Conflicting Feelings

If there were one historical figure (not including those mentioned in the Bible) that I could invite to speak at my church sometime, I might choose John Newton. Probably most Christians know that he was a slave trader turned cleric and abolitionist, and the author of “Amazing Grace.” I just came across another hymn that he wrote:

Conflicting Feelings

Strange and mysterious is my life.

What opposites I feel within!

A stable peace, a constant strife;

The rule of grace, the power of sin:

Too often I am captive led,

Yet daily triumph in my Head [Christ].

I prize the privilege of prayer,

But oh! what backwardness to pray!

Though on the Lord I cast my care,

I feel its burden every day;

I seek His will in all I do,

Yet find my own is working too.

I call the promises my own,

And prize them more than mines of gold;

Yet though their sweetness I have known,

They leave me unimpressed and cold

One hour upon the truth I feed,

The next I know not what I read.

I love the holy day of rest,

When Jesus meets His gathered saints;

Sweet day, of all the week the best!

For its return my spirit pants:

Yet often, through my unbelief,

It proves a day of guilt and grief.

While on my Savior I rely,

I know my foes shall lose their aim,

And therefore dare their power defy,

Assured of conquest through His name,

But soon my confidence is slain,

And all my fears return again.

Thus different powers within me strive,

And grace and sin by turns prevail;

I grieve, rejoice, decline, revive,

And victory hangs in doubtful scale:

But Jesus has His promise passed,

That grace shall overcome at last.

***

I think that sometimes we in the church, especially those who have been Christians for many years, may tend to give others the impression that we no longer struggle with sin. Some may be judgmental toward others whose sins are more public. Our sins may not be as evident, but we all still have them. Newton’s hymn illustrates how easily we slide into unbelief, no matter how much faith we may exercise at other times.

There are some hymns that I don’t like to sing, because they give the false impression that true Christians can overcome every doubt and sin in this life (for example “Since I’ve Learned to Trust Him More” by Francis Blackmer). On the other hand, I don’t want to give my sin more weight than it should have, because I know that all my sins—past, present, and future—were carried to the cross and forgiven by Jesus’ blood. Newton seems to strike the right balance between “This is my experience, but this is what is true of me in Christ.” Near the end of his life he said, “I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.”

The Apostle Paul wrote in Romans, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions” (6:11-12). But a chapter later he said, “I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (7:18b-19). If even Paul had this struggle, can we be any better? We all need reminders that we are great sinners, but Christ is a great Savior.” We can proclaim along with Paul, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!” (8:1). His grace, mercy, and love will have the final word in our lives.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan text and photo. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Believing Is Seeing

There is a line in the movie Polar Express that caught my attention this Christmas: “Seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing.” Of course, the movie is referring to all the things related to Santa, the North Pole, and the express train. However, the same might truthfully be said of faith in Jesus Christ, and it would not be perpetuating a myth. For those of us who have faith in the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, belief helps us to see and understand things that we likely wouldn’t otherwise. When Jesus was on earth, He spoke in symbolic parables. When His followers asked why, He told them,

“To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of God, but for others they are in parables, so that ‘seeing they may not see, and hearing they may not understand’” (Luke 8:10).

There were many people in His day who saw Him, watched Him heal people, and heard Him teach, and yet they never believed that He was the Messiah, the Savior who had been prophesied. At the end of His time on earth, Jesus said to “doubting” Thomas,

“Have you believed because you have seen Me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29).

The Apostle Paul wrote,

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?” (Rom. 10:13-14).

He doesn’t link belief with seeing proof, but with hearing truth proclaimed. But even then, it’s not that every question has irrefutable answers. Few people can point to logic and documented evidence that convinced them of the truth of Christianity, although such people do exist (Lee Strobel is one). Faith in God can sound like folly to those who don’t have it.

“For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Cor. 1:21-24).

Faith itself is a gift from God— “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” (Eph. 2:8). God’s action always precedes our response. He grants us faith, we come to believe, and we begin to see the truth of God’s revelation through creation, Scripture, and His people. Believing is seeing.

It may sound as though God predestines some people to never have faith in Him, but God will never turn away anyone who genuinely wants to know Him. He works in many varied ways to stir one’s curiosity and to bring them to the point of belief.

During the Christmas season, where Christianity and culture intersect, it’s quite possible that unbelievers may look at us and think we’re just as naive as little children who believe in Santa Claus. We can try to explain our faith to the best of our ability, but some people will never understand or believe, and that is to their own peril. There is coming a day when “every eye will see Him: (Rev. 1:7), and on that day it will be too late for those who insist that seeing is believing and who think they need concrete proof before they will accept Jesus as Savior and follow Him as Lord. I pray that many will turn to Him as that final day comes ever closer.

