Holy Messes

Recently I’ve been doing some study on autism spectrum disorder. (Psychology has long been an interest to me.) One thing that has stood out is that no one can really define what is “normal” and what is not. Is something a disorder if it doesn’t bother the person who has it? I came to the conclusion that whether you’re talking about mental health, physical health, or spiritual health, all of humanity is on one long continuum of brokenness. Some people may appear healthier than others; some may be better able to cope with the complexities of life, and some may seem more mature. But aside from Jesus Christ none of us are perfect in any way, no matter what Mary Poppins may claim for herself.

In Good News for Those Trying Harder, Alan Kraft discusses the beatitudes in Matthew 5 and particularly “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (5:3 ESV). He writes:

“Now most every Christian would agree this is where the spiritual life begins, but that is not what Jesus is saying. A quick read through the rest of these values reveals that these are not onetime events but are to be constantly experienced—mercy, peacemaking, humility, and brokenness. Jesus is inviting us to live every moment in a conscious awareness of how spiritually needy we are. He invites us to continually embrace and experience the melody of brokenness” (39).

His introduction clarifies:

“When we define spiritual growth as us becoming more like Christ, as us becoming less and less sinful, what we are actually pursuing is a spiritual growth path in which we need Jesus less and less. I need Him less today than yesterday, because the power of sin is not as strong in my life” (33).

He includes this quote from Thomas Moore: “Our depressions, jealousies, narcissism, and failures are not at odds with the spiritual life. Indeed, they are essential to it. When tended, they prevent the spirit from zooming off into the ozone of perfectionism and pride.”

The point is that God didn’t save us in order to wean us off our dependence on Him. Spiritual growth and maturity actually comes from relying on Him more fully over time. Although we have been saved from the power of sin, that freedom is realized as we learn to lean on God when the temptations come rather than trying to exercise our own willpower to get us through. We are all broken, sinners, weak and needy, and we will be until the return of Christ. When we start thinking we’ve got it all together, we run the risk of tripping over our own pride and self-sufficiency. As Paul said, “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12). That verse comes just before the reminder that God is the one who provides the way of escape from temptation and enables us to endure.

Like many (perhaps most) people I’ve sometimes wondered, “Why doesn’t God just fix this?” Whether it is a broken body, broken mind, or broken spirit, God certainly has the power to make it right. But in His perspective, there are things that are far more important than being “normal.” I’m convinced that He allows brokenness to remain in our lives to keep reminding us of how much we need Him.

We’re all messed up, but we don’t all recognize it. And even if we do recognize that we are broken, that knowledge can either drive us toward God or away from Him. We can either learn to depend on Him or we can get angry that He isn’t fixing the problem. It can also drive toward people or away from them. We can choose to be gracious toward those who are different from us (either “better” or “worse”), or we can be envious or arrogant. Obviously God’s desire is for us to love and trust Him and to extend the same love and grace to others. It’s pretty hard to do that if our definition of “normal” excludes people. The fact is we’re all abnormally normal.

I think when we do reach eternity we’ll be astounded to see what perfection actually looks like. Our earthly standards are so far off that we can’t begin to imagine. We judge Hitler for his conception of a master race, but our ideas of normalcy are only marginally better. When compared to God’s perfection, none of us has any claim to superiority.

“God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God” (1 Corinthians 1:28-29).

Unexpected Answers

The month of May is our denominational prayer month. Besides the prayer blogs we’ve posted, we also hosted a prayer summit and prayed together as led by some nationally known speakers on prayer. At the same time, I’ve been reading some interesting books, one of which is Praying for Your Elephant, by Adam Stadtmiller. I’m not sure I agree with everything in the book since I haven’t finished it yet, but it has challenged me to begin praying more boldly and specifically.

Then last week came and I was surprised to learn that a house I’d been interested in was going to be sold and I had first choice. I was both excited and terrified by the possibility. My beginning prayer was, “If this is Your will, make the asking price within my desired range.” It was a few days later when I learned that God had answered that prayer, but during that few days God did something I didn’t expect. He revealed to me my heart’s desire. As I posted last week, I found that I had some priorities that outweighed my desire to own a home. I realized that the price of the house didn’t really matter anymore. I’m more convinced than ever that prayer changes us, not God. I got what I thought was the elephant I was asking for, but God also gave me something far better—an opportunity to see Him at work.

