Suicide Facts

Since I’ve taken a break from tradition to focus on Mental Illness Awareness Week, I wanted to share the following “Ten Fables and Ten Facts about Suicide” and “Warning Signs to Watch For” from New Light on Depression: Help, Hope, & Answers for the Depressed & Those Who Love Them, by David Biebel and Harold Koenig (pp. 236-237). This is a helpful book despite the fact that it’s almost 10 years old. It is written for Christians, but has valuable information for anyone. Another good resource is http://www.save.org/

Statistics show that about 15 percent of clinically depressed persons will commit suicide. So it is essential that we know the facts.

Fable 1: People who talk about suicide do not commit suicide.
  Fact 1: 80 percent of those considering suicide do talk about it in one way or another.

Fable 2: Suicide happens without warning.
  Fact 2: Suicidal people give many clues of their intentions.

Fable 3: Suicidal people are fully intent on dying.
  Fact 3: Most are undecided but are willing to take a gamble that someone will discover their plans and intervene.

Fable 4: Once a person is suicidal, he is suicidal forever.
  Fact 4: Suicidal intentions usually are time-limited.

Fable 5: Improvement after suicidal crisis means the risk is over.
  Fact 5: Most suicides occur about three months after improvement begins, when a person has enough energy to act out his or her thoughts.

Fable 6: Suicide is more common among the rich.
  Fact 6: Suicide occurs in equal proportion throughout society.

Fable 7: Suicide is inherited or runs in families.
  Fact 7: Suicide is an individual pattern.

Fable 8: All suicidal patients are mentally ill.
  Fact 8: While extremely unhappy and perturbed prior to death by suicide, many who take their own life would not be judged mentally ill.

Fable 9: Deep religious faith makes suicide impossible.
  Fact 9: The despair and hopelessness accompanying severe depressive illness can undermine faith.

Fable 10: Caregivers (family or friends) can always prevent suicide.
  Fact 10: People intent on suicide may succeed even when friends and family do everything possible to prevent this outcome. When this happens, it is not the caregivers’ fault.”

Warning Signs to Watch For

• Expressions of helplessness or hopelessness
• Extreme withdrawal from friends, family, and usual activities
• Talking about suicide or ending it all
• Self-destructive or risk-taking behavior
• Giving away favorite possessions
• Sudden changes in behavior or mood
• Increasing use of alcohol or drugs
• Identification with someone who has committed suicide
• Preoccupation with thoughts of death
• Clear plans
• Previous suicide attempts

Christians and Depression

This is Mental Illness Awareness Week. Many folks know that I’ve struggled with depression most of my life, sometimes major, sometimes minor, but almost always there. So it’s a subject I’m often researching, looking for new medical breakthroughs or just looking for encouragement from people who have been there. So I thought I would share some of the things I’ve been reading lately on the subject of depression. I’ve read some good and not-so-good books in the past couple weeks, and I see the same theme repeated in many, as the following quotes reveal.

In Gwen Smith’s book Broken into Beautiful she says, “I’ve spent most of my life hiding behind a smile… I’ve always considered my past just that: my past. I’m pragmatic that way. I’ve experienced shame, pain, and brokenness as much as the next person. I just haven’t been in the habit of sharing the particulars with people who could possibly judge me for it” (p. 7).

Barbara Crafton writes in Jesus Wept (not a book I’d recommend), “The umbrage we take at depression in people of faith lies in a mistaken idea of what faith is for: we imagine that a closer walk with God will make us consistently happy. We’re so committed to this idea that some of us take sorrow on the part of religious people as evidence of their hypocrisy… Neither faith nor the lack of it guarantees happiness” (p. 95).

Another author I’m starting to like is Sheila Walsh. I have not yet read her first book, Honestly, but in Extraordinary Faith she quotes a woman she met, “I used to believe. I used to believe that God loved me, and the church would be there for you when times got rough, but it’s a crock. The church is just a building full of people pretending to be okay when they’re bleeding to death” (p. 83).

And one book I haven’t finished yet is New Light on Depression, by David Biebel and Harold Koenig. They list and refute ten myths about depression: 1) You’re depressed because you want to be depressed. 2) You can beat depression with willpower. 3) You’re depressed because of unconfessed sins. 4) If you’re depressed, you’re just feeling sorry for yourself. 5) Depressed believers have weak faith. 6) It’s easy to tell when you are depressed. 7) Depression is just another word for grief. 8) Christians will be understanding and supportive. 9) Depression is a waste of time. 10) Depression arises from repressed anger (pp. 75-91).

