Broken

“Trust Him in all this brokenness. It is a gift” (Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way).

I’m tired of brokenness.
I’m tired of a broken world,
  culture,
    system.
I’m tired of broken people
  breaking people,
Broken by sin,
  sickness,
    death.
I’m tired of being broken.
I don’t want to be weak,
  needy,
    dependent.
I’m tired of the pangs of sorrow,
  shame,
    anger,
      pain.
I want to feel strong,
  capable,
    prepared.
But You love the broken,
  the weak,
    the needy,
      the anxious.
You bind up the broken,
  use the humble,
    save the sinful.
Unless the ground
  is broken
    it cannot accept the seed.
Unless the grain of wheat
  is broken
    it cannot multiply.
Unless the grains
  are broken
    there is no bread.
Unless the grapes
  are crushed
    there is no wine.
Unless the Lord
  was broken
    there is no Savior.
Unless His blood
  was spilled out
    there is no redemption.
Unless the proud,
  self-sufficient,
    sinful
      are broken
        there is no mercy.
Broken is the gift
  we didn’t ask for,
    didn’t want,
      desperately need.
Broken is where
  He meets us,
    calls us,
      saves us.
Broken is where
  we find Him,
    see Him,
      cling to Him.
In the Broken One
  is where we find life,
    breath,
      hope,
        peace.
In the Broken One
  is where we live,
    and move,
      and have our being.

“For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite” (Isaiah 57:15 ESV).



© 2020 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness

Following are several quotes worth pondering from Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness: A Revive Our Hearts Trilogy, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss:

“Broken men and women don’t care who finds out about their sin; they have nothing to protect and nothing to lose. They are eager for God to be vindicated. David’s response when confronted with his wrongdoing was that of a humble, broken man. And his was the heart that God honored. Again and again, God’s Word reveals that He is not as concerned about the depth or extent of the sin we commit as He is about our attitude and response when we are confronted with our sin” (52). “But once we have really been contrite and humble before God, it will not be threatening to be humble and honest with others—we have nothing to lose, no reputation to protect—because we have died. The broken person is willing to say, ‘Will you pray for me? I have a need in my life—God is dealing with me in this specific area’ ” (94).

“Because God is holy, we must be holy. And here’s the good news—because God is holy, we can be holy. If you are a child of God, the Holy God lives in you. He is the standard for your holiness, and He is the source of your holiness—He is your righteousness. He can wash your unholy heart with the blood of Jesus and make you clean—so the world will know what He is like… To be holy is our created purpose. It is our destiny. And it will be the outcome for every true child of God and for the entire body of Christ” (293-294).

“As Christians, we have not been left alone to deal with our sin. God has graciously put us into a body of believers who are called to look out for one another and to stand together against the enemies that would threaten our holiness. This family—the body of Christ—is a vital provision God has given to help us in our pursuit of holiness. This is why it is essential for every believer to be in a committed relationship to a Christ-centered local church. Many believers today think nothing of jumping from one church to another every time they find something not to their liking. In fact, a growing number of Christians don’t see the need of plugging into a local church at all. Some are disillusioned with their local church experience. They think they can have an independent relationship with God or that their spiritual needs can be met simply by plugging into the Internet. Being disconnected from the local church, for whatever reason, is a dangerous way to live. Not only do these ‘lone rangers’ miss out on the blessings of functioning within the context of the body of Christ, but like lone sheep away from the safety of the flock and the watchful care of the shepherd, they are vulnerable to predators of every sort” (344).

“We have tiptoed around Old and New Testament passages that proclaim the holiness of God, His hatred of sin, and His wrath and judgment against unrepentant sinners, preferring to consider only references to His mercy, grace, and love. We have promoted a ‘gospel’ that says it is possible to be a Christian while stubbornly refusing to address practices or behaviors we know are sinful. We have accepted the philosophy that it’s OK for Christians to look, think, act, and talk like the world” (368).

What more can be said?

“Surely that man must be in an unhealthy state of soul who can think of all that Jesus suffered, and yet cling to those sins for which that suffering was undergone. It was sin that wove the crown of thorns; it was sin that pierced our Lord’s hands and feet and side; it was sin that brought Him to Gethsemane and Calvary, to the cross and to the grave. Cold must our hearts be if we do not hate sin and labour to get rid of it, though we may have to cut off the right hand and pluck out the right eye in doing it” (J. C. Ryle, Holiness).

© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

On the Road

I just read this article on The Gospel Coalition: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/lessons-church-recovery-boys/  The author writes:

“One of the great challenges in ministry today is that ‘authenticity’ is more prized than holiness. Recurring struggles and ‘mess’ are more compelling and animating than the prospect of growth and the process of sanctification. Brokenness is simply a more credible currency than righteousness in many churches today, to our shame. Suburban youth pastors feel they must have tattoos and intense testimonies in order to be relatable. But shouldn’t churches and ministers be in the business of making growth, healing, maturity, and wholeness more compelling than sin and brokenness? Can’t righteousness be authentic too? …Pictures of healing are compelling. Growth should be celebrated more than brokenness.”

I understand what he’s saying, but I think he’s overstating the case. Perhaps it’s a matter of perspective. I think most churches struggle to embrace true authenticity. It’s far easier to hide our brokenness and fake our growth. It is true that real growth and healing should be celebrated, but not to the exclusion or shame of those who are still struggling. For most of us, growth comes in small steps that may not really be measurable. It may take years before we realize we’ve made significant change, so it can be hard to celebrate slow growth.

Certainly we want to make “growth, healing, maturity, and wholeness more compelling than sin and brokenness,” but we also need to communicate that it’s okay to not be okay. We are all broken sinners in need of supernatural help to change, and no one has yet arrived at perfection. We are all in process. Some may be further along the path, and they can encourage those of us who come behind them. Every believer is part of the “cloud of witnesses” to what God is doing in our lives and in the lives of those around us (Hebrews 12:1). We need to be authentic so that we can testify to where we’ve come from but also how much further we need to go. While there can be brokenness without sanctification, you can’t have sanctification without acknowledging brokenness.

I’m sure there are some churches where authenticity is “more prized than holiness,” just as there are some churches where sin is embraced rather than crucified, but I think they are comparatively small in number. Any church that values the whole council of God’s Word should be communicating: God loves you just as you are, and He loves you too much to let you stay there. And we as His Body love you in your brokenness, and we will do everything we can to help you grow in healing and holiness, however long it takes.

We’re all in this together. Wherever we’ve started from we should each be learning, growing, and changing by God’s grace and for His glory. Let’s encourage one another and celebrate even the small victories!

“Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:12-14 ESV).

© 2018 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.

Still Waiting

I was reading in John 9 of the man born blind. “‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him’” (2-3 ESV). Obviously this man and his parents were not completely free of sin, but their sin was unrelated to his blindness. We can’t read too much into this, but it is apparent that the brokenness of this world is used to display God’s works. He uses all things for His purposes (Rom. 8:28). He can use physical, mental, and emotional brokenness, and He can even use our sinfulness in ways that will bring Him glory.

I’m sure I’ve contributed to my own “blindness” through the ways I’ve behaved or things I have mistakenly believed, but the story doesn’t end there. Each piece of my story is an opportunity for God to display His glory. Whether He heals the brokenness or not, He gets the ultimate glory for whatever works He does in and through me. There are parts I am fairly certain will not be “fixed” in this lifetime, but that will just make eternity that much better. Some things I’ve experienced in the last few days have made me yearn even more for the day when all will be made perfect—where people won’t misunderstand one another or say things that are incorrect; where we won’t overreact to words or deeds because all the old wounds will be healed; where we won’t have anything to hide from one another; where fear will be a thing of the past; where our bodies and minds will function perfectly as God intends. I long for that day to come.

As I was skimming through some Scriptures I’ve read this week, it struck me how often we take Isaiah 40:31 out of context. “They that wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with winds like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” That is an inspiring picture, but we can’t divorce it from verse 30, “Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted.” In this life we are guaranteed to encounter weariness, exhaustion, pain, and trials. The promises of verse 31 won’t truly be fulfilled until we receive our new bodies and the earth is made new. Even Jesus grew weary while He walked this earth.

So we are called to persevere in faith until that final day, trusting that everything will be made clear and God’s purposes are revealed so that He will be glorified. There are days I don’t want to persevere, days when everything seems pointless and hopeless. But I’m reminded, “For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised” (Heb. 10:36). I imagine the man who’d been born blind got tired of the routine of his life. The man who’d been an invalid for 38 years (John 5) certainly had reasons for complaint. I wonder how much the difficulties in Joseph’s life influenced the way he manipulated his brothers (Gen. 42-44) before he revealed who he was? (Somehow I don’t think God told Joseph, “Let’s string them along for a while until they really appreciate your position”!)

One day “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4). But until that day we endure, we wait, and we pray for His will to be done and His glory to be revealed.

© 2017 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com.

Broken People

I was skimming through the recent issue of Christianity Today and noticed this quote: “Broken people can’t serve broken people.” They never explained what was meant by that, and it did not make sense in the context of an article about prison ministry. I don’t know what the person intended, but my immediate reaction was “What?! How is that scriptural?” 