“I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6).

“And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).

 

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Looking Ahead

During the season of Advent churches often focus on the themes of hope, peace, joy, and love. The angels proclaimed:

“Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord… Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom He is pleased!” (Luke 2:10-11, 14).

We recognize that those are not merely emotional experiences, but are rooted in the truths of Scripture—initiated with the birth of Jesus and to be finally fulfilled at His Second Coming. However, even as we affirm that truth, probably many of us are wishing for the emotional side of hope, peace, joy, and love. Life in this world is hard, and the busyness of Christmas can be a reminder of how imperfect the world is. The past couple years have added new kinds of stresses to our family, work, school, and church lives. As much as we may want to return to the “good old days,” things are forever changed. We are mentally, physically, and emotionally worn out.

If we look back to the time of Jesus’ birth, things weren’t too rosy then either. The Roman occupation had all Israel on edge. In the midst of the narrative of Jesus’ birth and early life, after the wise men leave, we read:

“Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, became furious, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under… A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation, Rachel weeping for her children; she refused to be comforted because they are no more” (Matt. 2:16, 18).

We don’t know how many people around Bethlehem had heard about the message of “good news of great joy,” but they were probably wondering how the death of dozens of children was part of this “good news.” A tyrannical leader looked more like proof of the lack of peace and joy and hope in the world. Even after Jesus’ death and resurrection, the disciples still didn’t fully understand His role in the world. They asked, “Lord, will You at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” (Acts 1:6). They were still looking for a temporal conqueror as their source for hope and peace.

As we live in a culture that is becoming increasingly anti-Christian and uncomfortable, the temporal aspects of hope, joy, and peace are harder to grasp. I’ve often said that my hope is 99% located in eternity, because I don’t see much hope for things in this life. The same applies to peace and joy. I have no problem looking forward to the perfection of eternity. I just wish we didn’t have to go through all the difficulties of life in the meantime.

The Apostle Paul indicates that today’s hardships will make eternity even more glorious: “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Cor. 4:17). James also points to eternity as reason to endure now: “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him” (James 1:12).

The author of Hebrews reminds us, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful” (Heb. 10:23). In the process of enduring and holding onto hope, we can look for the signs of God’s work in our lives—conforming us to the image of Christ; loving others with the love we’ve received from God; and using the gifts He has given us for His purposes of spreading the gospel and helping others to grow in their faith. When life and culture press us down, it’s not a “happy holiday” that we need, but reminders of God’s faithfulness to His promises. We don’t need to fake emotions we aren’t feeling; we need to hold fast to our hope in the eternity that we will enjoy with our heavenly Father and our brothers and sisters in Christ.

“And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience” (Rom. 8:23-25).

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Where Are the Wise?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

Reading this passage recently, I was struck by the second phrase—do not lean on your own understanding. That runs counter to everything our culture teaches us. Throughout our school years we are taught that we need to develop our understanding and to live up to our potential, which often gets tied to IQ. Education and common sense seem paramount. In evangelical circles, we lean on those with seminary degrees as those seemingly most qualified to lead. Spiritual gifts of wisdom, discernment, and knowledge are elevated, even if we don’t have proof that the individuals are actually being led by the Holy Spirit and not their own natural abilities.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m all in favor of education. College degrees do have value, at least to teach people how to really study and learn. I’m not sure high school does that very well. (I certainly didn’t learn to study until I took Organic Chemistry!) It is good to be able to figure things out and find solutions to problems. However, it becomes an issue when we aren’t seeking God’s wisdom and direction. Even in Christian pursuits, we may be misled if we focus on what is most logical. A few examples come to mind:

• “We’ve always done it that way” is a common influence in church leadership, but does it hinder us from joining God in doing a new thing (Isaiah 43:19)?
• Working from home is convenient and economical, but can be detrimental to community and cooperative work. Would God have us focus more on relationships and less on productivity (Gal. 5:13)?
• Social media and the internet provide vast amounts of information from around the world, but does that knowledge always help us to love others better (Eph. 4:32)?

The Apostle Paul wrote,

“Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? …But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong” (1 Cor. 1:20, 27).

God specializes in using what appears weak and foolish in order to showcase His own power and excellence. “No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against the Lord” (Prov. 21:30). We are focused on our own stories, while He has an eternal plan for all creation. We have limited understanding, but God knows all the details that we don’t. We try to draw understanding from the bits and pieces we can see, and that often leads us astray.