The common, and disturbing, theme in all these is that Christians tend to stigmatize believers who are suffering from depression (as well as other mental illnesses). There is a lack of understanding and an abundance of misconceptions about depression and how it relates to faith. As a result, Christians who are depressed end up with added shame for not living up to the standards of their community, and they may try to survive in secrecy. Jan Dravecky in A Joy I’d Never Known mentions a pastor who preached at her, “If you are depressed, you don’t need medication, you don’t need counseling, you don’t need to go running after everything the world has to offer. That will only open you up to the power of Satan…” Some small part of me hopes that this guy suddenly experiences depression for himself!

The truth is that people from all walks of life can suffer from depression. It often has nothing to do with faith, although shame and guilt can certainly add to the problem. Sometimes it leaves without treatment, but often medication and/or counseling are needed. At the very least we need friends who will encourage us and remind us of the truth of God’s promises in Scripture.

For those who are seeking to help a depressed person, the two most important things you can do are listen and pray. Listen without judging. Ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask the suicide question. Share encouragement and truth as appropriate. There may be times for offering advice, but you need to be sure they are open to hearing it. And pray for the person when you are together as well as any other time they may come to mind. We all like to fix problems, but there are no quick fixes to depression. As John Townsend writes in Where Is God? “God uses our difficulties to make us relationally based people, rather than solutions-based people—relationships first, solutions second” (p. 116).

For those who are in the hole of depression, the top two recommendations I can give are: 1) Be totally honest with at least one person who can support and encourage you with biblical counsel and wisdom; and 2) Don’t give up. Keep on keeping on even when the road never seems to end. I feel like my whole life has been one of learning and relearning how to let people in. When I don’t, that road ahead of me looks like a never-ending uphill climb. But as I let others join me, I no longer notice the road but begin to enjoy the journey.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely free from this particular thorn, but as Paul said it does keep me humble and reminds me that God’s grace is sufficient even in this weakness. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9). My frequent prayer for myself and for anyone suffering from depression is that of Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

One Body

Sunday as we were taking communion, the cracker that I happened to pick up was melded to another cracker. The phrase that came to mind was “the two shall become one flesh.” When I looked that up later, I found it quoted in 1 Corinthians 6:16, and the following verses come right after it, “But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him… Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (vv. 17, 19-20).

Those words seemed appropriate for communion. It’s not just about partaking of the body and blood of Jesus Christ, but a reminder that we are united with Him in one body. “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it” (1 Cor. 12:27). In the words of Henri Nouwen, “The Eucharist is the sacrament through which Jesus enters into an intimate, permanent communion with us. It is the sacrament of the table. It is the sacrament of food and drink. It is the sacrament of daily nurture… Jesus gave us the Eucharist as a constant memory of his life and death. Not a memory that simply makes us think of him but a memory that makes us members of his body. That is why Jesus on the evening before he died took bread saying, ‘This is my Body,’ and took the cup saying, ‘This is my Blood.’ By eating the Body and drinking the Blood of Christ, we become one with him” (Bread for the Journey, Sept. 30).

The other phrase that was triggered by my “twin” cracker was “becoming like Him.” That could come from 1 John 3:2, “Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is.” Another verse is Philippians 3:10, “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death.”

I wonder sometimes whether it is outwardly evident that I am becoming more like Him, or is it too hidden from view? Is my “cracker” being absorbed into His, or am I something else altogether? (You may be thinking I’m a nut.) As Pastor Matt pointed out, our modern perception of the church is that of independent “small bites” without any consideration of the fact that we are one body, all melded into one another and into the larger Body of Christ. (The worst marketing device I’ve seen was the “prepackaged communion cup and wafer.”) Perhaps our efforts at convenience and visitor-friendliness have backfired when it comes to the unity of the church.

During communion I also remembered a previous time when my communion cup had a slight crack in the side. I had to hold one hand under the cup to catch the drips. It makes me wonder whether a lot of Christians want the “sanitized” Jesus, enjoying the Baby of Christmas but avoiding the suffering, blood, and death on the cross. They want the joy and peace of knowing they have eternal life, but they don’t want any interference in daily life, and certainly not any real pain or suffering. They want a little bit of Jesus, but they don’t want to “get any on them.”

We’re probably all guilty at various times of thinking that church activities and the Christian life are too inconvenient, too intrusive, or just too much. Have you heard the old line, “Jesus gave His life for you. The least you could do is give your life for Him!”? I’m not sure guilt-trips ever work for long-term motivation. But perhaps if we begin to see ourselves as one body, living and functioning together, we’ll find a growing desire to participate more fully in life together.

