom…

What does it communicate to non-Christians? 

God may love you, but look out for everyone else… 

Why would someone want to align themselves with Christianity when the leaders who are thought to represent us are more interested in bickering over non-essentials and joking around in the “good ol’ boys” club?

Thankfully, there are a lot more Christians who are loving, kind, and gentle in their words and actions. They just aren’t the ones who make the news on a regular basis. My theology has been shaped—and even changed—by people who lovingly dialogue with me, but those who are harsh in their language only strengthen my resolve to disagree.

Gentleness and humility are perhaps the most ignored traits that Christians are supposed to exhibit. We’re far more adept at pride, dissension, and judgmental attitudes. The Apostle Paul reminded the believers in Ephesus:

“I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the body of peace” (Ephesians 4:1-2).

If we would all heed that instruction, imagine what it would do to our witness to a broken and hurting world. It might not make the news, but such love would draw people in like never before.

   

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly… A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (Proverbs 15:1-2, 4).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Mix It Up

In reading this review of Rachel Green Miller’s Beyond Authority and Submission: Women and Men in Marriage, Church, and Society, one of the reviewer’s comments stood out to me:

“[The] message is that conservatives need to examine themselves to see where their own errors and acceptance of extra-biblical and even anti-biblical traditions have led them astray. Miller speaks in earnest when she describes the way contemporary stereotypes caused her to question her femininity (124)… These are concerns that many people will share. Having served as a pastor in various churches for around a decade now, I have encountered several smart and capable women who were discouraged that the majority of the ‘women’s’ studies focused only on topics of marriage and childrearing. The men get to talk about theology, while the women just talk about being women. This is indeed a problem, and church leaders ought to see that all members, men and women, are taught the entire content of the Bible, including theological topics, biblical symbolism, and Christian ethics for all of life.”

I googled “gender-specific church ministries,” and the results fall into two basic categories: 1) we need gender-specific groups because people won’t open up as much in mixed groups, or 2) we need mixed groups because gender-specific groups reinforce unbiblical stereotypes. Both options may be valuable in different settings.

“The current crisis in Christian education stems, in large measure, from a lack of clear purpose at the grassroots level… Christian education is dedicated to helping people discover God’s meaning for life” (Jim Wilhoit, Christian Education and the Search for Meaning, 2nd ed. pp. 9-11).

Church-based ministries should be tied to a specific purpose, and that purpose will then determine the makeup of the group. If the primary purpose is fellowship, then groups can be aligned on any sort of commonality—gender, age, marital status, hobbies, food, or other affinities. Groups focused primarily on service will likely be shaped by the gifts and abilities of the people involved. (But don’t assume men won’t cook or women won’t do construction projects.) If the purpose is growing in knowledge and application of Scripture, there seems to be very little reason for segregation of genders. The vast majority of the Bible is written for everyone and should be read and learned by all. And even the few passages that are more applicable to one gender need to be understood by everyone.

It may be true that men will open up more with just men and women will open up more with just women, but much of that depends on the example set by the leader. A well-trained leader can solicit deeper input from all members, as well as redirecting conversation that is off-topic, monopolizing, or inappropriate.

The size of a group also plays an important role. A smaller group will naturally have more intimate conversation simply because there is more time available for each person to contribute to the discussion. Groups of 3-5 may be better suited to single-gender formation, particularly if there’s a likelihood that only two people may show up at any meeting. Large single-gender groups seem more inclined to become cliquish and unintentionally exclude those who are on the fringes of whatever the current stereotype may be.

Since there are no biblical directives for small groups, and since there are pros and cons of every group, much of it simply comes down to personal preference. Large churches may be able to offer a variety of options that small churches simply can’t maintain. Small church leaders need to assess what types and makeup of groups will best meet the needs of their people. Unfortunately, that means that members won’t always get what they want, but that is part of humbly submitting to one another within the Body of Christ.

“From [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:16 ESV).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Two Examples

“Why was I born? Why is this happening? Is there any point to all this?” When his world fell apart, Job’s response was to wish he had never been born and to question why God was allowing all this suffering in his life. As he sat in misery in the ashes, Job kept running his mouth until God showed up (ch. 38-41). Only then did he realize his mistake and repent. Incidentally, many people take Job 2:10 out of context and say that Job never said anything that was wrong. “In all this Job did not sin with his lips” came before he started his complaints. If he had not sinned in his words, he would not have had to repent. His errors were not as blatant as those of his friends, but he mistakenly assumed he had the right to question God’s actions and motives. “Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer You? I lay my hand on my mouth. I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further… I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (40:4-5, 42:5-6 ESV).

