Not My Job

Sometime during the night I was thinking about Matthew 14 (and parallels in the other Gospels) where Jesus has been teaching the people. At the end of the day the disciples suggest that Jesus should send the crowds away to find food. Jesus responds, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat” (Matt. 14:16). He knew perfectly well that they didn’t have enough food on hand to serve more than 5000 people. He already knew how He planned to provide the food for them. I was reminded of an interview where Dallas Jenkins said,

“God does impossible math... Your job is not to feed the 5000 but to give Him your loaves and fish… My job is not to worry about the impact or to worry about the multiplication, it’s just to make sure whatever loaves and fish I do provide are as good and healthy as they can be.”

Some of us are pretty good at worrying about the details. “How is this going to work?” “What if...?” My personality leads to me look for all the answers before anyone asks me the questions, because I don’t want to look ignorant or incompetent. (Yeah, I know, pride and shame are flip sides of the same coin.) I have to be reminded often “That’s not your job.” Not only is it impossible for any person to know all the answers or to have all the resources, God actually delights in showing up in our weakness.

He can multiply resources in ways we never even imagined. He has answers to questions we never thought of asking. He arranges circumstances for events we never expected. All He asks is that we keep showing up and giving Him what little we have to offer, in particular through the spiritual gifts He has given us.

“Having gifts that differ according to the grace give to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness” (Rom. 12:6-8).

We each do our small part and trust God for the outcome. Part of the challenge, at least for me, is in discerning where my part ends and God’s begins. I could research, study, and plan for eons and never feel like I’m done. There comes a time when we each have to say, “I’ve done what I know to do,” and let it go. If God wants something to happen, He can do it without me figuring out all the details. In fact, He will get more glory if I end up saying, “Oh, I never would have thought of that.”

Even the disciples didn’t get it. Shortly after the feeding of the 5000, they had the same question with a crowd of 4000. “Where are we to get enough bread in such a desolate place to feed so great a crowd?” (Matt. 15:33). Human math just doesn’t quite add up when God is involved. At such times, I think it is okay (though hard) to say, “God, I can’t make sense of this, so I guess my job is to trust You now.”

In what is becoming one of my favorite scenes in the Gospels, a man brought his son to the disciples and asked them to cast out the evil spirit that was tormenting him. The disciples were failing miserably when Jesus showed up and proclaimed, “All things are possible for one who believes.” The father cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:23-24). The disciples hadn’t yet figured out that they didn’t have the power to do anything apart from God. The job for the disciples, as for all of us, is to believe God can do and will do things we could never ask or imagine, because that’s His job.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

© 2025 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Upside Down

“You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth You will bring me up again” (Psalm 71:20).

I have mixed feelings about this particular verse. It is a precious promise of what God can do and will do for His children. And yet that first phrase is a little scary. “You made me see troubles and calamities”? Does God cause suffering? A parallel might be the opening of the book of Job. Satan attacks Job, yet it is only by God’s permission. Or in Genesis 50:20, Joseph tells his brothers, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive as they are today.”

Scripture is clear that God is sovereign over all things, yet He clearly allows evil things to happen even to people who love Him dearly. And since our days were written “when as yet there was none of them” (Ps. 139:16), God planned from the beginning exactly how He was going to use sin and suffering for His own good purposes in our lives.

In my imagination, I picture God writing out the book of our lives and asking Satan, “OK, what would you like to happen to this person? … Ah ha, I’ll permit that and then flip it upside down so that they and their family members come to rely on Me!” No matter what Satan comes up with, God holds the winning card.

Although we don’t know who wrote Psalm 71, it could certainly be a reflection of David’s life. As a young man he was ignored or condemned by his brothers. He was chosen by God to become the king, but spent years on the run from King Saul. He lived in an era when war was an annual event, with some wins and some losses. He made some bad decisions that included getting Bathsheba pregnant and then conspiring to murder her husband. His own son plotted against him to steal the kingdom away. And yet in all this he kept turning to God in faith over and over again. David faced many troubles and calamities, but God was never far away.

Charles Spurgeon wrote about this psalm, “Here is faith’s inference from the infinite greatness of the Lord. He has been strong to smite; he will be also strong to save. He has shown me many heavy and severe trials, and he will also show me many and precious mercies.” Spurgeon wasn’t referring to merely theoretical trials. He had plenty of controversy to deal with in his ministry, as well as physical and emotional struggles. By faith he trusted that God’s good purposes would prevail.

