Forgiven Indeed

In his book The Yellow Leaves, Frederick Buechner related the following:

“Frank Tracy Griswold, presiding bishop of the Episcopal Church... told me that once when he was taking a shower, he distinctly heard a voice from somewhere saying, ‘Why do you take your sins so much more seriously than I do?’ His first reaction, he said, was to burst into laughter. His second was to burst into tears.”

I had mixed feelings of my own when I read that. On one hand, sin is extremely serious. The smallest of offenses against the perfect, holy God is worthy of the death penalty, and in fact led to the death of Jesus Christ. And yet Scripture proclaims,

“And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This He set aside, nailing it to the cross” (Col. 2:13-14).

For those who follow Christ, all our sins, past, present, and future, were nailed to the cross and removed “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). So while each time that we sin is a reminder of the penalty we owed, it is also an occasion for God’s grace to abound to us over and over again.

“But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man’s trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many... Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more” (Rom. 5:15, 20).

Those who are faithful Christians don’t take sin lightly, or think of it as “no big deal.” We don’t “continue in sin that grace may abound” (Rom. 6:1). But I believe that many of us hold onto the feelings of guilt and shame long after we’ve confessed our sins to God. I heard myself saying recently, “I know God doesn’t hold it against me, but I hold it against myself.” At times like that, God may truly ask us, “Why do you take your sins so much more seriously than I do?” If He has forgiven those sins, who am I to stand in judgment against those same sins? If His grace has “abounded all the more,” who am I to reject it for myself?

Of course, just knowing that truth doesn’t mean we always take it to heart. We have an accuser to loves to remind us of all the times and ways we have failed to love God and others. He wants to keep us wallowing in the mud so that we’re too distracted to serve God. And if we think of ourselves foremost as sinners, we may forget that we have the ability to say no to sin because of God’s grace.

From the vantage point of the cross, my sins are no longer on my record or my shoulders. Jesus’ shoulders bore the weight so mine do not need to. His hands were nailed to my sin, so my hands are now free.

Lord, help us to see ourselves as the new creations You have made us to be. Where we are forgiven, help us to forgive ourselves. Where we are tempted, guard us against the lies and lures of the world, the flesh, and the devil.

“The Lord passed before [Moses] and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness’” (Ex. 34:6).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Yes, Mental Illness Exists

A prominent Christian leader is reported to have said recently that “There is no such thing as mental illness.” While I agree that we need to normalize the experience of suffering, mourning, and anxiety within the church, his statement is likely to have the opposite effect, which makes me sad. Those of us who take medication for various mental illnesses don’t need added shame for not being able to cope without them. We feel plenty of shame already, because it feels like everyone else has stronger faith and better coping skills than we do. Even if science can’t explain why, some medications do help some people. They don’t necessarily fix the problems, but they reduce the symptoms enough that we can carry on with daily life and, hopefully, get good, godly counsel as well. As Kathryn Butler notes in a new article from TGC:

“The first stop when seeking help for depression is your primary doctor’s office, but it shouldn’t be the last. While a doctor determines whether an antidepressant will help, it’s critically important to couple any medication with counseling.”

However, godly counseling can be hard to find as well, particularly if one is relying on the local church to provide it. Most pastors and church leaders don’t have the training or the time to provide the deep, long-term counseling that many of their church members need. And depending on their theology, they may create more problems than they solve. I’ve been blessed to find a Christian counselor within the medical system, but available appointments are few. For those with more intensive needs, it can be expensive to get the necessary help.

In the CT 2024 Pastors Special Issue, Jeannie Whitlock writes of Recapturing Wonder in a Cynical Age:

“Many of us haven’t even processed everything we have lost, pushed by a culture that urges us to quickly move on. But as Christian Wiman warns, unaddressed grief will make itself known, showing up in ‘every kind of crying but the kind you can see.’ Our bodies keep the score. Bottled sorrow can metastasize into physical ailments, unexplained fatigue, heartache, weakened immunity, or constant irritation. Yet, many American Christians are terrible at grieving.”

Often times it seems as though the church has lost the art of lament, in part because we’ve forgotten how to bear one another’s burdens. We’ve accepted superficial relationships as “good enough.” If the church were better at all the “one another” commands, there probably would be less need for medications and outside counseling services, but those will never completely go away in this lifetime. We live in a broken world, where our bodies and minds are impacted by sickness, suffering, and sin (our own and others’). Telling people “there’s no such thing as mental illness” is somewhere on the spectrum between “Just deal with it” and “If you just have enough faith you will be healed,” neither of which is helpful or encouraging.

In the midst of writing this, a severe storm moved through the area, providing me with an analogy. The property next to my house was recently clear-cut for building an electrical substation. When the storm came, a large pine tree that was left at the edge of the woods fell across the power lines. Because it no longer had neighboring trees on three sides, it was more susceptible to the wind than it had been before. Likewise, many Christians, and especially those struggling with mental illness, feel like they are on the fringe of church life with little support and protection from the storms of life. We need aid in whatever forms we can get it.