In contrast to Job, consider the prophecies of Isaiah that were fulfilled by Jesus the Messiah:

“He had no form or majesty that we should look at Him, and no beauty that we should desire Him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief… Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted… upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed… He was oppressed, and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth” (53:2-7).

The differences between Job and Jesus are numerous.

• Job was surprised by suffering and thought he didn’t deserve it. Jesus knew what was coming and knew He didn’t deserve suffering, but He walked to the cross willingly (Matthew 16:21).
• Job kept trying to argue his case with God. Jesus said, “Not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42).
• Job repeatedly told his friends of his innocence. Jesus said nothing before His accusers (Matthew 26:63).
• Job berated his friends for their counsel. Jesus forgave His attackers and invited a thief into the Kingdom (Luke 23:34, 43).
• After he was restored, Job was to pray for his friends to be forgiven by God. After Jesus rose from the dead, He restored His friends to service for God (John 20-21).

Job’s response was understandable. We’ve probably all asked “why me?” and complained that life isn’t fair. Jesus could have avoided all suffering, yet He chose the path of humility, service, and love so that we could be redeemed and made righteous. “Out of the anguish of His soul He shall see and be satisfied; by His knowledge shall the righteous one, My Servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and He shall bear their iniquities” (Isaiah 53:11). He kept His focus on the eternal results, and therefore, “for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2).

When life gets hard, when pain and suffering comes, when things don’t go the way we want, when people are more irritating than encouraging, instead of questioning and complaining let us fix our eyes on Jesus. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who in every respect has been tempted [tested] as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant that yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:3-8).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Failure, Regret and Forgiveness

The salesperson was pushy and persistent. They wouldn’t take no for an answer and wouldn’t leave me alone. On that last phone call I snapped. It felt justified. My time was being used, my work interrupted, and my answer was being ignored. I felt disrespected and out of control of the conversation. But almost as soon as I slammed the phone down the guilt and regret came. I should have been much more polite. I could have asked why they thought they knew our needs better than I did. I could have turned it around and tried to sell them the gospel instead. There were probably hundreds of better responses than what I gave in the spur of the moment.

I did confess to God and ask His forgiveness, but the situation keeps coming to mind again and again. The enemy keeps trying to shame me with my failure. It has resurfaced multiple times as I’ve been reading Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s book Lies Women Believe. A few of the lies she addresses are:

• “It’s not my fault!”
• “I can’t control my emotions.”
• “I can’t help how I respond when my hormones are out of whack.”
• “If my circumstances were different, I would be different.”
• “I just can’t take any more.”

The truth is, we always have a choice in how we respond to situations. No one and nothing can cause us to sin apart from our own decision to do so, no matter how quickly that decision gets made sometimes. “We know that our old self was crucified with [Christ] in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin… Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions” (Romans 6:6-7, 13 ESV).

Wolgemuth writes, “[W]hether we choose to believe it or not, if we are God’s children, the Truth is that His grace really is sufficient for us… That is the Truth with which you and I must perpetually counsel our hearts:

• When I’m exhausted and think I can’t possibly face the unfinished tasks that are still before me, His grace is sufficient for me…
• When I’m having a hard time responding to that family member or that person at the office who really gets under my skin, His grace is sufficient for me.
• When I’m tempted to vent my frustration by speaking harsh words, His grace is sufficient for me…
• When I blow it with my family and become uptight and short-tempered, His grace is sufficient for me…” (266-267).

And I would add, when I’ve failed and have then asked God to forgive me, His grace is sufficient for me. He has promised, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Even though I may feel guilty and unforgiven, that is not true. God has done what He promised through the blood of Christ. My job is to accept it, remember it, and use that truth to refute the lies that I am a failure, condemned, and hopeless.

I’m still far from perfect, but I am a child of God, slowly being conformed into the image of His Son. When He returns I’ll reflect His image perfectly, but for now I’m dependent on His abundant grace and mercy to make it through each day.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Imperfect Peace

In the sermon last Sunday at our church, we were asked, “What is one promise of God that, if you really believed it, would make a huge difference in your life?” Almost immediately the passage that came to my mind was Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV),

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Not too surprisingly, the message I listened to on Truth For Life that afternoon was based on 1 Peter 5:6-7,

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.”

I’m sure I’m not the only one who would say that the promise of the peace of God is one that we want to believe but often don’t. We do one of two things—we hold onto the situation and worry over it like a dog with a bone, or we give it to God but keep retrieving it from Him. It feels easier to keep worrying about the problem than to trust that God will take care of it in His own perfect way and time.

I was reminded of a hymn by Advent Christian author Francis A. Blackmer. It’s one that I dislike because I think it paints an unrealistic picture of the Christian life. The first two verses say:

Once I thought I walked with Jesus, yet such changeful feelings had,
Sometimes trusting, sometimes doubting, sometimes joyful, sometimes sad.