As the week drew to a close, I realized that it had been an opportunity to practice Romans 12:2 (ESV): “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I’d started the week feeling somewhat pressured to conform to the world’s standards and the American dream. It took a few days for me to understand why that made me uncomfortable. Although I hadn’t specifically intended to search the Scriptures to see what they said about owing money or owning property, God brought to my mind some particular verses and themes that I had read in the past, and that helped me to know that His will for me was to do something kind of countercultural. At the same time, I knew that God’s love would not change regardless of what I chose, but that my joy would be made complete by abiding in Him and trusting in His provision for me. I didn’t need to worry about the next 30 years, but just be faithful to Him this week.

I also found that God had followed through on the promise of Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” It would have been easy to trust my understanding and the world’s wisdom that investing in property often (but not always) pays off. But trusting God and seeking His guidance led to a very different path than I started out on. My path may not look like anyone else’s and it may not make sense to others, but His way is a straight path toward His destination.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will act” (Psalm 37:4-5). Although I’ve long known that this Scripture doesn’t mean God will always give me what I think I want, it was reiterated for me through this process. My superficial desire was peeled back to reveal the true desires of my heart. I found my delight was truly in God and not in the things of this world. I had committed my way to Him and trusted Him, and He acted by showing me more of Himself.

We can miss so much when we start seeking answers to prayer rather than seeking God. I don’t know if I would have prayed differently if I had known how everything would turn out. I don’t believe my original request was wrong, but it was colored by a lot of things that needed to be stripped away: cultural impressions, the influence of certain people, planning for the future, etc. It’s not necessarily wrong to pray for elephants, but you might discover that what you really want is the Lion of the tribe of Judah.

It’s funny—the possibility of buying a house made me suddenly feel like a grown-up, but God was in the process of making me grow in faith. Spiritual maturity is so much more important, and yet there are so many Christians who are willing to settle for the superficial answers and a lukewarm faith. I don’t want to settle. I want to glorify God with every decision, trusting the One who knows best, and delighting in Him.

“How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! …Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:17, 23-24).

Unencumbered

Recently I was presented with an opportunity to buy a nice house in a good neighborhood not far from work. I started researching all the costs of buying and owning even before knowing the asking price. The more I thought about it, the less comfortable I was with going in debt for something I don’t really need to have. The tipping point came when I thought about the monthly obligation of a mortgage as compared to the flexibility of having money in the bank. I’m not saying home ownership is wrong for everybody, but here are some of the reasons I think it is wrong for me at this time:

“I want you to be free from anxieties… The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:32, 34 ESV). Although home ownership doesn’t have the same permanence that marriage does, it is still a long-term commitment to the welfare of something other than God. As a renter, I know that my residence will be taken care of when issues arise. It may not be done exactly the way I would choose to do it for myself, but I also don’t have to figure out how to pay for it myself (except for the fact that my landlord is also my employer, and I’m the one who writes the checks!). The anxieties of home ownership could easily sap the joy and peace out of daily living.

“Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called… For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise, he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men” (1 Cor. 7:20, 22-23). Owing money can be a form of slavery. In New Testament times, at least some of those who were slaves were people who sold themselves into slavery in order to pay debts. If a mortgage payment forces me to change or limit how I would otherwise use my money, it has become my master.

“For they [the Macedonians] gave according to their means, as I can testify, and beyond their means, of their own accord, begging us earnestly for the favor of taking part in the relief of the saints—and this, not as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will of God to us… For if the readiness is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, not according to what he does not have” (2 Cor. 8:3-4, 12). I can’t give what I don’t have. Giving financial support to ministries has always been a high priority for me, and tying up money in property would hinder my ability to respond to needs I see. While considering mortgage payments, I started thinking of a special project that I could donate to instead, and that stirred my passion far more than the possibility of home ownership.

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? …Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring” (James 4:3-4,13-14). The American dream is all about investing today in order to provide for tomorrow, but there are no guarantees. Stock markets and housing markets crash; houses burn down; people lose jobs or die unexpectedly; and someday the Lord will return and put an end to all our buying and selling. What will really matter when that day comes?