Perhaps we all need the reminder that God “comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer” (2 Cor. 1:4-6).

“Therefore encourage one another with these words” (1 Thess. 4:18).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Image courtesy of SAMHSA.gov. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Remember This

Having grown up in a fairly “low church” tradition, I’ve never given much consideration to the repetition of rote prayers and sentences. After reading a variety of authors who have referred to the Book of Common Prayer, I started getting more interested. Then recently I started listening occasionally to The Daily Office Podcast from the Anglican Church in North America 2019 Book of Common Prayer. Although they occasionally include readings from apocryphal books that I would not normally read, I’ve grown to appreciate the practice.

In the past, I would have been concerned that repetition of something like the Lord’s Prayer might become rote and mindless. However, if you think about all the other things that we repeat frequently and mindlessly, we could probably all use some regular infusions of truth into our thought processes. For example, there are certain TV series that I’ve watched so many times I can quote the dialog from memory. And there are plenty of negative thoughts that I rehearse more often than is wise. So it can be helpful to have biblical truths embedded in memory to bring to mind at such times.

Over and over in Scripture we are urged to remember what God has said and done:

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy… For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy” (Ex. 20:8, 11).

“And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you” (Deut. 8:2).

“Remember the wondrous works that He has done, His miracles, and the judgments He uttered” (Psalm 105:5).

“Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me” (Isaiah 46:8-9).

“I have said all these things to you to keep you from falling away… I have said these things to you, that when their hour comes you may remember that I told them to you” (John 16:1, 4).

We will remember things that we’ve heard repeatedly, so the only question is what those words are going to be. Will it be TV shows and secular media, or will it be Bible verses, scriptural songs, or creedal confessions that have been used in some Christian traditions for centuries? Sure, there will be times when we repeat words without thinking about them, because we’re simply human. But there will also be times when the words come from our hearts with praise, repentance, and affirmation of what we know to be true.

Let us consider how to fill our minds with the things we really need to remember.

“My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember You upon my bed, and meditate on You in the watches of the night” (Psalm 63:5-6).

***

Related resources: 

Here are two songs that are often on my mind after I’ve listened to The Daily Office Podcast:

Lord, Have Mercy by Matt Boswell, Matt Papa, Aaron Keys, and James Tealy

Creed by Rich Mullins

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

What Do You Want?

Recently I noticed that there are two recorded times when Jesus asked someone “What do you want Me to do for you?” Both occur in Mark 10 (as well as the parallel passage in Matthew 20). In the first instance, James and John (and their mother according to Matthew) asked to be honored in Jesus’s kingdom. In the second, blind Bartimaeus (and another blind man per Matthew) asked to recover his sight. Two entirely different motives were revealed—pride and the desire for glory vs. humility and a request for mercy. The request made by the “Sons of Thunder” made the other disciples indignant and resulted in Jesus preaching a mini-sermon on servanthood. But the request from Bartimaeus led to a commendation of his faith and the immediate granting of his appeal.

In He Is Not Ashamed, Erik Raymond writes:

“Bartimaeus couldn’t do anything for Jesus. He came as a needy man, and Jesus was ready to give. Jesus also didn’t insult him or belittle his condition. Unlike the crowd who looked down on him, Jesus built him up by honoring him. Far from being ashamed of him, Jesus publicly welcomed and dignified the man… He had no interest in personal exaltation; he just wanted mercy”

Jesus responded similarly to the Canaanite woman whose daughter was demon-oppressed in Matthew 15. She asked for mercy and was commended for her faith and her daughter was healed. Those who desire mercy will find it in Jesus.

However, we often come to God with mixed motives. What we desire may be a good thing: healing from illness, restoration of relationships, etc. But our wishes may become idols that attempt to push God off His throne. As is mentioned in this recent episode of the Hope and Help Podcast, can we honestly say, “I want to glorify God more than I want ______”? There are many things in life I would change if I had the power, and I wonder what God is doing in and through them. Yet I have to trust that His way is not only best, but also results in His ultimate glory. My wishes may bring me comfort or momentary happiness, but they may also rob God of the glory that is due to Him. (This is one reason the prosperity gospel is so twisted and unbiblical.)

We have a high priest who experienced weakness and has sympathy for the weak (Heb. 4:15). We have the Holy Spirit to help us in our weakness (Rom. 8:26). Our God will not let us be tempted beyond our ability, but provides a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). He gives us sufficient grace (2 Cor. 12:9). But we have to admit our weakness and rely on Him so that He is the One who is glorified and not us. His glory may be revealed through healing, or it may come through trusting Him to carry us when we know we can’t make it on our own.