But He called me closer to Him, bade my doubts and fears all cease,
And when I had fully yielded, filled my soul with perfect peace.

Refrain: O the peace my Savior gives, peace I never knew before!
And my way has brighter grown since I learned to trust Him more.

That’s a nice thought, but I don’t think anyone consistently experiences “perfect peace” for the duration of their Christian life, and a lack of peace is not necessarily an indicator that one is not walking with Jesus. As Alistair Begg commented, “Any of us this morning who were prepared to say that we are not anxious at any point in our lives are probably in need of some significant help.” Anxiety is a normal part of our experience. (Hence CCEF is hosting a national conference on “Anxiety and the God of Peace” this week). However, it should not be an overwhelming and unchanging experience for the Christian. We have a God who loves us and who cares for all the details of our lives. He knows our needs better than we do ourselves, and He alone is sovereign over all the aspects of our lives. We can throw our anxieties on His back and stop carrying them ourselves. And we can keep bringing them back to Him every time we realize we’ve picked them up again—day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3). We lack perfect peace because we don’t (and can’t) keep our minds focused on God at all times. We are easily distracted by events, circumstances, people, and busyness, but God is always faithful even when we forget. His peace is available each time we remember to turn our attention back to Him.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

The Mundane Middle

I used to think that “midlife crisis” was simply a made-up term, but I’m changing my mind as I find myself there. It may be different for other people, but here are some things I’ve been wrestling with lately. There are no new milestones ahead. We grow up anticipating birthdays, school terms, graduations, marriage, career, etc., but we reach a point where things are settled into a fairly unchanging routine. Those who have children have an extra set of milestones to plan for, but the rest of us do not. There are slight variations in the routine from month to month, but the years ahead look very much like the years just past. And they stretch out like an unending parade into the future.

Routine can be comfortable, but it can also be boring. I can see why people might quit their jobs, buy cars, or do something else to shake things up. The options are more limited for those of us who are committed to a particular ministry, church, or location. There may be new hobbies to try (if you are so inspired) or places to go (if you have money and desire to travel), but what else? You can only read so many books or watch so much TV.

As I was thinking about these things, it occurred to me that there are a lot of time gaps in Scripture. Consider the time Israel spent wandering in the wilderness before entering the Promised Land. We know it was forty years and we know a few of the events during that time, but all the stops of their journey are summarized very briefly in Numbers 33. What occupied their time all the rest of the days? They had forty years of collecting manna six days a week. Forty years of feeding their families and caring for their herds. Forty years of checking to see if the pillar of fire or the cloud was going to move. Forty years of gathering together for worship or for funerals. In short, forty years of routine activities.

There are many other silent periods as well. More than 900 years of Adam’s life. Moses’s years tending sheep. Almost thirty years of the life of Christ. We probably have more detail about the life and travels of the Apostle Paul than anyone else in Scripture. But what were Peter and John doing during that same time? Life is usually pretty routine for most people most of the time.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12 ESV). Alistair Begg commented on this verse,

“You see, this is not a mathematical request. This is not the psalmist saying, ‘Help me to count.’ You know, ‘Help me to know that Tuesday comes after Monday… and to multiply it by the number of years I’ve lived,’ and so on. No, he’s not saying that. It’s not even an actuarial request. He’s not suggesting here that somehow or another he might be brought to understand and calculate the statistics of survival. No, the key word is ‘aright’… What he is saying, when you read the whole psalm, is this: ‘Teach me to go through my life estimating time in light of eternity.’ ”

It seems in our culture that we measure the value of our lives by our accomplishments. And when there are no major achievements to record, life can feel monotonous and even purposeless. We don’t handle boredom well, and silence is practically unheard of. (No pun intended.) Kids grow up thinking that life will be full of constant entertainment and excitement, and they are unprepared for the realities of a working life. Job-hopping is becoming more common and more frequent, with the average tenure at a job being less than five years.

So what do we do when life becomes mundane? We can start with the prayer from Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days,” asking God to help us evaluate our daily lives from an eternal perspective. It may be that some change is needed if our current priorities don’t align with His. But assuming that is not the case, we can move on to verse 14, “Satisfy us in the morning with Your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.” Perhaps we need to cultivate a heart of gratitude by taking time each day to remember some of the ways God has blessed us. Or maybe we can challenge ourselves and others to dig deeper in God’s Word, to memorize Scripture, and to invest more time in prayer. Setting new goals is one way to press forward and not to settle for the status quo. We can also look for small ways that we can serve and bless others in our church or community. If we’re going to spend eternity relating to God and to those who are members of His Body, we might as well practice that now.

“For a thousand years in Your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night… The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone as we fly away… Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!” (Psalm 90:4, 10, 17).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.