I recently read the book Single Together: Stewarding Singleness in the
Family of God, by Lisa LaGeorge. While it seems more geared toward
singles who desire marriage (like the author), it is a beneficial book for all
singles, as well as for church leaders who want to better minister to, and
with, a large segment of the church population. One of the helpful parts of the
book is that each chapter ends with questions for the church and questions for
personal reflection or discussion.
A difficulty that many of us wrestle with is that singleness
has so many different faces that can’t be lumped into one stereotype. There are
those who do not desire marriage, those who want to marry but haven’t found the
right person, those who are single again after divorce or the death of a
spouse, those who are single parents, those who struggle with same-sex
attraction, those who have always lived with their parents, those who are caring
for aging parents, and many other variables.
Thinking about my own history, as a small child I assumed I
would get married (to the only boy my age in that particular church). But then
as adulthood and independence emerged, I discovered that I didn’t really want
to go down that road. There are a lot of reasons, both good and bad, that
influenced my choices, but I have no regrets about that now in middle age. I love
having my own space and the ability to use my free time and money in whatever
way God may lead.
For many singles, the challenge comes in finding a church
where we can fit in, find supportive relationships, and serve in the ways we
are gifted. Unfortunately, some church leaders may be shocked to learn that single
women don’t always want to serve in the nursery or teach little kids, nor do we
all like to cook. We may not want to attend a singles’ group either. As a young
adult I once (and only once) attended a singles’ group at a large church
nearby, only to discover that if you didn’t already know people there you might
as well forget it. LaGeorge notes:
Rather than separating classes
and small groups by life situations, ensure that singles have the opportunity
to join multigenerational fellowship groups. Segregation can make some singles
feel like they don’t fit in anywhere, especially if they are over thirty years
old.
And just because we’re single doesn’t mean we always have
lots of free time to devote to serving others. Most of us have jobs to go to,
bills to pay, homes to upkeep, and we need to rest too. Oftentimes our
participation in different activities has far more to do with our personalities
than our marital status. I’ve found the same to be true of friendships, where common
interests and shared faith bind us together in such a way that marriage and
singleness become secondary. I appreciate this quote from Danielle Treweek that
is shared early in the book,
At the time of their conversion
or profession of faith, a Christian’s primary familial loyalties transfer from
their family of origin to their family of adoption—that is, the church of God’s
people.
I think sometimes the church loses sight of that truth,
particularly in regions where multiple generations of families live within a
few miles of each other. Those biological ties tend to outweigh the ties of
faith when it comes to prioritizing time and relationships. That makes it even
harder for singles to connect with others, since we’re more likely to be the
ones who don’t have family nearby.
With a post like this, I fear that I’m preaching to the
singles’ choir, because most married folks don’t give much thought to the
experience of their unmarried friends. But as I’m often reminded, we all
started out as singles, more than half of married couples will be single again
one day, and none of us will be married in the eternal kingdom except as the Bride
of Christ. How might we better reflect that reality in our life here and now?
“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him [or her], and to which God has called [them]. This is my rule in all the churches” (1 Cor. 7:17).
© 2026 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.