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?” (Rom. 11:33-34). May we be quick to seek His wisdom and not rely on our own.

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity… Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul” (Prov. 2:6-10).

***

This video clip from Anderson Cooper was mentioned in a sermon that I heard, which illustrates our limited perspective.

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

He Leadeth Me

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of God’s calling on our lives and how He leads us. It seems to me that there may be a lot of misconceptions in the minds of Christians, due to lack of teaching or wrong teaching on the subject. (James 1:5-8 is often misused in this regard.) Perhaps you can identify with some of these misguided thoughts:

• If you pray about it, God will give you clear directions.
• Good Christians can always know what God intends for them to do.
• If you don’t know what to do, it’s your own lack of faith.
• When God closes a door, He opens a window.

Looking back over my own journey, I can get discouraged by thinking that I’ve made wrong decisions that God has to keep fixing. And if I fall into the comparison trap, it looks like the really “spiritual people” have no doubts about the road ahead. That’s why I found great encouragement in this quote from a sermon by T.J. Tims:

“If we’re bouncing around, and we often are, it’s only the bumpers of divine sovereignty, sort of directing our course, making our lives fruitful. And I know that when I say that, some of us, we feel as if we’ve gone irreparably off course in our lives. Like there was this better version of our life that could have been, and here we are settling for like the third or fourth or fifth or hundredth tier down of the life that we could have had. But it cannot be true, because down beneath our derailments—the unavoidable ones and the avoidable ones—are the everlasting arms of God, working out all things for our good and for His glory. God’s out ahead of us preparing the way… We discover our destiny like this—by choosing… a God-glorifying heading and then walking that way… What do you want to do, for His glory? Head that way. And then, expect derailments— [Ephesians 2:10, ‘God prepared good works] that we should walk in them.’ …You choose a heading that you know would be pleasing to God, and then you receive the derailments as the will of God. And along the way you find yourself stumbling into fruitfulness that you did not anticipate. That’s what it looks like to be led by God.”

He goes on to point to the Apostle Paul’s words in Romans 1:13 “I do not want you to be unaware, brothers, that I have often intended to come to you (but thus far have been prevented), in order that I may reap some harvest among you as well as among the rest of the Gentiles.” Paul literally went through shipwrecks, imprisonment, and beatings as he sought to follow God’s will. That would make anybody question whether they were on the right path.

Think about some of the other people in Scripture.

• Abraham went out, not knowing where he was going (Heb. 11:8).
• Joshua, after bragging to his brothers, ended up in a pit, slavery, and prison, before eventually being able to say “God meant it for good” (Gen. 50:20).
• Moses went from the palace to the wilderness before he was ready to lead the Israelites out of Egypt (Ex. 2:10, 15). When he did receive divine instruction in a burning bush, he tried to talk his way out of it (Ex. 3:11).
• After surviving a famine, Naomi lost her husband and sons. All she could think to do was go back to her home country, and Ruth decided to go with her. They had no idea God would use that decision to contribute to the lineage of the Messiah (Matt. 1:5).
• Jonah tried to run from God’s direct command and ended up in a fish (Jon. 1:17).
• John the Baptist seemed clear on his direction until he ended up in prison. Then he wondered if he’d been wrong all along (Matt. 11:3).

The vast majority of people in the Bible never heard a direct command from God telling them where to go and what to do. They simply went through their lives doing the next thing that was before them. And in ancient culture there just weren’t that many options. There were few career paths, and most people stayed in one community for life.

Today, we have so many options that we don’t even know how to choose. We think it would be nice if God handed each of us a manuscript and said “Here’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.” Then we could feel confident that we were on the right path. Instead, we are meant to just keep walking and making the best decisions we can with the information we have, and trust that God will derail our plans if He chooses to. It takes a lot more faith to live this way than it would to just follow an instruction book.

If I had planned the path to get to where I am now, I would have made it a much straighter road. The things I thought I was going to do didn’t pan out, and I had to choose the next step while walking in the dark. God used both positive and negative experiences to change my course (probably more of the negative ones). I never had any revelation that “Aha, that’s where God is taking me!” But looking back I can see how God used me in different ways in each of the many segments of the path. And God will use me in whatever direction my future path may go (though I’m not planning any changes at this point). He already knows our paths and is present with us at each step of the way, no matter how convoluted the road may seem (see Psalm 139).

“The Lord is my shepherd… He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me” (Ps. 23:1, 3-4a).