I don’t know what God is planning to do through the things that hurt me or those I love. I may never know in this lifetime. I hope that my faith is growing stronger along the way, and that there are fewer valleys of doubt. I have not arrived on the mountaintop nor can I see it ahead. But I can say with certainty that I would not be where I am if it were not for God’s “many and precious mercies” reviving me and bearing me up along the way. I believe that we can hold onto Jesus’ promise to His disciples:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy… So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you” (John 16:20, 22).

© 2025 Dawn Rutan. Photo from one of my many hikes on the Rough Ridge trail near Blowing Rock, NC. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Blessed

The following is something I wrote for my denomination’s women’s ministry email for May.

Have you ever scrolled through social media and seen comments like:

Got engaged today! #Blessed
New grandchild! #Blessed
Just missed being in a car accident! #Blessed
Test results clear! #Blessed

I often think to myself, what if the circumstances were different? Are we only blessed when things are going well? In our culture there is a clear assumption that the beatitudes should say things like:

Blessed are the rich, for they can buy whatever they want.
Blessed are the powerful, for they can control the people around them.
Blessed are the healthy, for they need no one to help them.
Blessed are those in favorable circumstances, for they shall have no worries.

But that’s certainly not what Jesus said in Matthew 5. He proclaimed blessings on the poor in spirit, mourners, meek, hungry for righteousness, merciful, pure in heart, peacemakers, and even the persecuted—in short, all the people our culture tends to look down on and try to avoid. Sure, it’s nice to enjoy good circumstances, but that’s not usually the things that grow our faith.

I love the Apostle Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV), “But [the Lord] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” And James reminds us, “Count it all joy, my brothers [and sisters], when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (1:2-4). Times of trial and hardship can result in the blessing of spiritual growth.

I was reading in Deuteronomy of the blessings of obedience and the curses of disobedience proclaimed to the nation of Israel as they entered the Promised Land. That might sound very legalistic unless you remember the new covenant in Jesus’ blood. He bore our curses so that we may be eternally blessed (Gal. 3:13-14). We have the blessing of forgiveness now and life in His kingdom forever.

This life is often painful, and happiness may be hard to find at times, but for the Christian there is never a time when we are not blessed. I can testify that my faith is much stronger today because of times of difficulty, loneliness, and depression. When people have failed to take good care of me, I am blessed to know that Jesus is always there for me. When sorrows have felt overwhelming, I am blessed to remember that God comforts the brokenhearted. When life is painful, I am blessed because I’m sure this is not the end of the story. No matter what my circumstances, I know that I am blessed because I am a child of the one true King, and He will never let me go.

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Ps. 30:5b), and one day “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4).

#SoBlessed!

© 2025 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Faith and Fear

There is a Christian tradition that talks about the train of “Fact – Faith – Feelings,” where facts are the engine and feelings are the caboose. But this is confusing at best, and potentially misleading. (See https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/fact-faith-feeling.) I’m toying with the idea of it being like a Venn diagram where our goal is to live in the center where all three meet and inform and confirm one another, rather than taking any of them on their own. (I haven’t thought through all the implications of that approach, though I’m sure it’s not perfect.)

Some Christians teach or imply that if you have enough faith, you will never wrestle with fear or anxiety. However, this does not seem to be the teaching of Scripture. Psalm 56:3 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” In his Daily Treasury from the Psalms, Charles Spurgeon wrote about this verse:

“David was no braggart—he does not claim never to be afraid, and he was no brutish stoic free from fear… He feared, but that fear did not fill the whole area of his mind, for he adds, ‘I will trust in thee.’ It is possible, then, for fear and faith to occupy the mind at the same moment… It is a blessed fear that drives us to trust. Unregenerate fear drives from God; gracious fear drives to him.”

In a similar vein, Brennan Manning wrote:

“We often presume that trust will dispel the confusion, illuminate the darkness, vanquish the uncertainty, and redeem the times. But the crowd of witnesses in Hebrews 11 testifies that this is not the case. Our trust does not bring final clarity on this earth. It does not still the chaos or dull the pain or provide a crutch. When all else is unclear, the heart of trust says, as Jesus did on the cross, ‘Into your hands I commit my spirit’ (Luke 23:46)” (Ruthless Trust, 6).

Faith doesn’t preclude fear, but it should inform what we do with our fears. It’s easy to get lost in our feelings and forget the truths of Scripture and the promises of God. We may believe that God is present with us and is sovereign over the world, and yet still struggle to know how to trust Him in the midst of difficult circumstances.

Multiple times recently I have heard people say that in Scripture, “Do not fear” is not a command to obey but an invitation to remember God’s presence and care. He invites us to come to Him with all our fears, and to walk alongside the One whose “yoke is easy and [His] burden is light” (Matt. 11:30), rather than trying to carry our burdens alone.

