In the book Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, by Adam McHugh, the author makes a good case for the idea that:
“The perception of an extroverted Jesus might reflect a tendency within American culture to value extroversion over introversion… [In] most evangelical circles, three theological anchors—an intimate relationship with God through Jesus, the centrality of the written Word of God, and active personal evangelism—are often expressed in strikingly extroverted ways.”
Even though one-third to one-half of all people are introverts, it’s interesting (and perhaps alarming) how many of us feel marginalized because we don’t measure up to someone else’s extroverted standards for what a good Christian looks like. Here are just a few common characteristics of introverts from McHugh’s book:
- Prefer to relax alone or with a few close friends
- Consider only deep relationships as friends
- Tend to think before we speak or act
- May prefer a quiet atmosphere
- Dislike small talk
- Prefer to work on own rather than with a group
- May prefer written communication
Consider how that list compares to many church gatherings where: high attendance is the measure of effectiveness; socializing before and after is practically mandatory; discussion often stops at the level of the least knowledgeable person in the group and is dominated by a few vocal members. “The mark of a progressing faith becomes participation in an increasing number of activities and familiarity with an increasing number of people.” For an introvert, just imagining that scenario can be exhausting.
I was halfway through writing this when I discovered that Christianity Today had just posted an article on a similar theme, “The Gospel Doesn’t Always Have to Come with a Housekey.” Sara Kyoungah White makes the point that hospitality doesn’t have to look the same for every person or family, and it may also change with different seasons of life.
Kelly Kapic wrote in You’re Only Human in regards to the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23, “all [are] the Spirit’s fruit, but they often look and taste a bit different among the variety of particular trees that inhabit the Lord’s land.” Although every human is created in the image of God, we each reflect that image a little differently. The diversity of humanity reveals God’s creativity.
In the various things I’ve been reading and studying the past few weeks, I’ve realized how often I’ve judged myself by someone else’s style and personality and then felt inferior and deficient. A lot of the things that I tried in college were proof of what I definitely did not want to do in life. I attempted them mostly because of peer pressure and the misguided assumption that “This is what good Christians are supposed to do.” I still don’t know how I survived two years on summer ministry teams with week after week of camps and VBS programs when I felt overwhelmed and exhausted by trying to be someone I’m not.
Our culture, for all its emphasis on tolerance, has a pretty narrow definition of “normal,” and ends up alienating and dividing humanity into numerous subcultures where we each hope to find love and acceptance. The church has not been immune to this problem, as we’ve tried to fit others into whatever mold we think is good. It might help if we took the time to get to know one another on a deeper level and realize how diverse we really are. McHugh comments:
“In an increasingly fragmented, fast-paced, chatter-filled world, I consider the great gift introverts bring to the world and the church to be a longing for depth. Spiritually mature introverts offer an alternative to our contemporary lifestyle, one that is thoughtful, imaginative, and slower.”
That paragraph describes what I long to experience more often—in worship, in learning, and in relationships. The difficulty is in making space in the conversation for introverts to contribute our perspectives. (That’s why many of us prefer writing!) What might that look like in your church, class, or group? What influence could that have on your perceptions of hospitality, youth ministry, and evangelism?
“But [Jesus] would withdraw to desolate places and pray” (Luke 5:15).
“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).