In the midst of these internal debates, I’ve been reading two books that have helped to confirm my decision. One is John Piper’s book Don’t Waste Your Life. He relates the story of a man his father ministered to who neared the end of his life and realized “I’ve wasted it! I’ve wasted it!” Piper includes the old poem, “Only one life, ‘twill soon be past; Only what’s done for Christ will last” (p. 12). I can’t reconcile in my own mind how buying a house can be done for Christ in my current circumstances. (Hospitality is not one of my strengths, so I can’t justify it by means of serving people who need a place to stay.) I don’t want to come to the end of a mortgage and find I’ve wasted years of joy and peace for the uncertain future of a few years of retirement.

The other book that spoke to me was I Want God, by Lisa Whittle. She quotes a sermon by David Wilkerson, “A Call to Anguish,” and her response, “‘There’s nothing of the flesh that will give you joy. I don’t care how much money, I don’t care what kind of new house. There is absolutely nothing physical that can give you joy.’ I’m fresh out of good, churchy answers. What I do know is that the world has gotten to us. The church. All of us. And we look scary normal” (pp. 150-151). She goes on to quote Deuteronomy 8:11-14:

“Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments and His rules and His statutes, which I command you today, lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.”

I’m convicted anew that many Christians today are indistinguishable from the world. We’ve adopted the same standard of living and priorities, and aren’t willing or able to make some of the hard choices. Again, I’m not saying that home ownership is wrong. Under certain circumstances it may be more fiscally responsible than renting, particularly for growing families or for those who wouldn’t require a mortgage. But we will each have to give an account for our stewardship of all that God has entrusted to us, and I don’t want to have to explain having chosen something that I’m not entirely comfortable with.

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace… in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 4:10-11).

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Funnily enough, several weeks ago I was asked to write a post for today our denominational prayer blog, and the following is what I had written...

With all the books, magazines, blogs, and conferences on prayer, you would think we’d have it all figured out by now. Even though we know that God’s answers may be yes, no, or wait, we still fall into the trap of thinking we’ll get the answer we want if we just pray the right words with the right attitude, if we pray more fervently and frequently, if we just had more faith… And if we’re honest, we would have to admit that we’ve been disappointed at times.

On more than one occasion Jesus was asked to heal someone, but He didn’t do so until after they had died (Mark 5:21-43, John 11). He healed some people but not others (John 5:1-9). He slept through the storm while the disciples were terrified. When they woke Him and He calmed the storm, they wondered, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey Him?” (Matthew 8:27 ESV).

God is so powerful and so unpredictable that it’s amazing to think we can influence Him in any way. And yet we’re told to present our requests to God (Philippians 4:6) and to cast all our cares upon Him (1 Peter 5:7). He knows all that we think and desire, but He wants us to verbalize those desires in communication with Him. We need to have enough faith to trust Him with our concerns, and yet our faith is often strengthened by not receiving exactly what we want when we want it. Faith requires us to believe that God’s plan is far bigger and better than we can yet imagine. That should not prevent us from asking God for what appears best to us at the moment, but may in fact allow us to ask more boldly because we trust the Father’s will.

I remember when they were small my nieces filled up on goldfish crackers because they were too hungry to wait for Thanksgiving dinner. Their immediate need felt far more important than waiting patiently and trusting that something better was coming. We don’t change much as we grow up—our needs just feel that much bigger and more important. But hopefully our faith in our heavenly Father grows even bigger.

May we learn to ask boldly, but wait patiently for whatever God has in store for us.

Come Forth

Recently I was reading a fiction book by Staci Stallings that included the following comment in a pastor’s sermon, “Over and over again, He says, ‘I understand. I understand. I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there, but you don’t have to stay there. See, I have rolled back the stone on your tomb too.’” That created an interesting mental picture for me. How often does God have to remind us that we don’t have to live in the tomb anymore? Our subconscious thoughts are often like this:

• “I’ve sinned; excuse me while I go sit in the tomb.”
• “I’m angry; I want to be alone in my hole.”
• “Someone hurt me; just let me curl up in my cave.”
• “I’m a failure; I don’t deserve to come into the light.”