God invites us to come to Him and to ask what we want, but with the understanding that what He gives us is the mercy we need, not necessarily the “fix” that we desire. Our faith has opportunity to grow when we have to trust that God’s “No” is for our ultimate good.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Shame Interrupted

Every few years I reread Ed Welch’s book Shame Interrupted. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the feeling of never measuring up, which started early in life. This poem was the result of my ponderings.

***

The voices in my head tell me I don’t belong,
I’m not wanted,
     not welcome,
           not good enough.
I don’t look right,
     act right,
          feel right,
                talk right.
I still hear the whispers behind my back,
Taunts and jibes,
     trying to provoke a reaction.
I won’t let them know how it hurts,
     keep my head down,
Pretend I don’t hear them, I don’t care.
One day soon I’ll leave them behind,
     go to better places.

But the voices still follow me, still echo in my head.
I wasn’t invited,
      I’m not wanted,
             they don’t care.
There is One Voice I trust, One who never fails,
One Who says,
      “I hear,
             I know,
                   I love you.”
He too experienced shame,
Crucified, naked, taunted,
     “If you are the Christ!”
              “Save yourself!”
He endured the cross, despising the shame,
For us, for me.

There are some who speak His words,
     but they too forget,
They don’t hear the voices in my head.
They are dealing with voices of their own.
But God remains,
     interrupting shame,
Reminding me,
       “You are My beloved child.”

“Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood,
Sealed my pardon with His blood,
      Hallelujah, what a Savior!”

“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” (Rom. 8:15).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Even Me

I wonder if you have the same reaction to this passage that I sometimes do?

“This Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men... Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made Him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified” (Acts 2:23, 36).

Isn’t it tempting to think, “Yes, Peter! Stick it to those unbelieving Jews and Romans who killed Jesus!”? And yet, if it weren’t for my sin (and yours) Jesus would not have had to die. “God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). And “For our sake [God] made [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:21). That realization shouldn’t lead to pride in my accomplishments or disdain for unbelievers. It should lead to humble gratitude for the eternal life we have received by the grace and mercy of God. “[He] was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification” (Rom. 4:25).

On prideful days, I can be like the Pharisee who prayed, “God, I thank You that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector” (Luke 18:11), when I should be praying, “Thank You for being merciful to me, a sinner!”

Some days I identify more with Paul’s proclamation, “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in Him for eternal life” (1 Tim. 1:15-16). Paul knew what he was talking about, although I think we are each the “foremost of sinners.” Any sin against the perfectly holy and righteous God is worthy of eternal damnation. Whether our personal sin debt was a penny or a thousand dollars, it required the life of the perfect sacrifice, Jesus Christ, to redeem us.

As we come to Good Friday and Easter, let us not forget that we aren’t invited into God’s family because we’re so great and have so much to offer Him. We are here only because He first loved us and chose to ransom us by death and resurrection of Christ. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

“The God of our fathers raised Jesus, whom you killed by hanging Him on a tree. God exalted Him at His right hand as Leader and Savior, to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins” (Acts 5:30-31). “And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins” (1 Cor. 15:17).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

From Beginning to End

Psalm 71 gives a lifelong perspective on faith.

“Upon You have I leaned from before my birth” (6a). “For You, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth” (5). “Do not cast me off in the time of old age” (9a). “O God, from my youth You have taught me, and I still proclaim Your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me” (17-18a).

That first quote in particular caught my attention— “from before my birth.” No matter how young you are when you come to faith in Christ, none of us can claim to have been Christians from birth. And yet, when you do meet God and grow in faith, you start to realize that He has been at work long before you knew it. As David wrote in Psalm 139, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (16). And the Apostle Paul proclaimed to the Ephesian church, that God “chose us in Him before the foundation of the world” (1:4). You might say that from God’s perspective, the saved have always been saved, even though they have not always known it. C.S. Lewis wrote in The Great Divorce:

“[B]oth good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all this earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only the twilight in that town, but all their life on earth too, will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, ‘No future bliss can make up for it,’ not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory... the Blessed will say, ‘We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven,’ and the Lost, ‘We were always in Hell.’ And both will speak truly” (ch. 9).

Whether or not you agree completely with Lewis’s eschatology, there is great comfort to be found in believing that God is sovereign over every day and every detail of your life. The God who created us and brought salvation to us will also sustain us to the end, and then He will also raise us to eternal life in the new creation. “From the depths of the earth You will bring me up again” (20). He will never forsake us, so we can trust Him to old age and gray hairs. With that assurance, “I will hope continually and will praise You yet more and more” (14). No matter how far along the path of life you may be, we can be witnesses to others of God’s faithfulness. “My mouth will tell of Your righteous acts, of Your deeds of salvation all the day... I will remind them of Your righteousness, Yours alone” (15-16).

May we endeavor to be faithful to that high calling.

“So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me until I proclaim Your might to another generation, Your power to all those to come” (18).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.