In contrast, Phillip Holmes wrote, “I am the man I am today because I have been broken down to my weakest state. God doesn’t use what he cannot break (Proverbs 29:1), and there is no one too firm he cannot shake” (http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/broken-but-grateful).

The Apostle Paul put it this way, “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness,’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9 ESV).

Those who have not been broken do not need to rely on God’s strength. Those who don’t know that they are weak can’t really identify with or minister to the rest of us. Breaking is necessary to make us usable by God. David said, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:17). God delights in people who have come to the end of themselves and are wholly submitted to His will. His light shines through our broken places.

“But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong… so that no human being might boast in the presence of God” (1 Corinthians 1:27, 29).

© 2016 Dawn Rutan.

Holy Messes

Recently I’ve been doing some study on autism spectrum disorder. (Psychology has long been an interest to me.) One thing that has stood out is that no one can really define what is “normal” and what is not. Is something a disorder if it doesn’t bother the person who has it? I came to the conclusion that whether you’re talking about mental health, physical health, or spiritual health, all of humanity is on one long continuum of brokenness. Some people may appear healthier than others; some may be better able to cope with the complexities of life, and some may seem more mature. But aside from Jesus Christ none of us are perfect in any way, no matter what Mary Poppins may claim for herself.

In Good News for Those Trying Harder, Alan Kraft discusses the beatitudes in Matthew 5 and particularly “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (5:3 ESV). He writes:

“Now most every Christian would agree this is where the spiritual life begins, but that is not what Jesus is saying. A quick read through the rest of these values reveals that these are not onetime events but are to be constantly experienced—mercy, peacemaking, humility, and brokenness. Jesus is inviting us to live every moment in a conscious awareness of how spiritually needy we are. He invites us to continually embrace and experience the melody of brokenness” (39).

His introduction clarifies:

“When we define spiritual growth as us becoming more like Christ, as us becoming less and less sinful, what we are actually pursuing is a spiritual growth path in which we need Jesus less and less. I need Him less today than yesterday, because the power of sin is not as strong in my life” (33).

He includes this quote from Thomas Moore: “Our depressions, jealousies, narcissism, and failures are not at odds with the spiritual life. Indeed, they are essential to it. When tended, they prevent the spirit from zooming off into the ozone of perfectionism and pride.”

The point is that God didn’t save us in order to wean us off our dependence on Him. Spiritual growth and maturity actually comes from relying on Him more fully over time. Although we have been saved from the power of sin, that freedom is realized as we learn to lean on God when the temptations come rather than trying to exercise our own willpower to get us through. We are all broken, sinners, weak and needy, and we will be until the return of Christ. When we start thinking we’ve got it all together, we run the risk of tripping over our own pride and self-sufficiency. As Paul said, “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12). That verse comes just before the reminder that God is the one who provides the way of escape from temptation and enables us to endure.

Like many (perhaps most) people I’ve sometimes wondered, “Why doesn’t God just fix this?” Whether it is a broken body, broken mind, or broken spirit, God certainly has the power to make it right. But in His perspective, there are things that are far more important than being “normal.” I’m convinced that He allows brokenness to remain in our lives to keep reminding us of how much we need Him.

We’re all messed up, but we don’t all recognize it. And even if we do recognize that we are broken, that knowledge can either drive us toward God or away from Him. We can either learn to depend on Him or we can get angry that He isn’t fixing the problem. It can also drive toward people or away from them. We can choose to be gracious toward those who are different from us (either “better” or “worse”), or we can be envious or arrogant. Obviously God’s desire is for us to love and trust Him and to extend the same love and grace to others. It’s pretty hard to do that if our definition of “normal” excludes people. The fact is we’re all abnormally normal.

I think when we do reach eternity we’ll be astounded to see what perfection actually looks like. Our earthly standards are so far off that we can’t begin to imagine. We judge Hitler for his conception of a master race, but our ideas of normalcy are only marginally better. When compared to God’s perfection, none of us has any claim to superiority.

“God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God” (1 Corinthians 1:28-29).

View from the Valley

Following up on last week’s post on the blessings of brokenness, I started thinking about various people in the Bible and how God impacted their lives. I suddenly realized that I couldn’t think of a single person who hadn’t suffered in some significant way. From Abraham to Moses to David to Paul, every one of them went through some pretty tough times in order to learn to depend on God and not themselves. Just think of the Hebrews 11 “Hall of Faith” and what each of those people endured.

