I had thought perhaps I would have nothing to
post this week, but an impulsive decision to pick up a book from the church
library changed that (and I came home with two books instead).
I was thinking
about what it means for us to be sheep under God’s care, and wanted to revisit While Shepherds Watch Their Flocks,
by Tim Laniak. In the first chapter he quotes Deuteronomy 8:2-3 (ESV):
“And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has
led you these forty years in the wilderness, that He might humble you, testing
you to know what was in your heart... And He humbled you and let you hunger and
fed you with manna... that He might make you know that man does not live by
bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the
Lord.”
That led me to the question— What hunger is
God allowing in my life right now in order to make me realize my need for what
He alone can provide?
A similar thought came from the second book I
picked up, Lord, I Just Want to Be Happy, by
Leslie Vernick (p. 35):
“Whether we realize it or not, many of us are captive to the lie
that something other than God will bring us happiness and fulfill our longings.
When we put our hope in or expect something or someone other than him to fill
us and make us happy, he will surely frustrate us. But he doesn’t do it to
punish us. He does it to rescue us from our disordered attachments and
delusions, and from ourselves. God promises to meet our needs—but what we feel
we need, and what we truly need, may be very different.”
So I come to another variation of the question— What
are the false expectations that I need to let go of in order to find God’s
provision to be sufficient?
And in another book I’m rereading, John Ortberg
lists in The Me I Want to Be several
counterfeit “me’s” that we fall prey to, including the “me” I think I should be
and the “me” others expect me to be. I’ve been reminded that many of the
expectations I place on myself have nothing to do with God’s desires for me. I
mistakenly think I should be a certain way or do certain things to fulfill what
I think others are expecting of me, and heaven forbid that I should say No
or admit that I can’t do everything.
Thus my third variation of the question is— What
does God really expect of me and how do I live accordingly?
Those three questions are probably ones we
should all consider at times. They can help us align our priorities with God’s,
reduce some of our anxieties, and perhaps even lead to greater peace and joy. I
don’t know how others might answer those questions. I thought of a few specific
examples of things I’ve been dealing with lately:
1) The lie: I
need to resolve this situation by myself in a way that doesn’t cost the company
money.
The truth: I need to admit that I’m stressed and I don’t know what
to do and remember that this is not ultimately my responsibility. The company,
the money, and the problem are all in God’s hands. It may be more important for
me to remember that I am not autonomous than it is for us to save a little
money. It’s also more important for us to honor God with our actions than to
pinch pennies.
2) The lie: I
need to provide every detail of information on this subject in order to protect
people.
The truth: I will do my best and provide what I know, but I will
never have all the knowledge I think I need or the ability to make others heed
it. There are people far more qualified to answer most questions, and I can
only urge people to find the best resources available.
3) The lie: I
need to be victorious over depression in order to be a good witness.
The truth: God doesn’t need me to be fixed, perfect, or even okay.
He can use me for His purposes no matter what. Although I may not be a good example
of endurance, I am learning to endure. And though my faith is often weak it is
growing.
Some of the things I need to let go of in order
to trust the provision of the Good Shepherd are my pride, perfectionism, and performance.
God doesn’t need me to have all the answers, because He has them already. God
doesn’t intend for me to be autonomous, but He gave me a place in the Body of
Christ. In order to live under His shepherding I need to admit my weakness, ask
for help, and accept the grace and mercy that is all around.
I don’t think this is the end of the subject for
me. It’s something I need to keep wrestling with every day in order to become
the me God has created me to be.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and
know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in
the way everlasting!” –Psalm 139:23-24
