Matthew 18:34-35 (ESV)-
“And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all
his debt. So also My heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not
forgive your brother from your heart.”
Lloyd John Ogilvie writes in Autobiography of God:
“The word ‘heart’ is like a burred
hook. We can’t slip off. We may say we forgive. We may conceptually forgive.
But it is the vocation of the heart not to forget. Many of us say we will
forgive but not forget. Or that we will forgive the person but not the deed.
All are ways of evading the reproduction of the awesome completeness of God’s
forgiveness of us… There are lots of people who need our forgiveness. Then
there are those whom we have said we have forgiven but with whom we want
nothing to do now. Cheap forgiveness! Verbalism without a vital, reconciled
relationship…
“The parable of the unmerciful
servant will become part of our character and response if we will take time to
think about all the times the Lord has forgiven us. Write them down in a list.
Then consider the people whom you have not forgiven. Be sure to list all the
ones you have cut off because you do not trust what they will do even if you
forgive.”
I’m not sure I can fully agree with Ogilvie on this, though
perhaps that is due to a difference of vocabulary. What does it mean to forgive
“from your heart”? I think there can be a desire to forgive and a conscious
volition to forgive, but that does not necessarily translate into a “vital,
reconciled relationship.” Forgiveness does not always mean a return to the same
level of vulnerability that led to the broken relationship. A man who abuses
his wife or child should not be quickly trusted in the future. A person who
betrays a confidence should not then be privy to confidential matters.
Forgiveness does not
always equal trust. Forgiveness is a choice to release the other person from
condemnation and revenge. Reconciliation is a more relative term. The word
reconcile means essentially “to bring back together.” But relationships are so
fluid and complex that there is no status quo to return to. There can be a
restoration of fellowship, but nothing ever remains the same. That’s not to say
that it’s necessarily a worse relationship than before the conflict, but it is
different simply because of the experience.
Matthew 5:23-24 says, “So if you are offering your gift at
the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave
your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother,
and then come and offer your gift.” (I notice that it is the offender who is to
seek reconciliation in this case.) Although this Scripture implies a quick
process, nothing about forgiveness and reconciliation is quick or easy. Our
reconciliation to God was not an easy process either. Jesus had to die to make
it possible, and even then we may be reluctant converts and we definitely will
make frequent blunders.
I was thinking about this in relation to the Lord’s Supper
since that is on our church’s calendar for this week. Paul wrote in 1
Corinthians 11:27-28, “Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of
the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of
the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink
of the cup.” In this examination, how do we discern whether we have indeed
forgiven our brother from the heart as Jesus instructed? Is it primarily an act
of the will in choosing to forgive? Does a change of heart require renewed
emotional ties, or is it simply the choice and desire to release the other
person from judgment?
As I’ve written on other subjects, I don’t think we can
place too much emphasis on emotions, particularly when it comes to our faith.
Feelings may or may not reflect reality. I often don’t feel like I’ve been
forgiven, and I may keep recalling the pain of how others have hurt me, but
that doesn’t really reflect my heart’s desire to live in fellowship with God
and others. I’ve been trying to memorize Romans 8 and several verses came to
mind:
- v. 1- “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” –No matter what the conflict, I am not condemned before God because Jesus’ blood covers all my sin.
- v. 28- “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” –God can even use conflict, sin, and reconciliation for His good purposes of refining me and conforming me to the image of Jesus.
- vv. 38-39- “For I am sure that [nothing] in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –His love endures through all trials and suffering, even those that are self-inflicted.
This is one area where I definitely feel like an amateur. I
don’t think I want to become an expert on forgiveness. That sounds too painful
since it has to be learned by experience. A theology of forgiveness is only as
good as its application.
“The Lord is merciful
and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love… He does not deal
with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as
high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward
those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove
our transgressions from us.” –Psalm 103:8-12
