Amidst the Unknown

In his book Seasons of Sorrow, Tim Challies shares meditations on the death of his only son at the age of 20. He comments,

“God is working out his good will, not despite dark days, difficult trials, and broken hearts, but through them. Such circumstances are the raw material he uses to form and shape his good plans, his perfect purposes... The history of God’s work is this world is full of such ‘afterwards.’ Joseph had to be for many years a slave before he could be a ruler and declare to his brothers, ‘God sent me before you to preserve life’ and ‘you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.’ Moses’s mother had to set him afloat on the river and release him to be raised by a foreign princess before she knew her son would lead the great exodus.”

I would add a few details to that: Jacob lived for many years believing that his beloved son Joseph was dead, and only in his old age did he find out that Joseph was alive and well in Egypt. Moses’s mother is not mentioned in Scripture after her baby was weaned and adopted into the royal family. There is no evidence that she was even alive when Moses returned to lead the people out of Egypt. She likely died knowing only that her son had fled the palace.

There was also Job, afflicted in almost every conceivable way, and trying to figure out what God was up to in his life. It appears that God never did answer why it all happened, and only reminded Job that He was still sovereign. In addition, there were many generations of Israelites in the Promised Land awaiting the Messiah and wondering when God was going to fulfill His promises.

Jesus told His disciples, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand” (John 13:7). Eleven of them found out the truth a few days later and were emboldened to preach the gospel to a hostile world. But one died in his despair, not believing that he could ever be forgiven for betraying his Lord.

There is much in this life that we cannot know or understand now. Some of our questions may be answered in short order, and some may not be answered even in eternity. I truly believe that God is working all things together for good for His children, but many times I wish I knew exactly what good He is planning to bring about and what His schedule is. His good purposes will probably look somewhat different in each of us. I don’t know why Tim Challies lost his son at the beginning of a life of faithful ministry, but I am glad to read his thoughts as he has processed this with God at his side. I don’t know what good comes through having a parent with Alzheimer’s (though I’m learning). I don’t know why a teenager gets cancer or a young man rebels. As Challies notes, “Our lives are not our own. They never are. They never were. ‘In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind’” (Job 12:10).

I can only speak for myself, but I am (ever so slowly) learning a few good things that come out of a lifetime of recurring depression. I am more conscious of my weakness and my need for God’s strength to keep carrying me through the valleys. I am more honest and more likely to reach out to others for help and encouragement. I am more faithful in praying for others I know who are struggling in various ways. In these small ways I am becoming more like Christ and, hopefully, contributing to the needs of His Body here on earth. I don’t know what the future holds, and I can’t even begin to fathom the “eternal weight of glory” (2 Cor. 4:17) that is to come. But from where I am today, would I erase depression from my life story if I could? No. God has used it to make me who I am now and who I will be in the future, and I trust that His plan is best even if I can’t fully understand it.

“These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth” (Heb. 11:13).

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.

Waiting and Hoping

When I saw the latest episode title on one of the podcasts I follow, I knew I had to listen right away: Hope + Help for Waiting on God. Mark Vroegop’s new book, Waiting Isn’t a Waste, is one I’ll get as soon as it is released. I know I’m not good at waiting, and it’s something I’ve been wrestling with recently. A particular arena of uncertainty about the future had me anxiously awaiting a resolution. I searched for ways around the waiting without success. So some of Vroegop’s comments in the podcast hit home (and perhaps stepped on my toes a bit).

He notes that in Scripture the Hebrew word that is often translated as waiting is synonymous with hope. (Some time back I had noticed the same of the Spanish word esperar.*) Yet so often we wait without hope. Which brings me to the next point I noted in the podcast. When we are waiting, we need to refocus our attention away from thing that is causing the gap in our knowledge and think instead on what we know about God. Here are a few of the truths that I’ve been returning to in the past several days:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose… to be conformed to the image of His Son…” (Rom. 8:28-29).

“I know that the Lord will maintain the cause of the afflicted, and will execute justice for the needy. Surely the righteous shall give thanks to Your name; the upright shall dwell in Your presence” (Psalm 140:12-13).

“I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5b).

When I’m consumed with anxiety, I start thinking “yeah, but...” I know God is at work, but His ways are not my ways. I know He hears my prayers, but He doesn’t always answer them the way I want or expect. I know He will work all things for good, but I don’t know how long it will take. As C.S. Lewis wrote, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be” (Letters, 29 April 1959).

Vroegop also touches on the subject of evaluating our expectations. I want to control my world and the people in it, and dashed expectations hurt. It’s hard to remember and accept that God is working things for good when I can’t understand how He’s doing it or what good may come of it. I’m only now seeing the good that has come out of some things that happened years ago.

As I was anxiously waiting, I tried to think about what was actually under my control, which was not much. I could pray boldly and persistently (and I did), and I invited others to pray with me (which I don’t often do). Aside from that, I simply tried to trust God’s promises and His character more fully, and endeavored to “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:16-17).

It turned out that my anxiety-producing lack of knowledge was settled earlier than I expected and in the way that I desired. In reality, the answer was already decided long before I even had reason for anxiety. It was only my own knowledge of the circumstances that needed to be brought up to speed, which required an appointment with the one person who could tell me. Even if that hadn’t been the case, God already knew the answer before I started praying. But in His divine providence, He allowed the testing of my faith in order to make me depend on Him more fully, as well as to remind me that I am connected to people in His Body who are more than willing to pray for me. I wouldn’t have paid attention to a podcast about waiting if I had not had to wait. And I wouldn’t have heard or heeded the reminder that what we know to be true of God is always where we need to focus our attention.

Bruce Martin wrote in Desperate for Hope, “The more we reflect on the greatness of God, the more our perspective on the situation changes. We’re reminded that God is with us and he’s always up to something. We just can’t see it yet” (73).

“But they who wait for [NIV “hope in”] the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).

*Quiero esperar con esperanza!

© 2024 Dawn Rutan. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture are ESV and all images copyright free from pixabay.com. The opinions stated do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or employer.