I believe we can learn to turn to God with our fears, though I admit I’m not very good at that. My brain gets stuck in a vicious cycle of anxious thoughts because I want to control the outcome of some situation. I have to remind myself frequently that I am neither omnipotent nor omniscient, but I can trust the One who is. Spurgeon noted on Psalm 55, “We can have no better ground of confidence. The Lord is all, and more than all, that faith can need as the foundation of peaceful dependence. Lord, increase our faith evermore.”

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved” (Ps. 55:22).

© 2025 Dawn Rutan. Image edited from pixabay.com original. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

The Power of Place

The Power of Place, by Daniel Grothe, is a book I wish had been around 50 years ago. Perhaps it could have reduced some of the unnecessary mobility of our culture. Here are just a few quotes:

“Published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the findings suggest that ‘moving is associated with lower levels of overall wellbeing, higher stress levels, and fewer positive social relationships. Frequent moves have a particularly detrimental effect for adolescents, who’ve been shown to have lower test scores and graduation rates, fewer friends, and higher drug and alcohol use’… APA researchers discovered that ‘frequent relocations in childhood are related to poorer well-being in adulthood,’ because the participants in the study were found to have ‘fewer quality social relationships as adults’” (ch. 2).

“‘Stay put,’ Benedict said. But sadly, too many have read this as a prohibition—‘Thou shalt not leave!’—when they should have read it as a protection… There is a sort of calculus at play here that only makes sense in the kingdom of God: those who are willing to lose the freedom of a thousand different options will find they have everything they need right in front of them” (ch. 2).

“Maybe one of the least glamorous things you can do with your life is to stay in the same place with the same group of people—friends, a spouse, a handful of extended family, a local church community—for a really long time until you die. And while it is unglamorous, it may well be the most powerful this you can do” (ch. 5).

“Worship, which was always a communal act in ancient Israel’s history, has now been privatized and commoditized. We have our podcasts and YouTube channels. We have our favorite internet pastors… Indeed, we have discovered we can get our sermons and songs without having to trifle with other saints and sinners… But we must be careful not to let our technology outpace our theology. There is a sad irony: God who in Jesus became incarnate now has a people being tempted to live lives of disincarnation” (ch. 11).

As one who experienced a lot of uprooting as a child—7 changes of schools in 9 years—I can testify that it was not only not ideal, but even traumatic. Although there were some things I liked about each place we lived, I always longed for stability of place and of friendships. That contributed significantly to the fact that I have now been in the same house, same church, and same employer (though different roles) for the past 28 years.  There is much to be said for having a consistent community of support for the long haul. There have been times of conflict in community, but relationships are strengthened when people learn to work out their differences.

Loving one another is not meant to be limited to the nuclear family, nor to a short-term acquaintance. We are made to be in relationship for the long term—indeed, for eternity within the Body of Christ. I think some people imagine eternity as sitting alone with Jesus watching the sunset. I’ve only recently come to realize that one of the best things we’ll get to experience is being fully known and fully loved, not only by God but by one another (1 Cor. 13:12). After an earthly lifetime of relational disruptions, disconnections, and discontentment, it will be wonderful to simply enjoy being together without distrust or fear of loss. Imagine the depth of relationships available where there are no time constraints!

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Gal. 5:13-14).

© 2025 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. Cover image courtesy of Amazon.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

The Any-What?

In recent years the Enneagram has become a popular tool for understanding personality differences. The name comes from the geometric figure created by the nine personality types. The origins of the system are debated, but there is some indication that parts of it go back several centuries, perhaps even to the original “seven deadly sins.” Some Christians label the Enneagram as dangerous or demonic, but that is a stretch. There are a number of Christian organizations that use the Enneagram in counseling, coaching, and teaching. However, it has also been labeled a pseudoscience because it is so subjective. My efforts here are simply to share a few observations from things I’ve read and heard from such sources.

No tool is infallible. Every personality test, spiritual gifts inventory, and aptitude test is a creation of man and therefore limited in understanding. Whether you’re using the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, or DISC, you may find some useful information, but it’s going to miss a lot because each of us is unique. And even though it may tell you how you tend to respond to various scenarios, it probably won’t tell you why that’s the case.

