“If your friends all jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?” We’ve probably all heard it, and maybe even said it, as a reason to resist peer pressure. We tend to assume that peer pressure ends with adolescence, but it doesn’t. I think the truth is that we eventually find a niche where we feel comfortable with people who are similar to us, but that may take years of searching, job-hopping, or church-hopping. And even then, we may still hide certain traits or beliefs that we think others in our circles may deem unacceptable. No one really likes to stick out too much.
I was thinking back on my high school years and remembered various ways I intentionally set myself apart from other students. While I’d like to say it was for faith-based reasons (and maybe some of it was), it was largely because I thought most of my classmates were idiots. Their habits, words, and preferences were illogical to me, so I ignored them and then faced the bullying that my choices invited. (These days I readily admit to being neurodivergent.)
A psychology website describes “othering” as attributing positive traits to people who are like you and negative traits to people who are different from you; feeling distrustful of a group without knowing its members; refusing to interact with people because they are different. It’s easy to think of examples where prejudice has caused great harm and therefore assume that all such distinctions are wrong.
The challenge for Christians is that we are called to be set apart from the culture around us. That’s exactly what it means to be holy.
“As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy’” (1 Pet. 1:14-16).
We should look different from the world. We should be distinguishable from non-Christians. That doesn’t mean we need to isolate ourselves from the world (though monasteries and convents look appealing at times!), or that it’s our job to condemn everyone else. (Judgment is God’s job.) We are called to love even our enemies and those who persecute us (Matt. 5:44). But fitting in with the world and its standards is a futile and potentially deadly proposition when the world wants us to jump off the cliff into unholiness.
Within the universal Church the goal should not be uniformity of behavior or appearance, or even unanimity on secondary doctrines. And within a local church there should be grace extended in the grey areas of Scripture. There is room for a great deal of diversity, provided we agree on the essentials of Christian faith (e.g. The Five Solas).
The question we each need to ask is, “Am I more concerned with pleasing God than with pleasing people?” If the answer is yes, we’re on the right path. As much as we’d like to fit in, be accepted, and be praised by people, that is never guaranteed in this life. That’s true even within the church, because we are all sinners in need of grace.
But there is coming a day when we will experience the perfect love and acceptance of our Father and of His whole elect family, when all sin and imperfection has been removed, and we are exactly who He created us to be. In the meantime, perhaps we can be a little more gracious to those who reflect God’s image and His creativity in ways that are perhaps unfamiliar to us.
“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word, that they may all be one, just as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me” (John 17:20-21).
© 2026 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.