May our local body be visibly conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29).

Signs

I’ve been rereading Exodus lately, and I’m really liking Moses. I can identify with his fears and questions. He starts off by killing an Egyptian, and runs off to Midian to avoid the consequences. (I wouldn’t mind hiding out in the wilderness for awhile.) So God has to get his attention with a burning bush. After Moses hears the orders from God, what is his response? Not “Here am I, send me,” but “Who, me?!” God assures Moses of His presence and plan, and yet Moses insists on having all the details spelled out for him. And after God tells him everything, Moses still says, “I need a sign.” God gives him several signs, and yet Moses still responds, “I can’t do this! PLEASE send someone else.” So God allows Aaron to go along and help out.

Throughout the whole process of freeing the Israelites from captivity in Egypt, Moses continues to question God. Moses does seem a bit more confident at the Red Sea—“Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord” (14:13). However, verse 15 leads me to believe Moses was still quaking inwardly since God asks, “Why do you cry to Me?” After all the signs that Moses has seen, and the reassurances he’s gotten directly from God, in Exodus 33 we find him asking for yet another sign of God’s continued presence and direction in this plan. This time Moses gets to see God’s back as He passes by the cleft in the rock. And knowing that the wilderness experience goes on for many more years, you know that Moses has a lot more times of doubt.

It’s reassuring to know that even the “big name” guys of the Bible don’t have it all together. No matter how much they’ve seen and heard, they still question God’s plan (and maybe His sanity!). Apparently God doesn’t tire of reassuring His children of His love and care. They may be lightly chided, like Jesus asking the disciples, “Where’s your faith? Why were you so afraid?” But God never tells anyone, “No, I’ve given you enough signs! Just do what I said.” At least, He doesn’t say that to those who earnestly seek Him. Jesus quotes Isaiah’s words says that unbelievers “keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing but do not perceive” (Luke 8:10). And Paul says that God’s “eternal power and divine nature have been clearly perceived… So they are without excuse” (Romans 1:20).

But for those who are children of God, He seems to delight in giving reminders of His love. Like a loving parent, He doesn’t say, “I told you yesterday that I loved you, and nothing has changed since then. Do I have to say it again?” No, He’s eager to say “I love you” every day, multiple times per day, and as often as we need to be reminded.

In the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge, they relate the story of when each of them asked for a simple sign of God’s love and the answers were granted immediately. (I believe it was dolphins and starfish that they were looking for.) I had a similar experience a couple weeks ago up in Blowing Rock. In that area of North Carolina, small, almost perfectly cubical rocks (limonite) can be found and I’ve spent a lot of time looking. I’ve never found more than one about half an inch in size during a weekend visit. Well, this particular weekend I was feeling pretty low, and so I asked God that as a sign of His love He would allow me to find a good size square rock. I started looking, and within about a minute I found three, and within the rest of the weekend I found two more. It seems like a really small thing, but it was the reassurance I needed just then. I may not have faith that can move mountains, but I do have a God who can move stones no matter how big or small.

When we start doubting God’s love, the enemy likes to capitalize on that and make us feel like an isolated, incompetent failure—the “only one in the world” who questions whether God really cares or really has the power to change our circumstances. But God isn’t surprised or judgmental when we say, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!” Sometimes He’s just waiting for us to acknowledge our weakness and ask for His comfort and help.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

Justifying Justification

It occurred to me this week one reason why we have so much trouble understanding justification, and that’s the fact that the word “justify” has multiple meanings that are almost contradictory. Consider these common examples from everyday life and media: “I can justify having dessert tonight because I only had a salad for lunch.” “The jury agreed that self-defense was justifiable homicide in this case.” “I put this down as a business lunch in order to justify my travel voucher.” In these examples, justification is used as an excuse or an acceptable reason for doing something.

The biblical use of justification is entirely different. One definition from Wiktionary is “To absolve, and declare to be free of blame or sin.” God doesn’t excuse our sin, or declare that we had an acceptable reason for sinning. We can’t justify our sin by saying, “The devil made me do it,” or “I’m just weak in that area.” Our excuses don’t fly with God. Instead, God actually removes our sin from us through the ultimate punishment of Jesus’ death on the cross on our behalf. We’re free from blame only because Jesus took our sin upon Himself.

