I observed something the other day
about the way people tend to interact with one another. Since then
I’ve come to see that it’s much more widespread than I had
originally thought, and I’m as guilty as anyone else. What I
observed is that people often don’t say what they are really
thinking if there’s any chance it will create conflict. However,
many of those same people will then tell someone else about it in the
form of a complaint. It may be something like,
- “Yes, I’d be glad to keep the nursery today…” “Why am I always stuck with the nursery?!”
- “I’ll do whatever I can to help…” “This sure is a dumb plan!”
Such superficial agreement, while
intended as a peacekeeping measure, often becomes a front for
grumbling and gossip. How many marriages have been broken when
wives are outwardly compliant but inwardly resentful? Certainly there
are times when we have to do things we’d rather not do, and times
that we need to keep our opinions to ourselves, but if we’re doing
it simply to avoid having a real conversation we’ve got a bigger problem.
Jesus reminded His listeners, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’
or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil” (Matthew 5:37
ESV; see also James 5:12).
Sharon Hodde Miller commented in
“Why Niceness Weakens Our Witness,”
“Niceness is
concerned with the appearance of goodness and not the reality of it.
It gives the facade of serving others but exists primarily to serve
ourselves. In the end, niceness only makes us into ‘whitewashed
tombs’ (Matt. 23:27)—pristine on the outside but empty within.”
Niceness keeps us from telling
others the truth, confronting sin, or proclaiming the gospel to a
lost and dying world. Miller refers to this as idolatry. It could
also be called the fear of man. Somehow we’ve equated our Christian
witness with always telling people what they want to hear. Elliot Clark wrote,
“For some
time now, American Christians have conceived of their witness in
terms of ‘sharing the gospel’…
However, if by ‘sharing’ we imply a kind of charity where we only
give the gospel to willing recipients, then our Christian vernacular
has become a problem…
Throughout the Book of Acts, we find repeated examples of
authoritative witness—even in the face of suffering—from the
apostles and early church. We find them proclaiming the gospel and
speaking boldly.”
Although the Apostle Paul wrote that
we are to be “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), it
seems like most of us prefer “veiling the truth for love.” We
choose not to say something even when we know we should, just because
it is easier to keep silent. There are plenty of biblical examples of
people who had to say things they would rather not. In 2 Samuel 7,
Nathan had to tell King David that he couldn’t build the Temple. If
he had kept his mouth shut, David would have disobeyed God’s
command. Then in chapter 12 Nathan had to confront David for his sin
with Bathsheba. I’m sure that he did so with great trepidation.
Jonah used all his ingenuity to try to avoid telling Ninevah that
judgment was coming, and he suffered greatly for his choices. Peter
and John had the option of keeping silent about Jesus as they had
been commanded, but their response was “Whether it is right in the
sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for
we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard” (Acts 4:19-20).
It may be that you’ve been
reminded of times when your words haven’t agreed with your thoughts
and beliefs. I know I have. We should ask ourselves why that is the
case. Was it truly out of love or was it some form of niceness to
avoid ruffling any feathers? Was it displaying God’s image or
preserving our own image? Was it intended to build up the Body of
Christ and promote peace with God, or to maintain a superficial peace
among men?
“Therefore,
having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with
his neighbor, for we are members of one another” (Ephesians 4:25).
For
our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to
deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted
with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God
who tests our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:3-4).
© 2019 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.