*** 

© 2022 Dawn Rutan text and image. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

In All Things

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thess. 5:18).

We probably all agree that this verse is far easier said than done. It is counterintuitive and downright hard to practice every day in every circumstance. I was listening to a recent sermon from Immanuel Church in Nashville that mentioned this quote from C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of— throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself” (IV, 9).

We don’t much mind the repairs we knew we needed, but it’s hard to appreciate the other renovations. It’s particularly difficult when He tears down the little additions we’ve built ourselves. To use Jesus’ imagery from Matthew 7:24-27, we know we need to build our house on the rock, but then we may decide to add a shed hanging off one side, and a vacation cottage on the beach sand. When He comes in to rebuild, instead of being complimentary of our building efforts, He tears them all down. It would be one thing if this happened just once when we first commit our lives to Christ, but it becomes a lifelong renovation project of conforming us to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29).

The big question is, can we give thanks even for the things we don’t much like or understand? Sometimes that’s not too hard, when we remember that God is in control and we can trust His plan for our lives. But all too often we (or at least I) start second-guessing His plan and wondering how good it can be if we have to surrender the things that we think will make us happy. It’s also easier with some parts of life than with others. I can think of one arena of my life where the sacrifice of certain relationships, although painful at the time, was and is well worth the benefit of eternal life with Christ and His family. Now I can give thanks for that renovation, but thanksgiving has not always been my first choice.

When the rich young man came running up to Jesus to ask “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus pointed to the one thing the man was unwilling to give up—his riches. It is hard to let go of temporal things for the seeming uncertainty of “treasure in heaven” (Mark 10:21). It’s interesting that the passage immediately goes on to Peter’s statement, “See, we have left everything and followed you” (v. 28). In other words, “Jesus, is it really going to be worth it in the end?” Jesus reassures the disciples that it is worth it, not just for eternity but for this life as well, and He also points out that the greatest cost for many of us is relational, not material.*

If we truly trust His plan, then giving thanks in all circumstances does become a little easier, though still a test of faith in hard times.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1ff).

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*An observation for which I am indebted to Sam Allberry.

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Remember When

This week I am reading again John Piper’s short book, When the Darkness Will Not Lift. He makes the following comment:

“In fact the darkest experience for the child of God is when his faith sinks out of his own sight. Not out of God’s sight, but his. Yes, it is possible to be so overwhelmed with darkness that you do not know if you are a Christian—and yet still be one… We are not saved by producing faith on our own and then making that the basis of our new birth. It is the other way around, which means that God is at the bottom of my faith; and when it disappears for a season from my own view, God may yet be there sustaining its root in the new birth and protecting the seed from destruction.”

I’ve had times like that when—because I can’t see what God is doing—I question whether I’ve ever really had faith in Him or I’ve only had faith in my own abilities and insights. I look back over my life and wonder whether I was consciously following God’s direction or if He was dragging me places I didn’t want to go. In better times, I remember the ways God has used the twists and turns of my path to bring me to new places and ways to serve Him.

The enemy would have us forget every Divine providence, every nudge of the Spirit that has directed us, every sign of our faith at work. As Piper indicates, even saving faith is a gift of God. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Eph. 2:8-9). If we start to think we had anything to do with the origin of our faith, it’s only a short step to thinking we could therefore lose our faith. But what God has truly given cannot be removed: “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of My hand” (John 10:28).

The answer to doubt is to remember what God has done, starting with Scripture and continuing through the present day. How many times is the Exodus referred to in the Bible? It is frequently repeated (e.g. Psalm 66, 77, 78, 106), because we all need frequent reminders of God’s power and authority over all the earth. I may not see or understand how God is at work today, but that doesn’t negate the fact that He has made His presence known in many times and many ways since the beginning of creation.

“Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish My purpose’” (Isaiah 46:9-10).

I have a shelf full of journals in my bedroom that go back more than 20 years. Even without opening them, I remember some of the things that I wrote there, and I am reminded that God has been at work over those many years—changing me, freeing me from certain sins, helping me to endure hard times, and using me for His good purposes. On the radio today I heard some discussion of how many people would go back in time if they could. Even though there are things I wish I could change right now, I have no desire to go back to who I was 10 or 20 or 30 years ago, and I can only attribute that to the fact that God has been at work even when I couldn’t see it. That may not relieve the present darkness, but it does help me put it in perspective of God’s enduring love and grace.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy” (Psalm 103:2).

***

Here’s a related article from ChurchLeaders.com that I found helpful.

© 2022 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. Image copyright free from pixabay.com, revised by Dawn Rutan. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.