But God keeps saying “The stone has been rolled away! Come out into life and light. My Son took care of every sin and shame so you can walk in freedom. This tomb is not your home anymore.” Jesus asked the man at the pool of Bethesda (John 5:6 ESV), “Do you want to be healed?” In other words, do you want to leave behind what is familiar and comfortable and come out of your tomb?

Sometimes we invite others to join us in our tombs by seeking sympathy rather than the encouragement and help to find our way out. We indulge in gossip, slander, and bitterness rather than forgiving. And sometimes we put others back in their tombs through shame and judgmentalism rather than helping them to find freedom in Christ. We also have an enemy who is glad to make us think we’re still dead in our trespasses and sins in order to keep us from being who God has called us to be and doing all He has called us to do (Ephesians 2:4-10).

The New Testament writers felt the need to remind believers of their true freedom:

•  “Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God” (1 Peter 2:16).
• “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17).
• “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

As with all areas of the Christian life, we have to know the truth in order to live by it. Jesus said, “If you abide in My word, you are truly My disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free… So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:31-32, 36). This knowing and testing is the process of transforming the mind set out in Romans 12:1-2.

I don’t know about you, but I want to live in greater freedom, no longer bound by the old grave clothes. 

Prayer - Rest

I wrote the following post for today for our denomination's prayer blog for Prayer Emphasis month: https://acgcblog.wordpress.com/

“A long time afterward, when the Lord had given rest to Israel from all their surrounding enemies, and Joshua was old and well advanced in years, Joshua summoned all Israel… and said to them, ‘…You have seen all that the Lord your God has done to all these nations for your sake, for it is the Lord your God who has fought for you.’” –Joshua 23:1-3 ESV

The Lord is the one who fights for us, and the Lord is the one who gives us rest. It’s tempting for us to say, “I’ve worked hard and I’ve earned a rest,” but that doesn’t seem to be the model Scripture lays out. The Ten Commandments indicate that the Sabbath is intended to remind us that in Creation God worked for six days and then rested. Throughout the Bible we are reminded that God is the one who creates, destroys, saves, and redeems. Even the good works that we do are those “which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).

Our lives would be much more restful if we fully believed that God is the one at work and that it doesn’t depend on us to keep the world running. Yes, we have a role to fill, but God can still accomplish His purposes while we’re sleeping, waiting, or enjoying time off with the family. If we don’t get enough rest, there is likely to come a day when we are forced to rest due to illness or injury.

So as we approach God in prayer, may we remember and be thankful for all the work that God has done and is doing on our behalf, and may we learn to trust Him more for what He will do around us, in us, and through us. We can rest in His promises, “For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).

Telling God's Story

This is a slightly different post from usual. I mentioned in my last post that I’d picked up four random books from the library, never expecting them to share a theme. Here are three quotes that struck me as I read:

Mourning Into Dancing, by Walter Wangerin – “Talitha [his daughter], in order to end in love with your self, start with God. Love God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. Trust him completely. Obey him. And then, in perfect trust, know this: that whatever God makes is beautiful. Whatever God loves is lovely, just because he loves it. And whoever lives within his will is full of grace and favor. Daughter, perfect hands have fashioned you. And God loves you, Talitha, so much that he sent his Son to save you” (58-59).

Confessions of a Caffeinated Christian, by John Fischer – After sharing with a psychologist the story of his difficult birth and near death, the psychologist said, “‘John, do you know what that means? … That means that God wanted you to live! …Well, that’s a pretty big deal.’ So that was it all along. God wanted me alive and breathing. He wanted me. I am alive, not because of what I did, or was going to do, or how I got here. I am alive, period, and suddenly that alone became a pretty big deal” (6).

Bring Back the Joy, by Sheila Walsh –  “When you love God you love the things God loves. God loves you. It’s embarrassing and uncomfortable to be loved when we feel that we should be despised, but God is God… Saint Bernard of Clairvaux charts out four steps we take in the process of losing ourselves and finding ourselves in God…
Step 1. We love ourselves for our own sake.
Step 2. We love God for our own sake.
Step 3. We love God for his sake.
Step 4. We love ourselves for God’s sake” (90).

