In Gwen Smith’s
book Broken into Beautiful she says, “I’ve
spent most of my life hiding behind a smile… I’ve always considered my past
just that: my past. I’m pragmatic that way. I’ve experienced shame, pain, and
brokenness as much as the next person. I just haven’t been in the habit of
sharing the particulars with people who could possibly judge me for it” (p. 7).
Barbara
Crafton writes in Jesus Wept (not a
book I’d recommend), “The umbrage we take at depression in people of faith lies
in a mistaken idea of what faith is for: we imagine that a closer walk with God
will make us consistently happy. We’re so committed to this idea that some of
us take sorrow on the part of religious people as evidence of their hypocrisy…
Neither faith nor the lack of it guarantees happiness” (p. 95).
Another author
I’m starting to like is Sheila Walsh. I have not yet read her first book, Honestly, but in Extraordinary Faith she quotes a woman she met, “I used to believe.
I used to believe that God loved me, and the church would be there for you when
times got rough, but it’s a crock. The church is just a building full of people
pretending to be okay when they’re bleeding to death” (p. 83).
And one book
I haven’t finished yet is New Light on
Depression, by David Biebel and Harold Koenig. They list and refute ten
myths about depression: 1) You’re depressed because you want to be depressed.
2) You can beat depression with willpower. 3) You’re depressed because of
unconfessed sins. 4) If you’re depressed, you’re just feeling sorry for
yourself. 5) Depressed believers have weak faith. 6) It’s easy to tell when you
are depressed. 7) Depression is just another word for grief. 8) Christians will
be understanding and supportive. 9) Depression is a waste of time. 10) Depression
arises from repressed anger (pp. 75-91).
The common,
and disturbing, theme in all these is that Christians tend to stigmatize
believers who are suffering from depression (as well as other mental illnesses).
There is a lack of understanding and an abundance of misconceptions about
depression and how it relates to faith. As a result, Christians who are
depressed end up with added shame for not living up to the standards of their
community, and they may try to survive in secrecy. Jan Dravecky in A Joy I’d Never Known mentions a pastor
who preached at her, “If you are depressed, you don’t need medication, you don’t
need counseling, you don’t need to go running after everything the world has to
offer. That will only open you up to the power of Satan…” Some small part of me
hopes that this guy suddenly experiences depression for himself!
The truth is
that people from all walks of life can suffer from depression. It often has
nothing to do with faith, although shame and guilt can certainly add to the
problem. Sometimes it leaves without treatment, but often medication and/or
counseling are needed. At the very least we need friends who will encourage us
and remind us of the truth of God’s promises in Scripture.
For those
who are seeking to help a depressed person, the two most important things you
can do are listen and pray. Listen without judging. Ask questions. Don’t be
afraid to ask the suicide question. Share encouragement and truth as appropriate.
There may be times for offering advice, but you need to be sure they are open
to hearing it. And pray for the person when you are together as well as any
other time they may come to mind. We all like to fix problems, but there are no
quick fixes to depression. As John Townsend writes in Where Is God? “God uses our difficulties to make us relationally
based people, rather than solutions-based people—relationships first, solutions
second” (p. 116).
For those
who are in the hole of depression, the top two recommendations I can give are:
1) Be totally honest with at least one person who can support and encourage you
with biblical counsel and wisdom; and 2) Don’t give up. Keep on keeping on even
when the road never seems to end. I feel like my whole life has been one of
learning and relearning how to let people in. When I don’t, that road ahead of
me looks like a never-ending uphill climb. But as I let others join me, I no
longer notice the road but begin to enjoy the journey.
I’m not sure
I’ll ever be completely free from this particular thorn, but as Paul said it
does keep me humble and reminds me that God’s grace is sufficient even in this
weakness. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that
the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9). My frequent prayer for
myself and for anyone suffering from depression is that of Romans 15:13, “May
the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the
power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
