As I’ve been
thinking about Sunday’s sermon on Wisdom & Words from Proverbs
4:20-27, a couple themes have come to mind. During the sermon I
was thinking about the power of words to wound people. My first
thought was of the verbal bashing that many of us endured in school
from our peers. It seemed like everyone carried a sword with which to
cut down anyone who was different in any way, in hopes of making
themselves look a little taller. I remember a quote I read recently
that basically said bullies are people who have been bullied. And
unfortunately, a lot of that bullying begins at home with parents who
are verbally abusive to their kids. (And those parents were probably
abused as kids too.) The damage the tongue can do to a child is
heartbreaking, both for that child and for those who truly love them.
Even good parents
can cause wounds by the words they say or by the tone they use. Good
words used in the wrong way can be hurtful. I think of a word that
most people would consider a term of endearment, but there’s
nothing endearing about it when it makes you feel about two inches
tall. I don’t believe most parents intend to belittle their
children, but when frustration or exasperation strikes, words come
out the wrong way. What’s even more discouraging is that most of us
don’t learn from our own mistakes or the mistakes of others. Even
though we’ve all been hurt by careless words, very few people learn
to tame the tongue (James 3).
On the flip side,
there are words that bring life, healing, joy, and hope to the
hurting soul. “I love you.” “I’m praying for you.” “You
are special.” “God is at work in you.” These words and many
others reflect vital truths that we all need to hear more often.
Obviously, they can’t be repeated flippantly or thoughtlessly.
Words like this require some degree of intimacy and vulnerability.
The people who have the most power to either wound or heal with their
words are the people we are closest to. A compliment from a stranger
might be nice, but it doesn’t have the lasting impact of a kind
word from a friend. I can testify to the life-giving and lifesaving
power of words from those who have expressed their love and concern
for me. And without exception, those people have been faithful both
in praying for me and in reminding me of God’s love.
I’ve gone back to
Philippians 4:8 (which I’d already forgotten was on my January
“resolutions” list): “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy
of praise, think about these things” (ESV). I hadn’t considered
until just now the fact that some of these terms refer to verbal
actions. If something is commendable or praiseworthy, it would be a
good idea to commend or praise the people involved! I wonder how
different our world would be if Christians would take this verse as a
command to not only think about these things, but to speak about them
as well? Just thinking back over recent days, I could come up with
several examples of our failure to do so. If we were busy speaking
and thinking about these good things, it wouldn’t be nearly so hard
to guard our hearts against the words that wound. We’ve all heard the
saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at
all.” If that were heeded, the world would be a lot quieter place!
Although I am not
one to speak a lot of words, I certainly think plenty of them. And I
know that what I think is often not true, honorable, just, pure,
lovely, commendable, excellent, or praiseworthy. I know what I need
to work on, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that endeavor.
“Let every person be quick to
hear, slow to speak, slow to anger... If anyone thinks he is
religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this
person’s religion is worthless” (James 1:19,26).