So the question is, why do we think we can go through life without suffering difficulties? We are not naturally God-dependent in the flesh, so we should expect to have to learn some lessons through pain and trouble. Gerald Sittser writes in A Grace Disguised, “Can I expect to live an entire lifetime free of disappointment and suffering? Free of loss and pain? The very expectation strikes me as not only unrealistic but also arrogant. God spare me from such a perfect life! …To live in a world with grace is better by far than to live in a world of absolute fairness. A fair world may make life nice for us, but only as nice as we are. We may get what we deserve, but I wonder how much that is and whether or not we would really be satisfied. A world with grace will give us more than we deserve. It will give us life, even in our suffering” (110, 115).

That’s one reason the health and wealth “gospel” is so insidious. Sure, we’d all like comfort and success, but at what cost? If comfort means missing out on experiencing God’s sustaining grace, I’m not interested. If earthly riches means eternal ruin, no thanks! (See 1 Timothy 6:9-19.) Sometimes I wonder whether we are doing people a favor by praying for protection from suffering. We don’t want unnecessary suffering, but God can and will use all suffering for His glory if we give it to Him.

I can identify with C. S. Lewis’s comment, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will be” (Letters of C. S. Lewis). Having endured extended times of depression, I find that I am now more willing to pray “Whatever it takes, Thy will be done” rather than “Deliver me!” I’d rather go through the valley with God at my side than live on the mountaintop without really knowing Him.

I think that when we get accustomed to the “good life,” we find it harder to accept suffering when it comes. Would Job have complained as long if he hadn’t been so rich to start with? So many people turn to God when difficulties come, but then are inclined to ignore Him when life gets easier. Some of the godliest people I have known are ones who have endured suffering for a lifetime due to illness. John Piper said, “Any suffering person I’ve ever talked to bears witness to the fact that they have seen more of God and have come to know and trust God more deeply than if their suffering hadn’t come” (http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-should-i-read-the-book-of-job). And Malcolm Muggeridge wrote, “Indeed, I can say with complete truthfulness that everything I have learned in my seventy-five years in this world, everything that has truly enhanced and enlightened my existence, has been through affliction and not through happiness, whether pursued or attained.”

Mountaintop views are made more glorious when contrasted with the dark valleys. And even the edge of darkness is glorious when you look into the light. I recently started reading The Pilgrim’s Progress, and John Bunyan describes well the sense of wonder and gratitude as he looked back on the darkness through which he had come:

“O world of wonders (I can say no less),
That I should be preserved in that distress
That I have met with here! Oh, blessed be
That hand that from it hath delivered me!
Dangers in darkness, devils, hell, and sin,
Did compass me, while I this vale was in;
Yes, snares, and pits, and traps, and nets did lie
My path about, that worthless, silly I
Might have been catched, entangled, and cast down;
But, since I live, let Jesus wear the crown.”

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5 ESV).

Breaking Down Idols

The messages I heard Sunday in Sunday school and in the church service have melded together in my thinking this week. In Sunday school we’ve been talking about idols, which can be anything that we allow to take priority over God, and can even include good things. And the sermon was on the Christian practices that should point us to God but can sometimes lose their primary purpose.

I think a lot of church goers have made an idol of Christian practices and have entirely lost sight of loving God. It seems more obvious in the Catholic Church, where members are careful to attend mass, go to confession, and say their rosary, but may not have any clear understanding of Jesus as their Savior. However, Protestants can fall into the same trap. How many Bible scholars can quote chapter and verse but have no love for God and others? Some have called seminaries “Pharisee factories.” I think it was Mark Driscoll* who gave an example of a pastors conference he spoke at when he was fairly new in ministry, and some of the older ministers there confessed that they were only preaching because it was the only job they knew. They’d never really known God for themselves and didn’t believe the things they preached.

Bringing it a little closer to home, how many even in our churches can quote the “Sunday school answer” to most questions and are satisfied with that level of knowledge? They don’t care to dig deeper, apply their knowledge, or wrestle with the hard questions of life. It seems that only God can impart a desire for more, and many times that desire comes when we are broken from all our self-sufficiency and comfort. We aren’t likely to discard our idols if we think they are working. As C.S. Lewis said, we’re far too easily satisfied. If we’re comfortable with superficial knowledge and just doing enough to “get by,” then why should we jump into deeper waters?

Do we really want to wrestle with God if we know we’ll end up with a permanent limp like Jacob (Genesis 32)? Is it even possible to convince the comfortable that brokenness is actually preferable? It is in brokenness that we learn that God upholds us (Psalm 37:17); in emptiness that we find fullness of joy at His side (Psalm 16:11); and in weakness we find His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9). I don’t think you can appreciate the blessings of brokenness if you haven’t been there yourself.

I love the following song by Sidewalk Prophets, “Keep Making Me.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI1obeb3A9c Is this something that we dare to pray? God just might answer by tearing down all our comfortable “Christian” idols!

*This blog was written before Mark Driscoll's downfall. I do not endorse him in any way.