I’ve been thinking lately about godly womanhood. I don’t like the term “femininity” as that seems to be loaded with cultural bias. I’m not talking about whether women can be ordained (as my grandmother was), or what roles they should hold in the church and family. I just want to know what it means to be a woman in love with God.
With that thought in mind I read Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, by John & Stasi Eldredge. I picked it up somewhat in protest. I had read the book jacket a few times in the past and was turned off by the book’s basic thesis. Sure enough, the first chapter frustrated me. (Have you ever yelled at a book?) They state that the three foundational desires of a woman’s heart are 1) to be romanced, 2) to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and 3) to unveil beauty (p. 8). I’m not sure I can identify with any of those “desires.” Perhaps it is just the terminology used. Romance? No thanks; but I do desire love. Adventure? Not really; though a sense of purpose is essential. Beauty? Nope; but acceptance is important.
It doesn’t help that many of the descriptions used in the book are things I haven’t experienced (or at least don’t remember from childhood) and don’t care to try. Games of “kidnapped and rescued,” playing dress up, twirling skirts, and later candlelight dinners and ballroom dancing... Not my cup of cocoa. I realize that all authors write from what they know and have experienced, and not all books will speak to me in the same way.
There were some good points in the book—that we have to find our identity and value in Christ and not from society; true beauty comes from within; and we each have a unique role to fill. Their interpretation of some of those roles was another point of frustration for me, but that’s a discussion for another day.
I was reminded of a movie we watched during Spanish class in high school. A blind man fell in love with the nurse who cared for him. After surgery enabled him to see, the first person he saw was a beautiful woman and he assumed it must be the caring nurse. (I don’t recall how they explained the difference in voices.) The whole class wondered how he knew what physical beauty was since he’d always been blind, and why did he equate physical beauty with relational caring?
It’s interesting to look at the references to beauty throughout Scripture. Many refer to God’s beauty, and many warn of the dangers of chasing physical beauty. “But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4). What is a quiet spirit? I believe it is a spirit that trusts in God in all things. When things don’t make sense, when the world is asking “why”, when the enemy tempts us to worry and fear, the quiet spirit says “God, I trust Your will and rest in Your love.” This is a spirit that is not striving to make things happen or demanding explanations. “In returning [to God] and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength” (Isaiah 30:15).
This is the kind of trust exhibited by Mary when the angel told her she would bear the Messiah: “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). Mary was shown to be a godly woman both by her lifestyle up to this time and by her acceptance of God’s plan even when it didn’t make sense from a human viewpoint. The rest of her life would require great trust as she saw the persecution and pain that would follow Jesus even from the time of His birth.
When you look at the many women praised in Scripture, there are very few generalizations that can be made about them. Think not only of Mary but of Hannah, Esther, Ruth, Deborah, Mary Magdalene, Phoebe, Tryphena and Tryphosa, Lois and Eunice, and numerous others. They all lived very different lives and demonstrated their faith in different ways. The commonality is that they had faith in God and they trusted His plan through some difficult times. I’m not sure we can come up with any clearer definition of a godly woman. Even the description in Proverbs 31 is hard to translate into our modern times, except for verse 30: “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
In a society where more than half of women are currently single, it can be dangerous to describe womanhood in terms of marriage and family. And women now hold as many different job titles as men do. So the definition of a godly woman can’t be based on what we do for a living or how we relate to people. It has to be based on the one thing that never changes—God. He has called us to believe in Him and trust Him. He calls us His beloved children and His love will never fail. Our daily life should be a response to that love, no matter what the circumstances of our life may look like.
I realize that the same holds true for men, so perhaps there is no distinction between godly womanhood and godly manhood. Every person is unique and every life of faith will look different—male or female, married or single, parent or childless. When we start prescribing roles for men and women, we run the risk of alienating large groups of people. I’m not suggesting we ignore biblical mandates. However, there are a lot of grey areas that the Bible leaves to our judgment.
I once wrote an article for the Advent Christian Witness titled “Single and Satisfied.” One reader felt that I was just griping about being pigeonholed and that it should not have been published. My point then and now is that we don’t all have the same desires or the same calling. I thank God often that the Apostle Paul was led to include 1 Corinthians 7 in Scripture. That chapter is a reminder to us that we should be more concerned about doing God’s will than we are about finding a spouse. If marriage is in God’s will for an individual, He can make it happen in His own time and way. And whether it is or isn’t in God’s plans for us, we should find our contentment and fulfillment in who God has made us to be. Culture—even Christian culture—does not define who we are. Only God has that privilege.
Therefore, as godly women and godly men, let us “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God” (Col. 1:10).