It can be easy to delve so deep into understanding the tool that you don’t actually benefit from it, and you may end up wasting a lot of time that could be better spent in the spiritual disciplines. With the Enneagram in particular, there are types, subtypes, wings, and arrows that all have different meanings and implications for individuals. Some podcasters can sound quite dogmatic in describing these, as if it is a mathematical certainty that A+B+C=D for every person. All that should be taken with a grain of salt. It would be more accurate to say that every person has a bit of all nine Enneagram types, though one or two will be dominant. From those generalities, you can make some personal applications.

Personality profiles should not be used as an excuse for bad behavior or to put anyone in a box. “I’m a 5 and ISTJ, so that’s just the way I am.” At times that may be equivalent to saying, “I’m just a sinner, so leave me alone!” Your personality type does not define you, nor does it keep you from growing and changing. Knowing about your personality traits can be helpful if it shows you areas where you may need help, humility, and perhaps even repentance. It can alert you to times when you are reacting to particular situations out of anger, anxiety, or shame, rather than fully trusting God and loving others. When you are aware of your tendencies toward sin or unhealthy reactions, you can take those issues to Scripture, to God, and to other Christians who can help you learn better ways of coping with stress and temptation.

In addition, these tools can also help groups relate better to one another. We all tend to make assumptions about how others will react to a situation, and we may even try to assign motives to them. But if we remember that John is an external processor and Sue is an internal processor, we’re more likely to give them some grace when they don’t immediately agree on a plan. Or if we know Tim hates conflict and Sally needs affirmation that she’s doing a good job, we’ll try harder to encourage them as best we can.

Everyone wants to feel that they are known and loved for who they are, not shamed into trying to be something different. We also want to feel we are not alone. I was particularly encouraged by a podcast discussion between a few Enneagram 5s as they voiced things I have often thought but never dared say aloud. As C.S. Lewis put it, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.” Opening doors to deeper discussions is often a necessity in Christian community. It’s all too easy to keep one another at a distance out of fear or laziness.

God knows our hearts far better than we do, and He’s always working to conform us to the image of Christ. Personality tests may be one tool, among many others, that can point us in that direction, assuming they are used wisely and in submission to Scripture. They certainly cannot replace sound biblical teaching and counsel within the Body of Christ as God intended.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thess. 5:11).

© 2025 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Behold the Lamb

Those of us in the Christian church probably don’t give as much attention to Passover as we ought. Have you ever imagined what that night was like? God commanded that each household paint the blood of a lamb on the doorposts of the house to mark it as a home of faithful Jews. They were then to eat the lamb that night, but this was no leisurely meal.

“In this manner you shall eat it: with your belt fastened, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand. And you shall eat it in haste. It is the Lord’s Passover. For I will pass through the land of Egypt that night, and I will strike all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and on all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgments: I am the Lord. The blood shall be a sign for you, on the houses where you are. And when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and no plague will befall you to destroy you, when I strike the land of Egypt” (Ex. 12:11-13).

They were to eat it while ready to leave at a moment’s notice. They may not have had much appetite for the meal before them. Perhaps they heard a rushing wind as the destroyer came through. The Jews may have had Egyptian neighbors whose firstborn sons were dying. They may have heard the wailing increasing through the land. They probably didn’t sleep much as they wondered what the coming day would bring.

Fast forward more than a millennium, and now the disciples are celebrating Passover with Jesus, not realizing this was what would come to be known as the Last Supper. This time the meal appears to be pretty laid back. Jesus makes some odd comments about betrayal and denial and death, but the disciples don’t get it. When they go out to the Garden to pray, the disciples are relaxed enough to fall asleep. But then, quite literally, all hell breaks loose and the disciples run away to save their own skins.

Back in Egypt, God had said that the blood of a lamb was necessary to protect His people from physical death. Now at Gethsemane the Lamb of God sheds His blood to redeem His people from spiritual death. The road to the original Promised Land began with the shedding of the blood of lambs. The road to our eternal Promised Land began with the shedding of Jesus’ blood.

The first Passover was a dark night that resulted in the miraculous release of the Jews from slavery. Holy Saturday was a dark day for the disciples as they wondered what had gone wrong and what would come next. But Easter Sunday turned their sorrow and fear into rejoicing, and within just a few weeks they were proclaiming salvation through the risen Lord Jesus Christ to anyone who would believe.

We still experience some dark times in life. We still have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. But now we have the assurance that there is a glorious resurrection day coming for all who follow Christ. Because Jesus is “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world” (Jn. 1: 29), we have the assurance that “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1). Because Jesus is our Good Shepherd who laid down His life for His sheep (Jn. 10:11), we need not fear evil and we can trust that “goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Ps. 23:6).

Thank You, Father, for providing the Lamb!

“Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let Your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Ps. 16:9-11).

© 2025 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.