Romans 3:24 says that we “are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” Romans 4 goes on to talk about Abraham being declared righteous because he believed God. James does link faith with works, but points out that Abraham’s faith was “completed” or made evident by his actions. He trusted God, therefore he took the action of offering Isaac upon the altar.

An illustration came to mind this weekend while I was in the mountains. Perhaps you’ve seen fire towers in areas where forest fires are a danger. During fire season someone is posted in the tower to watch the surrounding land. But of course, they aren’t actually looking for flames. The first sign they will spot is the smoke coming up. By the time they see flames it’s too late. It’s similar with faith and works. Faith is the fire and works are the smoke. Smoke doesn’t do anything to make the fire hotter or bigger, it is simply the visible evidence of the fire. Just as it is virtually impossible to have a wood fire without smoke, so faith without works is impossible. It is possible to create smoke without having fire. (Just ask my smoke detector when I’m making toast!) So also it is possible to do good works without having real faith in God.

What creates fire? You need to have fuel, such as wood, an ignition source, and oxygen. Fire cannot create itself, and neither can faith. Faith is a gift of God (Ephesians 2:8). God provides the igniting spark and the breath of the Holy Spirit. And He’s given us sources of fuel such as Scripture, prayer, teaching & preaching, and fellowship. “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God” (2 Timothy 1:6). God gives us all that we need to build the fire of faith. And as that fire grows, good works will come billowing forth (Ephesians 2:10). If we have no desire to do the good works God has prepared for us, we need to ask whether we actually have faith or just a nice pile of firewood. If that’s the case, we should seek God through Scripture and prayer and ask Him to ignite that faith within us.

True faith is saving faith (James 2:14). True faith is justifying faith (Romans 3:24). I think we tend to get confused about faith and works because we’re using the wrong definition of justification. My family has this strange habit of asking people “How do you justify your existence?” By which is meant, what work do you do that gives your life meaning and purpose? So in that sense, yes, our works do justify and give purpose to our life. But if we think that our works somehow add to our faith or improve our standing before God, we aren’t using God’s definition of justification. He has declared us free from guilt and sin. Our works can’t add anything to what He’s already done for us in and through Christ. The person who has a deathbed conversion is as justified before God as the pastor who came to faith as a child.

Faith and justification are gifts from God and are the source from which our works must flow. Otherwise we’re just blowing smoke! Does a fire choose whether to make smoke? No, it just comes naturally through the chemical process of combustion. Neither do we really choose whether to do good works. We can try to resist God for a time, but He will not allow the fire to die out completely. He is more than willing to turn up the heat on us if needed.

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Fear, Faith & Devotion

The following thoughts were spurred by a couple sources—Pastor Matt’s sermon this week on Church Devotion (and the subsequent H2H group discussion), as well as Mark Driscoll’s podcast from Mars Hill this week on The Cost of Discipleship. Driscoll commented that prior generations and other cultures probably have a better grasp on discipleship and devotion than we do in Western Christianity today. From the time of the early church, Christians understood that they were likely to suffer for their belief. Yet while we understand that logically, it doesn’t often have an impact on our daily life.

I’m reminded of Rafael, who grew up in a Muslim family in Mozambique. His father was a prominent Islamic leader in the community. When Rafael became a Christian, his father and brothers dragged him out of town, beat him, poured boiling oil on him, and left him for dead. I met Rafael at a Christian refugee center in Austria a couple years after that. Something like that would certainly deter a lot of people from even considering Christianity!

In our “consumer Christian” culture, we not only do not expect suffering, we don’t even want to be inconvenienced. With 350,000 churches in the US (mostly Protestant) we have people hopping from church to church looking for better programs, different meeting times, kinder people, or better theology. How many of these people would still consider themselves Christians if there were no legal church and no buildings to meet in? American Christians complain about the poor treatment they receive in the media. I hate to tell you, but if the media is our only concern we’ve got it easy. It’s going to get a whole lot worse, not better.

To bring this a little closer to home, I wonder how much devotion to Christ we live out each week. Not just attending church, reading the Bible, and praying, but seeking God’s will and endeavoring to live in an ongoing relationship with Him. The first three items can greatly help us in that relationship, but they can also be “done” without any relationship at all. If we don’t have that relationship, what is our motivation for performing Christian activities? Is it simply a habit, or seeking to win God’s approval, or looking like a dutiful Christian? But if we do have a relationship with God, hopefully our activities will flow out of a desire to know Him and to show our love for Him. While we can quantify time spent in Christian activities, it’s hard to get a reading on desire and devotion.