It’s evident from these quotes that I’m not the only one who needs to be reminded that my life matters because God has created me and loves me as His child. The fourth book I picked up indicates one thing we are to do with that knowledge:

To Be Told, by Dan Allender – “We are God’s story, which means we are expertly written. We are called to write our story with God in order to bring him more glory. We write our story best by giving our heart away to others whom we honor as more important than ourselves. What we give to others is a unique story, a theme that reveals God like no other story can… Since our stories reveal God, no story is ours alone… But our story does not need to be told to everyone, even the most intimate friends. We are to be guardians of our story, and it is to be given as a gift—not wantonly but carefully. It is a gift to be given only to the right person at the right time for the right reason” (209-210).

God has granted us life, and unique events have shaped us into the people we are today and who we will be tomorrow. Our stories are the one thing we can claim as our own. Possessions may be lost; jobs come to an end; people can steal our pride and security; relationships can end for numerous reasons including sin and death. But through it all we have the story of how God has used all our circumstances to shape us. We can hide our stories out of shame and fear, or we can share them at the right times to give God glory and to encourage others, as well as to receive encouragement from others.

“You have multiplied, O Lord my God, Your wondrous deeds and Your thoughts toward us; none can compare with You! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.” –Psalm 40:5

He Knows My Name

Last week I went to the library and picked up a few Christian books that at first glance seemed to be unrelated. But as I’ve gotten into them I’ve found several similarities. Two of them, Mourning into Dancing, by Walter Wangerin, and To Be Told, by Dan Allender, talk particularly about the names we are given. Allender states:

“Today it is rare that parents first study a child in order to give the child a name that fits. Far more often we pick a family name, or we choose a name that sounds good and has a meaning that we like. The Hebrew process of naming was exactly the opposite. A name was chosen that reflected the unique calling and character of the child. It is for this reason that many Bible characters were renamed later in life... Each change in name points to a day when we will receive an entirely new name. The Bible tells us that those who seek God will one day be given a new name: ‘Everyone who is victorious will eat of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it.’ When I stand before God, I will be given a new name in a moment of tender, inconceivable intimacy” (29-30 quoting Revelation 2:17).

He also reminds us that we’re living in-between times. “We are between two names. We know our name; we don’t know what our new name will be... [E]very one of us human beings experiences the tension between who we are and who we will one day become.”

Like many kids, I went through a time when I didn’t like my given name and wished I could choose a different one. Mostly what I didn’t like were the derogatory names given to me by the school bullies. One classmate threatened to hurt me when she found out that we not only had the same initials but the same middle name—Christine. (Why she blamed me for that I’ll never know!) While waiting in the graduation line at college (arranged alphabetically), I was amused to learn that two of my friends standing beside me and I would have all had the same first name if we’d been boys.

These days I’m okay with the name I was given. It has family significance as well as spiritual meaning. But I do wonder what name God has for me. I’ve occasionally thought that God renames us multiple times throughout our lives depending on what we’re going through and how God reveals Himself to us. After all, God is known by multiple names throughout Scripture, so why shouldn’t we have multiple names? I can tell you some of the names He’s given me in the past: Grace, Beloved, Daughter, Faithful, Enduring.

The other day at the gas station I overheard a heated discussion between a couple men. One emphasized his point by using the other person’s name, but I got the feeling he would have rather called him “Idiot.” It reminded me of times when even a term of endearment such as “Honey” is spoken with such a tone as to convey a much different meaning. Those kinds of names don’t make you feel loved, appreciated, or special.

Jesus said, “The sheep hear His voice, and He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out” (John 10:3). There’s a frequently circulated email of quotes from kids about love. One says, “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” We know that our names are safe with God. He always speaks our names with love, even if we are in need of correction. He doesn’t use them in a derogatory manner. His voice breaks the power of the names the world heaps on us, along with the names we put on ourselves: failure, broken, mistake, unwanted, forgotten. He calls us by name when no one else knows who we are.

God spoke through Isaiah, “Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands” (49:16a). If I were ever to get a tattoo (which is not on my bucket list), it would be something that reminded me of who God is and who I am to him. More than anything else, that is a reminder I need to see every day. God doesn’t need the reminder, but He always has us in His sight and in His hand.

“The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory, and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give. You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but shall be called My Delight Is in Her...” -Isaiah 62:2-4