I’m currently
rereading C. S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters so thought I might add to the tradition of “advice from a devil.”
Dear Milquetoast,
As you are beginning your career and have been assigned your
first patient, stick to the basics of what you’ve learned in Training College.
There are a few principles to undergird your work, and these can often be
inculcated through simple thoughts:
“I’m spiritual but
not religious.” As the patient looks at the hypocrisy of Christians around
him, he’ll begin to feel superior to them and believe he can do better on his
own than in any kind of faith community. If he does happen go to a church, be
sure to remind him of the flaws of those standing next to him. They don’t even
have to be big issues—something as simple as singing off-key or wearing a
stained shirt may be enough to distract him from the meeting. It doesn’t take
much to discourage most people from attending church services on a regular
basis. Also, don’t forget to suggest to him that the church is a place to go to
and nothing more. Certainly don’t let him get too cozy with Christians who
actually follow the Enemy. Small groups can be either helpful or harmful. It depends
on who participates and what they do, so be careful there.
“The Bible is full of
errors.” We don’t mind if a man reads the Bible occasionally, but we don’t
want him to make a habit of it. It’s best if he reads it through a lens of
scientific and philosophical criticism, and not with any desire to learn or
apply the words of our Enemy. Provide him with biased reference materials so he
doesn’t accidentally find any truth or accuracy in what he reads.
“My thoughts and
prayers are with you.” While it is true (as Cousin Screwtape said) that we
don’t particularly want our patients to pray, it is not always bad to allow
them to pray provided their prayers are thoroughly vague and meaningless.
Phrases like “be with them” or “bless them” are usually safe. It makes the
patient feel righteous for “interceding” while giving no real benefit to the
subject of his prayers.
“Forgive and forget.”
This is one of those twisted ideas that Christians love to misapply, believing
it to be the instruction of our Enemy. It is an excellent tool for heaping
shame and guilt on those who have been hurt by someone else, when they find it
hard to let go of the pain. The more you can get your patient to focus on his
distressing feelings, the less likely he is to remember that forgiveness is a
choice, not an emotion. It’s always helpful to stir up bad memories just when
he starts to feel any charity toward the person who hurt him.
“God helps those who
help themselves.” I’m not sure who first used this phrase, but a lot of
people have tossed it around as being our Enemy’s words. The beauty of it is
that it puts all the burden on the person to guide his own life, and he will
make decisions based on what is best for himself, with no risk of him consulting
our Enemy for direction. Throw in the occasional “blessing” to reinforce his
choices, like receiving a promotion at work, and he will gladly keep himself at
the center of his life. (A similar phrase, “God blesses those who serve him,”
can similarly be warped to turn the patient toward self-righteousness.)
With careful application of these phrases and diligent watch
over your man’s choices, you will soon be granted more patients to work with
and more souls will add to your account. I expect great things from you.
Your mentor and cousin,
Mugwort
© 2018 Dawn
Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated all images are copyright free from
pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of
my church or employer.