What happens when we encounter a little adversity, either internally or externally? It doesn’t even have to be because we’re Christians, but just the regular difficulties of life. As Driscoll points out, folks like to say, “That’s just the cross I have to bear” when talking about mundane issues that have no connection to the cross of suffering and persecution Jesus talked about in Luke 9:23-24. I’ve noticed in my own life a tendency to think, “If I just had more faith I wouldn’t be subject to that temptation or that challenge.” But that is a lie of the enemy, designed to keep us busy trying to fix ourselves rather than relying and resting in God’s love. We know that the health & wealth gospel is heresy, and yet we still tend to believe that a little more faith would take away all our problems. And then if the problems don’t go away, it can generate a fear that says, “My faith is inadequate. What’s wrong with me?” And the fear is multiplied by pride/shame saying, “I can’t let anyone know I’m still struggling because they’ll judge me for my lack of progress.”

Here are a few Scriptural admonitions that I know I need to work out in my own life. Maybe they’ll help some other folks as well.

• “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Don’t believe the lie that perfect faith precludes problems.
• “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Romans 12:12). Hope and patience are possible because we know Who wins in the end. Don’t forsake prayer and Scripture, because through them you can be strengthened.
• “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray… Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders… And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven” (James 5:13-15). Don’t let pride keep you from being honest with your brothers and sisters in Christ who can pray, encourage, and help you in difficult times.
• “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-4). Don’t give up!

Perfectionism Is Sin

This is a subject that has come to my attention only recently. I’d never really thought of perfectionism as a sin before, more like a personality trait. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that perfectionism is based entirely in pride. I should note that I’m not talking about our efforts to avoid sin but our work ethic. There are several questions that draw this out:

• What is my motivation for my actions? (Doing a good job or not making mistakes?)
• Who am I trying to impress? (God? Others?)
• Whose standards am I trying to meet? (Employer? Self? God?)
• When I do make mistakes, what is my reaction? (Embarrassment/shame? Condemnation?)

We all fall into the trap of trying to protect our reputation because of our pride. When you find something you’re good at, it’s natural to want to do your best. And we all like to be praised for doing something well. But sometimes our motivation gets twisted into seeking man’s approval instead of seeking to glorify God (Colossians 3:23).

I can say that this is a major problem for me. First, I put unnecessary expectations on myself. If a report is due the 31^st, I want to have it done by the 15^th. And if I can complete it by the 15^th, then why not the 10^th? My original logic was good—if I get something done early then I have time to recheck it before it is due. But after awhile there is no rechecking, it’s just “get it done and get it out.” Second, I pressure myself to get something done so fast that I start making unnecessary errors. And third, errors make me angry because “I should know better.” It becomes a vicious cycle of stress and frustration.

So what is the solution? I think the first step is to start asking the above questions in regards to a particular task. I can look at the actual deadlines and not try to move them up. Assuming I’m not procrastinating, I’ll probably still get things done ahead of time, but I don’t have to rush to meet some self-imposed deadline. Chances are good that no one will notice if a report goes out a week later than it used to. Even if they do, are they the ones who determine my responsibilities or my value?

The second step is to remember that I’m human and mistakes come with the territory. Football player Benjamin Watson was told by his father, “When our worth is tied up in our perfection, we are not only fighting an impossible battle, we are turning our back on God’s grace. There’s no freedom in that” (as quoted Guideposts Sept. 2013). We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t change our value in God’s sight, and it shouldn’t change our sense of self-worth either. That’s what God’s grace is for, and we should give ourselves some grace as well. When I inadvertently put the wrong number on a state sales tax form, I was relieved to learn that we could request a penalty waiver due to our “good compliance record” (no mistakes in 3 years). If the state can give a little grace, why can’t I?

The third step is to learn from mistakes, not beat myself up over them. I used to joke about my predecessor who did the same task three different ways to make sure he came up with the same numbers. I haven’t gone that far (which I think could become obsessive), but I do find ways to build “self-checks” into my procedures. I can either dwell on the past or I can move forward.

Philippians 3 is a great picture of pride that becomes rubbish. Paul had every reason for pride as a “perfect” Jew. But then Jesus got hold of him and all that went out the window as he realized the “surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (v. 8). Then the only perfection he sought was “that which comes through faith in Christ” (v. 9). Only then could he say, “One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (vv. 13-14).

May that be the only prize that I seek and my only motivation for work, not for power, prestige, or the praise of men!